Carlos and I hopped into the car with the black package and drove to the police station.
"GIRL. NO WAY. WHAT IS THIS SHIT."
He went on a rant, picking up speed and slaloming a little on the highway around the cars.
"I'm sick, Carlos. I want to find out whose finger that is as soon as possible."
He took the wrong turn, driving off of the highway and instead to the rich district of San José.
"What are you doing? That's the wrong way! We really don't have time for that."
"I know. But I have an assumption."
I buried my face in my hands, stressed out about the situation. Not the best day to be honest. Maybe life would have been better if I had just stayed in Italy.
The houses got more and more familiar.
Oh no.
"Car, leave Matteo out of this. He was with me and he's not the type to send me a finger as a present."
"You think so, hoe?"
Carlos pulled up to his mansion and rushed to the main door, ringing the bell uncountable times until one could hear steps inside.
Matteo unlocked the door and swung it open with an annoyed countenance.
"Can you-"
He stopped, ogling us, getting wet in the rain.
"Come in, please."
"Not until you explain why you gifted Lara a damn finger."
I pulled Carlos inside. Matteo ran his hand through his disheveled hair.
It was 10 P.M., and he seemed to be already in bed, with his sweatpants on and a simple t-shirt. I had the urge, to fix my appearance right now. To put on a nice dress and do my hair, just like every time I see him. And this feeling is damn strange, usually, I'm chill with being myself around other people doesn't matter whom.
But I wanted to look good for him. All the time.
Even if it is impossible.
"What's wrong? I don't understand."
Carlos pressed the package into his hands and the moment he opened it slightly, every one of us could smell the disgusting smell of death.
Matteo placed it on the kitchen counter and handed Carlos a duvet after. He wrapped the other duvet around me, softly rubbing my body warm.
"Take place on the couch, please."
He aimed towards the kitchen again and stared shocked into the package.
"Jesus."
He rubbed his forehead, after staring at the content for too long. Carlos laid his arms around me and we both froze a bit, cuddling us warm.
"I don't trust that bitch."
He whispered into my ear and I shushed him, assuring him that Matteo was trusted.
"It's Ryan's finger."
Ryan.
I froze in place and the duvet did nothing to protect me from it.
"Why?"
He looked back at me, reading the last two words of the paper out loud.
"I guess it was their boss."
"Your best friend?"
Carlos chimes in, clearly angry about the situation.: "Why would their fucking bald ass boss send my best friend a finger with the message, like, oh he won't touch you and sum. Girl what the fuck."
Matteo sighed, locking the main business room next to the kitchen.
"I have to investigate."
"Why would he do that and not you?", Carlos accused.
"I already beat Ryan up, but I didn't have the intent to cut his finger off after that."
"Matteo, will you at least include me this time in your investigations?"
I stood up from the couch and walked over to him with the blanket wrapped around my shoulders.
"I try my best to. Leon is currently sleeping and I can't do anything about it. The both of you can stay at my house tonight, I don't mind."
Minutes passed and Carlos got one of Matteo's guest rooms, while he asked me to stay in the kitchen with him a bit.
"I'm so sorry that you needed to witness that. I'll make sure he'll get what he deserves."
He leaned against the kitchen counter, forcing himself to keep his eyes on me and not on the ground.
"It's not your fault, that he sent me this, but it's your fault he even knows me."
He laughed it off and I squinted. Not funny.
"Finally I am getting a taste of your hot temper."
"I don't know why you'd even want that."
He gently caught my ring finger between his middle one and pinky, inspecting it.
"What's your ringer finger size?"
"Eight, I guess. Why do you ask?"
"Do you like merengue?"
"That's a random question. Yes, yes I do."
He grinned. "I knew you were perfect for me."
Matteo let go of my finger and took a sip of water. I tucked my hands into my pockets, blushing at his seven words. Something about this man wants me to break my norms and expectations of my future.
The expectation is to live my life with zero emotional boundaries and only casual flings. The urge to try something new after Adrián. My childhood love who still stuck in my mind till now. Probably I developed so high standards because of him. Then he left.
We knew each other for about a year, but that was enough to know that I liked him. Maybe it was even love. Maybe he's out there in this big world thinking the same about me.
Or he started a new life, with a new girl. Apart from that, we never officially dated. We kissed once, and for two days he vanished without another word. Maybe he got kidnapped. Fuck I don't want to even think about it.
Back to Matteo. He was the only one in seven years to reach this standard. He is the standard. Except, his flawless personality which makes me question what I did wrong.
"Matteo?"
"Yes?"
"Do you even have flaws? Like noticeable ones?"
He froze in place, unsettled by this rather normal question about relationships. I don't even want a relationship.
"I hope not. Please tell me I don't."
His voice was a bit wobbly. Was he scared of being imperfect all along?
"I didn't spot any, seriously. That's why I asked."
He let out a relieved breath, scratching his neck.
"Every human being has flaws and I have noticeable ones, but I don't like to reveal them to anyone, you know?"
