His father still hasn't shown up.
It's around nine in the morning and Seonghwa is trying to remain calm.
They've begun preparations for the surgery tomorrow and things are starting to blur together out of anxiety.
He's just been visited by the head surgeon who explained to him the risks of the procedure with the help of a translator.
The consent and release forms were signed and all that's left is waiting... because Seonghwa is waiting on his father.
He doesn't want to do this without him.
It's strange how twenty-five years of struggling to find a place in this world can all be reduced down to this moment, him lying in the hospital bed while Wooyoung and his brother just watch him from across the room, their faces grim despite their attempts to cheer him up.
Seonghwa has been scared of things before, as any human being naturally is, but there's something about this surgery that reminds him of that day, the day he woke up and his life was changed forever.
Would this be the same?
Would he wake up and find Wooyoung by his side telling him that it was a success, that he had his legs back and could one day walk again?
Or would he not even wake up at all?
Seonghwa wishes he was scared of the possibility of dying.
But the truth is, after you've wished for it to end once, you don't ever really regain that healthy respect of death.
What he's more afraid of is waking up the exact same, like some cruel sign from the universe that this is how it's meant to be, that Seonghwa is supposed to be this way.
That would be a hard pill to swallow.
But as much as he fears this outcome, he's absolutely terrified of something quite different.
What if the surgery is successful and he can walk again, but nothing else changes?
What if he still feels empty inside, chasing after his father's attention?
What if he still feels just as aimless and lost as before?
What if he still feels trapped in his apartment receiving only affection from his best friend, doomed to never know love?
What if he's still not good enough for someone like Hongjoong?
What if he's always the second choice, the replacement?
This surgery could give him back his mobility, but could it give him back his life?
"I'm sorry that I'm late."
Seonghwa snaps his head up from where he has been playing with the hospital band around his wrist to find his father standing in the doorway.
He came.
He actually came.
"Wooyoung-ah— Oh, Jun Ki... I didn't know you would be here," the man addresses the two others in the room before striding in and looking Seonghwa over.
"How are we feeling today, Songwol-ah?"
"Appa," Jun Ki begins, the word sounding much like a warning.
Seonghwa looks between his family members and swallows hard.
"Tired and hungry," he admits, feeling so small under his father's gaze. "But I'm glad you're here."
"Yes, well I promised I would be here, so here I am." The man straightens his suit— he's always in a suit— and clears his throat.
"I also had the opportunity to speak with the surgeon and I think it's best if we also pursue the option of straightening out your legs a little more while we are here. They said it was possible to do that procedure as well if the first surgery goes as planned, so I went ahead and confirmed the decision. They should be bringing you the papers to sign shortly."
A second surgery?
Why?
"B-But my legs are already—"
"Seonghwa, please. I've had a long flight and we both know you're in need of this."
"Abeonim—"
Seonghwa is silenced by the sight of Jun Ki rocketing off the couch and quickly crowding his father's space.
"Are you insane? Isn't one risky surgery enough for you?"
"The second procedure is actually rather routine. They will just re-break his legs where they have begun to bow out and then—"
"What the fuck is wrong with you? How could you manipulate him into this?" Jun Ki spits, gesturing to Seonghwa gaping on the bed.
"When will it end? When you first told me about this surgery, you made it sound like you were actually concerned about his quality of life, but I knew better and I should've listened to my gut and told Seonghwa not to trust a damn thing you say."
Seonghwa's father bristles at this, eyeing his eldest son with contempt.
"Jun Ki, you will not speak to me that way. And I do have Seonghwa's best interest at heart. I'm trying to make him into the man he was supposed to be before that god forsaken accident."
Furious, Jun Ki points a finger into his father's face.
"You're such a lying bastard! So he gets this surgery for you, and then what? After you have him cut open and rearranged to your liking, then what? He will still be Seonghwa. You still won't like who he dates. He will still want to pursue the things he actually cares about. You can't just fucking play with a person like a doll."
"Seonghwa and I have discussed this already and we've agreed on some things," his father retorts coolly, looking over to his son on the bed. Seonghwa is too stunned to react.
"We also agreed that the surgery is in his best interest in order to improve his quality of life, which is why your brother is here. I'm not forcing anything on him."
