~Liam*~
I sat down on the bed, dangling my cell phone between my fingers. I sucked in a breath and leaned on my hand. I needed someone to talk to. I had already talked to Blake about all of this stuff going on with West but I felt like I needed more than one opinion on this.
I wanted someone else to talk to. I wanted to talk about it, get it all out in the open. An outside view, you know? See what I should do or if I'm just losing my mind.
I actually had been trying to talk to someone in particular but I couldn't really get up the guts to do it. I didn't even know if she would really even want to.
Anxiously, I mustered up all of my courage, I pulled up the number I wanted to call and pressed dial. I slowly raised the phone to my ear and wet my lips. I swallowed dryly, my heartbeat going fast and faster with every beat of the dial tone. Finally, after what had felt like hours, there was a click and a beep.
"Hi, you've reached Cassidy Weekes," The sweet voice said soft like wind chimes. I felt my heart skip a beat and I began to sputter. A smile rose to my lips, hearing that voice that I hadn't heard in ages.
"Uh, h-hey, Mom, it's me, Liam. I was wondering if I could talk to you about something that I-," I started but I was cut off and I felt my heart sink.
"I can't get to the phone right now but if you leave a message, I'll be sure to get back to you later!" The answering machine said in a cheerful voice and I ground my teeth together, slowly lowering the phone to my lap once again. I sucked in a deep breath, cursing myself for even getting my hopes up. I raked a hand through my hair and switched my phone off, tossing it to the side.
She couldn't even answer my phone call. Of course she couldn't.
Maybe... Maybe she was busy, right?
That was my mom... Always busy.
"Liam? Liam, I've been calling for you for almost fifteen minutes! You need to pick up all of your shoes, they're cluttering up my- Liam? Is something wrong?" A voice said from the doorway and I lifted my head and peered over my shoulder, seeing Mindy leaning against the doorframe, her pretty brows furrowed at me and a concerned look on her face.
I sighed, shaking my head. I looked down at my hands and spread them in front of me. Drawing in a shaky breath, I asked quietly, "You're in love with David, right?"
She took a step into my room cautiously and made her way around the bed. "Of course I am. We're married. Why do you ask?"
I glanced up at her, cocking my head and examining her. I pursed my lips, my heart aching in my chest. "What does it feel like?"
Her pretty eyes widened slightly in surprise and she crossed her arms, walking closer to me. She slowly lowered herself onto the bed beside me. She quietly, gently spoke to me, in a way that was unfamiliar, something that my own mother never really spoke to me like. No matter how kind she sounded on the answering machine, when it came to me, she changed completely. Mindy, however, sounded genuinely concerned. "Honey... Liam, is this about that boy, the one that kept you out all night?"
I lowered my head, letting my hair fall into my face. I swallowed the lump that had started to form in my throat roughly and put my head in my hands.
"I-I don't know why I'm feeling like this," I sputtered out finally, not looking up at her. "It-It's like he has this- this hold on me that I just don't understand. I want to be with him, be near him, and make him smile. I've never felt like this before and I-I don't know what to do, Mindy, I just... I can't eat, sleep... I don't even go out anymore because all of the old things that I used to enjoy so much just... don't seem that fun anymore."
I buried my face in my hands, my cheeks turning a bright pink. Mindy opened her mouth to speak but all of a sudden, all of the words, feelings, anxieties that I had been holding back just started coming out and I couldn't stop it. It was like word vomit, I just kept talking, unable to hold it back. Before I knew what was happening, I was pouring my soul out to this woman, this woman who didn't even really like me. This woman who most likely despised me for hurting her son and was probably laughing on the inside, thinking that all of this was serving me right. I knew all of this and yet... I just couldn't bring myself to stop.
"I even tried to call my mother. Can you believe that? The woman hasn't spoken to me in God knows how long but I thought that maybe, just maybe she would pick up a phone call from her fucking son. For the first time in my life, I wanted to talk to her. I wanted her to listen to me and pay attention for once. To look at me, listen to me, talk me through this panic attack that I'm clearly having and she can't even pick up the damn phone," I cursed, shaking my head spitefully. I glared at nothing in particular and pulled my head back up to see Mindy staring at me with wide eyes. She opened her mouth, slowly raising a hand, but I wasn't through yet.
