I woke up to the sound of Luke Dashiel's heart beat. My head was placed on top of his chest like it was meant to be lying there. His chest was moving up and down in a slow sequence. I was comfortable. I don't think I've ever woke up like this with my body lax and my guard down.
His arms were wrapped around me, his hand resting tight on my stomach to lock me beside him. As if he thought I'd bolt the moment I wake up.
Flashes of what happened last night crept in my mind. Images of us kissing, the sound of our moans consorting together, him moving on top of me-deep and slow, then hard and fast.
My face began to heat at the memory-my body too, but I didn't want to corrupt Luke Dashiel with my insatiable libido and needs in the morning.
I was his first. Remembering how hard he flushed when he confessed that it was his first time made my lips curl in a triumphant smile. Being his first made me happy. It felt like I truly own him.
I wonder what I would have felt if I wasn't his first... Disappointed? Maybe. Jealous? A lot. But if that was the case, I would let it go and focus on now. He's with me, and that's the only thing that matters.
Another thought appeared in my head and regret instantly tumbled in my chest. My smile dropped and just like that, my vibrant vibe deflated and vanished into nothing.
"Good morning," a husky and sleepy voice broke the silence. My heart raced. Two words and I'm already very seduced. The effect that Luke Dashiel has on me is very consuming. His heavy presence was enough to cloud my thoughts. What's with him at ganito ang epekto niya sa akin? Hindi ko na alam.
"What are you thinking, Vis?" malambing na tanong ni Luke Dashiel.
Inayos ko ang mukha ko sa ibabaw ng dibdib ni Luke Dashiel at nang matagpuan ang mga mata niya ay ngumiti ako. "Your bedroom voice."
Pumungay ang mga mata ni Luke Dashiel nang ngumiti siya sa akin. Pakiramdam ko ay buo na ang araw ko nang makita ang nag-iisa niyang dimple. I don't think I can last a day without seeing that dimple of his.
I turned my head and pressed a butterfly kiss on his chest. Luke Dashiel placed his hand on my head, his soft strokes made me close my eyes. I felt peace on his arms.
"Avis?" his chest vibrated against my cheek when he called my name. Luke Dashiel's hand stopped moving but remained at the back of my head.
I didn't bother opening my eyes. I stayed still as I hummed to let him know that I was awake and listening.
"Was it your first time too?" napadilat ako sa naging tanong niya. Nanatiling tahimik si Luke Dashiel habang hinihintay ang isasagot ko sa kanya.
Regret built at the pit of my stomach. He was already staring at me when I raised my head to look at him in the eyes. I counted one to three in my head before responding. "No."
Parang kinirot ang puso ko nabg makita ang lungkot na bumalot sa buong mukha ni Luke Dashiel. Kitang-kita ang pagkabigo sa mga mata niya.
"Si Logan?" tanong niya.
Lumayo ako mula sa kanya at umayos ng pagkakaupo. Hinila ko ang kumot para takpan ang hubad na dibdib ko. Ramdam ko ang panonood niya sa akin habang naglalagay ako ng pagitan sa aming dalawa. Huminga ako ng malalim bago tumango. "I've only been with him. Before you."
I've been with Logan long enough to give him my first. I was attracted to him and we're both consenting adults. We were both responsible. It's only normal for us to do it. I'm not going to be in denial about enjoying sex. It makes me forget and feel.
Ngunit kung alam ko lang na mangyayari ito ay nahintay ko sana siya. Never have I thought that it will come true. It crossed my mind but it just didn't seem possible before. Dahil buo ang loob ko na walang kahit anong mabubuo sa aming dalawa... Now, the answer's dangling in my face.
Umiwas siya ng tingin sa akin. Walang naging imik si Luke Dashiel. I felt both guilt and shame. Pakiramdam ko ay unfair para sa kanya na ako ang nakauna sa kanya habang sa akin naman ay hindi.
I wanted to comfort him and say something to ease his mind. Alam ko na maraming pumapasok sa isipan niya ngayon. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi dahil kung ako ang nasa posisyon niya ay baka kung anu-ano na rin ang iniisip ko ngayon.
"Did you regret it?" he paused, transferring his eyes on me again. "With me... Do you regret it?"
Nandilat ang mga mata ko. "Of course not!"
May sakit pa rin sa mga mata ni Luke Dashiel. Tinitigan ko siya ngunit hindi siya nakatagal sa pagtitig ko dahil umiwas siya ng tingin.
Hindi ko na pinag-isipan pa nang binitawan ko ang kumot at hinawakan si Luke Dashiel sa magkabilang pisngi. Pilit kong iniling ang mukha niya para iharap sa akin.
"Luke Dashiel," sinubukan niyang ilayo ang mukha niya ngunit hindi ko siya hinayaang makawala. "Hey, listen to me."
Sa pagkakataon na iyon ay pinagbigyan na niya ako at tiningnan katulad ng pakiusap ko. Inilibot ko ang mga mata sa buong mukha niya habang ikinukulong ang mukha niya sa pagitan ng mga palad ko.
