Hazel was pretending to be busy in the kitchen while subtly listening in to Mia’s phone call. Her roommate was pacing around the living room, one hand holding the black phone to her ear, the other mindlessly fiddling with a loose thread of her jumper that she was only making worse.
Hazel already knew Mia would feel bad about that one later on, and she’d probably assist as they attempted to sow the jumper back together. It was a soft green one and Hazel knew it was one of Mia’s favourites. Somehow it stood out how Mia always reached for it on days she felt a little under the weather, or on days where she was extra tired and sleepy.
Living with a roommate was new for the both of them, and even if they looked like polar opposites to the outside world, it had been working in their favour so far. Mia and Hazel had been living together for all of two months, and surprisingly last night hadn’t been the first time Mia had stood by the edge of Hazel’s bed, desperately trying to push her tears back before she politely asked if she could get into Hazel’s bed with her to cry her little heart out.
It had shocked Hazel the first time, Mia blatantly asking if she was allowed to show emotion and her needing Hazel’s approval for it. It never went further than this. Hazel never tried to coax anything out of Mia, she never tried to hold her or she never tried to console her. Mia didn’t need any of that, Hazel thought. Just the comforting presence of another silent person near her seemed enough.
It did give Hazel quite a clear view of what Mia’s upbringing had been like.
She stored away some clean dishes silently as Mia hummed and nodded on the phone, her lip nervously tucked into her teeth and her hair in its usual braid, although slightly more messy from being in that hairstyle all day. Mia paced around, sighing and humming, hardly getting a word in between what her parents were talking about. Hazel wasn’t sure if it was her mum or her dad, neither of them really left room for Mia to say much.
The start of the call had been hard to hear, where Mia carefully tried to explain her slipping grades. She was still a great student, Hazel felt. Above average even, but there was just so much pressure from her parents and from Mia herself, that it was never really good enough.
What a life, Hazel thought. She felt sorry for Mia. They lived in a fun apartment, close to campus and they were two young girls leaving home for the first time. They lived close to the nightlife of their student neighbourhood, yet Mia hardly left the apartment. Hazel had known since the beginning that Mia was shy and suffered from some social anxiety, but this was making it worse.
Her friends questioned her mysterious roommate and Hazel defended Mia for not meeting them because they eventually thought she just didn’t want to meet them. Which wasn’t the case.
On the other side of the living room, Mia was on a call with her mother. She was listening to a rant about how she had to pick up her slacking grades or else they’d pull her from the apartment and she’d have to study from home so they could keep an eye on her.
Mia was desperately holding onto the small amount of freedom she had just received weeks ago and definitely was not ready to give it up yet.
“So you’ll get a tutor?” Her mother concluded. Mia sighed out, rubbing her forehead tiredly as she swallowed away the lump in her throat. She had no clue where to even find the time to get tutoring lessons, but she did need it if she wanted to keep living her life this way.
“Yes.” Mia eventually answered and her mother hummed, “Good. And you’re still doing those counselling sessions?”
“Yes.”
The thought alone made Mia’s stomach knot. She had said counselling sessions tomorrow before noon. She had three of them and she had no idea if the first would show up. She hadn’t seen or heard from Harry since he ran out of room two on Monday afternoon. It was a Wednesday evening now and Mia was downright exhausted after meeting a deadline at midnight last night, hardly having time to proofread her work for the fourth time before she had to hand it in.
She got slightly scolded in school today for being so tired during her classes and she sipped more coffee to stay up before tiredly dragging herself home and then receiving a call from her mother.
Hazel had been kind to her, being more mindful around the apartment. Living with Hazel had been fun, but Mia had a hard time letting go of some structural rules she had set for herself. She preferred the dishes to always be done and she couldn’t stand crumbs on the counter. Hazel usually didn’t mind either of those, but Mia noticed how she tried to clean up neatly after herself in the past few days.
It was cute, Mia thought, the small acts of care. She was sure that when she felt a little better about herself, she’d drop the neurotic little traits and be more tolerant to Hazel’s chaos. Hazel had managed to get through some of her own routines into Mia’s life, but with difficulty.