"And, you know, don't get me wrong, I can talk to Blake about it. I know that I can talk to Blake about it but sometimes, it's just nice to have, oh, I don't know, a motherly opinion, right?" I stuttered out, looking over to her, practically shaking from rage. She opened her mouth once more but I didn't let her. I threw my hands up. "It's just that I-I don't know. West is just so different and so sweet, I-I just... He puts me first; he wants to be with me. He actually makes me feel needed and I just can't seem to-,"
"Liam," Mindy said calmly but firmly, snapping me out of my rant. She sucked in her cheeks and put her hand on my shoulder. She held up a hand, meeting my eyes.
"Take a deep breath, okay?" I hesitated but did as I was told and she followed suit. Once I seemed a little more calm, I guess, Mindy continued. "Okay, Liam, so, first off, this boy- What was his name? He's Kai's friend, right? West? Yes! He seems like a very nice boy. First things first, do you know if this boy likes you back?"
I hesitated, shaking my head lamely. "No, ma'am. I-I have no idea. Well, I mean, we have kissed before and I've held his hand but we-we've never really gone farther than that."
"It sounds to me like he likes you then! If he let you kiss him and hold his hand then-,"
"Actually, when we kissed he was, uh, sort of... drunk. When we held hands, he was pretty hung over. I have no idea if he even remembered kissing me at all."
"Love, it's a very strong possibility that he does," She said gently, placing her hands over top of mine.
"And that's what freaks me out too!" I shouted, making her quirk her brow at me. "What if he does remember and he just isn't saying anything because A.) He doesn't even like me that way and regrets it. B.) He doesn't want to risk our friendship over it so he's just not going to even acknowledge it. And I honestly don't even know which option is worse. I just... I'm just..."
My voice trailed off and I pulled my hands from hers, burying my face in my hands. Mindy leaned forward, examining me with concern in her eyes. "Just what, Liam?"
I sucked in a deep breath, trying to find a way to say what I was trying to say.
"I'm scared," I said lowly, my voice cracking, peeking up from my hands. I saw Mindy's face fall at my words and she bit at her lip. I felt myself flush and my heart hammer. Dragging a hand through my hair, I continued. "I-I want to do it right this time. I don't want to just end up hurting West. I really care about him and I-I know that he cares about me too, I just... don't know if he cares about me in the same way as I care about him. Somehow, in the span of a few weeks, I've just made him into the center of my world and I just... I don't want to make the same mistakes again."
I saw the pity in Mindy's face and I lowered my head. I didn't want to hurt him the way that I hurt Blake. I really did like Blake, in my own kind of way, and hurting him broke me. I regretted everything that I had done but it was already too late and I couldn't take it back. I was just as scared back then as I am now. Well, maybe a little less since this is happening all over again and I know just how bad it all can get, and just how fast it could happen. I want to change. I have changed. I want West to see that.
As if on que, my phone sprang to life beside me and I jumped. I peered over and my stomach flipped. I picked up the phone and jingled it in my hand, giving Mindy an anxious smile. "Speak of the devil."
Mindy motioned for me to pick up the phone quickly and although every part of my body was screaming at me not to, I pressed the answer button. I was instantly greeted by West's voice.
"Liam?"
"Background character," I replied smoothly and Mindy clicked her tongue, shaking her head. I swallowed. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Hey, man," He started with a laugh and I could hear the smile in his voice. "Are you busy tonight? I was thinking you and me could hit the movies, go out to eat, uh... shopping, if you want. Just hang out, you know."
I blinked and instantly looked over at Mindy, putting my hand over the phone. I hissed, "He wants to hang out tonight!"
Mindy rolled her eyes, grabbing the phone from me, pressing the mute button and looked at me, eyes flashing. "Go. Okay? Here's what you're going to do. You're going to go out there and you're going to tell him how you feel because from what I've heard; It sounds like he likes you too."
"But what if he doesn't?"
"That's just a risk you have to take, darling. If you have a feeling that he really does like you, go for it. If you feel like he doesn't just quite yet, then woo him to the point that he does," She whispered with an encouraging smile on her face. "Usually your first instinct is the right one. Just listen to your heart, love. You can always tell how someone feels about you if you just pay attention."
Hesitantly, I nodded and took the phone back from her.
"Liam? Liiiiiaaaaaam, are you there? Hellooooo?" West asked, over and over again and my smile grew. I swallowed, nodding.
"Yeah, yeah, dinner and the mall. Sounds good, love," I breathed, honestly slightly embarrassed at just how excited I felt when he gave me small laugh.
"Good because I'm pulling in right now. Come on out; I've got the meter running."
I furrowed my brows, looking down at my outfit. "Right now? What if I'm not ready to go now?"
"Oh, please, Liam. I know you. You're always ready to go."
