I continued signing the papers, ignoring both Kristen and Dante's stares.
"Stop staring at me." I said to them without even lifting my head and I hear Kristen clear her throat.
"Are you okay?" she asks and I fucking hate the question.
I hate that question with passion because I have no idea how I should reply.
How can I explain to them that I've lost a piece of me that was never even mine to begin with?
How can I explain that nothing else would ever feel like love ever again after her?
Pain. Regret. Shame.
"I'm fine." I reply curtly, keeping my eyes on the papers.
"You don't look like it." Dante adds, his voice soft and I hated how all of them talk and look at me that way.
Even I know I don't look like myself. I'm like a shadow of Grey Blackwell.
Loosened tie, no jacket, hair rumpled from the number of times I’d raked my fingers through it in frustration. "I said I'm fine, please leave me alone."
"You know you can talk to me whenever you want right? I'd always be here for you." Dante assures me and I finally look up at them.
I run my fingers in my hair again, closing my eyes tight for a second.
"What are those dead flowers doing there?" Kristen asks, pointing behind me at the dead flowers and I sigh.
"None of your business."
For the past two weeks I've been getting flowers delivered to Annabelle's apartment, taking one out of each bouquet to know when to buy another.
Kristen and Dante share a glance, murmuring to each other.
"You miss her, don't you?" Dante speaks up after few minutes.
"So much." I reply truthfully, tired of them asking.
"You really want to see her right?"
"All the time."
"You've got it bad man, never knew I'd see the day you'd mop." Kristen comments while Dante smirks beside her.
"Shut up." I snap at her and Dante sits up with a frown.
"Don't talk to her that way." he warns with narrowed eyes.
"Who the fuck are you to tell me how to talk to my own sister?" I ask him with a scowl on my face and he scoffs mockingly.
"Well I don't give a fuck if she's your sister but you do NOT talk to my girlfriend like that." he warns, voice sour as he glares at me.
I roll my eyes, eyes hard on him while Kristen looks at both of us amusingly.
"If you want to annoy me, then get the fuck out of my office. Now's not the time."
"No."
I knew why he was doing this. He's trying to flaunt that he was right; throwing it in my face that he told me to let Annabelle know countless times but I refused.
"I swear I'm going to murder you," I growl and he just beams. "If you let out any annoying shit out of your mouth again, I'd fucking kill you."
He shrugs, "Well I might be annoying but at least I have a girlfriend unlike someone." he taunts, jerking his thumb towards me and it takes all the willpower in me to stop myself from taking the gun in my drawer to shoot him.
"I swear to every living thing, I'd sk—"
My intercom buzzed making me feel bad all over again.
I miss Annabelle so much.
"Yes?"
"Good afternoon sir," the receptionist greets with panic. "You have guests..."
"And?" I snap with irritation.
"I tried my best to stop them but they're on their way up already."
"Thanks for the useless information."
I slam the phone down again, getting on my feet and ignoring the curious stares of both Dante and Kristen.
Someone knocks on my office door and I narrow my eyes at whoever was at the other side.
The door opens, revealing Mateo and Arianna making a small smile creep up my face.
Seeing them right now made me realize how long it's been since I saw my friend and his girlfriend.
I saw Arianna protruding belly first before her face came into view, a large smile on her face.
Mateo appeared beside his girlfriend, his eyes like chips of dark hazel ice as they roved over my disheveled appearance.
"What the fuck happened to you?" he asks with a frown, not even bothering to greet me or anything.
"Nothing." I reply, ignoring him as I give Arianna a hug with his eyes on us.
"Let me give you an hint," Dante pipes up, even though the conversation doesn't concern him. "He's going through a breakup."
Mateo looks at Dante, then me, back to Dante then to me before letting out a loud laugh.
Sometimes I hate my friends.
"I…I never knew the day you'd mop over any girl would come—" Mateo bellows, gripping Arianna for support and she just smacks his hand away.
"What are you doing here anyway?" I ask.
"We were in the area. I'm sorry," Arianna speaks up, sympathy and curiosity all over his face. "but what happened?"
"I thought you've always said love was an useless and unnecessary emotion, Blackwell." Mateo continues, not giving me the chance to respond her as he motions for Arianna to seat on the empty seat. "Now you're moping?" he wipes his imaginary tears, carrying his girlfriend's bag. "They grow up so fast."
My teeth ground in frustration, a migraine was forming at the front of my head.
"You even said it the last time we saw each other." Mateo grins, putting his hands in his pockets.
"But the last time he saw us was at the rescue, how—"
"Sorry to interrupt," Kristen says with an high pitched voice. "But are you—no fucking way."
"Yes she is." Dante whispers to her, an equally happy expression on his face.
"What?" Mateo asks, his expression unreadable.
"I'm what?" Arianna quips, looking confused as hell.
"You're the Mafia Queen?!" Kristen exclaims and I roll my eyes.
"Yeah, was." Arianna replies, smiling before sharing a glance with Mateo who had a proud look on his face.
"And I'm Mateo haha."
"Oh my—" Kristen taps Dante repeatedly, her face bright as Dante admires her.
Fucking lovebirds.
"Should I bow or kneel? You're a literal royalty." Kristen fidgets, holding her gown to curtsey while Arianna just laughs.
"None, I'm not really like royalty." she replies, shaking her head.
"Of course you are, I've heard all about you from my boyfriend. He fangirls about all you've done everytime."
"I think fangirls is a stretch..." Dante defends himself. "Don't you think so Kristen?"
