“She needs to get a full body checkup, and I mean pronto!” I exclaim, my concern for her well-being evident in my voice.
“This hospital isn’t exactly the epitome of medical excellence, and I fear that if we don’t get her to a better facility, her treatment will be delayed, and her condition might worsen.”
His stoic expression remains unchanged for a few seconds, and then he bursts out laughing, his deep chuckle filling the room. “Young lad, you’re always worried about my daughter, aren’t you? If I didn’t know you any better, I’d be offended – there’s a guy who’s deliberately trying to steal her away from me!” He teases, his eyes twinkling with amusement.
“But seriously, I appreciate your dedication to her well-being. You’ve been by her side since the moment she collapsed, and I can see the worry etched on your face.”
I breathe a sigh of relief, glad that he’s not taking my concern as an affront. “Don’t worry, Uncle, I just want what’s best for her. And if that means taking her to a better hospital, then so be it. I’ll do whatever it takes to ensure her recovery.”
He nods, his expression turning serious.
“I know you will, and I appreciate that. We’ll do whatever you need, and I’ll make sure to get her transferred to a top-notch hospital. For now, you should be the one taking some rest. I haven’t seen you breathe a sigh of relief since the second she fainted. How about you take a checkup as well, along with her? I’m sure it’ll leave my daughter relieved as well – her savior is healthy too.”
For goodness sake, can’t anyone see that we’re in the midst of a crisis here? The situation is dire, and yet, everyone seems to be stuck in a state of denial!
“Y/N, please, tell me you’re feeling something - anything! Do you feel pain anywhere? Are you able to breathe properly? Are your lungs functioning as they should be? We can’t just stand here and twiddle our thumbs, waiting for something to happen. We need to take action, and we need to do it now!”
The man standing opposite us raises his brows, his expression skeptical. “I’ve been meaning to ask, why are you so concerned about her lungs?”
She steps forward, standing protectively in front of me. “Dad, you’re aware I stress a lot during exams, right? Recently, I’ve been coughing quite a lot, so he’s worried. I’ll follow him along and get that checkup done. Better late than never, right?”
Her father nods, his expression softening. “Ah, yes, of course. We’ll get you checked out, dear. Don’t worry, we’ll get to the bottom of this.”
I nod, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. “Thank you, uncle. I just want to make sure she’s okay. She’s been through so much already.”
She excuses herself, rushing out of the room with a urgent gesture for me to follow. We hurry down the hallway, our footsteps echoing off the walls. When we reach the other end, she spins around, her eyes blazing with a fierce glare.
“Have you gone mad?” She demands, her voice low and stern.
“Do you even know what you were doing back there? You’d almost exposed yourself if it weren’t for me! Want to get your ass whacked?”
Her lecture continues, her words laced with worry and frustration. But I’m beyond reasoning, my emotions raw and exposed. I grab her neck, pulling her towards me, and her face is buried in my chest. Tears flow down my eyes as I hold her close, feeling a mix of relief and regret.
“I’m so glad you’re fine,” I whisper, my voice shaking. “You don’t know how restless I’ve been since you fainted. I’m sorry, I’ll never smoke again. Hell, I’ll never go against any of your advice again. Forgive me, please.” I hold her tight, feeling a sense of gratitude and love for this strong, fierce woman who’s always looking out for me.
“And I don’t mind if he found out I was the reason behind your condition.” I continue, my voice muffled by her hair. “I deserve all the punishment he’d announce in my name. Just please, forgive me, and let’s move forward from this.” My tears soak into her shirt as I hold her, feeling a sense of hope and redemption.
Slapping my chest, she pinches my bicep, her eyes flashing with a mix of annoyance and amusement. “Stop acting all macho, will you?” She says, her voice firm but playful, with a hint of teasing.
“I know you’re a bad boy, but don’t think you can fool me with that sincere attitude. My dad won’t see it, trust me. All he sees is a man who tried killing his daughter. So, let’s just end this matter here and now. And you better not be seen with that smoke stick in front of me again, or you’ll regret it.”
