He laughed at my awkwardness before pulling me towards himself and kissing my lips.
And at that moment, I realized something that would have been good to know about three minutes ago.
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Friday March 18th, 2015 - 12:03 pm Cleveland Ohio - hotel
The day before I left to go back to work, punk had asked my to be his girlfriend. I said yes. This whole time since then and now, I've been a mess. I've made a mistake I keep telling myself. How could I be so stupid? I kept asking myself.
Why am I a mess? Why do I feel as if I made a mistake? Why am I sitting at the edge of my hotel room bed biting my nails feeling like a complete and total bitch and on the urge of crying? Because when Phil had kissed me, I didn't feel it. I didn't feel anything actually. When he use to hold me, like he did that one time, or hug me or touch me basically, it felt nice. Honestly. But it compared nothing to someone else I realize now. And now I realize Phil was right.
Why do I feel like crying? No, why am I crying? Simply because I feel like shit. I should have just said no to Phil. Now I've messed everything up. I'm scared as fuck because I don't know what to do - I don't want to hurt anyone either. Although it's a little too late for that.
"BEAUUUUUU, OPEN UP YA LITTLE SHIT!" Seth jokingly yelled as he banged on my hotel room door.
I quickly whipped away my tears and walked over to the door opening it with my head down.
"Hey- Beau?" He quickly noticed that I was sad.
"Beau?" He repeated as he stepped into my room closing the door behind himself. He placed one hand on each shoulder. "Hey, look up at me.. what's wrong?" He said softly.
I slowly looked up at him revealing my red and puffy eyes.
He sighed before standing up straight and hugging me tight.
"S-Seth" I sniffed. "I fucked u-up really really bad" I cried into his chest.
"Shhhh" he rubbed my back as he hugged me tighter.
I couldn't get rid of this guilty feeling.
"I'm- I'm so fucking stupid" I cried louder. "Why did I- I just wanna fix things-" I looked up at him with fresh tears coming down my cheek.
"What happened bee?"
I paused for a moment and gave him an odd look. "Bee?"
"Really? You're standing here crying about something that's obviously wrong and that's what you're gonna focus on? The nickname?" Seth raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah- Uh, I mean no. Sorry" I stepped away from my best friend and sat down on my bed.
He took a seat next to me and placed his hand on my knee. "What the hell happened?"
"I just- I just, fucked up" I said before biting my lip.
"How so? Tell me everything Beau, seriously! You're kinda scaring me" he nervously chuckled.
I stared at him for a few seconds before taking in a deep breath. "Okay, when I went to Vegas with Dean, we kinda sorta kissed, okay?! Don't freak out or anything because that's just the start of this!" I said quickly.
Seth opened his mouth to say something but chose against it. So he just licked his lips and nodded.
Story time I thought. Hopefully Seth doesn't think anything bad of me after this. I only say this because Seth's opinion on me matters to me. It really does.
"So like, obviously Dean and I have gotten really close since we first met - considering the fact that I hated him. Like we have this really good friendship going, ya know? I even told him about MJ and my fucking mom. God I haven't even thought about that messed up part of my life for a while either.." I sighed. "Anyways, we're pretty close now. So we kissed in Vegas, it was no big deal at first. Probably because I was so fucking shocked. Like the whole place froze after it happened; I felt so alive. Like honestly, I wanted more. But my brain is so wrapped up around this idea of 'Punk and I' that like, it made me feel - at the time - that the kiss was nothing. But it was something though." Seth's expression hasn't changed the whole time. I wasn't even done yet. "Uh-Uh, so um, I- I mean we, as in Dean and I, haven't even talked about the kiss. He's just been really nice to me, you know? So like, I kept looking at him as a friend because I'm constantly thinking about Punk, only when I'm not with Dean though. Fast forward to Monday; I'm hanging out with punk, we have a good night, then he starts going off about how we can only be friends because he thinks I have feelings for Dean and I'm like no no no, and finally I convince him I don't and he believes me. So he kisses me. And guess what. I didn't feel like everything around us had froze. I didn't feel like I needed or had to have more when he moved away. I might have even had to force a smile. Like, I realized at that moment, I really did- I really do actually have feelings for Dean. And this whole punk thing was just like, it wasn't what- I like Dean. A lot, Seth" I felt my heart beat speed up. "And here's where I fucked up. I said yes to punk when he asked me to be his girlfriend. And now I'm screwed because somebody is gonna get hurt. Because of me."