Sitting in his bed, Seonghwa watches the exchange with wide eyes.
He can't believe that his father is acting so cool and indifferent and that his brother is taking up for him after years of just letting Seonghwa be.
Sure, they retained their closeness from childhood, but he never knew Jun Ki cared about him this much— or maybe he just cares about what his father does.
Either way, he's stunned, and Wooyoung, sitting in the corner of the room, isn't faring much better.
His best friend looks both alarmed and fascinated.
"Not forcing anything on him? You come in here with your pet names and your 'good intentions' but what did you really tell him to get him here, Appa? That you would make him your heir?"
Seonghwa takes note of this, because that's exactly what his father had promised him.
"Did you promise him some bullshit about him being able to continue music under the company or something?"
He was promised that too.
"Did you brush over the fact that you hate his sexuality and made it seem like you were willing to overlook it?"
Now that Seonghwa thinks about it, that's exactly what happened...
"Jun Ki," Seonghwa's father intones, face stern. "You better watch your mouth—"
"Or what? Are you going to disown me like you tried to do with him? Are you going to humiliate and shame me? Are you going to force me into surgery or conversion therapy for the things you don't like about me?"
Seonghwa blinks.
Conversion therapy?
Was his father planning on talking him into that too?
Was that the next step after this?
"Jun Ki—"
"No, Appa, answer me!" Seonghwa's brother demands hotly. "Are you going to hit me like you used to do to Seonghwa? Going to beat me and then pat my head and say 'Songwol-ah, you know I only do this because I love you—'"
Wooyoung jumps up and is immediately at Seonghwa's side, trying to protect him from the harsh words, the memories, but Seonghwa wants to watch this.
He wants to know the answer.
"That's quite enough!" His father bellows. "I will not stand here and have you disrespect me and your brother like this."
Jun Ki blanches.
"Me? Disrespect Seonghwa? I would never! I'm here today because I've failed him and I'm here to make it up to him. I left him with you all those years ago and I hoped that he was strong enough to survive but I should've done the right thing and reported you years ago. I should've spoken up but you always threatened to ruin me and make my life hell. But I can't stand to watch you tear him apart anymore."
For a minute, the bottom falls out of the storm and everything is silent.
Wooyoung grabs Seonghwa's hand and squeezes.
His heart is racing, his head is light.
He doesn't know what to think.
He doesn't understand how things got to this point, why he's here.
His father breaks the silence.
"Jun Ki, you know I love you, but I will not let you sit here and throw a tantrum like this. If you speak one more word, you know what will happen."
Jun Ki clenches his jaw and nods.
"Yeah, I know. You'll disown me and all the money I've saved up to start my family will be gone," he states.
"I get that. You'll probably have me dishonorably discharged from the service. You will do what you do to everyone that dares to defy you and you'll just have me erased. I'll never see mom again. She will never hold her grandchild. I know. But it's not just me you're hurting anymore. You're killing Seonghwa and..." He trails off then and looks to the bedside, past Seonghwa and right at Wooyoung.
"Jun Ki," Seonghwa's father drawls, a warning in his voice. "If you know what's good for you, you won't do this."
Jun Ki closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.
When he opens them again, Seonghwa swears that he's never seen a fire so hot raging in his brother's eyes.
"Are you going to tell them, or should I?"
__
Hongjoong doesn't know why, but after the memorial, he doesn't go home.
Instead, he walks the familiar route through his neighborhood until his feet bring him to the one place he hoped he would never see again— the train tracks.
It's a wet and rainy day today, a far cry from the cold, snow-covered scene he last witnessed here, but it's oddly nice.
Like somehow this place has also evolved with him, let go of a past that it had no right to hold onto.
He stands there and soaks it all in, watching the birds perch on the metal railings without a care in the world.
He's probably there for half an hour when he feels it— the sensation that someone is watching him.
He turns to find Seongie's father loitering at the edge of the treeline near the old station platform.
"Are you following me?" Hongjoong asks, picking up a rock and throwing it into the distance to watch it skip.
"I didn't get the opportunity to speak to you afterwards," the man explains. "That was... quite a speech."