I nod my head immediately, agreeing to her terms, feeling a sense of relief wash over me. Without thinking, I kiss her forehead in a protective gesture, my lips grazing her skin. It’s a gentle, instinctive move, one that I realize too late might have been a mistake. The next second, my body goes numb as I realize what I’ve done. My heart beats faster, and I can feel my pulse racing. She can clearly hear it too, and her eyes narrow slightly, her gaze piercing through me.
“I’m so sorry,” I say quickly, my voice laced with regret and apology. “I shouldn’t have done that. It was a mistake, and I promise it won’t happen again.” I take a step back, trying to compose myself, but my eyes remain fixed on hers, hoping for forgiveness and understanding.
“It’s fine, I liked it.” She whispers, her low, husky voice sending a thrill through my body. I feel my face flush with embarrassment, thinking to myself. “You’re a doomed lover, Kim Namjoon.” I can’t believe I kissed her forehead without thinking, and now I’m standing here, feeling like a nervous wreck.
“We should get that checkup done.” She says, pulling away and maintaining a safe distance between us. I rub my nape, feeling a mix of relief and frustration. “Yeah, let’s get this over with.” I agree, leading the way to the radiologist’s office.
As we wait, the radiologist writes her name in the directory, and a nurse takes her to the X-ray room. I’m left standing outside, my mind racing with doubts and worries. “Is this safe? Aren’t radio waves harmful? Is it going to affect her in any way?” I think to myself, feeling my patience wear thin. This hospital is really testing my limits today.
I pace back and forth outside the room, feeling restless and anxious. I can’t help but think about what could go wrong, and how I’ll protect her from any harm. My mind is a jumble of thoughts and emotions, and I can’t seem to shake off the feeling of unease.
The doctor repeats. “Everything is safe here, young man. Those rays won’t harm her. It’s just an exposure for a few seconds. You can confirm with other hospitals if you’d like.” I think to myself, “Idiotic oldie. If I had the chance to confirm, I wouldn’t have let her be admitted here in the first place. What an unserious doctor he is. How did he even get his degree? It’s better if I do a background check on him. I can’t trust him with her life.”
Holding her hand, I weakly smile at her as she lies down. “Everything’s gonna be alright, I’ll be right here, don’t worry.” I try to sound convincing, but my voice trembles with fear. The nurse calls me out.
“Excuse me, sir, could you please step out for a moment?” I nod, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Don’t be scared, I’m right here. I’ll be back in a minute.”
As I step out, I can’t help but think about how much I’ve taken her for granted. The bossy, smiling girl who has been by my side since childhood almost lost her life because of my careless habits. I remember the times she scolded me for my reckless behavior, the times she covered for me when I made mistakes. And now, I might lose her because of my own stupidity. The thought sends a chill down my spine.
Anyone who sees this scene would probably think I’m overreacting, but they don’t know what I’ve been through. In just a few hours, I almost lost the one person who has always been there for me. My ill habits nearly cost her her life. My concern is completely valid. I know the truth, and I won’t let anything happen to her. Not now, not ever. Memories of our time together flood my mind - our laughter, our fights, our late-night conversations. I can’t bear the thought of a future without her. I’ll do anything to make sure she’s safe, to make up for my mistakes. She’s all I have left, and I won’t lose her.
Watching her being examined from the glass cubicle, my heart raced vigorously against my chest. I prayed silently. “Let everything be fine, Lord. Please let her be okay. Don’t take her away from me.” I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, of living a life without her by my side. The anxiety was suffocating, making my breath catch in my throat.
“When can we get the reports?” I asked the nurse, trying to hide my anxiety behind a mask of calmness. But she gave me an annoyed look, and I felt a surge of frustration. “The test isn’t even complete yet. You’ll get it by evening.” Evening? That seemed like an eternity. I couldn’t help but wonder if this hospital was even legit and verified. How could they be so nonchalant about someone’s life?
But then I heard the doctor’s words, “Alright, it’s done.” My ears perked up, and I rushed inside, ignoring the nurse’s call to wait. I helped her stand up, and she looked pale and shaken, her eyes wide with fear. “Oh my God, I’m never doing something that serious again. My breath almost stopped inside that place. This was definitely scary.” I felt a wave of anger wash over me, mixed with relief that the test was finally over.
