What We Do In the Shadows: "The Fiendish Plot of (human) Laszlo and Nadja Cravensworth"...
Summary: Back in the regular but sort of AU universe of WWDITS, you thought the season was about Guillermo. It wasn't. (Well, in this AU anyhow.)
Part XI...
Camera on Nadja and Guillermo in his cell...He at his laptop...
"I never knew how drab you were living..." Nadja looking round. "Didn't we pay you anything, I thought we did? Weren't you my...My counterpart's...Accountant at one point?"
Guillermo, slightest of smiles to camera...
"Well, Nandor threw me some valuables or cash once in a while when he had them. And I had my geriatric nursing scholarship from NYU..."
"You had a scholars ship? And went to University?" Nadja, involuntarily impressed.
"Yeah...I mean it was an online degree but..."
"You was nurse...?" grin. "I'd bet you was cute in nun's dress or whatever the hospital nuns wear now." giggling.
Wait...Geriatric nursing? Geriatric means...
"Lots of guys are nurses nowadays. And mine's a specialty field." Guillermo frowns.
"For caring for us old farts?! You got money to call us old, drooling, senile farts...?!" she glares.
"Yeah." Smile. "You were old. You couldn't function in the day world. You needed a lot of care with your food... You'd be shocked how many familiars use this route. And come on, it fits."
Especially given you all did drool, a lot.
"Fine..." she waves it off. "We old farts are so grateful, nurse." Sneer. "Well, I suppose it was clever..." shrug. "A lot of us...Them...Their familiars, you say?"
"Sure...It's not like you guys...Those guys...Worry much about how we manage to get by."
"I suppose." She sighs. "But if you have money...?" Looking round eloquently.
"It barely paid for my food and the bills here. Plus, every now and then Nandor's hypnosis or Colin's financial dodges with the city or someone got screwed up and someone sent us a tax or mortgage bill. It adds up."
"Hmmn...Whoa..." her eyes widened. "So, we owe money on this place?"
On this shithole? My English estate money?
"Not right now. Colin and Nandor got things worked out...."
Cut to shot of kneeling blonde real estate agent in pink suit nodding blankly to Nandor and Colin's orders...
"I will fake or have faked, the sales records, title, and use my own and my company's funds to clear the sale to the Cravensworth/Relentless/Robinson Group. I will bribe or seduce the necessary officials to make this happen. I will destroy any traces to the property, then forget the details, the property, why I did it. Even if I go to prison on any related charges of fraud, I will say nothing specific, just plead guilty..." she nods, dreamily.
"And you'll switch to grey suits, pink is not your color." Colin noted. "What Colin Robinson says..." Nandor intoned, cape spread wide.
Return to present...
"But there are still bills." Guillermo concludes. "Water, sewer, electric, gas, computer and cable TV...It isn't free, you know."
"Really? Water and sewer too? Couldn't you just go to a river?"
"No."
"Well, fine. Laszlo and I will reimburse you out of our estate...One more redemption duty, no doubt." She frowns.
"You don't have to do that..."
"Great." Nod. "Yeah, you can put that in your Redemption bank. I'm sure every bit helps." Offhand shrug.
"Fine." He sighs. "Anyway, here's the Vampiric Council's list of local vampire populations on the Net." He indicates screen.
"We...They...Put this stuff out? What about Vampire Hunters and the Slayer?" she eyes him. "Was it super secure and behind a wall of fire, like they say you should do on TV?"
He shrugs... "Not really."
"I guess we need geriatric care if we're...They're...That ga-ga." She notes.
"Well..."
"Yeah, smart guy who nearly sold his soul to be immortal bloodthirsty killer who can't even see a sunset and can be killed with a piece of wood." She frowns at him. "What we got here...Hmmn..."
"She's not bad..." eyes one image on screen. "Josephine Baker...You know Laszlo would love a skin color change. What?" she looks at his stricken face. "She a relative you didn't know about?"
"She was famous... I never knew it was her." Gulping.
"Hmmn?"
"Oh...I, uh, killed her at the Theater of Vampires.... Guess they didn't take her info down." Guillermo notes.
"Well, you 'saved' her, sort of. Another point for your Redemption, there you go."
"I guess. Maybe... But, I thought we were looking for guys for Laszlo's vampire's temporary body host?"
"Well, sure...But I might want a change, you know. How about her? Laszlo loves children." Points to vampiress looking about twelve in teen girl's rather elegant dress.
"You really want to spend decades pretending Laszlo's your dad?" Guillermo eyes her. "Even if you start aging...And from what I understand from the Vampire Traitors Redeemed site you'll age very slowly once you're as human as allowed...It'll always look a little weird."
"Please, lots of twelves-year-olds married older men in my day. Security, family power and alliances, and some affection...Well, perversion on both sides, often enough." Nadja, shrugging.
"Well, it looks strange now..."
"Fine. But keep her on back burner. Who else? Oh, she's cute...Very dominatrix and mean-looking, yet beautiful. I don't recognize her, either, is she new vampire?"
He eyes the young Asian woman... "She's a familiar, not a vampire. She's, Simone, the one who was familiar to the blonde kid one. The one who pretended she'd become a vampire and created a cult of her own, that I joined for a while? She's been banned as a familiar and they put her photo up to enforce it, see...?"
"'Do not transform, do not hire...'" Nadja read. "Well, so she's unemployed, probably suicidal and desperate..." eager tone.
"Fine." Eyeing him. "I know, that would be...Wrong." Frown.
"I think she married some rich dweeby guy, actually. Again, I thought we were looking for Laszlo, not you. Don't you like...You?" he eyes her.
