"Thank you Allah, thank you for finally helping me let this go" - Hamid Abdullahi, FH.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN: Letting It Go
Third Person
Mara sat in her room contemplating if she should call Amir or not. She managed to get his number by looking through the texts they sent on Hamid's phone. She knew it wasn't Amir's fault and she had no reason to be angry with him. He's her long lost brother, she should at least get to know him. It's that in the moment he appeared she was just shocked and angry at her father. "Okay you can do this Mara. You can do this..." She mumbled to herself while dialing his number. After a couple of rings she heard a male voice answer the phone. "Hello?" His voice boomed through the other side of the phone.
Amara cleared her throat as she put the phone against her ear. "Salam.. Amir. It's Amara, I was wondering if we could talk face to face anytime soon. I also wanted to say that Hamid and I shouldn't have walked out on you like the way we did and I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for the things I said to you at the park. Anyways we're leaving in two days and I just really want to see you before we take off." She said all in one breath. To say she was nervous speaking to him would be a big understatement. She was terrified! Knowing that you've had another brother all your life that you had no idea existed isn't something to take lightly. After a moment of silence Amir's voice was heard. "It's okay and I'd love to talk to you and get to know you guys better." He finally said.
Amara let out a sigh of relief she didn't know she was holding.
"Great but I can't leave the hotel...so could you come to me?" She asked nervously.
"Yeah no sweat, I'll be there soon. Oh and Amara? Thanks for calling me cause it really means a lot." He said sincerely.
"No problem see you soon Amir. Or should I call you big bro?" She somewhat joked.
"Haha, bye Amara." He responded with a chuckle.
Suddenly she remembered something big. More like someone big.
"Wait! I want get to know you better that doesn't mean I want to see our father again. So could you not tell him about this? That's the only thing I ask of you." She quickly added.
"It's our little secret."
* * *
Amir quickly ran out of his apartment with his keys in one hand and his phone in the other. He managed to sneak away from both his father and Zak so he could see Amara. I hope Hamid is there too, he thought to himself. He always wanted to have a little brother he could talk to about anything. What really sucks is that his one and only brother wants nothing to do with him.
He unlocked his door and got inside his car and drove to the hotel. "Guess it's family bonding time." He muttered to himself as he started the engine to his car. Twenty minutes later, he was in front of the hotel his siblings were staying at. He then got out of his car and walked inside the huge lobby where Amara sat patiently for him. Once she noticed his presence she got up and gave him a warm smile. She wasn't sure if she should hug him or not, she's still very new to this long lost brother thing.
"Hey..." He smiled back at her and sat down on one of the chairs in the lobby. She sat down in the seat opposite of him. "So um...What's up?" She started off awkwardly. "You could be comfortable around me, Mara. That is what close family and friends call you right? Zak was telling me about it." He asked uncertainly. All he wanted was siblings his whole life and now the ones he does have are uncomfortable with him. It takes time Amir, he reminded himself.
"Yeah, you can call me that. So...What do you want to know? About our family and stuff." She asked while rocking back and forth in her seat. "Um... I don't know. But what I do know is that I want us to be comfortable with each other." He stated honestly. He knew she wasn't comfortable with him, but how could she be? They had literally just met a few days ago.
"That's probably going to take some time but In Shaa Allah we'll get there." She also said honestly. There was an awkward tension in the air which made the two of them feel some what weird. "So uh how many siblings do we have?" Amir asked, changing the subject.
"Well there's four of us all together. Amran, Mahirah and you already know Hamid and me. Oh and there's also our brother-in-law, Nur. Just between us siblings, Amran is the oldest, she's 26 and pregnant. Mahirah is the youngest, she's six. What else do you want to know?" Amara asked while smiling a bit. She loved talking about her family. Except when it comes to her parents...it's a whole different story.
"Wow. What about your mom?"
Suddenly the smile on her face faltered and Amir noticed it.
"Well my mom... she has... cancer. She had it for a couple of years now. Did my mom know about you?" She couldn't help but ask.
"Her and Amran knew about me. Well that's what dad told me." He admitted. Suddenly Amara stopped breathing and dropped the coffee she had in her hands. They knew? THEY KNEW!? Betrayed is the closest word to describe what she is feeling right now. She felt as if she was just stabbed in the back.
"T-They knew but didn't tell the rest of us?" She stuttered, not believing what she was hearing. Her sister kept such a big secret from everyone. She knew about him but never said anything to anyone. She didn't try to get to know her older brother... she just ignored him. And he was okay with it...
"What's going on here?" Hamid asked once he saw Amir. They both stood up immediately once they saw Hamid.
Hamid Abdullahi
"Well?" I snapped.
I can't believe it! I can't believe that she went behind my back and called him. I thought we were close you know? If she wanted to talk to him then it's fine. But why didn't she tell me..? That's not like Amara. "I needed to talk to him Hamid. He's our brother and it's not his fault that our dad is a bad person. I don't see why you're so mad at Amir." She replied angrily. Amir cleared his throat, making me look at him and not Amara.
"I'll just get going. It was nice talking to you Amara." He said as he left.
"What the hell is wrong with you!?" She looked at me with fire in her eyes.
"Nothing!" I stormed out of the lobby. I know I'm not allowed to leave but right now I really don't care. I only have one thing on my mind. I need to find him... I need to see him just once and ask him why? Why did he leave us? Why did he have to drink? We could have gotten through it together. We could've had the father-son relationship we always wanted. But now I only have one question. Just, why?
* * *
"Pick up, pick up!" I mutter to myself as I continued to type my brother's phone number. It still feels so weird having a big brother. I was the only boy and I liked it like that. "Hello?" A different voice replied. That isn't Amir and it isn't Zakariya... it's him.