So far, Hazel had coaxed Mia into dropping the pre-chosen week menus. Rather, they chose what to eat on the night itself, an act of spontaneity that Mia was unfamiliar with. She had never gone grocery shopping without a list. And while it was chaotic, it was also fun to load up the cart with whatever they felt like.
So now, every night was a surprise. She had also let go in wanting to cook every night. Rather, Mia opened herself up to whatever Hazel came up with. She was a mess in the kitchen, and while Mia’s fingers itched to clean up the drops of sauce on the cabinets, she refrained herself from doing so.
She was letting go.
But on days like these, where she had a hard time being kind to herself, those old habits resurfaced and she couldn’t help but give into them, tiring herself even more by cleaning neurotically.
“Are you okay?” Hazel asked from behind her as Mia had finished up her phone call. Her lip was red from biting on it so hard all day and she braced herself, putting on a forced smile before turning around and facing her roommate, “Yeah. My mother came up with the idea to get tutoring lessons.”
Hazel’s brow turned into a frown as she waited for the water to boil to make her and Mia some tea, “Tutoring lessons? Mia, you’re a better student than everyone I know.”
Mia ran a nervous hand through her hair, “I mean, it couldn’t hurt, right? For me to understand the material a little better. My grades have been slipping.”
“They really have not.” Hazel sighed, shooting her roommate a sympathetic look, “But if you feel like you have to, you should. I think there’s a link on the school website where you can book tutoring sessions online.”
“Really?” Mia’s head lifted, a slight bounce of anxiety in her chest. She had somehow hoped it was impossible to find a tutor and that she didn’t have to do these lessons, but if the road to tutoring sessions was that easy, there was no way she could skip it.
Hazel nodded, “Yeah. Here, I’ll show you.” She opened up her laptop which sat at the end of the counter and Mia padded over, stifling a yawn while looking over Hazel’s shoulder to follow along. She slowly nodded as Hazel put in some of her information.
“Here,” She pointed to the screen, “there’s a session on neuropsychology tomorrow morning.”
Mia bit her bitten lip again and winced under her breath, “Tomorrow morning?”
“Mhm.” Hazel nodded, “At nine. It’s pretty early and you’re already so tired...” She tried but Mia exhaled a breath, “No, no, I’ll be fine. I think it’s good, it’s one of my most difficult subjects.” She leaned her elbows on the countertop and played with the end of her braid, “Can you sign me up?”
Hazel warily nodded, “I can. Are you sure? You can wait a week, maybe catch up on some sleep… Also, don’t you have those counselling sessions tomorrow?”
Mia palmed her forehead, “Yes, I do. I’ll – uh, I’ll send them an email to reschedule.” Mia sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose to try and mentally figure out her schedule. It was around nine in the evening and her and Hazel had dinner not too long ago after she managed to coax Mia out of her room.
She had been studying all evening and her brain felt like it might explode, but she had to do good for this. While Hazel booked Mia’s tutoring session for the next day, Mia pulled out her phone to send a polite and apologetic email to the three appointments she had set the following morning for therapy. She also emailed professor Dillon to let her know of the change in schedule.
She was sure that if she could still schedule them this week, he wouldn’t make an issue out of it. After all, the tutoring sessions were also to boost her study career, much like the therapy sessions.
“Thank you.” Mia sighed once Hazel showed her the confirmation of Mia’s submission into the tutoring session and Hazel shortly nodded, “It’s okay. D’you want some tea?”
“Yes, please.”
While Hazel poured the two of them a mug of hot tea, Mia rolled on the balls of her sore feet, back and forth to get some of the strain out of them. She had worn her new boots this morning and her feet weren’t all that grateful. She made it a point to wear her old ones again tomorrow to grant herself some comfort.
“So when are you going to schedule the three appointments then?” Hazel asked while passing Mia her cup. This one had little pink bows on it and Mia absently smiled at the funky mug from Hazel’s mug collection before clasping her fingers around the hot drink to keep warm.
