Landon
"What's up with you?" I asked Alice. Ever since I came back from the bathroom, she was way too quiet to be okay. She seemed a bit off, upset looking.
She glanced at me, looking detached from everyone and everything around her, "Nothing," she said distantly, "I'm fine." My mind was screaming at me that she was so not fine, but the other half was telling me not to press her. She will tell me eventually; she always did.
I chewed lightly on my pencil's eraser. Mrs. Ellie was still talking to Mr. Wright and we were left with no instructions for art class, so all of us just either talked, worked on other subjects, or read a book.
Or some just sat there blankly.
I glanced at Bates who was staring out of the window. It was muddy from the storm last night and the weather reports on the news told everyone this morning it would be raining again today around four. I would've done anything to know exactly what he was thinking right then.
I couldn't believe how pathetic I had become. I had clinged myself onto Bates when he was barely even a friend -- I mean, I had considered him one. But now since he decided to not talk to me, I wasn't quite sure what we were exactly. But now with us not talking, I missed him. Not in the way that you silently miss someone, I mean, like thought-consuming missing them. Like, that person is all that you can think about or focus on. No matter how hard you try, they would leave your mind.
That is what Bates is: consuming. He consumed everything of me; my thoughts, my whole being.
I can't stand to be away from him; it's like withdrawal, yet I haven't even taken a dose yet.
I am pathetic. I latch myself onto him -- even when we most certainly not dating or anything that involved a lot of intimacy -- and I let him get under my skin and live there. I should've known it was going to happen. All of it was too perfect.
All of a sudden, I was angry.
How dare he do such a thing to me without an explanation?
If he thought he could walk right over me like Mandy does, he was wrong. This time, I am not allowing it. I will confront him. I will talk to Bates and demand an explanation.
I at least deserve that much.
When the bell rang, Mrs. Ellie looked aggravated that she didn't get to assign us anything to do because she was too busy chatting with Mr. Wright, but she still let us all leave.
"I'll see you later, Landon!" Alice said over her shoulder as she hurried out of the room.
I huffed out a deep breath and gathered my stuff quickly. Bates had already left the room and I huffed again before stalking out of the room.
Making my way through the waves of people ready to leave school, I headed towards the doors to exit. My eyes searched the faces of my pupils walking around in search for Bates. I got no luck.
Then I saw Jonas.
"Jonas!" I said, sprinting after him. He gave me a questioning look, a hardness in his eyes.
"Yes?" He said, his voice rough and deeper than Bates.
"Umm.." my face got red from embarrassment, "h..have you seen, uh --"
"Bates," Jonas finished, looking beyond me. I turned around to see Bates rubbing his hands over his face, looking stressed. Jonas gripped my forearm, pulling me along with him towards Bates.
He saw us when we were a few feet away and his face paled. Jonas let go of my arm, staring at Bates, "She was looking for you. You two, talk." He pulled out a cigarette and lit it, "you two need to work things out." He walked away then, leaving a puff of smoke in his absence.
"Hi," I breathed when he stared at me for several seconds.
Bates looked away then, closing his eyes. I admired his beauty. The gloomy sky telling us it was about to rain, yet the little light from the sky reflected off his dark brown eyes. His hair was messy as if he just got up and ran his fingers through his hair before leaving to go to school. He looked breathtaking as always. Yet I couldn't help but notice the light purple bags under his eyes and the way his mesmerizing lips sunken down into a slight frown.
"What do you want?" His voice came out lower than I expected, but I still had heard. And hearing his voice for the first time in while made my breathing irregular and my heart beat to race a little faster.
"I -- I wanna know why you've been avoiding me," I said after what seemed like forever.
He still didn't look at me. "I wasn't avoiding you. I just wasn't talking to you."
"Why?"
"I don't have anything to say," he said after a moment of him pausing.
That was false. He could easily start conversation with me, he was just choosing not to. "Did I do something?" I asked him almost as low as he had spoke to me earlier. "Because last time we had a long conversation, I opened up to you and then you just started ignoring me. So, what did I ever do? Have I done something wrong?"
