.:Recap:.
It summed everything up nicely. Why I cared about him when I shouldn't, why I was obsessed with him, why I always tried to answer questions about him in my head. It was so blindingly obvious, but I wished it wasn't true.
Oh my god, I thought, my eyes snapping open. I'm in love with James Black…
.:Story Start:.
So I was in love with James.
Lily had been right.
But now, I was scared.
What if he would never love me back?
What if I got hurt?
What if Nicola found out?
What if James himself found out?
What if Alex found out?
What about my feelings for Alex?
Too many questions. And I had the answer to none of them.
School was like torture the next day. I arrived to see Alex and James talking to one another, and to my horror I found that I felt something for Alex, not as strong as James, but something. It was odd, because Alex had been the nicest towards me, Alex had always been there for me, Alex had always helped me, and yet I liked James more.
I came to stand next to Lily and Alex, quiet as everyone chatted boisterously around me. My new realization made it impossible to ignore James with his dazzling smile, handsome features and clear voice. I glanced at him every so often, trying to calm my racing heartbeat.
Just before Lily and I parted ways to form, I called out to her,
"You were right," she looked at me blankly.
"About what?"
I simply jerked my head towards James and she smirked, before walking away. I shook my head and followed James and Tom to form, my eyes glued to him now he couldn't see me. I wondered what he would be like today; would he be nice? Would he be worried that I had concussion or something? (Which, luckily, I didn't).
We entered form and Nicola went to go talk to James, so I didn't bother, although I growled mentally at her, wanting to punch her nose off. Why was she so clingy? And really, what did James see in her? I was sure I was about ten times nicer than her.
Shaking my head, I sighed. I had about one chance in a million of getting with James, why was I even thinking of it? It was nearly impossible; I had to get my mind in gear. But how would I forget about these feelings? How would I forget about my first love?
First lesson was music, and I walked over to a keyboard before starting to play, singing quietly to myself. To my surprise, Tom helped me with the lyrics when I struggled, and I thanked him. I didn't get the opportunity to talk to James during music, and the suspense was killing me.
The next lesson I didn't share with James, but it was French so I shared it with Kyle. We mucked about for a bit after we'd finished the work - I was good at French, and I had helped Kyle - and then it was break time. I was too shy to talk to James when other people were around, so when third lesson came, I still hadn't spoken to him.
Third lesson I shared with James, Lily and a couple of other people. Lily told me to go for it and talk to him, and my stomach squirmed with nerves as I looked away from her and at James. My heart accelerated and I found myself longing to touch him, be with him, talk to him. That gave me the courage I needed, and I walked over to him.
"James," I said quietly, unable to keep my eyes off him, the same warm feeling exploding through me whenever I saw him. He looked up at me, and when he met my eyes, I saw a tidal wave of regret in them, and pain, and sorrow. It was as if he was apologizing for something he had yet to do. But what?
My answer came a few seconds later, when he looked away, and replied in a cold voice,
"Why are you talking to me?"
The warm feeling I had been experiencing turned a bitter cold. My heart felt like lead. My heartbeat and breathing decreased to a scarily low tempo. My legs, unable to keep me upright, buckled and I collapsed to the floor, as though I was begging; which I suppose I would. I felt dizzy and light headed; maybe after yesterday I wasn't feeling my best.
The last thing I saw before I blacked out was James' surprised eyes, his hand stretching out as though to save me.
~*~*~
I sat in medical feeling angry, hollow, heartbroken. I was stupid, stupid for putting my hopes up, stupid for letting myself fall for him, stupid for believing he would be nice to me again, stupid for becoming this close to him.
But I had to put some of the blame on him, too. What the hell was his problem? Why couldn't he tell me? Why didn't he just face whatever complications and stop hurting me? Why couldn’t he understand that I loved him and hated him? Wasn’t it obvious?
The final bell rang but I continued to sit there, staring into space, tears filling my eyes. After around ten minutes, the door opened and my dad walked in, looking anxious.