"Sure, I like me...I'm beautiful and still likely to stay young a long time, if Van Helsing, Dracula, and that crappy site you found are truthful. I'm tremendous in the sex. Even if I am shameful criminal, murderess...Fiend. Child killer. Killer of innocents. Killer of my own true love." Sad tone, tearing...
"Can't a girl want a change?" she wipes tears.
"It wasn't you...It was your demon...Demonic essence...Whatever." Kindly.
"Thanks."
"I'm the one who made the bad choices..." he shakes head. "I should be looking for a new body, if I could move. Though I doubt it would change much. And I'll still be guilty..."
"Well, maybe we both need to face our pasts." She eyes him. "After all, even my demonic essence is reflective of me...Dark desires, hatreds, being po'd at people I couldn't risk cursing for fear of jail or hideous torture when a living gypsy. I should stay here, I suppose. Unless Laszlo..."
"He loves you, including his soul...He wouldn't want you to be anyone else." Guillermo notes.
"Yeah..." smile through tears. "Thanks...And I wouldn't want him to be anyone else. So, anything we find must be temporary. And I guess we really shouldn't put his demon in another vampire, free to kill some more."
"Well, if you're open to temporary hosts..." Guillermo notes. "I have an idea..." Opening new site.
...
"Are you sure about this, Marwa, my wife?" Nandor asks the floating spirit of Marwa as he walks with her just beside him towards Guillermo's room.
"Nadja will help us, husband. We are friendly...Well, acquaintances...We really didn't get much time to hang in the ether but we did talk some. Her soul is good person, I'm sure."
"I suppose...But I was really thinking to spring my Redemption thing as a surprise. 'Oh look, guys! I have won Redemption!', that sort of thing."
"You are still the one who sought it himself..." she notes proudly. "My own Spike." Beams.
"Well...Say, where is my soul anyway? Why didn't he come with you?"
"Oh, he's coming. He had to see to Johan. Find him a nice home close by, if you/he wants to have him around."
"Oh, good."
Hmmn...Slightly downcast...
"You are a pretty good demonic essence, husband. I am sure you will be allowed to stay close by." She insists.
Very sure, she thinks.
"It just seems to be I should be around...Making sure you are ok." Nandor notes.
"As I am." Grim tone. "And what are you doing with my wife?" glowering ghostly Nandor eyes them both.
"Husband...Husband..." Marwa, nodding to each.
Some "redemption-seeking soul". He seems like a preening jerk if you ask me...Vampiral Nandor eyes the berobed and turbaned Nandor soul.
"I hear what you are thinking, jerk. Same by me." Ghost Nandor glares.
"Though thanks for allowing me to achieve English mastery in a few moments."
Right, after I did all the hard work the past couple of centuries learning it...Nandor, vampiral thinks.
"Exactly..." ghost Nandor beams.
"I gotta vacate for this jerk...?" Nandor frowns. "Sorry, Marwa, no offense to you and I want to do the Redemption thing, honest. But I don't think he is nice person."
"He has a very nice side...When not slaughtering civilians as well as military." Marwa, anxiously.
"You haven't told him?" ghost Nandor sighs.
"We were getting to it, dearest." Marwa shrugs. "All this stuff takes time to digest."
"What? I gotta burn in Hell while you party with my wife?" Nandor glares.
Redemption is looking less and less...How did Vlad manage it?
Wait a minute...
"You are accursed, aren't you?" he eyes the ghost. "Like Vlad Dracula."
"We spit on our enemy's foul name!" both Nandors cried.
"Though I guess he's become a lot nicer guy." Vampire Nandor shrugs. "Good father to his step-daughter, I've seen them together." Ghost Nandor notes.
"So...Given you are accursed, for your living crimes, soul boy..." Nandor eyes him.
Hah...The killer, but mellowed, and, I think, nice-guy vampire ain't lookin' so bad against the rampaging sadistic human warrior...
"Yeah, yeah...We share Redemption together as one. No host exchange." The ghost nods, frowning.
"As one...What does that...?" As the ghost moves to enter him.
"Wait!" Marwa puts up glowing hand. "Nandor, my love, you must agree to this. You do want to be with me and Redeemed, right?"
"If it means I don't have to go to Hell or be kicked out of here, sure." Nandor notes. "Oh, so..." beams at frowning ghost. "I get a reward for being a nice guy."
"Just the last century, smart ass." The ghost fumes. "That's how Vlad managed it too. His essence made the first move when his crimes oppressed his soul."
Het...Hemm? Marwa eyes him.
"Ok...And his wife, like our dear Marwa, came to him." ghost Nandor, rolling eyes.
"But..." Marwa raises glowing finger. "You had already considered Redemption which allowed my spirit's return."
"In spite of all that bizarre body shaping you did with your genie guy." ghost Nandor notes.
"He was just finding his way..." Marwa, kindly.
"Weird. But I'll take it." Nandor nods. "But this will be an equal partnership?"
"What?" After I been waiting to get my body back for... Eyes Marwa's pleading face...
"Well...Our best aspects, yes." The ghost notes, ruefully.
Nandor putting up hand..."We will lose the robes and turban, right?"
"Modern world, honey." Marwa shrugs to ghost. "You can dress up in our bedroom, that'll be fun."
Mmmn the two Nandors frowning at each other...
"Come on, boys. You had a harem, and it'll only be the two of you as one with me." She notes to both.
"I guess I'm ok with it." Nandor shrugs. "You really found a good host for Johan?"
"A retired police horse...He'll sell cheap and there's a nice boarding stable about five miles away." The ghost nods.
......