soooo this is a longish chapter, but i didn't want to split it.
credits to one direction for the song, i didn't write it obvs. and yeah, enjoy, x
Trigger warning: selfharm
5 February
Niall's p.o.v
Don't.
Keep going.
Don't do it.
Do it.
Stop.
Small cuts formed on my bony hips and I hissed in pain.
"Fuck," I muttered. This really hurt.
Slowly a small smile formed on my lips, the emotional pain slowly slipping away, being replaced with physical pain - which felt much better.
When I finished I cleaned the cuts and pulled on a big maroon sweater, covering my scarred hips.
-
Juliette's p.o.v
"Hey." I say, tapping Charles on his shoulder. He slowly lifts his head, but when he sees me he yanks away his body.
"Get away from me." he hisses and my heart aches.
"Charles, I didn't mean to hurt you, but -"
"But you did. And didn't I tell you to never speak my name again?" he pushes me out of the way and I stumble back a few steps. A sigh leaves my lips as I start making my way to History. I walk up the steps, looking down at my feet when a foot suddenly comes into my view, tripping me. I fall down, my head hitting the side of the steps. I cry out in pain, holding my hand to my head when I look up to see who tripped me.
"Bella?" I ask in shock, seeing the tall blonde towering over me.
"Stay away from us, bitch." Elle says, looking to Bella before walking off. Bella quickly follows her sister and I hold back the tears welling up in my eyes. Slowly I get up from the cold floor and continue making my way to class.
When I reach the class the door is closed and I hesitantly place my hand on the knob. I slowly turn it, but of fucking course it's locked. I was late and they locked the door. Slowly I slide down the door, pulling my knees to my chest. Tears cascade down my cheeks and my breathing is uneven. My anxiety was back, and slowly but surely depression was also slipping through the seames of reality.
-
Who's gonna be the first one to start the fight / Who's gonna be the first one to fall asleep at night / Who's gonna be the last one to drive away / Who's gonna be the last one to forgot this place.
Slowly the words flow from my pen onto my notebook. A few tears were staining the pages, making the ink flow with one another. My phone vibrates from next to me and I grab it, slipping back into reality.
Juleybaby: i need you.
I bite my tongue, trying my best not to reply. She didn't need me. She didn't need my problems. She could find someone much better who only loves and cares for her, who doesn't have a disfunctional father, who doesn't fucking cut.
So I don't reply. I just carry on scribbling random lyrics down in my book until my phone vibrates again. Luckily this time it's from Ashton, the guy I work with.
Ash: Jamie just left, can you please come in? sorry man, but Carson said he's gonna fire me if I don't get someone.
Niall: sure. see you in a few ash.
I get up from my bed, wiping my eyes with my sweater. I drug my body down the stairs, swiftly slipping past Greg and my mum unnoticed. I really didn't want to talk to them right now.
When I reach the tattoo parlour I take a deep breath and plaster a smile across my face before entering.
"Ash, hey!" I say and shake his hand.
"Thank you so much for coming in, Niall. Sorry if it was inconvenient and I had to take you away from your girl." I wince at the smirk on his face and nod unsurely.
"N-no worries, man. Do we have anyone waiting for a tat?"
"Yeah, there's a guy waiting if you wanna go help him?" he says, pointing to the tattoo room. I did tattoos and Ash did piercings.
"Okay, if you need me you know where I am." I say before leaving to the room. I see a guy, probably a few years older than me, waiting and I kindly smile at him.
Maybe working will take my mind off Juliette's text.
-
Juliette's p.o.v
"Honey, are you alright?"
"No," I sigh and my bed dips in, signalling my mum was sitting next to me. I was curled up in the duvet that was pulled up to my chin. My mum soothingly rubs my back and sighs,
"You wanna talk about it?" she asks kindly.
"I think Niall and I are gonna break up soon." As soon as I say the words aloud for the first time it feels like someone is pulling strings in my heart. A few silent tears escape my eyes, slowly sliding down my cheek.
"Sweetie, what happened?" she asks and wipes away the hair that was in my eyes. I shut my eyes, not wanting her to see me cry.
"We aren't talking and he's being so distant."