"Liz, I heard what happened, are you OK?" he asked, his voice filled with worry. I shook my head, the tears starting to fall as I once again remembered his tone of voice last night, and then this morning.
I felt dad place a hand on my shoulder but didn't flinch away from him, and he pulled me into a hug. Instead of shrieking like I would have done before, I held him tight, clutching his jacket, trying to release all of the pain into it.
He said something to the nurse and then picked me up and started carrying me to the car as I continued to sob, then placed me into the passenger seat and then started the car. He drove us home then carried me inside, onto my bed, before calling someone. I didn't listen to what he was saying, too focused on the pain I felt inside me.
After around ten minutes I felt a pair of warm, tingling, familiar warm arms encircle me. I almost instantly cuddled up to him, as I usually did, feeling my sobs subside almost immediately. He murmured comforting things in my ear, stroking my hair, letting me know everything was OK.
When I looked up, I saw that, as well as Alex, Kyle and Lily were in my room. Lily looked at me sympathetically, Kyle and Alex just looked confused.
"No offense Alex," I said quietly, "but your cousin is the biggest, stupidest, prick of a twat I have ever met,"
At this Alex started to laugh, while Kyle still looked confused and Lily continued to look worried.
"I don't get it," said Kyle.
"He's so bipolar! Honestly, one minute he can be really nice to me, the next he can be a complete jerk," I said angrily, and Alex stopped laughing.
"Give up, Liz," he said quietly. "I don’t know what happened to him - he never used to be this way - but you just gotta move on. Even when he's nice to you, just ignore him, because he'll be mean again and only hurt you,"
I thought about his words. He was right of course, if I just blanked him out when he was nice to me, it would make his nastiness easier to bear. But I knew I wasn't strong enough to do that. I gave people second chances; or hundredth chances in his case. And I was in love with him, I couldn't just ignore him.
Of course, only Lily knew the truth, so I had to agree with him. Then Kyle and Alex promised me they'd talk to James, get the whole truth out of him. I had to admit they'd probably be ten times better than me; I was too soft on him, they'd probably shout at him a bit.
Once my friends had cheered me up considerably, they took me out to have ice cream, just us four. I was feeling much better again now; maybe Alex was the answer. Maybe I could forget about James if I had Alex by my side.
But then there was that same problem; Alex would never like me, not in that way. I was stuck being friends with him, but I supposed in a way, it was better than nothing. He could still dry my tears, make me feel loved, even if I wasn't.
These three were the best friends I'd ever had, and James wasn't going to stop me being happy.
~*~*~
{~Alex POV~}
When Liz arrived in school today she looked different. She seemed eager, yet nervous, happy, yet anxious. I wondered what was up, why she was acting different. When she reached our group, James randomly asked me something and we started talking, and I could see Liz out of the corner of my eye.
She was quiet, looking around the circle, half listening to Lily. Every now and then she would glance at James. At first I thought it was just natural but after a while I realized it was too frequent. Maybe her odd change this morning had something to do with him?
I was beginning to think I was slightly obsessed with Liz. Not stalker-obsessed, but I treated her like I would if she was my girlfriend. I knew I was getting desperate, but I couldn't help it; I was so attached to her.
The bell cut me out of my thoughts and I went to form, which was boring as ever, and the first four lessons passed by in a haze of boredom. Then it was lunchtime, and all of us assembled outside on the grass to eat - apart from one.
Liz.
Where was she? I wondered, and voice the question aloud to Lily.
"She fainted in English Lit earlier," she said worriedly. I was instantly just as worried.
"Is she OK?" I asked anxiously.
"She's in medical, I think she'll be alright. She hit her head yesterday, she probably just felt a bit dizzy," I frowned, still worried. How badly did she hit her head? Was she OK now?
I couldn't stop worrying and thinking about Liz for the rest of the day, which led in me getting into trouble a few times. But frankly, I didn't care; I just had to know that she was alright.
