[Picture: Video: See You Again - Whiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth]
It's the day that I leave.
Two weeks ago, my letter from Juilliard finally came, greeting me with the words "It is my great pleasure...". I freaked out, my family freaked out,my friends freaked out and Taylor freaked out. We immediately got dressed and went to a nearby Norms Diner to celebrate. It's been far too long since I've had a good steak and hashbrowns.
From there on I started to prepare everything. I began shopping for clothes that are college-appropriate, because I don't think my Teenage Ninja Turtles shirt would be appealing, although it could be a good conversation starter. I shopped for more shorts, sweatpants, and boxers since I've been wearing tight briefs for the summer (because it's hot and I'm sleeping with Taylor anyway). My friends treated me on a weekend getaway last week, we all hung out in a resort which was a pretty far drive. We swam, had picnics under the sun and stayed up all night watching movies in our rented room. When I got back, it was Taylor's turn to take me to places I've never been before. We went record-store hopping, all the way from San Diego, to LA, to the smaller cities in California, where he said he'll buy every vinyl I want, as long as I don't go over two hundred dollars, and I didn't. I loved it, honestly, even if it wasn't as exciting as my weekend getaway. It was actually nice being in a car with Taylor, we ate fast food drive-thru's and got to talk and talk and talk. We went from topic to topic, discussing from what the perfect sandwich would be to what Beyonce's farts sound like. He argued that it would sound like a piano chord, while I argued that it would sound like a chorus from the angels.
In the middle of our shopping day, he took me to this cute coffee shop where there weren't a lot of people. And when I saw the menu, I immediately knew why only a few go here. Nothing's under ten dollars! I repeat: nothing's under ten dollars! Hell this is even more pricey than Starbucks. Taylor orders for me since he's been here before, and we sit down and once again: chat.
I'd tell him stories of what was happening before we started dating, how I had loads of crushes on other guys but found out that they were straight. I told him of the time where I asked this one guy from the soccer team out on a date, he accepted. And at the end of the night, he told me that he was straight. I mean, what a douche, right? He practically used me to get free food. Although, it was a pretty good tactic. And that was back when I was a skinny little boy and no one would really take a second glance at me. And as funny as it is, your physical appearance does actually play a vital role in your life. They keep saying don't judge a book by it's cover, and while that only applies to people, it has some truth in it. But let's face it: no one falls in love with personality at first sight. While it might be possible to slowly fall in love with someone because of their personality, you don't really just see a random stranger and say Damn, look at the personality on that one.
Because I admit, cute guys turn my head and they're what catches my eye, even if they turn out to be total asshats.
Taylor told me some stories of him actually flirting with a guy in middle school, they almost had a thing if the other boy hadn't just left. He told me it was the closest thing to romance he had with another boy, and right after that, he suppressed his gay tendencies, as he put it, and started dating girls until he met me. And as cheesy as it sounds, he told me that the moment he laid eyes on me, the skinny me, he said his heart popped. He thought to himself, I gotta have him. I need him. And voila, now we're together for more than a year, kissed for more than ten thousand times, and had sex for probably more then a hundred.
At the end of the day, the back of Taylor's car was stacked with vinyls, everything form the early 90's to today's pop albums. From Elton John to Ed Sheeran, I got everything I wanted and they were still under two hundred dollars.
Now here we are, as tangled as we were several weeks ago in that hotel, on the same night when we were about to see a movie but Taylor punched a guy, getting us kicked out. I honestly didn't mind, despite how much Taylor thinks I was mad at him for, quote unquote: "ruining movie night.".
It's five in the morning, my alarm just went off. My flight is in three hours, and I have to be there an hour before. Thus, doing the all the math (which I am actually pretty horrible at), I have an hour and a half to do everything necessary.
Taylor stirs awake, pressing his tongue to the tip of my nose as a way to greet me.
"Good morning to you, too." I tell him.
He comes closer, wrapping himself around me like a koala, he kisses my forehead and sniffs my hair. I want him to tell me that he doesn't want me to go, I want him to tell me that he wants me to stay right here, with him. I want him to tell me that he can't live without me, that he needs me in his life. I want him to tell me that he'll be devastated to be apart for such a long time. I want him to tell me how much I mean to him and that he loves me too much to let me go. I want him to tell me everything he hasn't already yet, I want him to spill all his secrets in the last minutes we have together.