"Get dressed, Juliette. I'm taking you out." I look up to the door and see my dad smiling at me. He's been on a business trip for a week and he was finally back. I couldn't resist, so I quickly jump out of bed and walk to my wardrobe. I get dressed and run down stairs, jumping into my dad's arms.
"Dad, I missed you."
"I missed you too, buttercup. Come on, we have to get going. Our reservation is at 8 and that's in 20 minutes." I didn't realize how late it was, but nonetheless I follow him outside and to the car.
-
Niall's p.o.v
"Niall, haven't seen ya in a while." Nick says and nods towards me from across the table.
"Yeah, tell me about it." I mumble under my breath, "Can I please get a Bacardi?" I ask and his eyes widen.
"You do know that Barcadi is like one of the strongest drinks -"
"Just get it, please." I say and he bends down to where all the bottles were. A moment later he pulls out a dark brown bottle, the rum almost to the top. I suppose not a lot of people drank it.
"What do you want with it?" he asks and I think for a moment. It was usually used as a base for a sweet cocktail, but I needed something stronger.
"Nothing."
"Are you su-"
"Yes, damnit!" I yell and he quickly grabs a shot glass from behind him. He pours some of the liquid into the small glass and pushes it towards me. I slowly pick it up, placing the glass against my bottom lip. I tilt my head back, the liquid burning down my throat. I slam the glass back on the table, looking up at Nick.
"I want another." I say and nod towards him. He hesitantly tilts the bottle to refill my glass.
"Thanks." I mutter and repeat my previous actions.
This was going to be a long night.
-
"Do you want anything else?" My dad asks and I shake my head.
"No, thank you, dad. This was lovely." I say and reach my hand out to take the whine glass. I take small sips on the white wine that my dad got.
"I got you something while I was gone. I couldn't bring it with, but I can tell you what it is."
I nod, a happy smile on my face for the first time in weeks.
"That perfune you wanted, I don't know the name." he laughs softly and smiles fondly at me.
"Dad, that's amazing! Thank you thank you thank you!" I say a little bit too loudly, but I didn't care.
"We should get back home, it's past 10 and your mum is waiting." he says and asks our waitress for the bill.
-
"Mum! Guess what?" I yell as we enter the house. My mum was standing at the counter with a glass of wine in her hand, her eyes sparkling at my sudden outburst of happiness.
"Dad got me that perfume I wanted!" I say and my dad places his arm around my shoulder, hugging me sideways.
"I'm glad you're happy, darling." he says and places a kiss upon my head.
"Juliette?" My head spins back to my mum and suddenly her eyes weren't sparkling anymore.
"There's someone waiting for you." she nods towards the stairs and I furrow my eyebrows, but make my way up the stairs.
My door was closed. I slowly open it to reveal a familiar body sitting on my bed. His back was facing me so I couldn't see his face.
"Niall," I gasp, but anger was quickly consuming my emotions.
"What do you want?" I ask impatiently. Slowly he turns his body until he's facing me. I gasp at the sight. He was full on crying, like I've never seen before. Tears were running down his cheeks and his chin, his eyes were red and swollen as he started to hiccup due to him trying to control his sobs.
I slowly walk forward to him and the smell of alcohol hangs thick in the air. I reach out my hand, grabbing his and helping him stand up. Neither of us say anything as I pull the covers from my bed. I feel his hot tears falling upon my hand, but I hold it tightly in mine nonetheless. I help him get into the bed and I pull the covers over him. He was still crying, but he involuntarily sobbed every few seconds. His body was shaking and he still held onto my hand, but I let go. I walk to the other side of the bed and get in beside him. I pull the covers over my body and face him.
"J-Jul-lie-"
"Shh, baby. Don't speak." I say and place my lips upon his. Even if his lips tastes like alcohol, I was happy to kiss him. He slowly kisses back and a moment later I pull away. His eyes slowly close and open ever now and then. His breathing slowly started to steady, but he was still crying. Slowly he was slipping in and out of sleep.
"I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."
I place my lips on his cheek and kiss away all his tears. His breath evens out and I realize he is fully asleep. His hand moves and he pulls my body tightly against his. He sighs contently in his state of slumber. Slowly I fall asleep, our legs intertwined, his lips against my collarbone and my heart in his hands once again.