Finally my agony was over when the bell went, but then the teacher kept us back for five minutes for talking at the beginning of class. I was itching to get out, but by the time I did, I presumed Liz had already gone home.
Sighing I started to walk home, still worried about her. I decided that once I got home, I would go and visit her when I'd sorted all my stuff out. The walk was quicker as I worried, and I was just about to go upstairs to dump my bag when the phone rang.
I picked it up and answered.
"Hello?"
"Hi Alex, it's Liz's dad,"
"Oh, hi, Mr Johnson!" I said, worried. Why was he calling? Was Liz OK?
"You need to come over here, Liz really needs you," he said anxiously.
"Be right there," I said, before slamming the phone down and putting some shoes on. "Bye mum!" I shouted, before heading out of the door and setting off at a quick pace.
On the way I saw Kyle and Lily walking together and caught up with them. Lily informed me that they were going to Liz's house too, because she had seen what happened and wanted to make sure her friend was OK. I told them about what Mr Johnson had said and they quickened their pace.
We arrived at Liz's house in a few minutes and I didn't bother knocking; I hardly ever did, no one really cared. I let him know it was us before going straight up to her room, where I knew she'd be. Kyle and Lily followed shortly behind.
When I entered, the scene was really not what I expected. Liz was crying her eyes out, curled up on her bed, soaking her pillow as she crushed it. Instinctively, I dropped beside her and scooped her into my arms, pulling her close to me. She released her pillow and clung onto me instead, snuggling into my chest.
As she sobbed, I comforted her as best I could, silently boasting to myself that she seemed to calm down after a few seconds of being in my arms. Lily and Kyle looked on anxiously as I stroked her hair, murmuring things to her, wondering what was wrong.
Finally she calmed down enough to look up, first at me, then at her other friends. She sniffed a few times, sitting upright, before looking back at me.
"No offense Alex," she said, barely above a whisper, deadly serious, "but your cousin is the biggest, stupidest, prick of a twat I have ever met,"
I couldn't help it; I started to laugh. It was so true; he was a prick. Even if he was cool sometimes, this whole thing with Liz put him in my bad books for life.
"I don't get it," said Kyle.
"He's so bipolar! Honestly, one minute he can be really nice to me, the next he can be a complete jerk," she snapped, and I decided to stop, as she was really infuriated. I knew there was only one way of solving this problem.
"Give up, Liz," I said quietly. "I don’t know what happened to him - he never used to be this way - but you just gotta move on. Even when he's nice to you, just ignore him, because he'll be mean again and only hurt you,"
She remained silence at my words. I could only hope that she followed my advice, because I couldn’t bear to see her hurt any more by my jerk of a cousin. I decided I would talk to him to get him to see sense; why would he want to hurt Liz? What exactly would he get out of it?
I mentioned it out loud and Kyle instantly backed me up. I was relieved Liz had friends who were willing to stand up against their other friends for her, like Kyle. After we'd cheered her up some more, we went out into town, got some ice cream and chatted for a while. Liz seemed much happier now, which I was relieved about.
After ice cream we all went home, and I greeted Sarah with a grin and a hair ruffle. She pouted and tried to pull me over by yanking my leg, but I just smiled and shook my head, dragging her towards the stairs. She instantly let go and ran away, while I smirked and went upstairs to dump my bag and maybe play some X-Box.
Me and Kyle would deal with James tomorrow.
~*~*~
The next day, Liz ignored James totally. She glanced at him a couple of times, but other than that, she barely acknowledged he was there. I was proud of her; something that made her break down entirely yesterday meant nothing to her today. She was so strong…
I forced myself to stop daydreaming about Liz and focus on class for the rest of the day, as I had found myself doing, but it was kind of difficult. She constantly filled my mind and I was always thinking about her, there was no backing out of it.
Finally though, the end of the day came and I casually walked up to Kyle and James, forcing myself not to punch the latter. I gave Kyle a quick glance and he nodded slightly.