A smile split my cheeks as I hung up on him and sprang up, dashing to the mirror to primp myself slightly. He's right, usually I am ready. But that doesn't mean that I'm mentally prepared for any of this. "He's right outside."
I saw Mindy smile behind me in the mirror as she watched me scurry to get ready and attempt to make myself look perfect. It looked like she was actually happy for me. Without even the slightest hesitation, I spun around and threw my arms around her shoulders. I felt her tense up slightly at first but she soon relaxed and returned my hug. I leaned down to bury my face in her shoulder, whispering a low, "Thanks."
I pulled away and she flashed me that smile, reaching up and pinching my cheek as she did so. I snagged my jacket off of the bed and started towards the door but Mindy stopped me, speaking up again.
"Oh, Liam, before I forget," She started and I glanced over my shoulder to look at her, quirking a brow. She folded her hands on her lap. She pursed her lips, seeming to ponder her words before speaking again. "I have known your mother for many... many years and I've learned that she is a total bitch. When you need motherly advice or even just friendly advice, you come to me. Do you understand me, young man?"
I blinked at her but instantly found myself smiling. A blush rose on my cheeks and my eyes suddenly felt hot, but I tried to blink it all back as I nodded and tossed her a wave over my shoulder that she returned. I decided that I probably shouldn't say the words that were stuck in my throat, or else I really would start to cry.
Can't ruin this pretty face of mine before my big night. Or let anyone in this house think that I've gotten even softer than I already am.
I wanted to tell her, yes, I should have come to you first. In all of the years that I've known you, you've been more of a mother to me than anybody else. And there isn't a doubt in my mind that I would have made it through maybe two words before I burst into tears.
I jogged down the stairs, pulling on my jacket as I went. I pulled open the front door, revealing West, who beamed at me brightly, making my chest tighten. My own smile slipped into a curl of the lip as I noticed Kai, standing beside him, arms crossed over his chest and a stupid smirk on his face.
"Please tell me that you're here for Blake and that you aren't coming with us," I said bitterly, narrowing my eyes at Kai, leaning against the door frame. He snorted and rolled his eyes.
"Not today, brat. Sorry I can't grace you both with my presence," He said with a shrug, sliding past West. "I came to see my amazing boyfriend. Now, step aside."
He clapped West on the back before shoving past me into the house. I scowled at him but decided to let it go. Not even Kai will ruin my night. Not today, Satan. I closed the door behind him and stepped onto the porch with West, following him to the jeep. I jumped into my usual seat and felt my stomach flip as he got in beside me and revved the car to life.
I leaned towards him, batting my eyes playfully. "So, where are we going, love?"
He pursed his lips, shrugging, and pulled out of Blake's driveway. "I don't know. I was thinking maybe a movie then dinner, if you're up for it?"
"I'm up for anything," I replied, flashing a smile at him, my heart skipping a beat when he smiled back. With that, we were off, spending the rest of the night together.
The movie was actually not that bad, I guess, or, well, the parts that I actually watched weren't. As usual, West held all of my attention instead of the screen. I couldn't help it. I just had to watch him, watch his reactions, and completely revel in the fact that we were here together. I stared at his hand quite a lot, wondering if he would ever take the hint and man up and grab mine. He held his hand palm up on the arm rest, almost as though he expected me to grab his but for some reason... I just couldn't bring myself to do it.
Every now and then, I would see his eyes dart to me but he would quickly turn back to the screen and I would huff. Yeah, our shoulders were touching but that hardly said 'romance', huh?
Mindy had told me to look out for signs that he liked me too and yeah, the other day he held my hand and hugged me but maybe that was just a onetime thing? Maybe he was just going with the flow and now... maybe he regrets it? Right now, I was getting absolutely no signal that he liked me the way that I liked him.
Is this really only one sided? Did I somehow fool myself into thinking that the other day really, truly meant something and we felt the same way? It's getting hard to stay positive. I'm kind of starting to give up hope here.
After the movie, West and I made our way to a restaurant that he had heard about from one of his friends that I didn't really care to remember the name of. As usual, West was rambling on about something I had no interest in, while I watched him, amused, and played with my straw. Even if I had absolutely no interest in the topic he was gushing about, just seeing how excited he got, or how his eyes lit up as he spoke about the things that he cared about, I couldn't help but smile and stare dreamily. My heart ached, longing to touch him.