But instead, he asks. "Shall we shower together?"
I kiss him in response.
Last night, we stayed in, turned the A/C colder so we could cuddle comfortably. Turns out, yesterday, my friends forced me to hang out with them so Taylor could transform my room into something extraordinary, and something that I will never forget for as long as I live.
My friends follow me inside the house after what seemed to be the longest day ever. "What is up with all of you?" I ask all of them, as they've been acting really really strange for the whole day.
"Go on!" Ethan yells with such enthusiasm that he could blow the roof off of this house. "Go change your clothes!"
This already gave it away.
I know there's a surprise waiting for me as I walk up the stairs and open the door to my room. It's probably Taylor, it's probably his plan. He's probably scattered rose petals around my floor and he's waiting for me, he could either be posed seductively on the bed with nothing on, or he could be in a flattering suit and tie, taking me to one last date.
But it was none of that.
My room was lit by nothing but fairy lights, they hung on the walls like branches of a tree. At the end of every branch was a bunch of photos of Taylor and I. The whole room is filled with this: memories, moments, each and every documented event in my life that I spent with Taylor.
He got everything. From pictures from our birthdays, our MagCon events, silly moments of him sitting on my lap, our selfies as we explored different parts of California, candid shots of me looking around in a record store. Photos of us kissing, photos he snuck in while I was asleep on his shoulder, in bed, exposing the hickies that cover the side of my neck. Photos of our senior prom, our first date, photos of me singing live, strumming my guitar.
One of the photos hit me hard.
The photo I had of Lizzy and I performing, I sang with my guitar as she played on her violin. I framed that, and it was right on top of my night stand. He must've seen it and hung it on the wall together with all other memories we shared.
I bite my lower lip as my face starts tingling again, the tears start piling up around my eye before they fall down my cheek.
"Oh my god." I hear behind me. I turn around, finding Taylor in a gray shirt and shorts standing outside my bathroom door. "I wasn't done yet."
I look down at the bouquet of flowers he's holding. "I was supposed to hang this around the lights." He points at them. "But it looks like I ran out of time."
I know that my cheeks are puffy and red, and my eyes are glistening with tears. I walk to him and pull him in for the tightest hug I could ever give. He kisses me and I kiss him. This kiss was different, it wasn't driven with the urge, nor was he overwhelming me with such power. It was a kiss that was romantic, our lips were soft on each other. His hands remained on my jaw, he didn't slip them down to my butt as he usually does. We stood there, connected, together, one. A flash made me jump, causing me to pull away.
It was Alison, she took a picture with her polaroid camera. "This is so cute." She says, waving the photo around for it to develop. Once it has, she hands it to us.
The photo is beautiful. We were surrounded by lights that looked like fireflies, everything else was fairly dark although you can make out a little bit of the photos on the wall. Taylor takes it, snatches my wallet from my back pocket, opens it, and places it on one of the card holders. "Promise me you'll keep it there, and you'll never lose it."
I smile despite how wet my cheeks are, and I nod. I agree.
That night, we all had dinner in our house, Alison, Jason, Ethan, even Michael went along. Taylor, Myself, Mom with her pregnant belly, Dad and Lia. Daisy and Pesto were also having a feast of their own, we fed them more food than we usually do, and we're planning to give them our leftovers.
After, Taylor and I watch The Fault In Our Stars on my laptop as we cuddle in my bed, the fairy lights still illuminating the room with beauty. Halfway through the movie, I fall asleep.
"Do you think I should wear sweatpants or basketball shorts?" I ask Taylor, naked, looking for my underwear that I saved for today.
"Well..." He replies, drying his hair with a towel. "You know how much I love you in sweatpants. And they look more decent than basketball shorts."
"Thanks." I reply, slipping on my underwear and then a pair of sweatpants. I put on a shirt, my wristwatch, and then my necklace.
I take some time to stare at the accessory, the necklace Taylor gave me, S=T. I smile, remembering the time he told me that hearts were overrated, so he used an equals symbol to signify our unity. Because we, Taylor and I, are one, no matter how different we may be. People say it's a weird relationship, where one boy who has his heart on the guitar falls in love with a boy who has his heart on the game. People have said that we're not going to work out, that this whole opposite-opposite attraction will not turn out well. But isn't that reality? The north and south poles of a magnet attract, while the same poles deflect. It would be greatly convenient if Taylor was a musician himself, or if I were an athlete too. But I'm contented with what we have. I'm satisfied with our clashing interests, because as dysfunctional as it may be, it's perfect.