I sat there for three minutes waiting for Seth to finally say something. Him not saying anything made things worse.
"Beau-" he finally spoke. "I-I, I don't know what to say honestly."
"No! Seth you are the only person I can talk to right now- actually, ever. You gotta help me!"
"You know what you have to do Beau" he sighed. "You gotta talk to Dean, make sure your feelings are true. Then you gotta talk to punk, tell him he was right, he polite.. Come on now.." He grabbed me and pulled me in for another hug. "Don't make a big 'teen age girl situation' out of this, okay? You obviously know how you feel now, you just gotta fix things. Okay? It'll be alright as long as you're honest to everyone like you were with me."
And Seth was right.
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Arena for Smackdown - 7:39 pm
I was avoiding Dean. I was doing a pretty good job at it too.
"So," I jumped a little once I heard someone speaking from behind me but once I realized it was a female voicing - being that I am in the female locker room - Infelt more relaxed. "I've been hearing a few rumours about you" Paige smirked.
I've hardly ever talked to her. I congratulated her once when she won the divas championship. She worked down in FCW with Seth and I for a little, although we got called up before her so I didn't get to know her that well. She seems sweet. I guess?
"Well, don't believe everything you hear, right?" I shrugged.
"True" she nodded before bending down to tie her shoe laces. "You got a match tonight?" She asked.
"Apparently. I haven't checked but I know I-"
"You do, it's a tag match. You and I vs the Bella Twins" she smiled up at me then went back to tying her shoe.
"Oh cool" I said awkwardly. "Um-" my mind wasn't really in the right place. I had so much to worry about with my career.
The authority thing is still there, the AJ and - apparently secret lesbian - Holly to worry about. Then there's the Bella's who are also there. And this god damn battle royal in a few weeks - Paige is probably in that too.
"Don't worry, if AJ and Holly come out, I got your back" she smiled once more at me before leaving the locker room.
"Thanks" I mumbled before she had left.
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Paige and I won the match - thanks to Paige. My head was somewhere else. I tagged myself out after three minutes of being tagged in. Also, another plus was that nor AJ or Holly where anywhere to be seen. Clean match, clean win.
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Hunter and Steph weren't here tonight, thankfully. I wasn't in the mood for Hunter. Also, Seth hadn't mentioned the whole Nikki thing even once - even though we need to talk about it soon. And thank jesus I hadn't run into Dean even once tonight. I ran into Roman earlier and he talked to me about how excited he is for the Royal Rumble next Sunday (a/n i know I know, the RR isn't before WrestleMania but just go with it) and he was talking about how he was going to win for sure and take down Cena at Mania. He was so happy, so was I, for him. He had a goal. He had a plan. Here I stood with a mess, one on each side of my shoulder and a weight on my back.
What a mess.
I was now on my way to Seth and I's car. We where planning on going to a bar since we hadn't gone last time. Here's something I missed.
But then it hit me. What if Dean's there?
"Heyooooo" I jumped at the feeling of an arm around my shoulder. The arm was covered in a leather jacket. I slowly looked up to find Dean smiling back down at me. "Hi" he chuckled before removing him arm from my shoulder.
"Hello.."
He gave me a strange look but shrugged as he continued walking with me.
"So, am I invited to the 'party' tonight?"
"Sure- come if you want, I don't care" I said in a low voice.
He stopped and grabbed my arm stoping me as well.
"You okay?" He asked actually looking worried, about me.
"N- yesssss?" I gave him a questionable look before pulling my arm away from him and walking faster towards Seth and I's car.
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Well hello.
I hope this was a good update bc idk. Beau is bitchy and confused and just a mess okay. Get use to it guys. Thanks for reading. Love you all so much!!!
Vote and comment please
- zoya