He shook his head, finally willing himself to look at me, "No, Lan, no. It's not you. You didn't do anything wrong; you're amazing." His small compliment sent me into a high only Bates could send me to, "I just needed some time alone,"
"Some time alone from me only?" The little high from Bates easily slipped away from his last sentence. "Because you haven't been not talking to anyone else. You've been talking to Jessie and Jonas. If it isn't clear enough, I'd say that you do not want to speak to me. And I want to know why."
He looked away again. And I moved so I was in front of him, our bodies a few steps away from each other. The silence between us was driving me crazy and I didn't know how long I would be able to stand it.
Finally, his eyes trailed up to my face, we stared at each other for a minute or two before he laced his fingers through mine. The little act sent my heart into overdrive and the blood in my veins stopped for a complete minute and I swear he took all my oxygen away.
"Let's go talk somewhere more quiet," he said, "so we can talk." Our fingers were still intertwined and I nodded before my mind processed that I would have to tell Mandy that I decided to walk instead of having her pick me up. She will be furious. I'll need to text her later.
"I'll have to get my little sister Emmy, ok? We can go to the park and she can play while we talk." He said, pulling me along with him. Our shoulders touching occasionally as we walked. With him being this close, he was making it extremely hard for me to be upset with him. I looked up at him, he was staring straight ahead seeming lost in thought.
"Bates!" screamed a high pitched voice as a little girl skipped over to us. She was grinning from ear to ear and she hugged Bates once she reached us. Her dark locks of hair -- a lot lighter color than Bates -- was pulled into a high pony tail, a few stray hairs falling out.
"Whoa," his sister, Emmy, looked at me, "who are you? You're pretty!"
I smile, kneeling down to face her, "I'm Landon." She smiled at me. "And thank you. You're more pretty though."
"That's a pretty name! That's not true, you are so pretty, Landon." She said, "I'm Emma. But Bates calls me Emmy!"
"What would you like me to call you?" I ask her nicely.
She shrugs, "Whatever you want."
"Is Emmy okay?"
Grinning, she nods. Bates ruffled her hair, causing her pony tail to look even more messy than before, "Come on, we are headed to the park."
"Yay!" Emmy cried with excitement, skipping towards me and taking my hand as she pulled me along while Bates lingered behind.
•••
"Somebody! Push me!" Emmy said as she tried to push herself on the swings, but her legs were too short to reach the ground so she wasn't succeeding.
Chuckling, Bates walked over to her and pushed her for a long while so she went really high. I was seated at the bench like we were seated before when he had sketched me. He really cared for his little sister, they were adorable.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked as he sat down beside me, letting a sigh leave his lips.
"You," I said automatically, not being so shy as to what I was thinking.
He raised his eyebrows, looking a little surprised, "That so?" I nodded, "What were you thinking about me?"
"I was thinking that you really care for your sister," I said, "and that is so sweet."
He smiled faintly, "Yeah, she's my sister. And I love her." My heart just about melted. Then I remembered when he hadn't talked to me in such a long time and my heart stopped melting and I turned to look at him. He was already looking at me silently, studying me.
"So are you going to tell me why you have been acting like you been?"
He sighed, "I see you want to get to the point as quickly as you can, huh?"
I nod my head. He sighs, looking at the ground, "When we almost kissed when we both ditched school, I was scared and chickened out. It wasn't that I didn't want to kiss you -- trust me, I did and still do -- it was that I didn't want to get attached to you and your company. I've done that before and then suddenly they leave. And I can't have that happen again. Especially not you. Landon, I really like you. A little too much and I don't want to lose you when I finally get you. Life is full of unexpected events and I can't just have something happen. I wouldn't be able to stand that."
"But--"
"No," he cuts me off, "I'm not done. Don't tell me you won't leave because you can't keep your word on that. I'm not this amazing guy that you think I am. I don't have this amazing family or I might not be this amazing boyfriend that will always open up to you if we ever were in a relationship."
