It's late when Wooyoung returns home from Ilsan.
He looks tired and worn, but his face still lights up when Seonghwa rolls into the foyer to greet him.
"Oh my god, I've missed you so much, hyung," the younger exclaims as he hugs Seonghwa tightly.
He smells like the train and faded hints of aftershave.
"I'm never leaving again."
"Please don't." Seonghwa's voice cracks when he says it and Wooyoung leans back to look his best friend in the eye.
"Hyung, what's wrong?"
Seonghwa doesn't know what to say.
He just stares at the concern in Wooyoung's eyes and loses himself there, in how things used to be before he went and complicated everything.
Before he dared to let Hongjoong into his fragile heart.
"I just really missed you," he ends up saying, tears cresting over his cheeks. "I missed us."
"Oh, hyung, don't go too soft on me. You're not a pretty crier."
"Fuck you." But Seonghwa smiles.
He really doesn't think he could ever survive without this man.
Wooyoung seems soothed by their usual banter and Seonghwa decides that an explanation of the situation can wait.
He'll tell Wooyoung about the surgery later, let him know that things have gone to shit with Hongjoong.
But for tonight, he will just enjoy his best friend's company and be the source of comfort that he needs.
__
Three days pass before Seonghwa has the courage to come clean.
Naturally, Wooyoung is furious about the surgery, but Seonghwa is adamant about it, citing that if he doesn't get it, then he'll never know if he would be able to walk again, but the truth is that's he's numb to the idea.
It's a very similar state to how he felt getting into the car that fateful night not knowing whether he would live or die.
To be honest, he doesn't really care.
He just knows that doing nothing about his situation is no longer an option.
And if he is forced to live, he might as well try to improve his quality of life.
What is there to live for anyway?
This half-life that he has no choice but to settle for because that's what fate decided to give him?
It hurts worse just thinking about what he could've had than it does to die.
It hurts worse to wake up everyday and see other people live his life out there, pursuing their dreams and choosing their life path.
If they want something, they just choose to go after it.
They can quit that job they hate, travel the world, fall in love for real, go back to school... walk.
But Seonghwa, despite his family's money, is trapped inside his body.
He works from home because of his mobility issues.
He can't travel easily, no one wants him, and he can't even do the simplest of things without assistance.
Why would anyone want to live like this if they had a chance to do something about it?
He tells Wooyoung as much and though his friend is reluctant, he agrees that it's Seonghwa's body and it's his decision to make.
So in the end, the surgery is confirmed, the flights are booked, and the time has come for Hongjoong to leave.
Deep down, Seonghwa had hoped that Hongjoong would prove him wrong, that he would wake up one day to find that the nurse was staying for good, that he didn't need the closure he sought, that Seonghwa was enough for him.
Realistically, he knows otherwise.
Of course Hongjoong needs to get closure.
It's stupid of Seonghwa to try and deny him that, but he can't help it.
He just wants someone to choose him for once, to make it clear that he truly wants him despite his flaws.
He's never had that.
His parents never chose him first, all those one-night stands never really cared, and even Wooyoung, whose love seems unconditional, is staying to care for him out of some sense of duty, because if he doesn't care for Seonghwa, then who would?
Another stranger who would undoubtedly hurt him again?
Just once, Seonghwa wants to be enough for someone.
He wants Hongjoong to choose him.
But he doesn't.
Wooyoung must've discussed as much with the nurse because the contract is re-written to release Hongjoong back to his healthcare agency and the the nurse is making arrangements to head back to Jinju for the memorial.
Wooyoung tells Seonghwa that Hongjoong had been hesitant to leave this job, but that he wanted Seonghwa to be happy and it was clear that the elder wasn't.
The speech was something similar to the one he gave Seonghwa after the falling incident, about how it was obvious his presence was doing more harm than good and that Seonghwa needed someone who he didn't resent, and right now that was not him.
Seonghwa had scoffed.
Hongjoong was forever a martyr.
But the fact that he hadn't fought for him told Seonghwa all he needed to know.
Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.
It's raining on the day that Hongjoong leaves, much like the day he arrived.
The nurse is dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, and like always, has cherry lip balm smeared on his lips and smells of something herbal.
Joy won't leave Seonghwa alone, begging to get into his lap for cuddles.
It breaks his heart.
In the end, Hongjoong is rather polite about the whole thing, shaking Wooyoung's hands and bowing to Seonghwa.
He says that he enjoyed his time with the both of them and that despite everything, he doesn't regret taking the job.
When he leans over to pick Joy up off the floor by Seonghwa's feet, the nurse kisses Seonghwa on the temple, his lips lingering for a few seconds.
"I wish I was enough for you, hyung," he whispers. "But I love you even if you don't believe me."
And it's baffling to Seonghwa, why Hongjoong thinks he's not enough, but the time for questions disappears when the door clicks shut.
Hongjoong is gone.
"I'm sorry, hyung," Wooyoung whispers.
Seonghwa says nothing.
There is nothing left to say.