Daisy pushes the door open and greets me with eyes demanding for a rub on the head. I grant her wish before grabbing my backpack and heading downstairs, where breakfast has been served. It was like a banquet before a king left for a journey. There was half a chicken (which was leftover), waffles, pancakes, a fruit salad, baked macaroni, and most of all: bacon.
Bacon oh bacon.
Bacon rarely makes it's way to the dining table in our household. It's a guilty pleasure of mine. All that greasy, delicious fat won't do anything good to your body except your taste buds. I've abstained from it since my quest to build a better body.
But it's just one meal, right?
We eat and eat and eat, talking about light topics. They try not to bring up the fact that I'm leaving, because that would be a pure downer. We talked about Lia and how she's holding up with high school, how Pesto has already gown up to be half the size of Daisy, how mom still thinks Ethan is an attractive young male, you know, normal family stuff.
All the while, Taylor's knee was pressed to mine, which wasn't something unusual because my boyfriend likes to open his legs wide when sitting down. But it was different. Usually, it would just be a little bit of weight caused by me apparently hogging his "leg-space". Now, it felt like he wanted to touch me in any way possible. We can't hold hands because we're both hungry and eating with one hand is a pain. And sometimes, his arm would brush against mine, bringing me back to the days where Taylor and I were still in the flirting stage of our relationship. It was a lot of arm touching and playful punching.
We tidy up and leave.
Inside the car, I have my earphones on, listening to my music library. I skip all the love songs and just listen to upbeat ones, because anything could make me cry right now. I stare at Taylor's hand which was locked to mine, his tan skin, the veins which lead to his knuckles. I'm gonna miss him, that's one thing for sure. I don't know if we're gonna pull through, I don't know if we can handle the distance. I don't know if we'll be okay with not talking for long periods of time. I don't know if we're going to make it. I don't know if we can still be together after college. I don't know if we're going to get married. I don't know if we're going to start the family.
But time will tell.
I lean my head on his shoulder, the smell of his cologne hits me. It's the smell I've been with for the majority of our relationship. It's a light scent, something refreshing. It's the smell I've woken up to in the morning, the scent I get whenever we hug each other. When we cuddle, when he puts his arm around me.
It starts raining outside.
Hope starts filling inside of me. Maybe the flight will get cancelled, or maybe it'll be delayed. Maybe I could spend more time with Taylor, with my family. Maybe this means that I'm not destined to go to New York, maybe this means that my life stays right here, where everyone I love is. Maybe I'm not worth Juilliard, maybe I'm not supposed to live my dream. Maybe the stage isn't for me but a cubicle in an office is.
Changing my mind now will affect a lot of things. All of the things I've done to get into Juilliard would've been put to waste. The money my parents used to pay the flight, the entrance fee, everything, it would have been for nothing. I accidentally grip Taylor's hand, caused by a spasm.
"Hmm?" He asks, raising his eyebrows.
I shake my head.
The car gets chilly, I immediately curl myself up beside Taylor. He untangles his hand from mine as he wraps his arm around me, his heat radiates through me. He places a kiss on my cheek. He grabs my hands and he brings them to his mouth, where he blows warm air into them. Shivers run down my body. I remember when he did this after prom. How he made all the effort to try and keep me warm. How he shamelessly shows his affection in the diner early in the morning, not giving a damn who sees and who doesn't.
I'll miss this.
"Too cold back there?" Mom asks, turning the knob for the car's A/C.
I blush. "Kinda." I curl up again to Taylor, exactly how Pesto would curl up beside Daisy whenever he slept.
We ran from the drop-off site to the airport, Taylor covers me with his backpack. Mom holds an umbrella over Lia while Dad takes off to find somewhere to park. As we get inside, I'm greeted by Ethan, Alison and Jason.
"Hey!" Alison greets me with a hug. "We were worried you were late."
I hug her back, her scent hits me as well. I don't know if it's normal but I know how my friends smell like. Alison's perfume makes her smell like this sweet pastry or dessert, I just can't really put my finger on what it is. Once, I've asked "Does anyone smell that? Is that food?", to which she replied "That's just me.". As we pull away, I ask. "Is my flight still on?"
