"What am I, if not toilet? Why am I, if not a skibby?"
Grogda sat atop her throne (the toilet in the last stall in the Stonks female bathroom), all her Hinged Skibidi followers bowing at gnarly appendages. She had all she could ever want: An infinite supply of Hatsune Mike figurines (courtesy of the skibidi cult), no codding investigations, and no more poorety. Best of all, everyone in the whole school had finally embraced their skibidi.
She Fortnite Hyped to the roof of the Andrea Building, staring at the skibidi-ness below, and musing musingly. She had everything, she was more skibidi than ever, so why did she feel so empty? She released a petite scream, the coquette noise echoing throughout the college. Grogda looked back, her lusciously luscious tresses of kawaii sigma pineapple hair sweeping lusciously in the wind. And there she saw Boomquifa, her newest pawn, who was currently Asian squatting on the floor and mightily devouring a small cockroach named Angsty.
"Jashriek Master Boomquifa," she commanded, "Get me all the Miku anniversary figures."
Boomquifa made a small bow before hopping in a toilet and skibiding away.
Maybe Grogda felt lost because of her lack of VOCALOID merch. Yes. That made sense. It had to. She took out her mhajhick finger and sharpened it twice, sketching a toilet bowl into her Chinese textbook, now renamed "The Great Grogda's Biography and Artistry for Future Skibitus Biographers, please study carefully", trying to ignore the emptiness in her very buff cardiac muscle. Time passed, and Boomquifa came back, skibidi Jashrieking to alert Grogda of her presence. Boomquifa had every anniversary figure, even the Symphony one, which had a working music box. How very skibidi.
And yet, as she sat in her mountain of figurines, indulging in many cups of delicate msg servo noodles, she still felt void of happiness, of joy and of.................s-s—s-s-s--skibidi.
Tikki held her breath. She had avoided being , but only by a scraggly Boomquifa hair. Her partners in crime had been captured and skibidi'd. She couldn't afford to get seen now. She watched as Grogda kawaiily unboxed another Nendoroid, her eyes soulless, emo, and depressionazione. Tentatively, Tikki took some steps forward-eth, holding a bag of frozen dino nuggets, her greatest weapon. She was ready to strike.
Grogda heard Tikki's footsteps, and majestically and uwuly turned around dramatically. Extending her third finger a couple meters, she knocked the nuggets out of Tikki's cute petite soft delicate hands, and hissed, using the T-pose to assert her sigma dominance.
She felt the cocaine rush and she speedy mobeedily ran towards Tikki, baring her wolf fangs, and eyes turning green and signalling that she was on the hunt. Words rang in her head... I'm the alfer im the leader im the one to trust.....
"I will infect you with skibiditus!" was said confidently by a smirking Grogda, who injected the leftover noodle soup in her bloodstream and the extra powder in her hair. Drinking some more steroids, she turned on sharp jawline mode and armed herself with her sol dujuanairo spray.
Tikki leapt backwards, now summoning Bobbinette to transform into her ultimate cupid matchmaker alpha mahou shoujo form. She grasped her eyebrow and arrows tightly, taking a few more evilly angelic spicy sweet steps back. She got into her fighting stance, the Griddy, and prepared to shoot.
Grogda waz sharpening her fangs and ironing her legs when she suddenly had an epiphany. As Tikki pulled back the bow, she realised that she was feeling skibidi. Seeing the un-skibidi Tikki, feeling like she had this inferior being fanum taxed; wasn't that the whole point of being skibidi? If everyone was skibidi, was anything truly skibidi anymore? And if nothing was skibidi, what was her purpose in life? Her mewful life flashed before her eyes. Grogda whimpered, showing her beta male submission to Tikki just at the arrow fired.
Except that Tikki was kinda dumb and accidentally pulled the arrow the other way, and instead of succeeding in her nefarious scheme to make Grogda love her (cuz then she would be not skibidi ngl), because she had no beatches, she had shot the arrow right at herself and was now aggressively engaging in self love. As Tikki quickly emptied her parents bank accounts on omori and amazing digital circus $200 art prints and sticker sheets, and starting dancing to her victory song, Grogda did the gacha life knees.