She nibbled her lip at Hazel’s question, “Uh, maybe Friday after hours?”
“Ooof, on a Friday?”
Mia nodded, “I know. Maybe if it’s just after hours, they won’t mind that I’m picking some of their Friday. Or maybe on the weekend.”
“Mia.” Hazel frowned as if shocked by her words, “You’re not seriously thinking of doing school work like that on a weekend? You’re already doing so much and you study all throughout the weekends, at least grant yourself some time away from campus.”
“Yeah. Maybe.” Mia murmured, dropping her eyes. Hazel leaned over the counter, “That dickhead who made you cry on Monday isn’t one of the three appointments, is he?”
"He is.” Mia sighed, remembering how emotional she had felt after her failed counselling session with Harry on Monday. How he stormed out, how he said she looked like she belonged in church, how he didn’t want to speak to her or even look at her. The thought alone made her stomach tight. She hadn’t said much to Hazel about him. First of all, she wasn’t allowed to speak his name because of the confidentiality and the informed consent. Second of all, she didn’t want to betray Harry like that, especially because the nature of the reason why he was in therapy to begin with, was rather… unconventional.
Mia got pink cheeks just remembering the words she had read over and over again. Him and a casual friend in the library, going at it and destroying furniture as they went.
Third of all, she felt like maybe Hazel might know Harry. He said he was still redoing some first year subjects and studied philosophy, so chances were big they at least had a couple of classes together. He didn’t exactly strike me as someone who always went to his classes, but the campus was rather small and most people knew the others in their study group.
“Thank you for the tea.” Mia mumbled, “I’m going to take a quick shower and then revise some more for neuropsychology before going to bed.”
Hazel shot her a look, shaking her head at Mia’s inability to leave work behind. She didn’t say anything though, and Mia took her cup of tea before disappearing into the bathroom. She stared at her puffy, tired eyes in the mirror while taking out her braid. Her long brown hair laid in waves over her shoulders and she used the strength her arms had left to put it all up in a high bun before she hopped into the warm shower.
With each passing second, she knew she wouldn’t be able to revise anymore before tomorrow’s tutoring session. Her brain was clouded and she felt a little shaken up after the phone call to her mum. Her parents weren’t the most understanding, and even if she knew she was above average in her grades and most people thought she was such a teacher’s pet, it never was really going to be enough.
She didn’t think her parents had ever really been proud of her.
The entire thing made her nervous and provided her with an anxiety she couldn’t shake, which was an indication that she wouldn’t be able to read anymore tonight. Feeling like this had great effects on her dyslexia. Another thing her parents were slightly in denial about. They couldn’t understand that being dyslexic also meant that she had more trouble processing information and that might be one of the reasons she was a bit slower than they had expected her to be.
Leaving the bathroom, she took the remainder of her tea and disappeared into her room, noticing that Hazel’s door was already closed and she was watching something on her laptop in bed. Flicking on the lights in her room, the busy cluttered desk with stacks of her books made Mia wince a little under her breath. It was a constant reminder of all the work she had yet to do.
They each had a small bedroom here, Hazel’s decorated a lot more nicely – Mia thought – than her own. She didn’t have a knack for it. Hazel’s was cluttered in a way that made it very cosy and even though the ‘mess’ gave Mia some anxiety, it also gave her a sense of comfort. Her own room was rather bland. She didn’t have too many knickknacks and when shopping with Hazel, Mia safely chose the plain white bedsheets rather than the floral pink ones that Hazel had picked out for herself.
Tomorrow was bound to be another long day. She didn’t have classes in the morning but they carried on through the afternoon until late in the evening. She’d only get home around seven thirty and she wanted to stay in the library for a bit before heading home. The free morning was usually filled up with therapy and from tomorrow on, those tutoring sessions.
She could only hope that the rescheduling didn’t make Harry more angry with her.
***
Mia was wrong.
It was lunchtime when she sat with her eyes half closed and her breadbox in front of her. She chewed on some pieces of cucumber and carrots that she had sliced the evening before to make a quick getaway this morning.
