I sit on a sand dune while the guys build the fire. It's fun watching them as they wait in anticipation to see if the fire will start. I squeal when Jackson comes up behind me and squeezes my shoulders.
"Meanie," I grumble and slap him on the thigh.
"You love me Rora and we both know it," he coos, poking me in my ribs.
"Nope," I headbutt his shoulder.
"Such a silly specimen," he laughs, pulling the hood of my jumper over my face.
"Hmph," I sulk.
"So, did you have sex?" Jackson questions me curiously.
"Nope we did not," I frown at my strange friend.
"Would you have if we hadn't needed to go?" his tone is normal, like he actually wants to have a conversation about this.
"I dunno. We were kissing and I guess grinding but I'm not too sure. I feel like I might mess up or something. Plus he's had it a lot of times. That's when I kind of like Rocky he doesn't have a penis contaminated by hoes," I admit. The truth spilling from my lips and I can't stop. "I love Carter but sometimes I think he is driven by sex. I'm still figuring out life. The pressure to live up to his standards is hard. I just want this feeling that I'm going to fail to disappear. Sometimes it's all about my body and I feel extremely vulnerable. He doesn't mean to make me feel this way. I know that, but I'm terrified Jackson," I stare at my toes that are buried in the sand. I'm confused at the fact I'm letting this honesty pour out of me.
"Woah Rora it's okay. It's absolutely fine to feel that way. I'm sure he'll love anything you do. He hasn't actually had sex with heaps of girls. Sex is sacred to him. So he's only had it with three. I know that is still quite a lot in your mind. I also know that Rocky would be a lot less trouble. But we both know you love Carter so very much. You cannot deny that. He doesn't just love you for your body. You should listen to him talk about you. You are his world. He could talk for days about how cute you look when you eat or how he admires how tough you are. Heck Rora he never stops talking about you," Jackson puts an arm over my shoulder. I don't have to say anything we both know I understand.
After a few minutes Jackson grabs his phone, passes me one of his earbuds and turns on some music. Jack Johnson fills my brain, relaxing getting me in the mood for a late night swim. Everything will be alright. Sometimes it's good to say what's on your mind so you can see what's unreasonable and understand the other side of the story. We're so deep into our chill zone we don't see or hear the others approach us.
We both flinch in fright when Felix tugs the headphones out of our ears. "You looked pretty serious when you were talking," Felix says and crosses his legs just like us.
"Oh we were. We had to discuss how to kill a man," I smirk elbow nudging Jackson.
"I have thought of an amazing way to dispose of the body," Jackson smiles as the rest of the guys give us strange looks.
"You might need a more intelligent member in your team. I am happy to assist," Ty laughs as he helps me to stand up.
"Oh but you see you're actually the one we're planning to kill," Jackson explains, trying not to laugh as we walk down the dune to the fire. Ty and Jackson wander away with Ethan and Felix. I'm left by myself. Kade and Shaun are making sand angels it's funny to watch.
"What were you actually talking about? " Rocky stops to wait for me.
"How your penis isn't contaminated by hoes," I admit truthfully. He looks at me with his eyebrows raised. But his twitching lip shows he is thinking.
"I've never had sex," he nods his head.
"Exactly," I mumble.
"Wait I get what you're saying," his eyes nearly pop out of his head. "Oh no! Rora! Don't think like that. He told me he used protection with them," he assures me, but his face tells me he understands where I'm coming from. I look at him blankly. "Smile Roars. Smile okay. You're overthinking this. I don't like it when you're like this. It pains my heart physically to see you sad and confused," he whispers as we approach the boys. I grab his hand in search of comfort. He gives my hand a squeeze as we both sit down on a log. When I look up Carter frowns. He's not mad he seems more confused and concerned.
"Alright boys and girl it's question time. What has been a major thought for you this week?" Ryder asks us while handing me a stick with two marshmallows.
"Ethan you start," Felix declares.
"Uh I have been thinking about how I want to run a skate school," Ethan says in his deep voice. I don't often talk to him. But his voice is awesome.
"This week I have been thinking about how I want to propose to Mia," Felix grins, causing all the boys to let out a big "whoop!".
"This week I have been bouncing ideas on how I'm going to ask Hunter to be my girlfriend and about entering the big surf comp," Jackson says. Next is Rocky which means I have to go after him. But I'm only half listening.
"This week I have been thinking about moving to the city," Rocky says. Now I'm listening.
"Oh no you're not. If you do I'm moving with you. You can't leave me Rocky. Don't be an idiot," I glare at him. Tears run down my cheek.
"Rora you didn't let me finish," Rocky grabs my wrist to prevent me from walking away. I nod and sit down again. "I want to move the city when I finish school. So I can live close to princess while she's in dance academy," Rocky explains. Now I feel stupid for getting sad.
"You're the best!" I kiss his cheek.
"I know," he smiles and then bows.
"Your turn princess," Ty says from beside me. They call me princess because of the whole Arora being my actual name thing.
