(Theodore's POV)
"We can't just wait till anyone comes up. That way it might get too late. It's already too late. There has to be some other way." I felt so helpless.
"That was the same case with you. But we found an alternate for that. Alice proposed it. But we can't do that again. Until, we get a matching donor, we can only wait and hope she makes it with the heart. It nearly have collapsed. I warned her against any activities that leads to exhaustion but she doesn't listen. I can't believe she tried zip-lining in that condition and went hiking. She didn't even cared to ask before going. She not even for once mentioned about this trip to me when she came for her checkup last Saturday." Dr. Phil himself was so disturbed by her condition. He believes this could have been stopped.
I am feeling so guilty right now. Did she knew any of this would happen? Maybe yes, that's why she recalled that 'one day' promise only. We had many other promises together but she chose only this. She's dying because of me. Neil was right, what have I done to her!
"Theo!" I looked up when I heard my name.
"Neil? Is everything okay?" I saw him coming outside from Alice's room. I felt like my, Alice's heart stopped beating for a while in my chest.
"Yes. I wanted to apologise for my behaviour inside." He said at once.
"No, you don't have to be. You said nothing wrong."
"No. It isn't your fault. It was Alice's personal choice. I know how hard it must be for you as well, after knowing." The way he said made me feel like finally there was someone who knew what I was feeling like. 'Hard' wasn't an appropriate word to use, though.
I spent three years without her. You can call that hard but now not being sure for how long will she survive this way was killing me. Knowing that we could have lasted, kills me. I wish there was an undo or a redo button. I would have stopped all this from happening.
I should have never come back. Her life would have been incomplete but atleast she'd be living and that would have been more than enough for me. I'd have spent my days looking at her pictures or posts on Instagram or whats app. I am the reason for everything that's happening.
This is what she gets for loving me? My failing heart. I am such a failure. I loved her but never fought for her. I loved we but never showed her and when really the time came when I wanted to rectify those things, time is taking her away from me.
"Hey, where are you lost?" Neil waved his hand I front of my eyes.
"Umm, no where. Were you saying something ?" I felt a little embarassed in front of him. He too loved her and probably would have never got her in such a situation. I failed her.
"She wants to see you."
"Now?" I asked.
"Yes, now. Take care, buddy!" He patted my shoulder. I half-smiled at him. I rubbed my eyes, tidied my hair a little and slowly opened her door.
"Finally, here you are! Where were you?" Oh! How am I going to miss her voice.
"No where, baby! Just with Dr. Phil." I loved the smile she smiled whenever I called her baby.
"Can you do me a favour?" She asked me.
Favour. I am ready to do anything you say.
"Just say it."
"Pull of the curtains, please."
I walked towards the window and did what she asked me to do. Then, went back to sit on the couch so that I don't have to look into her eyes whenever I look at her.
"Can you sing me a song?" She requested.
I am ready to sing you a song for my whole life. Just let me have that chance.
"Which one?" I asked.
"Any one of your choice." She said.
I stood up and went to her bed. I kneeled down on both of my knees and took her hand in my mine.
"Baby you light up my world like nobody else,
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed,
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're beautiful,
If only you saw what I can see,
You'd understand why I want you so desperately,
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe,
You don't know,
Oh, oh,
You don't know you're beautiful,
Oh, oh,
That's what makes you beautiful."
She giggled as I ended and said, "Out of all the songs, you chose this one."
"Yes that's because it said exactly what I feel." I loved the way she used to giggle.
"Come and sit next to me." She patted her hand at the empty space on her bed. I couldn't say no and moved up to the spot she had pointed to.
"Better." She kept her head on my laps.
"Theo will you promise one thing?" Suddenly her smile disappeared.
"Hmmm." I prayed she doesn't ask anything that I won't be able to keep. "But on one condition." I added.
"What condition?" She raised her eyes to me.
"First, you tell your promise. You started first. So say it." I knew if I'd tell her the condition first she wouldn't agree an then would find some other way to get her promise done.
"Okay, fine." She agreed without much argument.
"Promise me, you will never live your life in any guilt or regret or else I'd feel my heart isn't worthy of you."
"No, no don't say that. I promise I'd never let you feel that way."
"Okay. In my room, under my bed. There's a diary. I want you to go tomorrow and get it. On page 16, there's a username and password for wattpad. I want you to log into it and read the a story and drafts in edit your story. Would you do that?"
"Did you write it?" I knew she loved writing.
"Yes." She answered.
"Is it about us?" I asked.
"Yes." She nodded.
"I'd defintely read it." I ran my fingers through her hair. I kissed her forehead and then every inch of her face. Sometimes, she giggled because she felt ticklish.
