this is what I've imagined the house to look like!!
Blaze;
The familiar shift in the taste of the weather and the surroundings my eyes captured were not deceiving my mind; I was in New York. Everything appeared the same as the car passed down the streets; the brick houses were still personally decorated, the evergreen trees still shaded parts of the ground and the sound of honks were still the background to conversations that passed along sidewalks. The shock of being in this state numbed the other emotions desperate to be felt. With every attempt to discover something new in this place I only found one; myself. The girl I have constructed and constantly bettered within me now had eyes that contracted with the lively feelings inside her and her tone no longer dulled with the dark fantasies that consumed her head.
The house that once stripped me to the core of slamming to rock bottom was right in front me, the exterior exactly the way it had always been. I felt intimated, my feet still as the musk of the dried out leaves fell from above me. There were many actions my mind plotted for me to perform when I reached this destination but now with everything in front of me I felt small. Fighting with the fear that pulled back my arms, I walked up the concrete stairs and to the black front door, my hand quivered at the sight.
I knocked timidly, swallowing, my eyes were invited with my mother's smile. "Hi honey."
The tone of her voice was soothing to the nerves that swarmed my body. The glossiness of her eyes spoke louder than her verbalized greeting as she embraced me in a hug. Her hand rubbed my back, the potent scent of her skin wiped against my nose. A smile blossomed onto my face as she kissed the top of my head, separating ourselves after this so she could look at me once more.
"Come on, no need to stand in this chilly weather." Her motions gestured me into the house and I complied, blocking away my fear.
When my brain brought me to this scene, I had expected some sort of agonizing pain to arrive in me but as I stepped onto the polished floor I felt nothing. The crème walls that once only heard the shouts of anger and cries of deadly wishes looked the same; the photos of my childhood and pieces of artwork were still hung up. The mirror towards the corner that led to the kitchen still remand and for once unlike the other times I looked into it and felt no disgust.
This house was witnessing a new Blaze.
My mother, whose hands wrapped around my luggage walked into the kitchen, placing my item to the side. I followed her and felt a sense of warmth spread across my chest as the pastries I had once adored as a child was on a few plates on the counter. I received a grin from my mom as I sat down on the stool, my eyes wandering around the room I was once so accustomed to hating.
"I thought you might wanted tea. Nana said you like this flavor."
The pale green cup was hot against my palms as steam released from the beverage. The taste was sweet against my tongue as I continued to drink the liquid. My mother copied my actions as we sat in a few minutes of relaxing quietness which I longed for since all my previous days have had been filled with figuring out how the arising drama was going to be contained.
"You look stressed."
The words that started the conversations were ones I had started to grow familiar with.
"Can't even disagree with you Mom." I shrugged my shoulders.
"How have you been taking all of it? I could only imagine how draining it is." She said, placing her cup down.
"Sometimes I want to believe I'm dreaming, you know? But I shouldn't be complaining, none of us should. We were the ones who did the wrong and this anonymous person is just showing people that we aren't actual good human beings."
My mom shook her head, disagreeing with me. "No Blaze, the person who is doing this is in the wrong. Yes, what you did is not something I am proud to say my daughter has done but you have moved on from it and corrected yourself which is the best thing you could have done."
"I just worry. I just... I worry about Luke." I confessed, not meeting her eyes.
"Do you love him?" She asked, her hand reaching towards mine, grazing over it.
"Yes, I think I've had since I've been sixteen. And I know that you might say he's hurt me and I won't lie and say he hasn't. What I will say is that I have had so many people I cared about that have hurt me in unimaginable ways but I still forgave them."
"Love is a very messy emotion." She commented.
"I know- it- I. It's just his world is so different from mine and there is never a right time to try to figure us out and it hurts."
"Blaze, if you feel a strong connection there is no point in fighting it. You will never find a right time because love isn't meant to make you comfortable, love is a constant challenge that defeats the people who wait."
Her words were alarming because they describe what Luke and I always used to do when we were teenagers; wait. And now as I take in what she just said I'm starting to question what we ever really did wait for. What if it was just fear? We always pushed the truth with one another because we were afraid of hurting each other but what if it was the waiting that did the most damage?
"I see it in you baby, you know what's best."
And that was the last of the guidance my mother could give me as my father walked into the kitchen with open arms and excitement that radiated.
----
The stars were captivating as they illuminated the dark blue that created the night sky. All the blurred out colors worked well together, forming a neat scenery. As I sat on the edge of my bed, staring out my window I wished my emotions would copy outside and work together to create one neat solution to all my problems. With the twist in my stomach, I knew that want was impossible because my head pounded with every event I overanalyzed. I tried to distract myself by sorting through the old clothes I left behind but even that little project failed to do any good as my feelings were now influenced by old memories these articles of clothing held.
My body shook when a small knock happened behind me, tilting my head I was greeted with a cerulean eyed boy shivering as he waved at me. I opened the window, supporting his arms as he pulled his legs through. He wobbled a little, using my shoulders to gain his balance.
"Old habits seem to never leave, huh?" Luke half smiled, standing still.
I rolled my eyes, shaking my head as I sat down on my couch. "You always used to come here for a reason, so I will assume there is one?"
Luke positioned his body next to mine. "I don't know, I just wanted to see you. And I'll admit, I kind of missed doing that."
I laughed lightly and so did he. "Nice reason."
"So how are you feeling, are you nervous about tomorrow?" He asked me, his eyes peering to the old photos posted on my wall.
"A little but I'm just trying to deny that this is all real."
His hand brushed against mine, the small touch creating such a sensation.
"I won't let them hurt you." He swore, his sapphire eyes gazing into mine. "No matter what happens, I won't let them hurt you."
"You make it seem like you rule the whole world." I scoffed, looking away.
"I'm just saying, if anyone bothers you they'll have to deal with me."
I smiled my attention moving back to him. "Well thanks."
He leaned closer to my face. "Anything for you, remember that."
I nodded my head. "Of course Hemmings."
"I don't mean to be corny or anything, but this lighting really does make you beautiful."
"Are you saying I wasn't beautiful before this moment?" I pretended to gasp as I swatted his arm.
Luke chuckled. "No, no! You're beautiful all the time, any lighting, any place, and any emotion that shows itself."
"Are you flirting with me?"
"What can I say Winters, the old Luke never fails to show itself when I'm with you."
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whoa whoa whoa luke wut r u doing????
anyways sorry for not updating in 77 years i've had bad writers block
but gtg louis is possibly a dad and my chill is gone