Weeks have passed and Sara still hasn't gotten over the fact that Nyssa was gone. She still can't accept that things ended the way they did between them. She wants to go back to that moment and do things differently. Make her stay. Tell her she loves her. She just wants her back.
Things hadn't been the same ever since that day when it all ended. Yes, she was appalled when she first saw Nyssa kill, but now she sees her as a hero. Her hero. Her personal warrior. But she's gone now. In her place lies an empty space that can't be filled by fleeting memories of them together.
There were times that she thought she saw Nyssa in a crowd, but when she blinks again, it turns out to be someone else. She badly misses her, but what can she do, she made that choice. A choice she now regrets. She tries to make her self feel better by thinking that she did it to keep Nyssa safe, or that Nyssa is happy despite that, but nothing works, they still just make her feel worse about the situation.
Her family and other people who don't know any better think that her sudden change was due to their kidnapping. Only three people know the truth: Max, Rebecca, and Nate. They know that she's gloomier because of Nyssa not being there. They try to keep her mind distracted, but to no avail. Her thoughts always seem to wander to Nyssa. It is where her heart seems to lie anyway. With Nyssa. Now that's she's gone, Sara can no longer deny that she truly had fallen for Nyssa.
"We should go somewhere fun or have a party. I'm so bored with all the school stuff we've been doing."
She finally caught on what Max was babbling about when her thoughts were wandering around.
"I don't know. Not really in a partying mood." She replied.
"Come on! We both need it. And when was the last time we had a decent party or have been to one?"
"Can't remember."
"Exactly! Please, Sara. Please. Please. Please. For me?" Max pleaded and pouted like a child which made Sara smile, a rare occasion lately.
"Sure. Just let me know."
"Yay!!" Max squealed. "I gotta call Becca and let her know of the plan."
"We don't really have plans yet."
"Yeah. That's why I'm calling her. She'll definitely be doing the planning for us. You know how much she loves throwing parties."
It's true that Rebecca enjoys planning parties, but what she loves doing more than that is helping and supporting a friend. And trying to cheer one up by throwing a ridiculously fun party is very ideal for her.
Rebecca was very excited that they're finally getting to do something to keep Sara's mind off of Nyssa's absence. Maybe she'll meet someone there. She has to invite a lot of people, so Sara would have a lot of options.
At the party, Sara tried to be interested at any guy or girl who attempted to make conversations with her, but no one just got her attention. All she could still think about was Nyssa. She stood, leaning up against the railing of the stairs looking down, observing the people down stairs who were enjoying themselves. Max saw her and went up the stairs.
"Hey, what are you doing her? You have to go down there and enjoy someone's company."
"I'm good. I'm enjoying just watching everybody."
"You're not making fun of us and making up weird stories, are you?"
That comment made Sara smile, which Max was glad of, then she just left her friend to be alone with her thoughts.
"I thought this was your party." Moments after Max had left, a voice said from behind her. She turned and saw that it was Nate.
"Hey."
"You miss her, don't you?"
"Badly." Sara paused for a moment, gatherig the courage to ask what she was going say next. "Is she really gone? Will she ever come back?"
Nate felt bad for her. He can tell how much Sara misses Nyssa, and how broken she is that she's the very reason why the one she loves isn't with her now.
"I don't know. Whatever happened, whatever you two talked about and decided on was between the two of you."
"She didn't say anything before she left?"
"No, she didn't. I didn't even really get a chance to talk to her before she left."
"Do you still train with them?"
"Yes."
"You don't hear anything from them?"
"They're not much of a talker. When I go there, it's mostly about training. When they talk about missions or whatever, I still ain't included."
"I see. What are you doing here, then? Go down there and have fun." Sara tried to ignore the growing pit in her stomach and tried to sound as cheery as possible.
"I'm not here for that. I'm here to look out for you, so keeping you company would be the best idea."
"She asked you to do that?"
"No, but I know that it's what she would have wanted."
"Thanks, Nate. Everyone else try to avoid even mentioning her name, but all I want is to talk about her. I miss her so much. I don't want to forget about her."
"Then, I'm here whenever you need to talk."
They continued talking the rest of the night, thinking of things Nyssa might be doing at the moment. A couple of times, Sara's tears threatened to fall, but she fought them back. Nate told her that it's okay if she cried, he understands. He knows how much she loves Nyssa and how hurt she is that she is gone.
-------------
Nyssa tried getting through her days without getting herself killed when her thoughts keep wandering to Sara. She ached for her. She ached to see her smile, to hear her laugh, to hold her, and to just be with her, but Sara decided she doesn't want to be with her. She knew it was best if she just listened to what she asked of her and just forget about her, but it wasn't that easy. How could you forget someone who came into your life and turned it upside down with just a single smile? How could you forget about someone who made you feel different kinds of things that you didn't even know you were capable of feeling? How could you forget about someone who made you feel alive and loved? Someone who once believed in you that she never doubted anytjing you said or did. It bothered her that all the thoughts she had were all in the past tense. All done. No longer at the moment. No inkling of a possibility of returning in the future, but only if she let it end now and not fight for what they had once more. She still has to think that one over.
"You're still thinking about her." Alec interrupted her thoughts.
It annoyed her how much Alec kept meddling with her thoughts. She knew she has dedicated her life to the league and would not turn her back from it, but is she really not allowed to feel anything?
"We finished the mission, didn't we?"
"She's turned you soft. I told you from the beginning not to get involved. You almost got yourself killed again."
Nyssa was full of it. She wished he would just mind his own business like the other assassin in her team.
"I'm still here, aren't I? Going out there, doing what we're doing, that's always almost getting ourselves killed! I don't need any of your lectures!" Nyssa growled at him. "And remember who you're talking to. We might have grown up and trained side by side, but I am not your equal."
Frustrated, Alec walked away without saying another word. Nyssa had always been proud of her title, since it was her birthright, 'Heir to the Demon', but she never used it to put someone in their place. She never had anyone question her authority before either.
Once again, her thoughts drifted to Sara. Her restless nights are filled with her as well. She's dreamt of Sara standing in front off her, but every time she reaches out, she would be pulled back into the darkness. She's dreamt of herself chasing after a small light that she knew was Sara, but she never caught up with it. Then she dreamt of having Sara in her arms only for her to fade into nothing. Every single one would will her awake and not wanting to fall back to sleep again. She would wonder what Sara might be dreaming of, what she might be thinking of, might be doing. Does she think about her? Does she dream of her? Does she still remember her? Or has she completely forgotten her and moved on?
Sara's words still echoes in her head and still hurts as much. Right then, she knew she was just saying those words, afraid of anyone getting hurt even more. She knew that Sara still loved her at that moment, but right now, she's doubting all of it and letting all the hurt flood over her thoughts.
She looked up into the starlit skies with only Sara in mind. "I love you, Sara. But I don't know what I should do right now."
And Sara was lying in her bed hugging her pillow tight. "I love you, Nyssa. Please come back."
Both wishing that the wind of the night would carry out their longing for one another.