Hongjoong opens his mouth to retort, but all that comes out is an anxious huff of air.
"Thanks," he says after a while.
The silence that follows is ripe with so many things: frustration, resentment, anger, but underneath the surface there's a current of possible closure.
"She really did love you, you know."
"I know. She told me all the time."
Seongie's father sighs.
"I meant what I said when I told you that I was scared of losing her to you. And I know that's no excuse for how we treated you but... We're sorry."
"I know," Hongjoong repeats, toeing a dead branch with his converse.
He feels like he should apologize too, but for what?
He wasn't the one at fault here.
He did nothing but love Seongie until her last breath and yet he had been treated like trash.
Seongie's father sighs again and walks onto the train platform, hands in the pocket of his jacket.
He's still dressed from the memorial but he looks uncomfortable in such attire.
Hongjoong supposes he is too.
"I don't know why I'm telling you this, but maybe I feel like I need to confess this to you because I couldn't tell her."
Hongjoong falls still at this, watching the man struggle to hold his emotions together.
"You weren't the only one we wronged, Hongjoong-ah. We aren't perfect people, but the one thing we wanted was a child. When we couldn't conceive after years of trying, we decided to adopt."
Curious, Hongjoong steps closer to the platform and just watches as Seongie's father begins to sob quietly.
"There was this woman who was desperate for someone to take care of her baby. She had an affair with a businessman and she didn't want her family to know. So she told them that she was going to study overseas but she came to live with us instead."
"I've never seen anyone more terrified of what they had done in their entire life, but she wanted to carry the baby to full term, said that she didn't want it to suffer for her indiscretion. When Seongie was born, I understood what it meant to love someone like that—unconditionally— to make them your whole world. And when she first smiled up at me, wrapped in a blanket in my arms, I fell in love."
Hongjoong has to take a few minutes to collect himself.
He stares down at the metal train tracks, at the grass growing wild over them.
He looks at his feet, at the forest, at the sky— anywhere but at Seongie's father.
"So she was adopted," he states. "And you never told her."
"At first, we didn't want to confuse her when she was so young. We decided to tell her when she was a little older and could handle it better, but then things got difficult for her mother and I," the man explains.
"Financially, we weren't doing the best, and the stress of not letting Seongie know was starting to wear on us. We just wanted her to be happy and pursue her dreams, but we didn't have the money to send her to university. That's why we pushed for her to get a scholarship for her music, because it was the only way she could get out of this town."
Recognition dawns on Hongjoong.
"That's why you felt so threatened by me, isn't it? Because you thought I would distract her from college."
Seongie's father nods.
"For the record, I wanted her to go to Seoul. I drove her to practice and went to every recital. I would've never gotten in the way of her dream."
"We know that now, but back then... it was easier to blame you for our guilt."
"Guilt? About not telling her that she was adopted?"
At this, the man's face falls and Hongjoong is confused at the absolute anguish he sees there.
"It's more than that. In an effort to try to keep our house, I got into a lot of debt with the wrong people. So when... When we were contacted by the adoption agency and they told us that Seongie's biological father, the rich businessman, had named her as heir to his fortune, we were desperate. They said he had recently found out Seongie was his daughter and that he wanted us to take care of her until the time that she graduated and could finally meet him. He began to send us money for her but—"
"She didn't know, so she didn't get the money." Hongjoong levels a stern gaze on the man.
He can't believe what he's hearing.
"So you took it for yourself."
Seongie's father blanches, obviously ashamed.
"We had to pay off our debts otherwise she wouldn't even have a place to live."
"And when she died? Did you tell her real family? Do they know?"
"Her mother does— did. She recently passed away," the man explains. "But her father.."
Hongjoong feels fury burning in his veins.
The audacity of this man to lie to his daughter, to claim he loved her, yet take what's rightfully hers...
"He's still sending you money, isn't he? You're still taking Seongie's money for yourself! What's wrong with you?"
"Hongjoong, you don't understand. Do you know how expensive cancer treatment is? We are still paying her medical bills everyday and without this money—"
"Is it worth it?" Hongjoong snaps.
His whole body is shaking with anger.
"To give someone hope that she's still alive just so you don't have to struggle? What happens when he finds out? If he's so rich and powerful, he won't just let this go."