"I wanted every bit of what happened last night. I wanted that with you." kinagat ko ang ibabang bahagi ng labi ko at ibinaba ang mga mata sa mapupulang mga labi niya. "I want you, Luke Dashiel. And I want to do it with you again."
Suminghap si Luke Dashiel sa sinabi ko. Naglaho ang emosyon na nakaguhit sa mukha niya kanina. Now he looks like he's in complete awe. Parang hindi pa siya makapaniwala sa narinig mula sa akin.
I acted on a whim when I lifted myself from the bed, shoving the sheet away from me and straddling across Luke Dashiel.
We were both naked and I was pressing on his morning wood. My center clenched at the contact. He placed his hands on my back while I locked my fingers on his nape.
I didn't lie when I said I wanted to do it again with him. I want to do it again and again, until it feels enough. Until I'm satisfied and sore. I wanted to try things with him, teach him, and make him experience things that he hasn't done before.
I want to explore his body, lick every inch, taste every part. And I want him to do the same with me. I want us to know each other better in that area. But above all, I just want to be with him. Really with him.
Luke Dashiel watched me as I slowly leaned in to give him a kiss. A short memory from last night flashed in my mind, how Luke Dashiel penetrated me slowly and... Bare.
I stopped myself from leaning closer and dropped the thought of kissing him.
"Fuck." I stiffened. That alarmed him and he was fast worried at my reaction.
"What?"
"Shit. No..." umalis ako mula sa pagkakakandong sa kanya at bumalik sa pagkakaupo sa kama. Wala na akong pakialam kung may takip ang katawan ko o wala.
"Avis? What's wrong?"
Terror filled my chest and I'm positive that I looked horrified right now. He was only looking at me with anxiety and a hint of fear.
"Luke Dashiel, we didn't use protection." ang boses ko ay parang nagsusumbong sa kanya. Umiling-iling ako at nawiwindang sa mga pumapasok sa isipan. "I've never... God, I've never done it without it. I always made sure to be safe with..."
I think tears are threatening to fall in my eyes. Hindi umimik si Luke Dashiel at tinitigan lang ako. His face was unreadable and I get more tensed because he's calm while I'm right here, thinking worse of the situation.
I was so blinded with lust and need last night that I forgot about using protection. I got so carried away, irrevocably lost in Luke Dashiel that I didn't even bother to use my brain. I can't believe I could be this irresponsible. Hindi ko pwedeng sisihin si Luke Dashiel dito, I was the older one. I should have...
"Avis, it's okay." malambing na sambit ni Luke Dashiel. Umangat ang mukha ko at tiningnan siya sa mga mata.
"No. It's not okay. Luke Dashiel, you're only seventeen... And if I get..." I choked. I couldn't make myself say the word. Iyon ang ikinakatakot kong mangyari.
Kinagat niya ang ibabang labi. "I'm not as experienced but I know there's a possibility that you won't."
I know that. We only did it once. I can't undo what we did last night. I can only hope. I can't get pregnant. My parents would be disappointed. My dad... Oh, God. Especially my dad. He would probably hate me. Hindi pwede.
"Please stop thinking." Luke Dashiel whispered. I stared at his eyes again. There was sadness in it. "Watching you think scares me."
Huminga ako ng malalim. I'm worrying him. Alam ko iyon, that's why I should stop. I need to clear my mind, reaffirm myself and be positive. I shouldn't stress about this. I should just cling to the possibility of me not getting pregnant.
"Okay..." mariin na pumikit ako at pilit na kinakalma ang sarili sa paghinga ng malalim. Idinilat ko ang mga mata para tingnan siya ulit at matapos ay tumango. "We'll just make sure to use protection next time, alright?"
Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ni Luke Dashiel. Pumipikit-pikit siya at inosenteng tiningnan ako. "There will be next time?"
Inihip na ng hangin ang pag-aalala na nararamdaman ko. Kinagat ko ang labi para pigilan ang tumatakas na ngiti pero sa huli ay natawa na rin ako. Hindi ko matukoy kung seryoso ba siya sa tanong niya o gusto niya lang akong patawanin. Right now, all I know is that I want to kiss him.
Umusog ako papalapit sa kanya. Inabot ko ang mukha niya at inilapat ang mga labi sa kanya. Hinawakan ko ang magkabilang pisngi niya at gumapang naman ang kamay niya sa ibabang bahagi ng likod ko. He caressed the side of my body, his thumb inching the side of my breast. I shivered at the feeling of his palms brushing my skin.
Luke Dashiel held my hips and lifted me to straddle him. I could feel his hard length from the sheet. It made me feel warm. He pulled my body closer, my breasts crushed against his chest. My knees were bent with him in between.
I lifted my mouth and kissed him hard on his jaw. Luke Dashiel groaned when I moved my lips to his neck and nipped him. I sucked on his skin hard that it almost felt like I was trying to draw blood from him. I slipped my hands from his cheeks down to his chest and pushed him on the bed.