What kind of hospital was this? I knew it – they weren’t trustworthy. If something happened to her, I was going to sue this place and make sure none of them ever worked in the medical field again. I would make sure they regretted the day they ever crossed paths with me.
The doctor’s words only added fuel to my rage. “Miss Y/N, it’s normal to feel this way after exposure to radio waves. Rest assured, there are no serious risks. Your results will be out soon. Take ample rest and avoid moving around much.”
I was beyond enraged. I wished I could pull out a gun and shoot all my bullets into this old man’s head. How could he be so calm and collected when my world was falling apart?
“Doctor, I hope what you said right now was true.” My words were a warning, a clear threat that I wouldn’t tolerate any harm done to my Y/N. I was her rock, her protector, and I would do everything in my power to keep her safe.
Helping her walk, we moved back to her ward. I was seething with anger and frustration, but I tried to stay calm for her sake. I knew I had to be strong, but it was getting harder by the minute. The waiting game was torture, and I just wanted answers. I wanted to know she was going to be okay, that she was going to come out of this alive and unscathed.
“Sit down and don’t move around. Tell me if you need something. I’m right here to assist you.” I seated myself on the chair next to her bed, awaiting her response. If she didn’t desire my presence, I would have no choice but to depart, but I hoped she recognized my intention to support her.
“Do you truly intend to quit smoking?” She inquired, her tone laced with skepticism. “Indeed, I do,” I affirmed, my determination evident in my voice. “Is it because of me?” She asked, her eyes searching mine for the truth.
“Yes! I cannot risk witnessing you in this state again,” I declared, my words brutal and honest. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing her, of watching her suffer as a consequence of my mistakes. “Are you certain you won’t regret this decision?” Her voice barely above a whisper as she asked.
“I would rather live with regret than watch you suffer on account of me.” I stated, my conviction unwavering. I observed as she fidgeted with her hands, her expression a mix of emotions. Her neck moved as she gulped down her saliva, and I knew she was apprehensive.
“You have declared this now. Do not ever retract your words in the future.” Y/N admonished, her tone firm yet gentle. She was endearing when anxious, and I couldn’t help but smile. “Of course, I won’t. I am a man of my word.” I assured her, my mafia background evident in my promise. A mafia member was never supposed to lie, not in my territory at least.
“Since we have reached this point, I might as well utilize my sickness and confess to you,” she stated, her voice hesitant. My head tilted, awaiting her continuation, my curiosity piqued. What secrets did she have to divulge?
“Joonie, I must confess that I have developed strong feelings for you. Not merely a passing infatuation, but a deep and abiding love. This sentiment has not arisen recently, nor did it begin yesterday. You have held a special place in my heart since the very day you moved into our neighborhood. I vividly recall the first time we spoke, an encounter that still fills me with embarrassment. My behavior was foolish, and I would rather not revisit that memory. However, it also marked the first time I summoned the courage to approach you, rather than simply observing you from afar, as I often did from my window.”
My mind went blank, my thoughts momentarily paralyzed. I had been aware of her affection, and my presence in her life had been a calculated move to encourage her feelings, only to ultimately discard her. Yet, her confession stirred an unfamiliar sensation within me. Empathy? Could it be that I, a mafia member, was experiencing empathy? Such feelings were foreign to my nature, and I had long believed them to be weaknesses. But in her case, something was different.
“Get well soon.” I managed to say, my voice softer than intended. “We can discuss this further at a later time.” My words were a gentle deflection, an attempt to delay the conversation while I grappled with this unexpected emotional response.
As I tucked her into the blanket, helping her lie down, her expression fell, and I couldn't bear to meet her gaze. Forgive me, I thought, I'm afraid if I look into those eyes right now, I'll lose the purpose of my existence, the reason I've been surviving all along. I was raised with a singular desire for revenge, and she's making it hard for me to focus on my goals.