Message from: Hazel
How did it go? Are you okay?
The care from her friend warmed Mia’s heart and she softly smiled at her phone, responding to Hazel that she was fine and that the tutoring session had gone alright.
The tutor – a girl a few years above her – had explained some of the course material. She was a little baffled upon finding out that Mia already knew quite a bit and then explained that she usually assisted students who struggled way more than her. Still, she went over some of the harder parts with Mia and let her do some questionnaires about neuropsychology to prepare her for exams.
So with one hour and a half of lunch time, Mia sat down at her usual table far in the back. She once more pushed away some dirty trays left there by students before cleaning up her area a little. Hazel was studying at a friend’s house today but it still warmed Mia’s heart that she checked up on her like this.
“Are you serious?!”
The sharp, angry tone of Harry’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts. Mia jumped up in surprise, near dropping her phone as she quickly lifted her head to see Harry standing over her table with a scowl on his face.
Mia noticed the deep green of his eyes again, tendrils of floppy chestnut hair laid over his forehead with little drops falling from them. He had been caught in today’s drizzle recently, that was obvious. If not by his hair, then by his wet overcoat. It resembled the colour of his eyes, Mia noticed, and covered up a thick black cable jumper he wore underneath.
“I’m sorry.” Mia instantly peeped, unsure of where this conversation was going but she could sense Harry’s annoyance and she felt the immediate need to apologise. Harry frowned down at her, letting his own eyes rack over her appearance as she so unsubtly did to him.
Beneath his bubbling anger, he did notice how tired her dark blue eyes were and how shadowy the bags underneath them were. She stared up at him with a rounded gaze, shock written all over her pale face at his little outburst.
Harry had woken up nicely on time to try and give his counselling sessions with Mia a second shot. He truly could not afford to pay for that stupid ancient bookcase and hyped himself up, telling himself he could get through eight hours of talking about his sex life to a stranger. He didn’t see any issue in what had happened. Sex was human and it was natural, maybe the location of it had been unconventional, but he didn’t understand why he was punished like this.
Punished by putting him in the same room as Mia Brown, who looked at him like she was scared of him even upon opening that door to room two the first moment they met. She looked fragile, even more now that she was clearly sleep-deprived.
The second Harry saw the guilt on her face, his features softened a little bit.
Skipping out on an evening with his friends to meet Mia on time – nine in the morning was the earliest he had been anywhere recently so that was a challenge on its own – only to read her email from late last night telling him she couldn’t make it. And then the email had a bunch of typos in it too, something Harry just found plain impolite from her part.
He felt the wet droplets of his hair dripping down onto his shoulders after he made a run through campus to grab some lunch. He had been unable to fall back asleep after his early alarm and had been sulking and angry the entire morning before getting ready for class.
And then he saw her. At the far end table, by herself, her eyes on her phone as she slowly nibbled on some carrots.
He exhaled a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm down a little, “When can we reschedule?”
Mia swallowed the piece of carrot in her mouth, surprised to find him in front of her. She blushed at just how shocked she felt, casting her eyes down as she laid her phone on the table and then flicked them back up to Harry.
She was just about to speak when someone walked by and dropped an empty bag with food scraps on the table, making Mia jolt up once more at the unexpected noise. Harry glanced at it too, frowning harder at the filth being dropped on the table where Mia was eating.
“Hey.” He bit at the guy who had dropped the garbage. He turned around with raised brows and Harry shot him an angry look, “Can you just put your garbage in the trash can? She’s eating here, it’s disrespectful.”
Mia didn’t say anything, near feeling the need to apologise in his name. If there was one thing she hated the most in the world, it was confrontation. She had never been good at it.
The guy didn’t seem very intimidated by Harry’s words as he just shrugged and continued walking. Harry sighed and used the side of his hand to brush the trash to the side before he slid back the chair opposite Mia, surprising her more when he sat down.
Mia fidgeted on her seat a little uncomfortably before clearing her throat, “You don’t have to sit down, you know?” She timidly spoke.
Harry frowned, “What?”