As he babbled on and on, I couldn't help but notice that something seemed kind of... off about the way West was speaking. The man never, ever shut up as it is but today, he really just wouldn't stop. Or, maybe, couldn't stop? He seemed somewhat... nervous. He kept dragging his hand through his hair, his eyes would constantly wander. I furrowed my brows. I started to open my mouth and ask if everything was alright, when a basket of fries slid between us. With a small smile to the waitress, West and I both reached for the fries, seemingly desperate for something, anything, that could make this seem a little less... weird. When our hands lightly slid against each other, West instantly jumped, jerking his hand back. I blinked at him in surprise.
My heart started to sink in my chest and I slowly retracted my hand, placing it back into my lap. My stomach felt like it was doing cartwheels, and not in the nice way that it usually was when I was around West. I felt my cheeks begin to burn in embarrassment and I tightened my hands into fists. West seemed to notice instantly what was happening and he suddenly looked pale, obviously starting to panic. He started to open his mouth and I silently prepared for whatever excuse he was about to make. He stuttered slightly, struggling to look me in the eyes, but was suddenly interrupted by another voice beside us.
"I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?" The man's deep, smooth voice asked and West and I glanced up to see a pretty face smirking down at us. The young man raked a hand through his dark brown hair, eyes glittering. Although it had seemed like he was asking both of us, his eyes were trained on me. West quickly shook himself out of the mute state he was in and furrowed his brows at the man. He opened his mouth to speak, holding up a hand, but was once again stopped. The man smirked, still not giving West so much as a glance. "I guess not. So, gorgeous, I was wondering, maybe I can take you off of this kid's hands for a couple of hours, show you a good time? What do you say?"
I blinked up at him and felt my mouth go dry. W-What?
Don't get me wrong, I've been hit on by my fair share of men but it hadn't really happened to me since I started hanging around with West. I don't know if it was that I wasn't looking for anyone like I used to or if West and I gave off that sort of vibe, but not that it was happening again, I-I honestly just didn't know how to react. Instead of answering the man, I looked to West, unable to help the look of panic growing on my face. He stared up at the man, completely in shock. I swallowed roughly.
This is it, Liam.
This is what you've been waiting for. You've been flirting, you two had a moment together the other day, he knows how you feel. He has to. There were signs. If he lets you go now, he clearly just doesn't give a shit. If he stops you... You kiss him right then and there and confess your love. You know what, this is actually kind of perfect! This is just the test that I needed, to see if he actually could like me-
I was torn from my thoughts when West cleared his throat. He sipped at his drink with a shake of his head, before those magical eyes of his met my own. He gave me a shaky smile, heaving a sigh. With a wave of his hand, he said the next few words that completely just shattered my heart. "Go on then, lover boy. D-Don't let me stop you."
I stared at him, unable to so much as even utter another word. My stomach ached and flipped, my chest felt like it was collapsing, and I got the answer that I had been anticipating and dreading for what felt like ages. I can't even describe how exactly I feel right now, I just...don't even know where to start.
The young man in front of us beamed brightly, placing a hand on my arm. Surprised, my head snapped up to him. He slid his hand down my arm, giving me a gentle tug.
"Come on then, beautiful. What do you say, huh?" He purred, looping his arm through mine. I took one final, pleading glance at West, who wore a small smile, playing with the corner of his napkin. Clenching my fist, I stiffly nodded. Still unable to believe what had just happened and felt like I was going to throw up, slowly, I let the man pull me to my feet.
"Alright. Sounds good, love. Let's go," I ground out through clenched teeth. I was met with a brilliant grin from the young man. I resisted the urge to curl my lip. As pretty as he is, he's no West. I looked to my shoes, giving West a final nod, before letting the man pull me along. I made it maybe two steps before a hand flung out and caught my wrist, hard. My head whipped around to look at West, slight hope still rising within me.
He was standing now, his chair pushed back against the table behind us. He leaned over the table and stared at me, his eyes boring into mine. His hand tightened on my wrist and my chest felt unbelievably tight as he opened his mouth to speak.
Come on, you idiot! Say something! Anything! Beg me not to go! Tell me to stay! D-Don't let me leave!
Although it realistically was only a few seconds before he spoke, those seconds felt like hours that dragged on and on with my anxiety crashing through the roof. Finally, West wet his lips and spoke, giving me a weary smile before loosening his grip on my arm. "Y-you, uh... you be safe, okay? I'll call you tonight."
Slowly, agonizingly slowly, I pulled my hand away from him, my head swirling with so many different thoughts that I couldn't even organize them. My cheeks felt like they were on fire.
Well... There you go, I guess. That's my answer, huh?
Geez. I really must be an idiot. How could I ever think that he would like me back? He's funny, he's smart, he's sweet, caring, and passionate... He's straight. He's too good for me. What was I thinking?
What an idiot.