"Hey guys," I said, falling into step beside them. "Do you want to come round mine later? I'm going to be stuck bored with Sarah, mum's not going to be home for a while. We could get pizza and stuff…"
"Sure," said Kyle easily as we walked out of the gates. James, too, agreed.
Relieved with this outcome, I got home and tried to make the house reasonably presentable before going to pick up Sarah from school, then returning home and texting my evil cousin and his best friend to come round. Kyle and I had decided to be good cop, bad cop; I was the latter.
When they arrived, I decided to give it a while before interrogating James. He had no reason to suspect we were going to start on him, but I thought it would be better if we softened him up a bit.
We played a bit of Black Ops and Call of Duty before ordering pizza, all the while talking and chatting amiably. James, hopefully, suspected nothing, while I planned carefully what to say and how to say it.
Finally it was around 6.30 and I decided it was time. I gave Kyle a meaningful look in a silence between the three of us, and then I started off.
"Hey, James," I said casually, with a hint of ire underneath that he seemed to pick up on. He glanced at me, a mite confused.
"Yeah…?"
"It's been bugging me for a while," I continued, anger seeping into more of my voice now. "I've been wondering…" here my eyes flashed and he could plainly see I was angry. "What the fuck has Liz ever done to you?" I finally boiled over, livid. I left the question hanging in the air as I glared at him full force. He stared at me blankly.
"What-"
"You know bloody well what. Do you know how many times you've made her cry? How many times she's cursed your name a million times over? How many times she's sunk into virtual depression because of you? I wouldn't be surprised if she hated you, James, because to be honest you've treated her like shit. How can you be so cruel to her? She's so innocent!" I snapped at him, standing up, for once towering over his seated figure.
"I know we both did it at one point James," Kyle cut in quietly. "But now everyone's being kind to her; why not you? Why do you insist on being nasty to her still?"
James sat there, speechless. I could tell he wanted to say something, but something was holding him back. He was hesitant, unsure, and he looked upset.
"James," I said, not as angry as before. I sat back down beside my cousin. "I'm not asking you to tell me what your problem is. I just want you to sort it out and not be so horrible to her. You have no idea what she's been through; she doesn't deserve this," the last sentence made him look at me curiously, but I stared back at him with defiant eyes.
"I'm sorry, Alex, Kyle," he relented quietly, leaning back on the sofa. "I'll do my best. But it's kind of hard,"
"Maybe you could talk to us about it," Kyle said, still playing good cop while I pointedly glared at James. What could possibly be hard about being nice to the nicest, most innocent girl in the world?
James, however, sighed and started to explain.
~*~*~
I couldn't believe it.
James had been horrible to Liz for such a petty reason! It would have made no difference to me. I wouldn’t have been controlled like that if it came down to Liz.
Of course, James didn't know about Liz's past, so that didn't affect him as it would me. But I knew if I was in his shoes I wouldn't have done what he did. James was simply a coward; and I hated him now more than I had before. I think I made myself quite clear on that point.
Now I wondered whether to tell Liz, or whether it was down to James to tell her himself. I didn't want to intervene, because James needed to own up himself, but if James didn't own up and Liz continued to get hurt, I would have to do something.
The question was: would he?
{~Liz POV~}
Alex had been in a bit of a funny mood recently. He was cold and distant towards James, while almost overprotective and yet thoughtful when around me. I wasn't sure what was up, but I wasn't going to ask him; it seemed personal.
At the weekend, my mind finally had a chance to think without worrying about being interrupted. And the thing I thought most about was, predictably, James. With his hard exterior and soft inside, with his heart-melting smiles, with his electric touch.
Why did I let myself fall for him? I should have known he would return to his bipolarity. I should have known it would only hurt me. But I couldn't turn back now; it was too late. My mind was completely and utterly infatuated with him.
I just wanted to ask him to stop being so bipolar, to just be my friend, if nothing else. But that was about as hopeful as asking him, "You took my heart, could I please have it back?"
_______________________________________________
Bet you hate me for not letting you find out what's up with James(:
I'm sorry….but you will find out soon. :D
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