“W-With me.” She clarified, trying to make her voice sound heard instead of the usual mumbling and whispering she did. She shifted again, “You don’t have to sit with me.”
Harry stared at her for a moment, noticing how she uncomfortably looked around, as if checking to see if anyone was staring at this interaction. He wanted to tell her that this was university and that people honestly didn’t care, but he just kept my mouth closed and stared at her a little more. She refused to look into Harry’s eyes, something he had noticed on Monday as well.
“I don’t mind sitting with you. Why are you sitting here anyway? Everyone knows this is the trash table.”
Mia played with the end of her braid and crossed her legs the other side, shrugging her shoulders, “I don’t know. There wasn’t room anywhere else.”
Harry shrugged off his wet coat and rolled up the sleeves of his cable jumper a little, just enough to expose his forearms. Mia’s eyes curiously dragged up the exposed piece of tan skin, her shock only rising when she saw the tattoos littering his skin. She hadn’t expected those to be there, her head tilting to the side as she tried to read an ink around his wrist but the way his arm was laying down, prevented her from seeing the final few letters.
Harry had never attempted a conversation with someone who just refused to… talk. Like Mia did. She just left so much silence and it made him so uncomfortable. He clasped his fingers together, breaking her spell of staring at his tattoos and she lifted her eyes, nibbling on her lip which Harry noticed was swollen and raw.
“I-I’m sorry about the cancellation. Something just came up.” Mia explained and Harry exhaled a breath, “I understand, but we don’t all have a fluid schedule like you do.” He couldn’t help the little dig, still feeling angry about her need to reschedule right after he decided to give it another go.
Mia felt a pang to her chest at Harry’s harsh words. He hadn’t liked her since the first second, and she had no idea why.
“I signed up for tutoring at the last moment. This morning was the only available time slot this week.” She murmured, keeping her eyes low. Harry took notice of the raspiness of her voice and at the explanation she gave him, his shoulders deflated, “Oh.”
Harry knew what it was like to struggle with the course materials better than most people. He struggled last year and eventually kind of gave up, meaning he had to redo some of his subjects from the first year and was behind already even if he had just started. Mia, explaining to him that she needed tutoring, actually pulled on a heartstring because he had thought often about signing up for tutoring.
“Psychology, right? I heard the first year is the toughest.” He spoke. Mia lifted her eyes in surprise at his words, seeing how he stared at his fingers. Much like last time, he wore a few silver rings on some of them. She had been too busy staring at the tattoos earlier that she hadn’t even properly noticed the rings.
Harry was broad-shouldered and his form kind of shielded her from the rest of the cafeteria, a feeling she quite liked. Mia felt like a lot of times she preferred to hide.
“So about the rescheduling, how about tomorrow after class? I’m free after four.” Mia spoke, glancing at her calendar on her phone. Harry gave it a look too, seeing it only upside down but the array of appointments and colours in there made him frown, “You have a busy schedule.” He remarked.
“Oh.” Mia tucked a strand of loose brown hair behind her ear, “I-I gave each subject a different colour.” She explained and Harry frowned deeper, “Wait, that’s all for studying?”
Mia flicked her eyes up at him and blushed a little in embarrassment at how much of a nerd she seemed to be, “Yes.”
Harry scratched the back of his neck, “Well – uh… Tomorrow at four is not the best time. How about next week? You seem tired, maybe you should use tomorrow after school to just relax or hang out with friends.” He suggested.
Mia shot him a small smile, grateful for his suggestion and the care for how she spent her time, “That’s alright. I need the extra credit.”
“W- oh.” Harry blurted in sheer realisation before his eyes widened, “You… you give therapy for extra credit?”
Mia took a slow sip of her water bottle and nodded slowly, “Yes.”
“Shit.” He mumbled, rubbing his fingers through his damp hair, pushing it away from his forehead which Mia felt like suited him a lot. Harry shamefully looked down, “I’m sorry I gave you such a shit time before. About volunteering and not needing the money. It was a dick move.” He apologised, now realising Mia only volunteered to lift up her grades, much like she took tutoring sessions for that same reason. Once more, he felt kind of connected in how he used to try everything to attempt and keep his grades up. He never went this far in spending all his time on school, but he couldn’t hold it against Mia that she kept trying. He should’ve done the same thing last year.