"Theodore, please if I go, don't mourn over me. I won't be able to be at peace. I want you to remember me always with a smile and happiness. And, don't ever feel alone because I will be there with you in every step you take, every decision you make. I will be like wind. You won't be able to see me but you will have to feel me. I want you to let go off things."
"Nothing will happen to you. Don't say such things." I had tears building up in my eyes.
"Okay, I am sorry. I won't say it again but keep all of them in mind. I.." I didn't let her say anything any further and kissed her. I kissed her like there was no next moment. This was whatever I have got. She kissed me back even more passionately. Maybe, somewhere we both knew that this could be our last kiss.
She pulled back due to coughing. She was having problem breathing as she had removed her breathing tubes for kissing me. I placed it back in her nose and placed light kiss there.
"You are having fever!" I felt she was hot.
"No, I am just being hot." She joked.
"Don't worry! Stephanie gave me meds already. I will get fine. "
"Alice?" I slowly whispered into her ears.
"Mhmm." Saying this she looked up at me when I didn't give any response. I slided my hand into my jeans's pocket and took out a box. I handed it over to her and asked her to open it.
She unwrapped the box and as the velvet box revealed itself, she looked up at me again and then back to the box.
"Open it." I told her when she just kept looking at it. Maybe, she understood what was inside it.
"I can't." She gave it back to me.
"Please, this my wish rather my condition for keeping your promises." I didn't wanted to use that condition for this but she left me no other option.
She took the box back and opened it.
"What should I do with it now?" She said after opening it.
I took the ring out and asked her hand but she refused.
"Please, I love you. Don't take this away from me." As I said this, she took her hand out to me. I slided the ring in her ring finger where it sat perfectly.
"It's beautiful!" She exclaimed.
"Not more than you." I waited for the blush on her face which she showed as soon as I said that. I laughed whenever she blushed because she looked very cute.
"Stop laughing!" She lightly slapped my thigh. I kissed her knuckles in return.
"I am feeling sleepy. Will you lie down with me?" She said, escaping a yawn.
"You don't have to ask for that. I am ever ready for that. Shift a little and make some space for me. Right side or left side?" I knew which side she'd choose but still I loved asking that question.
"Ofcourse, the left!" She rolled her eyes and looked adorable.
I took my shoes off and slided next to her on the right side of the bed.
"Sing me to sleep, will you?" She said sleepily and closed her eyes.
"Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true"
I saw her smiling when I started this song. maybe even she was recalling our old times. I continued singing.
" Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side"
As I sung the chorus, she hummed along with me.
"Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me"
I heard her fast breathings which meant she slept. I decided to just lay down and keep looking at her as she slept.
I don't know for how long I looked at her before I doozed off.
A call woke me up. It was 2 a.m. Alice, was still fast asleep. It was my mom calling. She must be worried, thinking that I came out of the room for a while. I attended her call and told her that everything was fine.
As I returned to the room, I noticed Alice being very still. And, I knew she never slept still, no matter what. I slowly went closer to her. My heart skipped a beat when she was lying all still. I took my hand near her nose to feel her breath and sighed a relief when I felt her breathing.
I again took my place next to her, without disturbing her. I turned to sleep with my face towards her when she too slowly turned to face me. I thought she was awake but she wasn't. I placed a light and gentle kiss on her forehead. Her lips curved into a light smile. That brought smile on face as well. She rested her hand one hand over my waist. That was enough for me to sleep.
•••
The sun rays seeping in through the little openings between the curtains were falling on my face which woke me up. I yawned and rubbed my eyes and recalled the last night. My body had become a little sore because of sleeping on my one side only.
I sat up and stretched my arms a little, yawning. Alice was still asleep. There was peace at her face. I went into the washroom and splashed some water on my face.
I came back and sat down on the bed again. The sun rays were now falling on my angel's face but it seemed to have no affect on her. She kept sleeping. She didn't moved an inch. I remember how sun irritated her and how she couldn't bare it more than 5-minutes.
"Alice?" I called her out but there was no response.
"Alice?" I called her again.
With shaky hands, I tried to feel her breath but there was nothing. I checked her nerves, yet nothing. I pressed the nurse call button.
"Alice?" I called her out again, hoping she'd respond this time yet, nothing.
Tears started rolling down but she was still lying there. I touched her, she was cold. Her warmth was missing.
Stephanie came and saw me crying. She checked and shook her head. I didn't believe her. She might have got something wrong.
"Alice? Alice? Wake up! Look its morning. A new day! I have so much planned for you. Please wake up." My tear fell on her cheek but she still kept sleeping.
Dr. Phil joined us and declared that Alice was no more.
I stood there restless, all helpless. Despite of so many calls she didn't wake up. I kept looking at her, tears falling from my yes uncontrollably. I went again next to her and called her out, tried to wake her up but she was already GONE.