Above all
I want to save
You
From me.
AFTER the first mission, me and the others were given two days of rest. Especially me, since I had to recover from the inhaled gas. It gave me some breathing problems during the last few hours but everything seemed to be going steady.
Since I didn't like staying in bed doing nothing I decided to go train a little, not expecting Price to order some of the 141 to check on me every now and then. I felt like a baby. In the meanwhile he was sent on another mission with Farah to stop the first missile.
Panting heavily, I slumped on the ground and flexed my hands in and out, my knuckles bruised from the excessive force of my hits on the punching bag. Taking out the pressure was such a good relief, surely the mission had me going crazy already and it was just the first one.
"Aye, yi"ll need cooncil juice?" Soap appeared out of nowhere, leaning against the door frame of the training hall. He almost made my heart fly out from the scare, then my mind tried to translate his words.
"What.. Speak English." I rolled my eyes and got up from the ground, still flexing my fingers to soothe the numbness. "Water?" He arched a brow and raised in the air a bottle of water.
"I don't want your stupid water."
"Oh, yes, you want it. You need it."
"Of course not."
"Of course yes. It helps the dehydration." He started to walk towards me and I held a hand in the air, stopping him in his tracks. "I don't need you to watch over me, I'm fine like this and I drank water already." I fought back with a small glare.
"With what water? There's nothing in your fridge." His eyebrows knit together and tossed me the water bottle, "Yes, I d— How do you even know?" I gave him the most disgusted look I could, earning a chuckle from him.
"I have my ways, now drink up." He raised his chin slightly and eyed me suspiciously, so I just followed and took a big sip of the water, feeling immediately better after that. "Don't ever do that again." I murmured and turned around to have him face my back while I gathered my things inside the bag.
"Do what?"
"Treat me like a child that needs care."
My words seemed to shock him, was I being too harsh perhaps? It was my nature, pushing away everyone. No one had to see through me, to see the demons living in my head and the hell I've been through. I was strong enough to care for myself.
"I'm just trying to make you feel comfortable around us, you're too tens—"
"I'm not!" I finally snapped and my head flew to his direction, "I don't need anyone around me, I'm fine on my fucking own." I said through clenched teeth, my fists balling tightly. I don't need anyone else to hurt me, to make me feel weak and vulnerable. Not anymore.
"Scylla.. we're a team." He took a step closer to me, reaching out a hand towards my shoulder as if he wanted to comfort me. "I'm leaving once we get Makarov's head back in here, until then do not ever try to act like you care." I slapped away his hand and grabbed my bag, before storming out of the hall, leaving him in shock by my sudden burst.
I am strong. I am strong on my own.
Maybe I shouldn't have talked to him like that, but it felt like an automatic defense mechanism. No way I would let another person into my life to just let them hurt me and leave. No more of that.
For forty minutes I sat under the hot water, in the shower, hugging my knees tightly as the past came flashing right in front of my eyes.
"I didn't want a weak girl like you." He spat roughly while he tightened the belt around my wrists, so tight that I could feel my skin ripping apart. I could only see darkness with the blindfold over my eyes, the room felt so cold, the hard ground was making my knees hurt, new bruises forming on them.
"I'm so sorry.. please, I'll be strong. I'll be strong." I continued to repeat between broken sobs, my throat hurt from all the crying, my eyes were burning up. "I'll be strong." I repeated once again, hoping that somehow it would change his mind and stop this torture.
"Bullshit! You'll never learn without punishments." He growled and grabbed a fistful of my hair, making me scream in surprise and pain from the force. I tried to hold his wrists but I was completely blocked from the belt, locked with chains that stopped me from moving.
The metallic sound echoed in the small room, mixed with my desperate sobs. "We'll see tomorrow." And just like that he let go of my hair, the heavy thuds of his footsteps getting weaker as he walked away and left me all alone, crying to myself and begging to let me out.
"I'll be strong! I promise!"