“It’s okay,” Mia shook her head, “you don’t have to apologise, I know how it looked.” She tried not to focus on the swear words he used so easily while they felt so foreign to her, even just hearing them. Harry shook his head too, “No, it’s not okay. I made a judgement while you were only trying to help.”
Mia fiddled with her earlobe, unsure of how to take his words. It sounded like a compliment, but then again it would seem foreign of Harry to just compliment her after being very distant the entire time. She felt like they just weren’t compatible as two people. So much so that even a conversation was difficult. She hoped Harry could feel that she was trying.
“Speaking of that,” Harry cleared his throat, deciding to use this to steer the conversation into another thing he wanted to talk to her about. He pulled a sheet out of his backpack and straightened it a little before laying it on the table, “you never signed off on the first session.”
Mia stared at the copy of the informed consent form that both her and Harry signed at the beginning of the first session. She saw her name and signature on there, as well as his, before there was a grid with eight rows. She was supposed to fill in the date and put down a stamp and her signature to sign off on each of the eight sessions that would put Harry in the clear of having to pay for the broken bookcase.
She nibbled her lip, immediately feeling uncomfortable again by having to turn him down, “You – uh… you didn’t follow the session. So I can’t sign off.” She mumbled carefully.
Harry frowned, “I was there, wasn’t I?”
“You were.” Mia nodded slowly while trying to stand her ground, “For about fifteen minutes. The sessions are an hour.” Everything inside of her was itching to just put her signature down and get this conversation over with.
“Fuck.” Harry breathed, leaning back into his seat and harshly grabbing the sheet again before folding it completely crookedly and stuffing it back into his backpack, “So we have to start over again?” He sounded disappointed and frustrated all over again.
Mia hardly dared looking at him but eventually did lift her eyes, “Yes.” Her voice cracked slightly and she knew it wasn’t doing any good to show how self-conscious she was about standing up to someone like this. Harry sighed and crossed his arms, making his biceps bulge out.
Even with Harry’s anger directed towards her, Mia couldn’t deny that he was very beautiful to look at. She felt like every pair of eyes in the room was immediately glued to him when he walked in. He had this aura, this magnetism about him. She found it hard to focus on whatever she was thinking about when he was in front of her. Especially when he was this close and she could feel the warmth of his knee radiating to hers underneath the table, and she could inhale the subtle lingering scent of perfume around him.
She could see the little birthmark by the left corner of his mouth, and once again found herself mesmerised by his imperfections. He made them look so effortless and if anything, they only made him more gorgeous. Little smile wrinkles by the corners of his eyes, the drops falling from his dark hair, the remainder of chipped nail polish on some of his nails and Mia swore she could see a faint scar of a piercing that once decorated the right side of his nostril. She instantly imagined what he would look like with a little silver hoop pierced through his nose.
“Well,” Harry sighed, leaning his elbows on the table and shrugging, “can we just do that first session now? How long do you have?”
Mia raised her brows, “Now? Like, h-here? We’re in a cafeteria.”
“So?” He shrugged again, “Didn’t seem like you were busy. First one now, second one tomorrow at four?”
“I’ve…” She let out a shaky breath, “I don’t think it’s a good idea to do them so quickly in a row.”
“Mia.” He rolled his eyes and she shuddered slightly just from the way her name sounded rolling off of his pink lips. Like he had been saying it all his life, like it was so natural, “It’s just talking. I’m sure I’ll manage.”
Mia was almost too busy staring at the way his lips moved to even properly hear anything he said. Harry caught on, narrowing his eyes, “Hello?”
“Oh.” She straightened up, “I-I’m sorry, what?” Her neck turned red from embarrassment but Harry didn’t seem to notice, simply reaching into his bag to pick out a pen and a little notebook, “I said it’s just talking so I’ll manage.” He slid the notebook and pen over to her side of the table, bumping into the tray that held the remainder of her food, “Here. To take your notes.”
