Author's Note: Hey guys! Apologies for posting this a day late. The internet was acting up at my house for the past day or two and I literally couldn't get on until today (I was having such first world problems, it's embarrassing). Anyways, hope you like this chapter and thanks for reading! -Rachael
After yet another sleepless night (this time waking up at three twenty-seven, I swear I should've kept a record or something), I made the spontaneous decision to take a trip back home to Chicago. I had this crazy desire to drive there, why? I honestly have no idea. I think I believed that a more-than-a-day trip would help me clear my mind.
Of course, this decision also brought on another issue: whether or not I was going to bring Parker with me. I ultimately chose to drag him along, rationalizing that he'd keep me company and bring me back when my mind went to dark places. Sure, I didn't go to as dark of places as she used to, but ever since she passed...it just kind of happened without me even realizing it. That's one of the reasons I hadn't talked to anyone after the funeral.
So there we were, Parker and I, on the road in my car, five hours into the twenty-nine hour drive. Twenty-nine hours if we didn't stop, that is, which wasn't going to happen when my son needed to stop and go to the bathroom nearly every forty-five minutes.
"Are we there yet?" He asked me, swinging his legs back and forth in his car seat.
I sighed and met his gaze through the rear view mirror, "For the eighth time, Park, no. I'll tell you when we're there."
He sat there for a minute before continuing his interrogation, "Where are we going?"
"We're going to where Mommy and Daddy lived before moving to where you and I live now."
"Where's that?"
"Chicago. You've been there once before." Recently too.
"Why?"
God, did he love to ask that question when he was growing up, hell, even when he was older. He got it from her, his curiosity.
I swallowed hard, my grip on the steering wheel tightening, "Because."
"Because why?"
"Because I wanted to."
I was starting to regret taking Parker with me, but I didn't want to leave him with my mom again. I mean, I'm sure she would've watched him without any questions asked, she loved the kid to death - I remember she even offered to take care of him for me if it came down to me not being able to raise him anymore (yeah, the depression I didn't want to admit I had got that bad at one point) - but I just didn't want to bother her again. I felt so dependent on her, and she'd done enough already. Plus, it wasn't fair to him for me to be gone for so long so many times. It was bad enough with touring, I didn't need to make it worse by not spending time with him when I wasn't touring.
"Will Mommy be there? Is she awake yet, Can we see her?"
I heaved a sigh, "I don't know." Parker crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at me. I scoffed, "What's that look for? I said I don't know!"
"I want to see Mommy..." He whined, averting his gaze out the window to the barely-there scenery that was flying by us as we cruised down Route 66. I shook my head and returned my attention to the road, turning up the volume on the radio a few notches and leaning back in the seat, preparing myself for the long ride ahead of us.
*****
I stood outside on someone's porch in the middle of the night, around ten o'clock, with Parker passed out in my arms. I had rung the doorbell and was waiting for someone to answer the door. I bit my lip nervously as I looked around, taking in the unfamiliar neighborhood, before the door swung open.
"Hello?" The person who answered the door asked.
I turned back around, the corner of my lip perking upward, "Hi, Dad."
"Kevin?"
"No, um, Patrick," I corrected him, my cheeks growing a deep shade of red.
"Patrick. Right. My, you look different. What'd you do? Get a haircut?" He commented. More like lost a bunch of weight, but thanks for trying to make an effort, Dad. He averted his gaze from me to the boy in my arms, "Is he...?"
"Yeah, my son. Parker. He's three years old, can you believe it?" I smiled at my son and pushed the hair out of his face.
My dad ran a hand through what little hair he had on his head, "Wow."
"Yeah," I shifted my weight and took in a deep breath, "Hey, um-"
"What are you doing here, Patrick?" He interrupted me, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I was just about to ask you, uh, if I could stay here for a little while. I...well, I kind of decided to come here last minute, so...I didn't really book a hotel or anything. And I remember you saying at the funeral we were here for a little while ago that if there was anything I ever needed that I could, um, call."
I didn't know why, but my heart was pounding against my chest and I was starting to get a headache. It was like I was nervous to talk to my own dad. No, it wasn't like I was nervous, I was nervous.
"I know I didn't really call, and that this is really out of the blue and unannounced, but, I was wondering if you maybe had a spare bedroom we could stay in for a few nights?"
"A spare bedroom? A few nights?" He repeated, as if I was speaking a different language.
I nodded my head, "I promise we won't be a bother. Parker's really well behaved and-"
"David?" A female voice sounded from somewhere in the house. I peered over my dad's shoulder and saw a woman standing in the kitchen, looking out at us. I could only assume she was my dad's new girlfriend or wife. I honestly had no idea. Once my dad divorced my mom when I was a kid, I barely saw him again. I was surprised to even see him at the funeral. "Who's at the door?"
My dad turned around, "My son, Kev-"
"Not Kevin...Patrick," I reminded him, failing to hide the agitation in my voice.
"Right. My son, Patrick, wants to stay with us for a little."
"Oh, let him in! Let him in!" She exclaimed, "This one's the big rock star, right? Oh my god, this is so exciting! Let him in! I want to meet him!"
I blushed in embarrassment before telling my dad I was going to get my bags. I handed him Parker and he acted like he'd never held a baby before in his life.
Once the bags were brought all inside and up to the spare bedroom Parker and I would be staying in, I sat down at the kitchen table with my dad and Jeanette, his girlfriend. Jeanette had taken Parker - who had woken up and was a little cranky at first but had since calmed down - into her lap. The two of them were infatuated with each other.
"So," My dad tried to break the awkward silence that had blanketed over him and me. Jeanette and Parker were both a giggling mess, playing peek-a-boo and other games of the like. "What brings you to Chicago? I thought you lived in L.A."
"I do...I just wanted to come back and revisit some places that are special to me."
"Just out of the blue?"
I chuckled nervously, "Yeah, I needed a little break from it all, you know?"
"A break from what?" Jeanette asked, bouncing my son on her leg.
"His wife died not too long ago," My dad replied to her, "He's probably not handling it all too well."
"Dad!" I muttered, my eyes wide.
"What? I'm just answering her question..."
I shook my head and crossed my arms, averting my gaze away.
"David...have a little bit of respect." She mumbled angrily, looking over at me and saying in a much kinder tone, "I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, Patrick. How have you been doing?"
"I've been okay, thank you for asking," I retorted kindly, standing up, "But if you don't mind, I've been driving for nearly two days and I could really use some sleep."
"Oh yeah!" She replied, nodding her head in understanding, "By all means, go get some rest." She looked down at Parker and grinned, "Do you like chocolate chip pancakes?" My son shook his head eagerly, causing Jeanette to giggle. "Okay, good, because that's what I'm making for breakfast tomorrow...just for you." She poked him playfully on the nose and set him down on the ground.
He ran over to me and clung onto my leg, a wide smile stretched across his face. I bent down and picked him up, smiling at my dad and his girlfriend before going upstairs.
I closed the door behind us and set Parker down.
"I like her, Daddy," Parker told me as I walked over to his bag and opened it, looking for a change of pajamas for him.
"I'm happy for you, Park," I mumbled, searching through the unorganized bag.
He crawled up on the bed and lied down, yawning and closing his eyes, "She's gonna make me...chokwit chip pancakes...tomorrow."
"I heard. Now do you want to wear your dinosaur or train pajamas?" I pulled the two sets out and turned around to see that he had already fallen asleep. I dropped my arms and heaved a sigh, throwing the pajamas to the side and lying down beside him.