I had a weird dream though. I haven't dreamt since the incident happened and it was strange not only to actually have a dream again but because it was about what Dean had said earlier. Everything he said was in it and the only words that actually stuck in my head went something like, 'asked you out before he did or something like I wanted to' or 'I could have balled up and asked you out like I wanted to but I didn't know what I wanted at the time and now it's all too late' and 'I only like being strong for you!' and the whole time he was speaking all of these words I was silently crying to myself- in the dream- because he wouldn't listen to me about it. He said all the same things but he never did let me reply and then he walked off into the sunset, literally, and never once turned around to say anything or smile or anything and if that was to happen in real life I think I'd just die on the spot, right there and then.
Rolling over so I can look up at Dean I leave my head where it is for a second just letting myself take all the time in the world to admire how he is as a person, the way his jaw is strong and perfectly aligned, the way there's a very, very slight stubble growing on his face, how his eyelashes are so long and beautiful and how his lips are so full and pink, ones that everybody would be either jealous off or want to kiss, and the way they're curve up when he's happy making the most perfect shape, like silk jammies on skin or chocolate when you eat it.
"Are you okay?" I whisper ask him lifting our hands so they're on my cheek and his abs.
"Yeah, are you okay?" he asks lifting the hand that was on my hip before up to my face where he wipes just under my eye- okay, I swear to god can I please just stop crying today? Surely I've cried enough for one lifetime how can I even have any tears left in me? "And don't lie." He gives me a very small playful smile along with that though, his lips perfect and curved and just him.
"I had a dream, that's all." I say lightly while taking his other hand into mine and putting them on my chest where my heart is, I can see the moment it clicks in his head, a hint of a smile plays on his face while the other half just contorts into confusion.
"Was it good or bad? Or in other words happy or sad tears?" he mumbles so I close my eyes hopping that I can avoid his eye contact for this part.
"It was both but it was sad... if it's to happen for real I wouldn't cope." I reply before eventually opening my eyes, they feel like they're rimed with heavy mascara when they're not all because of the excessive crying and the sleep.
"What happened in this dream? Anything I can help with?" his voice is filled with wonder and curiosity as his thumb strokes the side of my face very soothingly.
"Just never leave me for the hills." I say before looking at him seriously in wait for his answer.
"I won't ever do that, I promise." He says so I push myself up into a sitting position and when I am sitting up I cuddle up into his side, my head on the side of his chest just in front of his shoulder where he very quickly lets his arm snake around me.
I let the silence fill the air, I don't think either of us know exactly what to do or say right now, we've never been here before, I've never had a situation like this and I've never heard of it either to be honest. I honestly have no idea what to do or say to him right now.
"Did you mean what you said earlier? About how you should've asked me out before he got to me? and, well, how you think it's too late now?" I don't look up at him as I say this, I just keep my eyes glued on the coffee table, my trust in him doesn't waver so I don't see any point in checking to see if he's lying.
"Yeah, I did. I was thinking about asking you out but then everything with him happened and then I got it into my head you would never go out with me that time you shouted at me for kissing you in front of him so I gave up all hope and then I got it back then lost it again and yeah, it's just one big circle with this." He replies so I do look up at him, my eyes scanning his face for any sign of anything, to see if he's saying he likes me or not, to know exactly what he means by all of this because I'm not letting myself get fooled by him, not him of all people.
"It, it's not too late you know... you could have asked me, it's never too late." I say before pushing myself away from him so I can sit crossed legged and so he turns to face me, his legs turning and coming up underneath him as he gets comfy on the seat.
"How would I know... I'm just the player that plays all girls like a violin and you'd be stupid to get messed up with me. I know I'm not good enough for you, I've always known it." The sad look that takes over his whole face and demeanour breaks my heart, his shoulders curl in at the sides and his head droops a little, bowing down like the puppy he secretly is.
"No, it's never too late for anything and you know I thought the same before, I knew you'd play me like a violin and I tried so hard to stay away but every time I try to stay away I get brought back with more force than I left with. I'm tired of trying to be the good girl. I'm tired of staying away because look where it gets me, where it gets us. And you are good enough for me, you really, really are." I say looking in his eyes the whole time, refusing to give in on the contact, refusing to give in to the little competition that I'm making it.
"What do you mean it's never too late? It can be too late, I was too late and that's that." He moans, he tries not to I can tell that much.
"Exactly what I said, it's not too late. I don't know why I'm going to say this but... if you laugh in my face then take it as a friendly way to save my embarrassment but..." I stop trying to take in a long deep breath. Can I go through with this? Can I tell him or am I not going to be able to get the words out of my throat? "I, I think I..." that's literally all I can get out of my mouth right now, I don't know how to get anything past it and it's doing my head in. I lean my head back and look up at the light; my eyes fixing on a point where I just let this moment sink in.
The reason I can't say it is because I'm scared of the rejection that's sure to come. I can't say it when I'm next to him in case I need to run up to my room in embarrassment that's sure to slap me right across the face.
Getting up I very quickly head over to the other side of the coffee table, the further I am the less likely it is to hurt more. It'll hurt more next to him. I never should have let myself fall for him. Never, ever, ever in a million years.
I'm just about to spit the words out when, "I can't hold this in any longer Sophie, I love you so much and I've been such an idiot not to ever tell you." Sounds out of Dean's mouth. I look at him, my head snapping down and around to look at him in astonishment, how... why... how could he love me of all people? And since when? He's the player, he doesn't fall, he lets the girls do the falling... doesn't he? "I wanted to tell you ages ago that I like you but I know you like all that girly romantic stuff and I didn't know how to do it and that was just another reason why I should back out of telling you and when I did decide what I was going to do it was too late and that's when I started to realise that I love you and I've just not admitted it to myself until today."
"But... but... what?" is all that comes out of my mouth... ok so loving this idiot has now turned me into the idiot that can't speak... how does that work?
"I love you, that's what and I know it's not the right time but I'm fed up of just sitting on it and having to wait to tell you. At least if I've told you then it's better, I don't have to worry about telling you... I just have to worry about the reaction." He says standing up and walking around the coffee table so he can stand in front of me, his hands taking a hold of my elbows and then going down my arms to my hands.
"..." I go to speak again but it end up opening and closing my mouth like a fish.
"Shh, you don't have to say anything." He says his voice low as he places a finger over my lips.
"I... I do." I say looking up at him. "I love you too." I force the words out of me.
"Don't say that if you don't mean it Soph, I told you, you don't need to say anything." He says his voice low and sexy and husky.
"But..." I start but he's already got his finger over my lips again and starting to talk to shut me up.
"Don't... please don't say anything. Just know that I do love you and when you are in the right place I'll be here. I'll be here waiting for you." He says before there's a bang from the back opening and then some weird man is barging through the door from the kitchen.
"What the hell are you home for? Don't you know that skiving with a girl is not classy? That it's the worst way to get a girl to bed? Because as soon as it's over you'll both get into trouble for it!" the man snaps. His hair is dark, the same sort of colour as Dean's only he has some grey through it and he has a ripped shirt on- it's meant to be that way by the looks of it- and a pair of jeans, it's not what would look like his normal attire, suits look like his thing, whoever he is.
"Um, Dean, who the hell is this?" I ask my mouth almost open in confusion, my eyes wide while trying to figure out any reason why a random would burst into my house for no reason without anyone I actually know. "And what the hell is he doing here?"
"This, Sophie, is my Dad... and I have no idea." He murmurs stepping in front of me, his face one of shock and horror and annoyance... so now I've met the famous Murray Bean...
\