Mia curled her lips inside of her mouth, staring at the pen he pulled out. It was pink and sparkly and she loved it immediately. The notebook was plain black and the edges had been a bit roughed up. It looked like something he had used a lot.
The second Mia sighed and opened up the notebook, Harry smiled slightly upon realising she was giving in. He drummed his fingers on the table in victory as she skimmed through the pages to find the first fully empty one. Mia’s brows knitted into a small frown, “Are you sure I can write in this? Don’t you need that?”
“Nah, it’s just old stuff.” Harry waved it away. Mia paused on one of the pages to study his scribbly handwriting, wondering if he wrote all of this while paying attention in class and if so, did he use his pink sparkly pen to do so? She could hardly read the words and eventually just settled on an empty page.
She straightened up and then gently pushed her tray to the side to make room for the notebook. She hardly dared lifting her eyes to stare into his, knowing full well the effect his green irises had on the feeling of her limbs. Harry rummaged his bag again before taking out a little jar, opening it up to pick out a piece of gum. He popped it in his mouth, the air immediately lingering in fresh spearmint before he held out the jar for her, “Gum?”
Mia blinked twice before managing to shake her head, “No, I’m okay. Thank you.”
Harry nodded and chucked the jar of gum away again while Mia fully swooned over the way his jaw sharpened with each chew on the piece in his mouth. He sat up again and exhaled a breath, “So, how does this work?”
Mia had to force herself out of her daydreams about the student in front of her, unsure of what to do with all these hot and inappropriate thoughts. She cleared her throat, trying to seem as if she had her act together, “Well, usually I have some sort of file with a little bit of information about you and why you’re here.” She explained.
He huffed humorously, “We’ve established that, no? I fucked someone in the library and defiled school property.” He shrugged. Mia’s eyes widened at the use of his blunt vocabulary and she shifted in her seat, “R-Right.” Her throat sounded dry.
“So, you’re going to like heal me? Make me do abstinence?” He teased, “Should I call you Dr. Phil?”
It was Mia’s turn to huff out a chuckle, keeping her eyes on the open notebook in front of her while fiddling with the earring in her lobe again, “Definitely not. And ‘m not here to heal you in any way. This is just talking.”
“You’re going to lurk around my soul, aren’t you?” He continued his teasing, “Isn’t that what psychology is?”
“You know a lot about psychology?” Mia questioned and Harry shrugged, “I know I usually don’t agree with it.”
Mia clicked open her pen, “How do you mean?”
Harry leaned back into his seat and pressed his lips together with a shrug, “It’s really uptight to me. It’s why I prefer my field, philosophy. The purpose is to solve things that occur in real life, like real problems. Not people following their human urges and having sex, that’s not a problem.”
Mia puckered her lips in thought, “It might be when it’s in a public space.”
“You psychologists and your need for intervention.” Harry sighed with a shake of his head, “I’ll never understand. Did you know psychology stems from philosophy?”
“I do.” Mia nodded and Harry hummed, “First psychology student I know who can admit defeat that easily.”
She chuckled and shrugged, “It’s not defeat, it’s not a race. It’s just history and the truth. Both can coexist.”
“Yeah, but… I don’t know, psychology is so biological.” Harry spoke in thought and Mia tilted her head to the side, “Says the person who studies morality. Aren’t philosophers the ones telling people what’s right and wrong behaviour?”
“Some maybe.” Harry nodded, “But not me. I’m all for the free spirit. Let people live their lives and let them do what they want. Nothing wrong with that.”
“Is that why you slept with that girl in the library?” Mia bravely asked.
Harry smiled and his dimple popped, making Mia’s heart beat twice as fast at the toothy grin he shot her. She saw a sliver of the piece of gum in his mouth as he shook his head, “I guess. I just did it because I felt like it.”
Mia wrote something down and nodded, “So I assume you like the field you’re studying, right?”