Dad.
"It's me, Hamid...I-I need to talk to you...Dad." I finally choked out that word. It felt like my mouth was dry and I couldn't form words. He was silent for a while which felt like torture. I have so much to ask him... so many things to straighten out before going back to Miami. I don't want to leave without my answers.
"Hamid... Is that really you son?" He asked faintly. I cleared my throat while pacing back and forth.
"Yes it is. Meet me at the park at five. It's just me so don't go out reaching for Amara. She doesn't want anything to do with you. A couple of days ago I felt the same but now I want answers. And if you can't give them then don't bother on showing up. Bye." I hung up the phone. I have only one hour until I see him again. After all these years I'm seeing my father again. It better be worth it...
* * *
I sat down at a bench in the park, waiting for him to finally show up. Suddenly I saw a tall middle aged man with a long beard come up to me. He looked familiar...his tall figure... tan skin... the way he walks...it's him. I remember the time he got injured when he was too drunk which resulted in his unique walk. I'd recognize it anywhere. He stopped walking once he saw me.
"Hamid...it really is you. It's nice to see you son." He exclaimed as a tear rolled down his cheek. There's something different about him, I just can't point it out. "I wish I could say the same. I didn't come over here so we could have a warm father-son reunion. I came for answers." I replied coldly. He deserved that and much worse but I still couldn't help noticed the look on his face. He still looked hurt... and it still hurt me to see him like that.
"I know and I came to give them. So please ask." He responded as he sat down. I also sat down opposite of him, today I will stop wondering why. I can finally put this down and walk away. "First, why didn't you tell us about Amir?" I just couldn't understand how he could keep our brother a secret from us for all these years. "Because," He started. "I never was a good father to him. I thought he'd be better off without me. Just like why I left you guys... which I now know was the biggest mistake life of my life, leaving my children like that." He wiped another tear. Part of me felt bad seeing him like that, so distraught. Don't give in Hamid! Don't feel bad for him. He doesn't deserve your pity, I tried to convince myself but it wasn't working. No matter how much I hate him, at the end of the day he is still my father and always will be.
"Why did you continue to drink even after we begged you to stop?" I asked angrily. This... this is what made me hate him. His stupid drinking habit. This is what ruined our family. The alcohol took over his body and once it did, it made him a completely different person. It made him unpredictable, one second he would tell you how much he loved you, the next he would be yelling at you and telling you how big of a disappoint you were to him. Imagine a little kid witnessing that everyday of their lives. Those were the hardest days of my life.
"I was weak, Hamid. But now I'm not, I stopped drinking 2 years ago and ever since then I've been sober. Now I'm trying to get my life back together. I feel bad about everything I did to you and your sisters. Heck, I don't even know the name of my youngest daughter." He looked away from me. He had left right when mom announced that she was pregnant and after she gave birth, her cancer had come back. He never even held Mahirah before which is such a sad reality. He then looked at the ground as tears continued to roll down his cheeks. This is the first time I've ever seen him cry.
"Mahirah," I said while placing a hand on his shoulder. "Her name is Mahirah. Here..." I showed him a picture of her on my phone. He smiled as he looked at the photo, for the first time in my life I saw my dad smile sincerely. "She has your mom's eyes and my nose. She's a cutie, mashallah. I wish I knew her. Well.. there's one thing I know for sure, your mother and I make beautiful children." He said while handing me my phone.
"How is your mother?"
"Her condition is the same." I said in a solemn voice. "Anyways did you know Amran is pregnant? She's 7 months." I changed the subject.
"That's amazing. But I doubt I'll even get to see her child. Thank you Hamid, thank you for calling me and talking to me. I really appreciate it."
"Yeah," I got up from the bench. "I think I should get going. Thank you for answering my questions. Oh and I'm leaving in two days so I guess this is good bye. I can't say I forgive you completely but I can finally let this go. Thank you for giving me closure." I said with a sincere smile. Suddenly I wrapped my arms around him even surprising myself. He slowly hugged me back and we stayed like that for a few seconds. Thank you Allah, thank you for finally helping me let this go, I thought to myself with a sigh.
"Bye, son."
It's time to let go of all of this hate I've been feeling for him. Because in my religion it taught us how to be forgiving and to not hold grudges. I've been holding this grudge for the longest time and now it's time to finally let it go.
I'm letting it go...
* * *
After a little while I walked back into my suite where Zubair was packing his stuff. "Hey, sorry for yesterday. I hope you know I do mean what I said. I really do care a lot about her. Maybe even love her, I don't know but sorry for causing a scene. I'm going to deal with how a feel and get over it." He said looking at me with an apologetic look. I laughed which resulted in him giving me a confused look.
"Dude, it's cool. You're in love, I know the feeling." I admitted. Yes, I've liked Amelia ever since elementary school and everyone knows. But her... and I'd like it to stay that way. "Cool. Where were you by the way?" He asked with an arched eyebrow. "Just getting closure from someone... Anyways do you wanna do something fun? We're leaving the day after tomorrow so we don't have much time." I suggest.
"Hell yeah! Tell me what you got in mind." He smirked. This is gonna be fun.
"Well..."
Okay so just to clear things up, Amara and her family are mixed with Korean and Arabic.
Parents
_________
Dad -Arab
Mom -Korean
Zak is also Korean and Arab. He's on there mom's side and he calls their dad uncle even without him being his blood uncle. Okay? Sorry if it's confusing lol.
STAY
QURUX
MY
QURUXLEYS
MWAH!!:)