"He wouldn't do anything. He doesn't want the public to know about his indiscretion until absolutely necessary. So he would probably just continue to give us hush money."
Hongjoong furrows his brows.
Hush money?
It's not like a businessman has much of a reputation to uphold.
It's not like he's an actor or musician, so why care so much about secrecy?
Money talks more than gossip.
"I know what you're thinking," Seongie's father continues, "but he wouldn't dare come after us. He doesn't want his family to know. Seongie's mother was the wife of his best friend and business partner. If this were to be revealed, it could destroy his whole company and that in turn would cause economic chaos, seeing as how it's the largest technology corporation in all of Korea."
At this, Hongjoong snaps to attention.
"What did you just say?"
But before the man can even reply, Hongjoong is rapidly approaching him.
"What's the name of the company?" he demands.
Seongie's father steps back, obviously frightened.
"I-I shouldn't say—"
"What is it?" Hongjoong demands once more, grasping the man by the shoulders.
"P-Park Incorporated."
Hongjoong nearly falls on his ass in shock.
Seonghwa's father... had an affair with the wife of his business partner... who is Wooyoung's father...
Seongie...
Seongie is Wooyoung's half-sister.
Seongie is—
Seonghwa's half-sister.
Hongjoong sees spots in his vision from how hard his heart is racing and he has to sit down.
Down on the grass, he holds his head in his hands and just tries to breathe through it.
"W-Why are you telling me this? Why now?"
"Because—" Seongie's father pauses and then begins to cry, "because he wants her share of the rights to the company. He just found out that her mother tricked him into signing an agreement saying that in the case of her death and Seongie's death, then Seongie's share would go to the woman's son. He wanted to meet with Seongie and have her sign her rights over but now—"
Hongjoong nearly chokes on a gasp.
"Wooyoung.."
"He keeps calling saying that he needs her share signed over as soon as possible because he's concerned that the investment he's made into his current heir won't hold up and the company will lose money if they were to find out.."
Investment?
What the hell does that mean?
Hongjoong wracks his brain for something Seonghwa might've mentined about business opportunities or investments but they hardly ever talked about his father.
The only time they did was when—
Hongjoong's blood runs cold.
The surgery.
The surgery that—
Hongjoong checks his phone and thinks about the time difference— that Seonghwa should be preparing for right as they speak.
His father doesn't care about Seonghwa.
He's trying to secure his own future and he's willing to toss aside his own child if Seonghwa can't live up to expectations.
"No!" he shouts, frantically rising from the forest floor.
His fingers dial on their own accord and soon he's pressing his ear to his phone as he practically chews off his thumb.
Wooyoung picks up on the fifth ring.
"Oh thank god. Wooyoung, you have to tell Seonghwa that—" Hongjoong cuts himself off when he hears Wooyoung's pained sobs.
"Wooyoung? Wooyoung, what's wrong?"
"I didn't think he would do it, Joong. I didn't think he would actually do it." Wooyoung's voice is so strained with grief that Hongjoong feels his legs give out and he falls onto the grass.
"Do what? Wooyoung, what did he do? Is he ok? Please tell me he didn't go through with it."
Hongjoong can't lose Seonghwa.
He just can't.
He's realized that this whole stupid misunderstanding has cost him his best friend, his lover, the only person to have ever moved his soul.
When Wooyoung finally replies, his words are trembling.
"He's being prepped right now and he won't let us see him. Tomorrow he'll— After everything, He still decided to do it."
Hongjoong feels himself growing faint.
"Wooyoung," he cries out. "Wooyoung— Seongie, my girlfriend, she is—"
"I know. We found out... but his father still convinced him to go through with it. He's such a manipulative bastard and he doesn't give a fuck about Hyung. Hongjoong, I'm scared for him."
"What are the odds of him surviving?"
Hongjoong has to know.
He has to wrap his mind around the situation.
Wooyoung lets out a shuddering breath.
"I overheard the surgeon... The consent forms they had him sign... It's not good, Joong. I think— I think I just saw him for the last time."
The world tilts as Hongjoong finally gives into a grief so overwhelming that he can no longer stay conscious.