After all the drama at school this month, I felt overwhelmed. Mark and his cronies would insult me whenever I walked by them. I guess they didn't learn a lesson. The last thing I wanted to do is deal with him. I ignored them. I put my head down so my tears don't fall. Badass Lena was gone, and the good, old Lena was back. A friendless Lena. I now sat alone. All I wanted to do is cuddle up my comfy, fluffy bed, read the Vampire Diaries, eat ice cream and listen to Ed Sheeran. The man is a music phenomenon. Anyways, on the bright side, autumn is at its best right now. It's the perfect time to take out my camera. I'll go to the nearby park this weekend, and relax.
***
I twisted the doorknob to my house, and hastily went inside. It was raining buckets out there! Oh well, it's Friday. I shook all the water out of my umbrella, took off my boots, not once looking up. Something was weird. All the lights were on. My mom was at work, and she wasn't supposed to come back before 10. It was five. I heard some whispering coming from the kitchen.
Alarmed, I held my now closed umbrella in my hands. I was shaking, but prepared to face the worst. I tiptoed to the kitchen door. The whispering was now getting louder. Someone was sobbing. I could hear them sniffling. No pity. No burglar was going to be depressed in my kitchen.
I opened the door, and pointed my umbrella at the "person", then yelled:
"You! Don't steal anything, y-you...Mom?"
My own mother was sitting on our small, round table, crying her heart out and muttering: "This shouldn't be happening."
When she saw me, she stood up, almost laughed and screamed: "Lena! Baby girl...!"
She took me in her arms, and held on me as if her life depended on it. All I could do was pat her back soothingly. I could feel my shirt getting wet by her tears. 10 minutes later, she let go of my embrace and took a seat on one of the chairs.
Her face looked older. Framed with worry, and fatigue. Now, I could look at her. Her long hair was put up in a messy bun, she was wearing huge t-shirt and jeans that were double her size.
She ushered for me to sit in front of her, I obeyed.
"What's wrong, Mom?" I asked anxiously.
"Well, I may have..." She started nervously, looking like a scared child who's done something bad.
"Mom! Spit it out!" I said impatiently.
"Igotfired."
My eyes bulged out of my head so much, I was pretty sure I looked like a fish right now.
"What?"
"I got fired! It happens! My boss said that my designs were boring, and that he had a better worker than me." She played with her sleeves, a habit I'd inherited from her.
A million questions were running through my head right now, how were we supposed to pay rent? How could we live? Then I remembered something.
"But, we still have the money in the bank, right?"
Her eyes went down to her bitten nails.
"Oh, darling, you know we never had much. My salary was everything. Plus,wasting all my money on moving a lot is a problem," Sighing, she let her eyes well with tears again.
I felt as if the weight of the world was on my shoulders.
I knew what this meant. It meant the start of a new life. It meant that I had to get a job.
***
-Saturday, 1 p.m.-
Having decided I wasn't going to mope around all weekend, I decided to go to the park. I put a huge hoodie, my favorite comfortable sweats, and my Ugg boots. My hair was in a messy braid and my face was make up free. I couldn't care less about how I looked. I had my camera around my neck, and that's all that mattered.
"Mom! I'm going to the park!" I shouted, hoping she'd hear me.
"Okay darling! Be happy and smile, I love you!" she replied,shouting louder than I did.
I stuffed my phone in my pocket, and put the headphones in my ear. Let's do this.
I walked as far as my feet could take me. Then, I arrived at the so called park.
It was my own personal heaven.
Many golden hues formed the color of the leaves that laid scattered all around. Young laughter rang out every where. Some passed time as they jumped on a heaped pile of discarded leaves. I was walking, admiring the view, oblivious to the sound of crunching under my feet as I walked a well trodden path. A slight breeze whispered along the trees and teased more leaves into releasing their tentative hold. Deeply engrossed in feeding a little bird, an old woman didn't notice a wayward leaf on her head.
I smiled, something that was rare to me during the last couple days. I felt happy, so happy.
I captured every moment. Everything. From the a flood of birds flying to a warmer place, to children playing tag. From the beautiful trees releasing their hold on the orange, red and yellow leaves, to an old couple holding hands, they were concentrated on each other.