She nods towards the screen that shows all the flights, what time they leave, where to and where from.
Flight AA332. LAX - New York. Departure 08:20 AM.
I check my watch: 7:32 AM.
I have enough time.
Alison grabs a small box wrapped in wrapping paper, she hands it to me. "From us."
I smile, kind of rolling my eyes in the process. I specifically told them to not get me anything when I'm about to leave because they spent so much money on our weekend getaway already. "Alison." I chuckle. She shoves it towards me. "Take it!"
I finally do. I shake it around, barely hearing anything. "Is this metal? 'Cause you know I can't really carry metal."
She shakes her head. "It's safe."
We go for another hug, and I kiss her in the cheek as we pull away.
I pull Jason in for a hug. I anticipate his smell, Jason is an Axe-kind of boy. He says he uses different kinds of Axe based on the occasion, and I could never tell which one he wears. "You got everything you need?" He asks, and I nod. God, things are usually awkward between Jason and I. Maybe it's because I don't know how to communicate with straight guys.
Finally, there's Ethan. He's still as cute as ever. His hair is ruffled up, he does this adorable thing with his nose as he smiles at me. He opens his arms and I welcome him with a hug. He smells like soap, as usual, because Ethan's nose gets irritated easily when he smells a strong scent. "Where's Michael?" I ask. "At home." He answers with a wink.
I check in and get my luggage all ready as the airline crew takes it into the conveyor belt behind them. The line was freaking long, so long that Taylor had to squeeze himself in with me so that I'll have someone to talk to. We wait for what Taylor said was twenty minutes. I know. I look around, these people are also going to New York. Are some of them heading to Juilliard too? Well, one good thing is I can carry my guitar with me on the plane, so I don't have to worry about it breaking or getting damaged.
We all sit down in an area before I get in my gate. Lia falls asleep on mom's lap, Alison and Jason are talking. I'm seated in between Taylor and Ethan. I know I'm gonna sound like such a slut but: I'm holding Taylor's hand while I rest my head on Ethan's shoulder. And for the record, Taylor was okay with this.
"Sorry if I smell bad." Ethan speaks. "Rough night last night."
I dig my nose into his shirt, he still smells good, although there's a trace of sweat. "What were you up to?"
He chuckles. "You already know what."
I smile, resting my head back on him. I look out into the huge glass window revealing the airport runway. An aircraft makes it's way beside one of those tubes you use to get into the plane. Is that my plane? I'm not ready to go. I'm not ready to leave yet. Alison and Jason. Mom, dad, Lia. Ethan.
Taylor.
These are faces I could possibly never see again, faces I would miss and people I would yearn for more time with.
Flight AA332 bound for New York is now accepting passengers for boarding. I repeat, Flight AA332 bound for New York is now accepting passengers for boarding.
It takes me a while to realize that flight AA332 is my flight. We all get up and exchange hugs and kisses (on the cheek, of course). I even kissed Jason on the cheek just for sport. Mom brings me in for a loving hug, being careful of her pregnant belly, leaving me with the words. "We'll miss you, honey.". Lia then wraps her arms around me. "Can I use your room when you're gone?"
"For what?" I ask.
She smiles. "My studio."
I chuckle, ruffling her hair. "Alright. Just don't break anything, okay?"
Dad and I go in for a quick bro-hug, something I have never done in my life. There was no exchange of words.
Ethan comes up to me, hugging me once more. He pulls away and gazes at me exactly like the first time he looked at me. "I still have a tiny crush on you, you know?" He smiles.
My lips curve upward. "Likewise."
"I know it's not much, but..." He pulls out something out of his bag so quickly that I don't figure out what it is until he places is around my neck. "...you could honestly use new headphones."
My mouth hangs open, my jaw dropped. "Ethan..."
I slap his upper arm, making him flinch. "What was that for?!"
I then wrap my arms around his torso, burying my face into his neck. "Thank you."
He calms down and reciprocates my hug. "No problem, Shawn."
We pull away. I grab my guitar case, walking over to Taylor who's standing near the line of passengers.
"He gave you headphones?" He asks, perplexed. "Damn it. I can't top that."
I chuckle, giving him a peck on the lips. "Everything you have done for me has topped that for you."
"Well, I just want you to hold on to this." He says, handing me another jersey. "It also smells just like me. I thought it would help you get through the flight."