They both laugh and when I felt heavy eyes on mine, I look at Mateo to find him already staring at me. The kind of stare that makes me feel naked.
I hate how he stares so much. He was giving me the same stare he gave me on the night we met. The same stare we shared six years on that unfortunate night. The same stare he gave me while asking me all about Alex. Ever since Mateo questioned both Elizabeth and I after Alex's murder, we became strangely close.
"Stop staring at me like that." I groan, going to my sit at my desk, all of their eyes on me. "All of you."
"Want a beer?" Mateo asks, a small smile on his face. "Just us boys." he suggests and both Arianna and Kristen frown.
"That's being sexist you know." Kristen crosses her arms over her chest before glaring at Mateo and Arianna hums in response.
I get up from my seat with a smile, watching how both of the boyfriends roll their eyes.
So downbad.
"You're pregnant."
"And you're a lightweight."
Mateo and Dante respond respectively, walking to the door while the girls just nod.
"I'd be right back sweetheart."
"See you later hun."
And fuck both of your relationships.
"Now can you tell me what happened."
I look at Mateo then back at my glass, twirling its content.
His eyebrows rise when I remained silent. "You messed up that bad?"
"Yes he did." Dante responds and I throw him a glare.
"I swear I'd smash this glass on your head if you don't shut the fuck up."
He smashed his lips together, imitating zipping it up and throwing away the key.
"Woah woah woah," Mateo chuckles. "I'm sure your sister wouldn't like that."
Mateo's comment seemed to give Dante confidence because he unzips his mouth before saying yeah in a loud voice.
"I honestly don't know what to do anymore," I say mildly to no one in particular, staring at my drink. "I love her too much to lose her just like this."
"Then get her back, the fuck." Dante states, turning around his chair to face me. "Annabelle is an easy-going person, I'm sure she’d forgive you. Just give her time."
I drained my glass, making the alcohol churn in my stomach.
I never drink, like at all. And here I am sitted in a bar having my fourth glass just because I miss my woman.
I can drink all the alcohol I want but I still can't forget the sound of her laugh.
I poured myself another drink and Mateo pulls the glass away from me.
"That'd be your sixth glass in just an hour," he exclaims in disbelief, using his palm to cover the top of the glass. "Isn't that enough?"
"How's that your business?" I state each word with cold precision, neither sluring or swaying.
"It's not. It's literally your liver," his lips were pulled in a frown as he stares at me with a dubious expression. "But it's enough."
I snatch the glass back from him and he holds his hand up in surrender. "Right, it's my liver and money."
Immediately I raise the glass to my lips, Dante drags it from my hands, downing it at a go.
"What the fuck—" I stare at my hands then back at Dante who just shrugs.
"Good one." Mateo laughs, giving Dante a high-five.
"You guys are—"
"Is someone here?" A petite blonde asks, pointing at the stool beside me as she twirls her hair in her index finger.
"Not interested." I reply without a second glance.
She doesn't take the hint and shifts her gaze to Mateo who stares back at her blankly.
"I'm engaged."
Dante eyes her before scoffing. "I have a girlfriend."
The offended blonde left in a huff, clearly unused to being rejected while Mateo and Dante snicker beside me.
"Guys," I push my chair back, too aggravated to sit still. "I'm leaving. Dante, bill’s on you."
I grab my suit jacket, walking out of the bar without waiting for a response but I still heard what Dante and Mateo yelled out.
"Grey you said you'd pay!"
"Hey man, where are you off to?"
I drive to where my heart lies, ignoring all the bad thoughts I have as I step out of the elevator to her apartment door.
Knocking on the door, I say a silent prayer as I grip the paper bag tighter.
The door finally swung open but instead of the soft brown eyes I fell in love with, I found myself staring at five feet seven inches of dirty blonde thinly veiled suspicion.
“Oh. It’s you.” A frown marred the girl I knew as Lynn as soon as she laid her eyes on mine . “You’re interrupting.”
"I want to see her." I state, glaring at her and she just scoffs, gripping the door handle tighter.
"Leave while I'm being nice." She stood squarely in the entrance, barring me from entering.
"Move," I said with a commanding tone and the girl didn't budge. "Let me in or you won't like what I'd do to you."
I reach to touch her, a gruff voice making me halt. "Touch her or you'd lose the ability to use your hands again."
A guy almost my height steps behind the girl, eyeing me and I pinch the bridge of my nose.
"Please let me just see her." I go for the softer approach but they both just glared at me. "Okay, at least can you give this to her?"
Lynn looks at the paper bag I was carrying then back at me before sharing a glance to the guy behind her.
"Well she doesn't want to see you. And I can't give her anything for you."
I step closer, making the girl move back in reflex.
"Please."
Silence.
"I'd forever be in your debt if you can be the reason for her smile."
Lynn's expression softens as she continues to stare at me before she collects the bag from my hands.
"Thank you so much. I really—" Slam. "Appreciate."
I stare at the closed door, remembering the time I was here just because she said she only had eyes for me. The memory was so fresh it felt like it happened yesterday.
Perhaps, eternity is a concept tailored for recollections, not individuals.
I got to my car but I didn't have the energy to drive off so I just place my head on the wheel.
Fuck I need alcohol.
That's the only thing keeping me alive, I miss her so much. If I could restart everything, I'd correct every damn mistake.
I look at all the things on my backseat and it gave me courage.
I'm going to win her back, at any cost but first I need to crochet new clothes for my woman, it's almost winter.
sorry it's coming late but here you go<3
I honestly have no idea when the next chap would be out...