"But Bates, you can trust me --"
"Did you expect me to just open up to you?" He said, his voice just as cold as the chilly air, "That we would just sit down and tell you my.. my life story? If so, I'm sorry. I'm not the person you need in your life. I don't want you wasting your time on me, Landon. I'm just a bomb getting ready to blow one day. And I don't want you to get hurt."
"You wouldn't hurt me," I argued durably.
"I probably will. And I don't want to hurt you; I like you too much, Landon." He argued back.
"Well," I said joylessly, "you already hurt me when you stopped talking to me."
He didn't say anything for a little while after that. I sat, watching as he looked down at the ground with his hands running through his hair. Like before, I would give anything to know his thoughts right then. We didn't speak for a while until I finally spoke up instead of biting my tongue like I do a lot to people.
"You think you aren't some amazing guy, huh? Well, Bates, you are. I see the way you care for your little sister. And they way you are so passionate about painting. To me, you're such an important human being in my life and I couldn't stand you being out of my life." I said, tugging at his arm, making him look at me. "And, yes, maybe life is so unexpected. But sometimes you don't always need to be so careful and closed off. Sometimes you need to take risks and open up. Because if you spend your whole life closed off and guarded then you will never be able to enjoy life and you deserve to enjoy life at times. And with you, I'd take that risk. I would completely open myself up to you and I'd enjoy life with you even if one of us ended up leaving. Because when I'd look back in my highschool years, I will remember you and I will smile rather than frown and let the what ifs or could have beens eat me alive. And maybe with me saying this won't change anything, but at least I am trying. Because I think you are so amazing and worth so much more than anyone could imagine."
He stared at me for a while after that. And I was staring back. And somehow the world around us had disappeared -- it was somewhere else, somewhere far away. At that moment, nothing else had mattered except the way Bates was looking at me and the way our breathing seemed to be the only sound that I could hear. And I don't know how, but I was getting closer to him -- just like he was -- and we were still gazing at each other and I swear I cannot breathe anymore. Bates was slowly moving closer to me and he was moving back a piece of my hair away from my face and my body was filled with sudden heat from his touch and it warmed my whole body despite the cold outside.
I was too focused on the thought of this way too good of a person seated in front of me to realize that his lips were just hovering over my own. There was an intense pressure building up between us and neither of us could stand it anymore. And all the pressure and tension was released when his lips pressed against mine in the most simplest ways, but it was like the world to me.
And just like that the world disappeared into darkness as I let my eyes fall shut and enjoy the way his lips were moving against mine. I did not know if I was kissing him back right, but all my thoughts of doubt vanished when I heard a soft moan from Bates, the sound vibrating against me. I didn't know if we were alone at this park -- besides Emmy -- or if we were bothering someone with our public display of affection, but I didn't care whatsoever at that moment. All I cared about was that I was finally kissing Bates.
I was kissing Bates.
I wasn't so sure what to do with my hands, so I tangled them into his hair. His hair was so soft and I tugged lightly at the roots. His hands had found their way at my sides, scooting me closer to him than I already was. I felt dizzy from the high Bates always seemed to send me on and my whole body felt on fire from his touch in the most pleasuring ways possible.
My God, I was falling suddenly. My mind was spiraling in the thought of Bates and the beating in my chest told me I had not died from this spectacular event that was happening -- I am kissing Bates, it's real. My mind were swimming in this sea of Bates and I. And my hands were trembling. Maybe from the cold or maybe from Bates alone.
Bates was kissing me back with so much intensity that I almost couldn't keep up. The feeling of his hands gripping my waist or the way they ran up and down my back.
This moment seemed to last forever, and I loved and cherished every part.
When he finally managed to pull away, he looked at me. My face felt like it was on fire and his cheeks held a tint of red on them. Then we both started smiling. And his smile was so radiant and dazzling that I felt myself grinning right back.
For once, I felt like such happiness that no one could pull me down from.
They kissed -- WHAAAAT????
What did you guys think about the kiss? Good? Bad? Okayish?
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Also, I wanted to inform you all that I have entered the Wattys2015 (if you hadn't already noticed by my story title) and I'd love all the support you all can provide for my story.
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Xoxo
Talia