I unfold the jersey, revealing the red base and the golden strips along the sides. At the back, it reads Caniff, 98.
"Taylor, this is your varsity jersey." I tell him. "You need this for the next game."
He shrugs. "I could always get a new one made."
I sniff his shirt, it does smell just like him. I almost tear up but I repress the feeling. I'm not crying. Not now. Not here.
I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him with as much love as I can give. He's caught of guard, not knowing what to do with his hands at first, but then he places them on my waist.
"I love you." I whisper, my nose itches as the tears start to form. He's keeping it together. I can feel him struggle to stay strong. I don't prolong his agony, so with one finally kiss, I leave.
I wave back to all of them as I wait in line, I get my boarding pass out as the lady on the desk scans it. I walk through the tube and into the airplane. I take my mind off of them, off of my family, my friends, and off of Taylor. I slip Ethan's headphones on, blasting EDM to keep me busy. I find my seat, place my bag and guitar in the bin above and sit down.
But then, with the greatest fucking timing of all, Charlie Puth starts playing. I can't move. I can't unlock my phone to tap the next button. I just stare at my window, the sadness starts making it's way up, filling me with an unbreakable grief. All the emotions I've repressed are now coming back, they're coming towards me and all my defenses are down.
Shortly after, we take off.
I watch as the city I grew up in gets smaller and smaller. How the tall buildings and skyscrapers shrink as though I could topple them with a flick of my finger. The parallel streets are busy, cars moving along in an orderly fashion which almost seems too perfect. The sky is clear now, a pastel blue, the complete opposite to what it when it rained a while ago. The sun shines, although covered by the clouds.
I'm leaving.
I've left.
I've left my hometown, my family, my friends.
I've left Daisy, and she doesn't even know I'm going to be gone for this long.
I've left half of my heart, a part of my sole, a piece of myself, a fraction of who I truly am.
I've left the man I fell in love with, the man who allowed himself to be true when around me. The man who loved midnight cuddles and nose kisses. The man who ran across the basketball court, covered in sweat, and won the championships with his winning shot. The man who would do everything to protect the people he loves. The man who would blow warmth into my hands whenever they got cold. The man who would give me free back massages whenever I stressed out on exams or even on the application form to Juilliard. The man who brought me take out food at two in the morning and ate them with me. The man who decorated my room into a fairytale just for one night, cherishing every moment he has left with me.
I pull his jersey close to my nose, closing my eyes. I already miss him, I already need his touch. I remember all the nights we slept together, under the covers. How my body was next to his, like we were one. How he would wrap an arm around me, to which I would tuck my nose to his neck. Those moments I never thought would end, I never thought we'd have to separate.
I never thought I'd have to lose him to go on with my life.
I cry silently, breathing normally but I let the tears flow.
_ . _
I'm hand my empty plate over to my seatmate, a young guy (thank god) who had curly brown hair, he had the table in front of him down, leaving a sketchpad with a half-done sketch of who seemed to be Cara Delevigne. Food was just served and I ate the entire meal in less than five minutes. I sit straight, wipe my eyes clean with a napkin. I tell him I like his drawing, and he thanks me.
I pull my phone out, deciding to finish watching The Fault In Our Stars. Hazel was behind the podium, smiling at Gus, seated on a wheelchair, painfully living as every tick of the clock is one tick closer to his impending death. She starts speaking, and my hearts swell as the words find their way to me. It's like I was stabbed, I start breathing shallow breaths. But this isn't a panic attack. It's just me overreacting.
"To put it simply, some infinities are bigger than other infinities." She says, taking her eyes off of the piece of paper. "Augustus Waters, you have given me a forever in the numbered days I had. And I am eternally grateful for that.
I love you."
A/N: Sorry for the late-ass update. I was bombarded by a week of being sick, then another week of projects, and then a week of exams. But I'm almost free now. Yay!
Yes, this is the last chapter for the story. Thank you for being on this journey with me, it's been so much fun. I love writing and I have no plans to give it up, no matter how busy I may be.
There will be a bonus chapter after this, because of my perfectionism to officially end this book on an even number. :)
Again, thank you so much for everything. Don't forget, please vote, comment, and share this story :) Comment down below what you think should happen in the bonus chapter, and also comment what ship you think the third book will feature. Let's get a conversation going on, shall we?
I love you!
-babyblueeyes_2 xoxo