"i-i-i-i-ii-i give u-up~~~" she mewled, unactivating sharp jawline mode. "p-p-p-ppwe-e-ase s-s-p-p-p-p-a-a—a-re m-me"
Tikki hesitantly looked up from her purchase list of 18 different stanleys and indie creator merchandise, lifting an angular and chiselled eyebrow.
"ok buddy"
Grogda rejoiced. "yyiyiyiiyppppepeee bet~~~~~!!!!!!!" she lol'd. Knowing that she very much ate no cap, she flossed rhythmically to the gentle and hypnotic hum of her Walmart microwave.
"But why, Grogder? Are you deelleulduluu?", Tikki questioned, unable to stop her cowlick locks from dancing to the gen alpha coded music.
"As you should definitely 100% know (grr!), I have foundeth my place in life: to be one with the skibidi, a pure and alpha demonstration of skibitus, the peak fire top g of skibidi cultivation." she shuffled, not daring to look Tikki in the orbs, as to not show her glistening rainbow gemstone teardrops that were now forming in her eye sockets, due to immense feelings of depressionazione. "But i haft come uponst a realizatione. If everything in this world-eth is skibidi, then there r no true skibitus left."
"k" Tikki replied, not understanding a word, as she had been too invested in daydreaming about her gacha OCs.
Grogda stood up, snail-like, and swished her follicles in a dramatic fashion, running a toe against her log like sharp jaw. She gave a smirk to the fourth wall as she grew wings and leapt of the building skibidily. And in a flash, she was back. In her claws she held the one thing that could cure Skibiditus: Cringey Facebook Minion Memes.
As Tikki held the quivering Clarence in place, Grogda would feed the Minion memes into her brain for 69 hours straight. And 69 hours later, Clarence was cured. But there was one issue: Grogda's knobbly knees and omega-like arms could barely stand for that long, and after just the first time, she was growing weak, needing to feast on the souls of her underlings.
"c-c-c-c-c-c—c-c-an ii-i-i-i-i-i give m-m—m-m-ast-e-r u-u-u-u-w-u-u-u-uu an i-i-ide-a-a-a~?" Clarence guggled kawaiily.
Grogda glared at her, eye spheres turning red, and payshence thinning, but nodded.
"what if u m-made a vaccine for Skibiditus?"
Grogda scoffed. What a stupid idea! Glaring at Clarence and pushing one eyebrow down to her cheekbones while lifting the other to her bald spot, she said, "No wonder you're a degeneratay," whilst cutely ignoring the fact that she too, was a degeneratay.
Clarence instantly shrank back, beta pheromones radiating in the musty crusty ass air of the Stonks building. She curled herself up into a ball, globes darting back and forth.
Burning half of her calories, Grogda turned on her Brain System. Clarence's beta-like idea was very rascallish, but it just might work.
"Very well, Coaewlaewnce."
103 minutes of webtoons and 27 minutes of working later...
Marvellously balancing the delicate scale of procrastination and productivity, the cult master and her unpaid child labour worker successfully made the first dose of Skibitus vaccine. Powerfully and majestically skipping through HASS and sport, they perfectly timed the trial period with Grogda's lunar birthday, and also the new moon.
And it had worked. Wth??
It was a simple recipe; two ingrown toenails from the nearest rose bush, the friendship of magic and some of the air in the cave where Catpiss and Peenis conducted their cringey and awkward interactions from the Famished Recreational Activities.
And after many skibidi shenanigans, Grogda had been pulled out of the dwark swide-ide, lip biting her way through whatever tomatoes/eggs were thrown in her path to victory.
"CLOLBOLBOLBOLBOBLOARARABNANAANANNCE," released by the vocal cords of Grogda.
Instantly, Clarence flew like an Rainbow Dash to Grogda's grippers.
"Yes, sigma?"
"Well done, Clarence."
"What for, Cult Master?"
"You have proved your worth to the Great Grogda, Skibidi Cult Master."
"ok buddy"
"You shall now be named Clarence, Second in Skibbimand."