He accommodated the duvet over my shoulder with his fingers and rubbed me mildly.
"I hope one day you can reveal to me all of them."
"This might be the end of us."
I laughed, rolling my eyes, but he came off dead earnest.
"Before that, I have a question."
"Hmh?"
He smiled, throwing a mango in the air from the bowl, to stab it with a knife in mid-flight and cut it in half.
"My parents know about you. They want to get to know you."
I smiled, burying myself more in the fluffy duvet.
"Really? Where do they live?"
"You want to fly next week to Puerto Rico with me? I planned to visit them either way."
At this point, dictionaries should replace the word spontaneous with Matteo.
Two weeks before Gabriel's death
I hated to cushion my ears essentially every night, hearing my mother's pleas of getting spared for a thing she didn't even do and screeches of despair.
"GABRIEL PLEASE STOP, I DIDN'T DO IT!", she screamed before a sharp sound sounded through our house.
"LIAR! YOU FUCKING DESTROYED US!" Gabriel yelled with a wobbly voice. I couldn't take it anymore and sneaked downstairs as quiet as possible.
The kitchen light was on, and Mãe lay on the ground, with her head leaned against the radiator.
Blood was flowing out of one of her nostrils.
"Be honest, you dumb bitch. Did you fucking cheat on my father?" He shouted and my body jerked at the aggression in his voice. Mother would've never cheated on Dad. Now that he is dead, Gabriel goes insane and accuses her of something that didn't happen.
"GABRIEL I WOULD HAVE NEVER DONE THAT!"
Another slap in her face and crying.
I built up the courage to step into the kitchen and yank Gabriel by his shoulders away from Mom.
"WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO YOU?!" I screamed, right before I got slammed into the wall.
"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME MOTHER NOTHING!" He replied, slapping me across the face and my ear made a beeping noise. The back of my head hit the wall and I hoped there wouldn't be a hole in it, whatsoever.
The stinging pain reached my feet and every body part. While he was high he often used to call me by my mother's name. Mom said, that he couldn't separate us, because we look similar and LSD makes it hard to have a normal perception.
That explains everything, that's why he's always talking shit and makes up things in delusion. I don't know which misogynistic boys he's meeting up with, but they have a really bad influence on him.
He started wrapping his hand around my throat and restricting my airflow. My temple started throbbing from the pressure.
"Gabriel please..."
Mom got up behind him, staring him down, and tried to grab after something.
"Shut up, Maria."
He laughed and kicked into my stomach.
My vision blackened and I started to lose consciousness.
Gabriel let go of me and I fell to the ground, coughing my soul out severely.
He turned his attention back to Mom and screamed at her in Portuguese, how bad of a mother she was and how she failed to raise her children.
I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him backward towards the door, but he just stood still. Not moving.
Then he said something, which made my brain malfunction. Something I've never heard him say in moments like this.
"Lara. Go upstairs."
Mom shot her head up and squinted, holding her belly.
"Come with me please."
I begged, grabbing after his hand and leading him upstairs. Mom gave me a thanking and irritated look and I gave her one, letting her know I'd come back later.
Once we were in his room I closed the door behind us and locked it. He panicked a bit, going for the door.
"Please don't lock it...Please don't..."
I never knew why he was afraid of being in a locked room, yet decided to unlock it again.
"Promise me, you'll stay inside."
He nodded, rubbing his eyes, which were completely red and tired.
"Why are you doing this?" I questioned, seeing a gun, a transparent package with white powder, and a can of pills next to his bed.
"Doing what?"
"Fucking hurting us?! Do you not realize how much of a monster you are?"
He smiled, unzipping his hoodie and throwing it into some corner.
"Both of you? No just her."
"YOU HURT HER! STOP TAKING DRUGS!"
How does he not realize, he's abusing two people and not only one?
Gabriel shook his head, sighing.
"Quitting isn't as easy as you think."
"You are sick."
"You're not the first person to tell me that."
He looked down at me, before yawning and coughing a bit. "Go to your room and be quiet."
"You can't tell me nothing, Gabriel. You're a sick abusive bastard!"
"Watch your mouth."
"No, I won't. I had enough of your criminality and misogyny."
His smile faded.
"What do you mean."
"You're a fucking misogynist."
"HOW THE HELL AM I A MISOGYNIST? I HAVE NO FUCKING REASON TO!"
I raised my voice as well, feeling how my eyes wetted.
"YOU ARE A PIECE OF SHIT! YOU-"
He pulled me into a hug. When was the last time I hugged my brother? I don't know.
"How did you realize it was me, not Mom?"
"Mom never hugs me."
My heart broke a bit for him and without thinking properly about it, I gave into a hug.
"Tell me what you are going through right now, please. Siblings are there to talk."
"You don't want to get involved, little butterfly."
That's what he always tells me. To stay back and hide. But I'm sick of hiding from a family member and problems that occur on a daily. I want to live with him in peace. Like the old times.
Sadly, Gabriel isn't the old one anymore, and ending his addiction and leading him to the right path is a long way from here.