I closed the distance between us, my breasts grazing his body as I moved downward to place open mouth kisses on his chest. I licked the skin covering his sternum. Luke Dashiel squeezed me, holding me tighter to him. I could feel him throbbing upon my navel.
My lips continued moving. Luke Dashiel's body stiffened as my tongue trailed on his skin. I gritted my teeth when I reached his abs, nipping on his skin before completely kissing it the way I kiss him on the mouth.
Luke Dashiel pulled me up so he could kiss me on the lips. His tongue expertly played in my mouth. He'd gone better with the kissing. His every lick was to die for. My tummy clenched at the thought of having his mouth on me.
I moved my hip, rubbing myself hard on him. His hip bucked to meet with my grind, increasing the satisfaction of feeling him brush against my sex. I wanted to pull the sheet away from him and feel him skin to skin.
A loud thumping on the door made us break off the kiss. I sat up properly, breathing hard from the kiss that went on for I don't know how long. My eyes were wide as I looked at the daze Luke Dashiel. His lips were red and slightly swollen. I bet mine's too. My lips were tingling and a little numb from the kisses.
The knocks continued and it's like my brain got plugged in again. My mouth parted and I twisted my body to look at the door before looking back at Luke Dashiel. I was instantly alarmed. "It's Savion!"
Dahil sa nangyari kagabi at sa nangyari ngayong umaga ay nakalimutan ko na kasama ko nga pala si Savion sa kwarto. May sariling susi ang pinsan ko at kaya siya kumakatok ngayon dahil alam niya na may kasama ako. Shit. She must have seen Luke Dashiel and me on the bed together last night.
"Avis?" Luke Dashiel snapped me out of my thought.
"My brain seems to malfunction whenever I'm with you." I sighed. "Go take a shower. I'll get rid of her."
Hinatak ko ang kumot at naghandang tumayo para kumuha ng damit na maisusuot. Patayo pa lang ako nang hinawakan ni Luke Dashiel ang braso ko para pigilan. Nilingon ko siya at tinaas ang isang kilay. "Are we okay?"
Seryoso ang mukha niya nang nagtanong. Napangiti ako. Hinawi ko ang kamay ni Luke Dashiel mula sa braso ko at hinawakan ang pisngi niya. Inilapit ko ang mukha ko sa kanya. I pressed my lips on his, let it stay there for a few seconds before leaning away.
Dumilat si Luke Dashiel. Halos matunaw ang puso ko nang makita ang saya sa mga mata niya. He looked at me like I've given him life. Luke Dashiel covered his lips on mine. He sucked on my upper lip first and then parted my mouth his tongue to suck my tongue. A moan rumbled in my chest.
Lumakas ang pagkalabog ng katok sa pinto. I sighed against his mouth. A click was produced when I pulled away for the second time. Tiningnan ko ang labi niya na pulang-pula. Pinasadahan ko iyon ng dalari ko. I still want to kiss him. Napanguso ako. "Go shower."
Tumayo na ako at lumapit sa bag na dala-dala ko para kumuha ng damit. I picked the tube floral dress. I slipped on an underwear but didn't bother to wear a bra. I hurried my way to the door and opened it. Savion's hand was raised into a fist in the air, like she was about to knock again.
Mabilis na itinakip ni Savion ang dalawang kamay sa mga mata niya. Napasimangot ako sa kalokohan ng pinsan ko. "What are you doing, Savion?" matabang na tanong ko sa kanya.
"Is it safe? Pwedeng ako naman ang pumasok?"
"Oh, shut up." pinakawalan ko ang pinto at tumalikod sa kanya. "Just do your business and then leave."
Humalakhak ang pinsan ko at ramdam ko ang pagsunod niya sa akin. Isinara niya ang pinto pero hindi ko narinig na ini-lock niya iyon kaya alam kong aalis din siya agad. "Where's LD?"
"Shower." tipid na sagot ko. Binigyan niya ako ng makahulugang tingin bago dumeretso sa bag niya at kinuha iyon. Pinasadahan niya ulit ako ng tingin at tumaas ang kilay ko. "What?"
"Your lips are very red and swollen." pang-aasar nito.
"Savion!" sigaw ko at tumawa naman siya.
Itinaas niya ang dalawang kamay. "I'm leaving, I'm leaving."
Napabuga ako ng hinga at pinanuod ang pinsan ko na tumalikod at naglakad palapit ng pinto. Huminto siya ulit at hinarap ako. "Avis..."
"What?" kunot noong tanong ko.
Pumikit-pikit si Savion at inosente ngunit makahulugang tumingin sa akin. "Mesherep?"
"Fajardo!" lalapit na sana ako sa kanya para hablutin ang buhok pero tumawa lang siya at kumirpas ng takbo. Bago ko pa siya maabutan ay nakalabas na siya ng kwarto.