"I'll take care of everything... take care of my needs... Come closer."
These words indistinctly fell on Nehali's ears. Her eyes struggled to open, but tiredness dominated her body, drifting back to sleep.
Several minutes passed, and finally, sleepiness washed away from her eyes. Her hand reached to grab her cellphone. Even when her eyes were not fully recovered from sleep, she still mindlessly began to surf her social media handles.
"Be gentle. It's hurting me."
Nehali's eyes pulled open, and all the lingering sleepiness vanished like smoke. She got up from her bed and stormed towards the hall room.
"Mom!" she screamed at the top of her lungs when she shot a glance at the sofa. The scene of her mother engaged in a hot and heavy situation with the landlord sent a chill down her spine. "What are you doing?!
The first word was enough to snap them out. The landlord sprang up from his place; terror constricted his heart.
"Who told you to come here!?" Reema snapped at her daughter.
"Just shut your trap!" Nehali felt an urge to hit her mother. Yes, the fact that the financial crisis was making her mother do such a heinous thing, chilled her bone. A surge of anger blew her top. She shot daggers at the landlord. "Get out of this house, or I'll call the cops."
Fear washed over his face; he was probably one of those guys who wanted to unethical stuff but also scared to get caught. But then it dawned on him; he was the owner of the house, and Reema was complying with his desires.
"Your mom is a whore!" he spat these ungracious words.
Not even a moment passed, and Nehali charged at the man to give him a tight slap. Reema's face registered hurt, she thought the man was into her, but she sprang up to intervene.
Nehali grabbed the collar of the landlord, who felt more intimidated, but Reema managed to pull her daughter toward her, and both fell on the sofa. "Please, go!" she pleaded the landlord.
Smoothing his collar, the landlord stormed out. He murmured swears and banged the door close before rushing out.
Tears rolled down Nehali's eyes, her mother's fingers reached to wipe them, but Nehali slapped her fingers away from her. "Don't touch me," she said in between her sobs. "I couldn't believe you'd get down to this shit."
A moment of silence washed over the entire room; tears welled up in Reema's eyes. Her hands reached to get hold of her daughter.
"What else can we do?" Her voice dripped with pain and helplessness. "More than half of your salary is spent on Milo's and your education fees. We can't live a better life with the remaining money."
"Isn't it enough that we are surviving?" Nehali sprang up in rage. She didn't want to continue talking because it was going to make her deep blue.
She parted her lips to threaten Reema but felt the presence of someone. It was Milo who was innocently watching her big sister and mother fight, clutching her favorite teddy bear near her heart.
"Babygirl, why did you wake up?" Nehali felt all seething anger melted off. She walked up to her and picked her seven-year-old sister and straddled her on the hip.
"Your were yelling at Mommy, it woke me up." Both sisters disappeared in the second bedroom.
"I'm sorry, let's sleep."
Nehali tapped on the back of her little sister till she went back to sleep. The clouds of sadness wafted through her mind, and she felt helplessness would eat her up alive. Tears never stopped rolling down. She almost felt like running away and put an end to her miserable life, but she couldn't give up. She can't do it, right?
****
Nehali always wanted to have a normal life. Of course, being rich was not the pressing issue, but she wanted to live a normal life as everybody else does.
On the other hand, Sunday evening was enough for Sid to become normal again (even a good night's sleep). His mind was still churning the words of Modern Ecclesiastes. I only find meaning in the ashes, Sid couldn't get these words off his head. Nothing in his life was bringing any meaning to him because he was deep down into the philosophy of Modern Ecclesiastes. And, of course, the visit to Greenland didn't help a bit. Instead, it made him realize how pointless his spiritual search is. To be one with light and become desireless. Nothing was making sense to him, except all is vanity merely chasing the wind.
He and Ravi were heading at the last lane to chill out. But feeling normal was the last thing on Sid's head. Across the road, he looked across a procession of the dead man's funeral. His legs followed the procession like a possessed person. Even Ravi didn't realize it because he was too busy on his cellphone. He just kept on walking with his best friend alongside.
Several minutes passed, the procession neared the graveyard. Ravi snapped him out of his phone. His eyes caught sight of the procession, and a ripple of terror washed over him. He took off his wireless and grabbed hold of Sid's shoulder. "Is that your uncle or what? Turn around and get back..."
Sid fended off Ravi's hold. "Back off! I want to go there."
Ravi's eyes doubled in his at this possessed behavior. "Are you nuts?! These people are going to the graveyard."
"I know!" Sid snapped. "He said he found meaning only in the ashes."
"He? Who?" Ravi didn't argue further and tried to pull Sid away, but the boy again freed himself.
He ran and joined the procession again. He heard Ravi yelling, but the words didn't enter his ears.
