I honestly don't believe what just happened to me. My body is aching and I feel weak, but I need to get back to my house because I left Ronald alone. I look around the room and Nate isn't anywhere and the door is wide open so I hop out of bed and rush out of the room into the living room and there's Nate sleeping on the couch with the TV on.
I run out of the house to my place and quickly lock the door behind me. Surprisingly I was only gone for 45 minutes, but it feels like forever. I grab my phone and immediately call the cops. I need to stop being so nice to people that hurt me. I'm pressing charges this time for everything he's done. There's no point in crying now, it won't do anything. All I can do is keep going on with my life and be strong.
I called my parents and told them what happened. I basically told everyone I trust what happened just to get it off my chest. The only person that doesn't know is Dillon. I feel bad for not telling him, I will eventually, but not now.
I go and look for Ronald and find him in my room playing with my make up.
"Where were you?"
"No where important. Are you hungry?"
"I ate cheetos for dinner."
"Okay, well clean yourself up and watch some TV or something. I'll be back in a minute."
When the cops arrived I told them everything that happened and that I also wanted to place a restraining order on him when he gets out in 6 years. The last thing Nate told me tonight was that I need to take good care of his baby. That's what I'm really worried about, that I'm most likely pregnant with his child. I have a doctor's appointment the day Dillon gets back to determine whether or not I'm pregnant. I don't know how I'll tell him what happened.
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Thursday
Dillon is supposed to be back this afternoon and I have a doctor's appointment this morning. I still haven't told Dillon that I'm not living at his house right now. Yesterday he left me this very heartfelt voice mail and I wanted to reply to him so bad, but I just couldn't. Then last night he asked me if we were still together and I didn't reply again. He's probably got the message that I'm mad at him.
I'm really nervous right now for my appointment because I'm still not ready for a baby, even though I'm 27 now and should be married with kids by now. It's still pretty tough raising Ronald and he's 5 now.
When I get to the hospital I am greeted by this really attractive dark skinned man who just happens to be the man giving me the test. He's so fine. I follow him into his office and we discuss things. I take STD tests to make sure he didn't give me anything. It was a fairly quick appointment, but I don't get the results until this evening which sucks.
When I get back home I take Ronald to get some ice cream as I promised and for the rest of the morning waited on Dillon to get in town.
Dillon texted me asking where we were and all I did was send him an address. Waiting for Dillon to show up was very nerve racking. When I heard the doorbell ring I got really excited for a second, then I remembered why I was mad at him to begin with.
When I opened the door for him he looked very distressed. I want to feel bad for him, but I can't until I can clarify that he wasn't cheating on me.
I don't say anything to him and he doesn't say anything to me, he sorta just gave me this confused look. I just motioned him in to the living room. We sit in silence for a couple of seconds until I finally say something.
"So I just want to know what was going on. Why was she in your room half naked?"
"Nothing was going on between us. I went to take a shower and she snuck in. I didn't know she was in my room until I got out if the shower. I didn't know she had a key to my room. I'm sorry."
"So you weren't cheating on me?"
"No."
"When we were facetiming why did you leave all of a sudden, was someone in your room?"
"Yeah, Jenny was in my room. We were just going over things over a couple of drinks."
"But, you weren't even fully clothed. How can I believe that you two weren't doing anything with each other?"
"You just have to believe me. I promise I wasn't doing anything with her."
"Okay. I believe you." I smile at him. I don't think he's lying, I don't think he would lie to me.
"What?" He asks me surprised.
"I don't see a reason not to believe you."
"Man. So why were you ignoring me all this time? I was scared you broke up with me without telling me! You're so mean to me."
"I was really mad!" I playfully shout at him.
"You were so mad you had to leave my house?"
"Yeah." I start laughing at myself. Reginae was right, I make too many irrational decisions.
"You're so crazy. You really stressed me out girl." He tells me running his hands through his hair, finally smiling.
"I'm sorry, it was a stupid decision. It was actually a bad idea." I tell him remembering what happened just last night.
"Well I don't blame you for leaving. Thank you for forgiving me."
"Mhm." I wish I would've just talk to him over the phone and straightened things out then instead of just leaving. I could've prevented everything that happened. "I'm sorry. I really missed you."
"I missed you too baby." He says reaching out to give me a hug. When he did that I was caught off guard and I flinched. "Umm..."
"I'm sorry!" I shot up and when I did that I hit him in the nose causing him to have a bloody nose. Great. I ran and got him some tissue and ice to help him.
"Why are you so jumpy all of sudden?" He asks me chuckling.
"I'm just out of it." I lie to him. I flinched like he was going to slap me or something. I flinched as if he was Nate. I really want to cry now. "Are you okay?"
"Yea I'll be okay, just a little blood. Soo are you coming back home with me?"
"Yeah! Definitely." I can't be alone. The first time in my last apartment, Nate came on to me while I was alone. He came onto me here while I was alone again. I don't want to be alone anymore.
"Great. Let's go."
By the time we finish putting my things up from my condo and picking Ronald up from school it's 6 and I can barely walk anymore because I am still I'm pain from yesterday. I just want to relax.
"You wanna go take a walk at the pier?" He asks excitedly.
"No."
"Well do you want to go bowling or something?"
"No. Dillon, I just want to sit stay here and watch a movie and eat some croissants. I don't feel too good and I'm expecting an important phone call soon."
"Oh okay sorry. What's wrong baby?"
"Just a bit of aching here and there."
"Would you like a massage?"
Honestly, I would love a massage right now, but that would require me to take off my shirt and revealing some scars from Nate he doesn't know I have. "No, you don't have to do that. It's not that bad, but thank you." I hate lying to him. I'm actually in a lot of pain down there but I can't really do anything about it.
"Okay."
We sat cuddled on the couch watching tv together until I fell asleep. I woke up in his room on his bed and it startled me.
"Are you okay?" Dillon asks me with a worried look on his face.
"Yes! I'm fine. Did you carry me up here?"
"Yeah. I didn't want you to sleep with a crook in your neck on the couch, so I brought you up here."
"Thanks. I'm gonna go brush my teeth."
As I am brushing my teeth I can't help but to think how lucky I an to have Dillon in my life. He's a good man. I almost feel as if I don't deserve him. I feel like I cheated on him with Nate. I have to keep convincing myself that Nate forced himself on me and I didn't want him, but it's hard.
When I get back to bed I check my voice mails and there is a call from the hospital. When I saw this my hands immediately started shaking and of course Dillon noticed before I could hide it.
"Noalani, please tell me the truth. you've been acting very different today. What's going on?" Dillon asked me with a worried expression.
"Dillon, nothing is wrong. I just got really cold all of a sudden."
"Okay, but that doesn't explain why you haven't looked me in the eyes ever since I got back. Do you think I'm cheating still?"
"No, I don't. I promise I don't. I'm getting over that okay? Trust me, everything is okay." I tell him trying my best to hold back my tears.
"Okay. I love you." he tells me staring me deep in the eyes.
"I love you too. Goodnight." I tell him breaking his stare. He's right. I can't look him in the eyes. I'm lying to him and it's not right.
When Dillon finally falls asleep, I listen to the voicemail. All the tests came back negative. I was about to cry tears of joy until the doctor told me I was infertile. How can I be infertile? I can't not have kids! I know I don't really like kids, but that doesn't mean I don't want to have one. Now I have to find a way to tell Dillon that not only was I was raped by Nate, but that I'm infertile and just hope that he won't leave me. I need him in my life.