"This was where I belonged, this was who I was. Every single piece of life needed to be remembered. Every moment, sadness or joy, in this big world never could be forgotten. Every thing had it's own remarkable beauty, it had to be captured. This was a photographer's job. If you do this, you have the whole world in your hands. In your camera." My father told me those words. He's the one who made me discover my passion for photography. He was one, too. I remember the day he gave me my own, camera. I was 10.
*Flashback...
I blew on all 10 candles happily. I was ecstatic. Every one cheered, and gave me a hug. After eating the delicious chocolate cake, my dad told me to wear my snow wear, I was confused but I obliged. He took my hand and we went to the backyard, were snow was everywhere. In his hands were a small bag.
Out of nowhere, he lift me up and spun me around. I giggled, joining my father's resounding laughter. He put me down, then squatted to be on my level.
"Happy birthday, Rosie! You're a double-digit number now, do you know what that means?" He exclaimed seriously.
"No daddy, what does that mean?" I said, curiosity building inside me.
He took the package and gave it to me. I hastily opened it, only to see a brand new Canon camera. I gasped, and looked at it as if it was the most beautiful thing in the world. I gave my dad a tight hug, as his eyes beamed with excitement.
"Thank you, thank you, thank you! I love you so so so much daddy! I'll treasure it forever and ever." Was my response. He smiled in admiration at me.
**End of flashback.
I miss him. Why? He died killed in a car crash. The thing is, I was the only other one in the car. But I survived. I could've done something. Anything. I wish I'd died with him, so I wouldn't have to suffer. I felt my knees go wobbly and my eyes well with tears, so I sat under the biggest tree in the park. I protectively put my arms around my knees, and placed my head on them. I cried, and cried. This was the first time I'd been this weak. I'm tired of having to hold it all in. Hot tears kept flowing down my cheeks, they seemed unstoppable. I tried to wipe them away, but that would only make them fall harder. Everything was because of me, everything.
After what seemed like a lifetime, I'd cried all the tears in my body, and tears were dry on my face. I was pretty sure I looked like a zombie. I quickly untangled my braid and let my hair set loose on my head. I lift my head up, running my eyes on the scenery in front of me. Everything seemed normal, yet something caught my eye.
There was a boy, sitting underneath the tree opposing to me. He was holding a sketchbook and...drawing? Every once in a while, he would look up, directly at me. He looked beautiful, like he was begging for his picture to get taken. I took a quick picture of him, then looked away. I observed the photo. It was Liam. I don't know how, or why, but my feet dragged me towards him. His eyebrows pulled up a little, as if interrupting him of doing something important. I sat beside him. Silence filled the air. Although, it wasn't an awkward silence, it was comfortable. I took a peek at his work. There was a girl, looking sad, her head was on her knees. There was a messy, yet perfectly drawn braid. Beside her, a camera was lying on a heap of leaves. Under the drawing, there was two perfectly written words. I gasped.
Intrigued, and shocked, I looked at him. His blue eyes were observing me, waiting for my reaction.
"I-Is that me?" I asked, hoping the answer was yes.
His head bobbed down. He looked perfect. I wasn't ashamed of admitting it.
"I'm Lena, and you're Liam, aren't you?" The head action repeated.
Why wasn't he answering me? Is he mad at me or something?
"Did I do something wrong?" I inquired, fearing his answer.
He put his head down, and shook his head. Was he embarrassed of something?
On the spur of a moment, it clicked in my head. He was mute. My eyes widened, and I apologized.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that."
Something flickered in his eyes. He scribbled down: No pity, please.
I nodded, understanding. I knew how he felt.
"No, I hate pity too. Do you mind if I join you?"
He instantly relaxed and shook his head as a "no". I felt relief flood me.
I put my head on his firm, shoulder. I don't know why I did that, but it felt right. My heart's pace quickened. He tensed, but that was for a split second. It felt so right. My head fit perfectly into his shoulder. He was warm. He continued drawing, it was a new one.
I closed my eyes, and savored the moment. A million thoughts were running through my head and his. I could feel it. My heart kept screaming something, but I ignored it. All I could think of was; the scribbled words under his drawing. A drawing of me. Two words, that made me feel confused, yet strangely happy:
True Beauty
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