****
An hour passed, Sid sat in a corner, the dead body was burning in flames. This scene resonated with his drowning hope of finding some meaning in this bleak world. His eyes stared at the fire. The only distraction was the popping sound in the woods every now and then (cracking of bones?). No one cared to look at the boy; he mixed with the crowd as if one of them.
Slowly, the crowd of the deceased person began to disappear from the scene after some time. The burning flames also quieted down—and yes!—there were some ashes.
Never in a million years, Sid could imagine he'd do something like this. He gazed at ashes for several minutes. The sky above his head was already turning violet. Was the boy succeeded in finding meaning in the ashes? Usually, his introspective mind would have come up with so many realizations, but his brain was numbed at this point. He couldn't think of anything; not even these ashes were enough to bring meaning to his life. Modern Ecclesiastes was right! All is vanity, simply...
"Why have you not gone yet?" An old man said, who was sitting on a chair. He was probably the gatekeeper of this graveyard.
Sid snapped himself out; he felt exposed, maybe the old man must've realized the boy had no reason to be here. His finger unconsciously pointed at the pyre.
"The dead body was your grandfather?"
Sid parted his lips to utter a yes, but he could come up with only an awkward curt nod.
"Hmmm," came from the old man, his face grew sober as he shot a glance at the burning pyre. "That's the end of the line, son. The end of everything: desires, greed, expectations, dreams, and anything a man chased throughout his life."
An awkward silence spread across for almost a minute. Sid found himself eyeing the old man; the boy's eyes didn't even blink once. In fact, they are asking for more of this graveyard wisdom.
"Can you see that blackened platform?" The old man pointed his stick to the right side of the burning pyre. Sid's eyes traveled from the stick to the platform. "Yesterday, a billionaire was cremated there. Could you see any difference between the two?" The old man eyed Sid and presented him with a toothy smile. The man didn't have a left-side canine tooth. His teeth were spattered with stains of tobacco.
Sid responded with an awkward silence. He wanted to throw a counter-argument, but he couldn't come up with words. Sometimes listening works more effectively than merely outwitting others just to show how smart you are.
"Whether you are rich or poor, this will be your destiny." The old man stared at the pyre again. "I have been working in this place for more than twenty years. I can see in the eyes of visitors. They are scared of death."—A chesty cough interrupted the man—"Get up, son! Try to find the truth beyond these ashes. I don't know what that truth is," the old man gave a self-deprecating chuckle, "but you have so much to live for, try to go deep in your life."
Sid felt clouds of confusion wafted off his mind. He did get up quickly and made a move. When the boy walked past the gates, a pang of guilt struck his heart, not to say goodbye to the old man. The boy felt he was coming back to the senses. The walk turned into an amble.
He ran for almost ten minutes and only paused in the last lane. Ravi presented his best friend with the grumpiest look.
Sid's hands reached to grab a water bottle, he poured some water in the cup of his hand and splashed it all across his face. He did take a few minutes before chugging on the bottle of water. With the remaining water, he literally showered himself. Ravi didn't protest one bit, but he couldn't contain himself any longer.
"Have you regained your sanity, His Holiness?" he was still wearing his grumpy look.
"I'm fine," came from Sid, still wheezing.
"Your brain is dead with the shitty philosophy of that Modern Ecc, Eccli, Elasticity, uh, Electricity," Ravi said. Each word sounded like a hiss.
A smile broke across Sid's lips. "That's Modern Ecclesiastes, I believe."
"Whatever, man!" Ravi threw up his hands in exasperation. "I told you! Like I told you seriously, let's go to the Himalayas and find out some truth."
"Well," Sid crossed his hands across his chest. "Regarding the Himalayan episode, it was never an option. The fact you're more excited than me to go there makes me think you're nothing but an escapist who just wants to run away from your boring life. That's escapism, not seeking the truth."
"This!" Ravi snapped. "Now, you will give me that 'desire to become desireless' crap, and yet you're buying into the philosophy of meaninglessness." He shot daggers at his best friend before speaking. "If everything is meaningless, then isn't it meaningless to think everything is meaningless?"
Ravi did not stop for a moment and stormed out of the scene.
Sid felt he needed this scolding. In fact, he was feeling better. The last line brought laughter all the way from the stomach to his face. Yes, indeed! If everything is meaningless, then even to think everything is meaningless is also meaningless.
"Hey, Ravi, bro!" Sid burst out with another fit of laughter. "Man, you are a genius. Wait!"
Ravi didn't turn to stop; he waggled his hand in denial and picked up the pace.
The boy was finally breaking free from this delusion of meaningless. Now all he needed was a good night's sleep to get back to normal fully. No matter how much he denied, the graveyard lesson did help. It dawned on him like a rumble of thunder. His spiritual quest is still on.