"I've been thinking about Mum and Dad. I can't wait to see them. I also have been thinking about dance. I really want to win," I pop my warm marshmallows into my mouth.
"I've been thinking about my brother fighting in Afghanistan," Ty says. I didn't even know that. It's Carter's turn and I feel sad. In my frustration and confusion I forgot his brother was dying.
"I have been thinking about how life is unfair. But sometimes life gives us a saving grace," he offers me a smile.
"That would be Rora right?" Ethan declares throwing the bag of marshmallows at me.
"Of course it is," Felix yells. Ryder winks at me before saying his thought.
"I've been thinking about how my sisters are growing up so fast. How I am so proud of them," That pulls my heart strings he always has the best intentions for me and Bella.
"I have been thinking about moving in with Charice, she lives with Cassia. So I will see Shaun even more," Kade says. Sometimes their bromance is a little intense to be honest. But they are pretty cool guys and Kade is my cousin so I have to love him.
"This week my mind has been filled with organising my 21st. It is really stressful," Shaun smiles as he buries his feet in the sand.
"I didn't realise boys actually talked about deep stuff like this," I laugh. I wave my marshmallows over the flame.
"They don't it's just us," Ethan says with a grin.
"Yip," Ty agrees.
Ryder stands up. "Let's swim," he declares.
"Race yah!" I yell before sprinting to the ocean. I hear the boys running after me. The water is chilly but I don't mind. I want to be the first person to dive in. I run until I can emerge my whole body in the water. When I re-emerge Carter is standing there with water dripping from his hair.
"Hey," I whisper.
"Hello," he whispers as he pulls me into his chest. "Jackson told me what you said. Babe I love you so so so so very much. Your body is just a bonus and anything you do will wow me. My dick has no other girls germs on it. I'm sorry if I make you feel scared or vulnerable. You mean the galaxy and more to me," he says into my hair and runs his hands up my back.
"Sorry for being upset babe. I love you too," my lips move over his cold wet chest.
"I love you more," he smiles into my hair. We stand like that for a few minutes, me enveloped in his arms. Our hearts beating at the same time.
"I'm craving a bath," I say as the rest of the guys splash around us.
"Let's have one when we get back," Carter holds my hand while we walk to Rocky.
"Who said I wanted you in the bath?" I joke, nuzzling my head against his arm.
"You do babe," Carter says just as we reach Rocky.
"But you're supposed to be hanging with the boys. You've already spent most of the night with me. Maybe I should bring Rocky instead" I grin at my best friend.
"Bring me where?" Rocky frowns.
"In the bath," I laugh at his wide eyes.
"Oh yes of course," Rocky chuckles then winks at Carter.
"The fab three," I giggle throwing my head back at my humor. Oh I crack myself up.
"Yeah nah I'm not gay," Carter and Rocky say in unison but they're both still laughing.
"Let's just leave the bathing to you two," Rocky says. I nod but wink, making sure Carter sees.
"The alcohol is getting to her," Ethan pipes up from behind us.
"No she's always like this," Ryder splashes water at my stomach.
"She is so crazy but it's adorable," Felix ruffles my hair.
"I love when you talk about me like I'm not here," I mumble sarcastically as we walk back to shore.
"Sorry princess," Ryder apologizes throwing me a towel.
"It's fine," I snuggle into his chest my arms stuck under my towel. My hero. I love these cuddles with Ryder. Someone throws us a blanket which lands on my head.
Again we're sitting around the fire. I'm snuggled between Carter and Ryder. It's mighty warm surprisingly. Carter kisses my head passing me a red bull.
"I won't be able to sleep," I say after my first sip.
"What's so bad about that?" He whispers into my ear.
"Ew don't be sexual around me. I love you both but I'm not sure I want to imagine either of you naked," Ryder groans.
"I hear you and Ava a lot of the time," I admit teasing him.
"I bet we could be louder," Carter chuckles causing Ryder to knock him off the log.
"Let's not discuss this ever again okay," Ryder suggests offering up a deal, " All of us are going to have it at least once this week. We are bound to hear each other. But none of us speak of it," he whispers to me and Carter.
"Deal," I hold my hand out for him to shake. Then Carter does the same.
"She just said she'll have sex with you Carter," Ryder informs the silly kid next to me. Carter beams but does not speak. Ryder kisses my cheek before joining in on the campfire songs.
The songs last for a while till the chill catches us. "Back home we go," Felix sings as he puts the fire out. I gather up my towel and Carter's jumper before walking back to Rocky's car.
"Jump in," Rocky yells from the dune pressing the button to unlock the car. I climb in and close the door. I wrap the blanket around me before clicking my seat belt. I search through my iPod for the perfect song. I settle on 'Walking on Sunshine' and wait for Carter and Rocky to get in.
"Yo," Rocky takes his seat while Carter throws a bag in the trunk.
"Off we go," Carter smiles as he climbs in. With that my music starts. The boys sing along with me and even dance a little. These two are the best. It seems like a minute from the beach to home.
"Bath time," I whisper as we pull into the driveway. Both of the guys smile.