“I do.” Harry nodded, “I take a big interest in sexual philosophy. Had a class on it last year.”
Mia nodded distantly, knowing full well that Hazel studied that subject this year. She had seen the books lying around the apartment, sometimes with ancient erotic art on the cover. It made Mia blush either way.
“Sexuality is super ambivalent in philosophy,” Harry said, “like on one hand it’s godly and spiritual. Socrates called it the ‘pure and true’. On the other hand, it’s feared. Because it’s animalistic, irrational and selfish. But I mean, who’s to say what’s good and bad sex, right? I mean, except for the obvious,” Harry mumbled, almost more to himself as if lost in thought, “I mean, who’s to say what’s a good or bad way to have sex?”
Mia didn’t say much, but wrote stuff down as Harry spoke passionately about his studies.
“I definitely follow the idea of metaphysical optimism.” He continued, “That sex connects and adds to one’s happiness. So it’s morally good. It’s liberal and free and tolerant and an autonomous choice.”
“Okay.” Mia slowly found herself nodding, “But what about the transdisciplinary approach? That it causes power and a shift in it? That’s a way to suppress someone? It’s not always as safe as you say it is. It’d be nice if it was, but then there wouldn’t be all these stories about people not enjoying it.”
Harry smirked, “Foucault, right? Such a psychologist.” He tutted before shaking his head, “You lot think too much.”
“I don’t think it’s thinking. It’s an experience. And sure you can say everyone is free and liberal and makes the choice to be… active.” She carefully jumped around the words before taking a breath, “But it’s epistemological, right? It’s still a science.”
“But why does it have to be a science? Can’t it just be a feeling?”
“Sure, b-“
“Haven’t you ever wanted to have sex so bad that you didn’t even care when or where? Have you never felt that primal, animalistic need to just… have someone?” Harry used his hands to bring his words extra power.
Mia stared at him and tried to stop the deep flush from rising up her cheeks, but Harry had seen. He tilted his head to the side with a small smirk, as if silently telling her that he knew her secret or something. Mia avoided his gaze and shifted on her chair, clearing her throat and leaving a silence.
“You have, haven’t you?” Harry pushed softly. Mia kept her eyes down while writing down a few things to keep herself from crumpling under his gaze.
“Mia.” Harry tried to get her attention, “You have, haven’t you?”
She exhaled a sharp breath, “I have.” She lied. Harry didn’t respond, and she didn’t have to lift her head to know the curious smirk he had on his lips, as if waiting for her to look up so he could pry the truth from her embarrassed gaze.
“Have you?”
“Yes.” She shortly answered.
“Why don’t you tell me about it?”
She huffed out a shaky breath, “This isn’t about me.” She murmured, digging the pen harder into the paper while writing down complete nonsense. Harry didn’t respond for a moment, “Okay, but we’re having a conversation, right? And I asked you a question?”
“This is not a conversation.” She spoke, “This is therapy.” She remembered professor Dillon teaching her about boundaries and Mia straightened up, “I don’t feel comfortable sharing things about that topic with you, or anyone. It’s a private matter.”
“It is for you, but not for me?” He frowned when she finally raised her eyes.
“I-I’m not asking for details here, Harry.” She tried to reason, “These talks are just to get to the root of why you did what you did, hoping it’s sufficient enough for the school to drop the fine and just let you get off with a warning.”
“God,” Harry exhaled in a whine, dropping his head back, “Why am I being treated like some sort of A-class criminal? I was horny, I was hard and she was wet and we fucked. It’s not that hard to understand. It’s simple biology, I thought you were so good at that?”
The bite in his tone was back and Mia flinched ever so slightly at his raised voice. She tried her best to not break the eye-contact, but his intense eyes quickly made her cast hers down.
A coping mechanism of his, apparently, the snarling. She got close to something he didn’t want to share with her or talk about, so he bit at her. Mia realised this, and hoped that she could get through or it would be eight very long sessions with Harry.
She cleared her throat, trying hard not to let it get to her. She turned a page of her notebook and drew a breath, “Let’s move on.”