I turned to leave the room, but she grasped my wrist, her eyes moist with unshed tears. It was clear she was struggling to maintain her composure. “Can we still be friends?” She asked, her voice low and husky with emotion.
“Yes,” I replied, my tone gentle. “I’ll forever be your friend.” As I spoke, I gently extricated my hand from her grasp, and she faintly smiled, a hint of gratitude in her eyes.
In that moment, I felt a pang of guilt for the pain I had caused her, and the conflict within me grew. My loyalty to my mafia family and my desire for revenge wrestled with my newfound feelings for her, leaving me uncertain about the future.
“Alright, you’ve said this now. I hope there’s no awkward interaction between us in the future.” She stated, her words a gentle dismissal.
And indeed, her confession was never brought up again, a tacit understanding between us. However, a palpable distance grew between us, a chasm that hurt her, and I was aware of it. I was helpless, too, for allowing her into my inner circle would mean dismantling the walls I had erected around myself. Permitting her to glimpse a part of me that I feared she would willingly accept, and perhaps even love. No, that wasn’t how I had planned it to be. It wasn’t supposed to end this way.
Yet, in the end, I chose to follow my original plan and marry her, a decision that felt like a betrayal of my own emotions. The mafia member in me had triumphed, but at what cost? The conflict within me still lingered, a constant reminder of the sacrifices I had made for the sake of my revenge.
-PRESENT-
I was a fool, wasn’t I? How could I forget the day I lost myself, consumed by the fear that I had killed you? How did I manage to break you down, when it was supposed to be me protecting you? How blind was I with my revenge, that I couldn’t see the harm I was causing?
If only we could go back to the past, I would make a different choice. I would happily accept your confession and tell you that I was madly in love with you. The day I quit smoking was the day I acknowledged my love for you. But the remorse of my own shortcomings and losses left me with the conclusion that I had to stick to my plan, no matter how much it would hurt you. I was afraid that you were making me into someone I didn’t plan to be, someone who felt and loved.
Rubbing her hands, I placed them against my cheek, seeking comfort in her touch. The warmth of her skin was a gentle reminder of what I had almost lost, and what I was still determined to destroy. The conflict within me raged on, a constant battle between my love for her and my loyalty to my deceased parents .
Regrets are all that accompany me now. I regret not protecting you well enough, whether it was the day I left you after our marriage or the day you were kidnapped. Yet, despite everything, you chose to save me. It hurts that you hate me, and I can't blame you. Your hatred is justified, but could you perhaps hate me a little less? I'm afraid I won't be able to bear it. I feel scared to look into your eyes, which once shone with love and warmth but are now blank and hollow, devoid of any emotion.
Don't lose yourself because of me; I'm not worth it. I'm willing to accept any punishment, whether it's physical or emotional. Beat me, slap me; I won't fight back. Just please, hate me a little less. I beg of you, don't despise me to the point where you forget who you truly are. Don't become a replica of me, an inhumane monster. Your dislike towards me is justified, but it will only remind you of the scars my existence has left in your life.
In your eyes, I see a reflection of the damage I've caused, and it's a constant reminder of my failures. I'm trapped in this abyss of guilt and regret, and I don't know how to escape. All I can do is plead with you to forgive me, not for my sake but for yours. Let go of the hatred and anger; it will only consume you. You deserve better than to be tied to the chains of resentment and bitterness. You deserve love, happiness, and peace.
My lips curved downward in a sorrowful expression when I pecked her forehead. I tried hard, but it was really difficult to muster a smile when looking at her. The weight of my guilt was crushing me, and I couldn't escape its suffocating grip. The remorse I felt for my past actions towards her was eating away at me, and I couldn't find a way to shake it off.
My eyes drooped, and my gaze fell, unable to meet hers. I was afraid of seeing the hurt and disappointment that still lingered in her eyes, a constant reminder of the pain I had caused. My lips pressed into a thin line, and I fought the urge to apologize again, knowing that words alone couldn't undo the harm I had done. The silence between us was heavy with unspoken emotions, and I knew that forgiveness would take time, effort, and understanding.