A loud knock made me come back to reality, my skin was turning red from the steaming water and I reached out a hand to turn off the shower jet. I wrapped my body in a bathrobe and slowly tiptoed my way to the door.
I opened it just enough to peak out my head, raising it slightly to meet Gaz's gaze, "Team's night out." He flashed me a friendly smile. Are they even joking? I thought I was clear enough.
"No." I was about to shut the door right in front of his face but he was quicker, he slipped a foot in between. "That wasn't a question. Team's night out, that means you're going too since you're part of us." He fought back and folded his arms over his chest.
As my usual habit, I scanned him from head to toe, he was wearing a black baseball cap, a jacket over a black t-shirt and some jeans of the same color. A small humm came from my throat before sighing, giving up to the fact that I wanted to stay away from them as much as I could.
"Give me ten minutes."
*
The bar was near a corner of the compound, with a few soldiers inside enjoying their free time after a long day on duty, some of them still in their military uniforms. On the other hand we were sitting around a small table, empty bottle of beers on it. I chose a simple glass of whiskey, I wasn't in the mood to let myself go on drinks tonight, I was still around those guys and only God knew what they had in their minds having a single woman sitting with them.
"God, take off that mask for once. Bet it smells tremendous." Soap snickered as he pointed the beer's neck towards Ghost, who was clearly unamused by his words. "Negative." He simply replied.
"Let that man alone, he already showed us his face months ago." Gaz shook his head with a smile. I just sipped my drink slowly, every now and then looking at them with a neutral expression. My presence felt enough so I didn't even bother to butt in.
"Scylla, ask him why he always wears the mask." Gaz nudged me on the side and I glared at him in response, eventually deep inside I was a little curious. "Why the mask? Even off duty.. I mean." I asked with a quiet voice, eyeing Ghost with the faintest curiosity.
He rested his elbows on the table, leaning a cheek over a closed fist, his gaze locking with mine, "To hide my face." His response was so stupid yet serious that Soap and Gaz burst out laughing, looking like drunk hyenas.
Drunk yes, even hyenas, literally.
But me and Ghost just looked at each other, my eyes were glued on his. The sudden feeling of being vulnerable hit me and I quickly averted my gaze on some corner of the place, taking a sip of the whiskey.
"Are they always like this?" I asked and shot a glare at the two men still laughing, clutching their stomachs in an exaggerated way. "Not on duty, at least." Ghost replied and leaned back on his seat, manspreading as he did so.
My eyes betrayed me and trailed down to his groin, my eyebrows raising. What. The. Fuck.
I cleared my throat and looked away from him, I swear I heard that bastard chuckle because he definitely knew what he was doing. Soon the laughter died and everyone turned serious back again while I was still cursing silently to myself to even let my eyes travel that far.
"So, Scylla. How old are you and where are you from?" Soap was the first to speak up after a while. I was about to snap at him for trying to get into my business but I realized that maybe, for real, they were just trying to be good teammates.
Still, I mustn't let my guard down.
"Twenty-six. I'm from Chicago but moved to Rochdale." I replied quietly, suddenly feeling shy for saying something other than harsh words or insults.
Gaz let out a whistle and tapped his fingers on the table's surface, "Why the army?" He asked, offensive words getting ready at the tip of my tongue, but I forced them back in. "To save lives." I limited myself to answering, even if it was still the truth.
"So when did you become friends with Price?" He asked again and switched to a more comfortable position, seeming more interested in what I had to say.
"We served in the same team," I let out a frustrated sigh and gulped down the rest of the whiskey, "Is this some sort of interrogation? I'm not doing this." The statement came out with an harsh tone.
"Chill, we don't want you to pop out six heads just like the real Scylla." Soap raised his hands in defense, the corner of his lips twitching upwards. His words made me crack a small smile, what other kind of bullshit was he going to blurt out?
"Shut up, who calls himself Soap in the first place?" I retorted and he snorted, his eyes lighting up with joy when he noticed the tiny change of my behavior.
Maybe being with them wasn't that bad.