Chapter 4
Part Of The Show
{ Minhyuk POV }
"They're gonna choose based on your ideal type." Jintaek hyung said.
"Ah, jinjja? So boring!" Ilhoon said.
"There's no excitement in it!" Eunkwang teased.
"Can't I choose by myself?" I asked.
"Are you sure you want to do that? There were about 300 fans in the interview." Jintaek said.
"It was filmed, right?"
Later on, I decided to watch the tapes my manager gave me. I was even eating popcorn while watching. Woah, there are a lot of pretty fans, too!
"Hyung, is that a new bracelet?" Changsub asked.
I looked at my wrist and shook my head. "A fan left it."
"Aah... have you chosen someone already?"
I looked at the skateboard bracelet again and wondered if she came for the interview.
#
{ Sungyeon POV }
"AaaaaAAAAAAHHHHH!"
A loud scream filled Yerin's room after I got a call from the producer of Date A Fangirl. They gave me an appointment to meet and sign the rules and regulations of the show.
Yerin screamed with me until I got tired and weak. I threw myself in her soft bed. I stared at her pastel pink ceiling for the meantime and I don't know why I shed tears.
"Yah! Why are you crying?" She asked.
"Why did they choose me?" I asked back.
"Girl, you're both meant to be!" She responded with a squeal. I smiled. Me and my idol? Meant to be? Aaah, it's so nice to hear it even if it's not the truth.
"What should I do? Will my parents approve?"
She rolled her eyes. "You've been always thinking of how others would feel. Try to think for yourself once and be happy."
I forced a smile. Easy to say and think, hard to do.
#
The next day was spent shopping with my mother. It seems like we have a close relationship, right? Well, comparing to my father, we might have a closer relationship.
I was suddenly in the mood to shop for clothes. I usually just come and follow mom wherever she goes and carry her shopping paper bags quietly, but now I'm totally looking for nice clothes to buy.
Why? I want to look nice in front of Minhyuk, of course!
I sighed. Even just thinking of him makes me smile and my mom thought of it the other way when she caught me.
"Do you like that dress so much?" She asked.
My smile faded away quickly. "N-no, I was just looking at it..."
"Go and see if it fits you, if you like it." She said and went on looking for clothes.
I quietly nodded and went to the fitting room.
The dress was shaded like cappuccino and it's very cute, but elegant-looking at the same time. I fixed my hair and glanced at myself in the mirror.
Has anyone ever saw me and thought... ah she's beautiful...
I chuckled at my own thoughts. Probably not. I went out of the fitting room after sighing a few times.
"Mom?" I called.
She turned around.
"How do I look?" I asked.
She looked at me from head to toe while I'm probably wearing the most awkward smile in the world.
"You look fine. Will you get that?" She asked.
"Thank you." I just answered and went back to change to my usual clothes.
This isn't me. I can't get this.
But it's beautiful on you...
I shook my head to push those thoughts away.
I went on looking for clothes. "Mom, do you think this is pretty?" I asked, showing her a very nice sweater.
She looked at it and I was so excited for her answer only to hear, "It's nice. That'd look good on your sister." She replied.
I forced a smile, feeling hurt. "O-oh... yeah, I think it will."
I put the dress and the sweater back to their places and decided to buy what I usually wear—checkered clothes, denim blazers...
I still don't feel well about what happened. My mother is with me, but she is thinking of her other daughter. I mean, can't she see me for once? Just once, I just want them to treat me as their family.
I was silent in the car while listening to the music. I just lost my energy to talk.
Even if things are hard,
It's okay
It's okay
It's okay
Everything will be alright,
I believe in you...
The song that was playing in my ears, the song BTOB sang beautifully... it was supposed to make me feel better, to give me hope... but why do I just feel sadder? Is it because I know nothing could go right with me and my family anymore?
I just don't understand. What have I done for them to treat me like this? I guess... I will never understand.
We arrived home, hella home, and before I go inside my room, my mother handed a paper bag from me. "Here..." She said.
"What's this, mom?" I asked.
"You forgot it." She said and left.
I opened the door and threw myself in bed, then I opened the paper bag and my jaw dropped...
THE CAPPUCCINO COLORED DRESS!
WAIT—my mom bought it for me? She knew I wasn't going to get it...
A sudden good feeling came to me and that was enough for me to smile.
#
But an unusual family dinner came and I was suddenly afraid to tell them about my plans. I actually was always afraid to tell them about what I want to do in life. They just find out and everything I do turns out to be wrong.
My mother showed my sister the gorgeous long gown she bought for her. I almost choked on my food because my cappuccino dress was nothing compared to that gown.
"Thanks, Mom!"
"Sungyeon, are you alright?" My brother, Oh Chan Young, asked.
"Uh? Yes, why not?"
"You don't look well." He said, making everyone else pay attention to me. Uh, bro, thanks.
I took this as a sign of opportunity from God. "I... I have something to tell you all." I nervously said.
I swallowed just when I saw my father looking at me intently, my sister not paying attention, my mom with a curious face, and my brother with a worried expression.
"I... I'm joining a TV show." I spilled the words out and went on explaining as far as I could do well.
There was a long moment of silence when I finished talking.
My brother talked first and with a sincere smile, he said, "Ya! Thank you for telling us, but do what you want. Don't worry about us. I support yo—"
"Chan Young!" My father called him in a firm voice making him stop.
I almost jumped with his deep, scary voice. "Sungyeon..." He called.
"Y-yes?"
"Haven't we talked about this? You're already shaming me in front of our family relatives and now you wanna do it in front of the people in South Korea? Have you gone out of your mind?" He yelled.
Nobody dared to talk. Nobody dared to talk for me. Right, who would? My father holds the power in this household.
I felt my heart even heavier while my father was yelling. Have you ever felt like you were hiding, keeping so much pain in your heart that you feel like exploding in a rain of tears?
A tear rolled down my cheek although I tried not to cry. "Dad..." I called with a husky voice. "I just... I just want to do what I want for once. What did I ever do to make you, all of you, treat me like this? Don't I have a freedom in this house? In this family? Wait, am I even a member of this family?"
Tears kept rolling down my cheeks. Everyone was quiet and that was the first time I spoke up for myself like that.
"All my life, I keep wondering what I've done wrong... but now I know, I know I didn't do anything wrong. If you can't love me and treat me as your daughter, as a part of this family, please let me at least do the things that I love." I said and got up to leave but my brother grabbed my wrist.
I gave him a look saying that I want to be alone.
"Where are you going?" My dad asked in his firm voice still.
"In my room... the only part of this house where I actually feel at home." I said and walked away.
#
I hate to say this but... yes, I was crying again. Crying for my life again.
I wondered when would I be able to feel real happiness.
And with tears in my eyes, I took a paper and wrote a letter for Lee Minhyuk. I don't know if he would receive it once I send it, but I just feel like... I need to let him know.
That I can't be part of the show.
--
A/N: Aigoo. And that's chapter 4! Please leave a feedback and vote! :) Thank you.
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QFTA (question from the author): Do you have a messy relationship with your family?
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