Work can only serve as an escape for so long.
That... and Lexa had found another small distraction for her periodic pockets of free time as well.
That's why it's another few weeks before she finally has enough fortitude to knock on her best friend's door.
When it opens, Anya's usually composed expression falters.
Seconds tick by in silence. Lexa anxiously looks down at her faded chucks, fiddling with the bottle of scotch in her hands.
"Can I come in?" She finally says.
Anya nods and steps back with one hand in the pocket of her high-waisted slacks, letting Lexa stroll into the apartment.
The actress softly sets the bottle of scotch on the kitchen island, as Anya silently fetches two glasses with ice.
It's uneasy, both moving on eggshells as Lexa shifts her weight back and forth, then leans against the counter.
"You can sit, you know." Says Anya, gesturing to the couch, "Unless you weren't staying."
Lexa ambles over to the living room to sit down, pleasantly surprised when she notices Anya only pouring one glass of scotch, and pulls out a bottle of tequila and lemonade from the fridge for the other.
"Since when do you keep any clear stuff around?" Lexa jokes as she's handed her drink.
Anya shrugs and sits in the chair across from her. "Knew you'd come around eventually."
The two sip in silence for a minute or two, avoiding eye contact.
"Look An, I'm sorr-"
"Nope." Anya interrupts, "It's fine, I promise. I'm the one who's sorry..."
"We don't have to do this." Says Lexa, motioning between the two of them.
"You're right, we don't." Nods Anya.
Then, after another brief pause, "But... do you want to?"
Lexa fidgets with the glass in her hands, "Want to what?"
Anya doesn't respond. She leans on the armrest and waits for the younger girl to look up at her.
Once she finally does, Anya holds the eye contact for a prolonged moment, trying to read the most unreadable girl she knows.
Lexa seems nervous. Conflicted. Wanting to seem fine when she is clearly anything but, pinched tightly into herself on the couch, leaned forward on her knees. The calm surface expression barely masking what she knows to be a whirwind of thoughts going on inside that must've finally driven her to show up here in the first place.
"Lex..." Anya prods with careful discretion, "You can tell me, you know."
"Tell you what..." Lexa weakly pushes back, the bubbles in her chest growing. Her skin clearly flushed.
Anya leans forward and places her glass on a coaster.
"Whatever is going on with you lately, really going on..."
"Just been busy...work and all." She sips at her drink, wincing at how strong it is, "I just...needed some space."
Anya leans back in the chair again, surveying Lexa with a scrutiny, but unable to peel back all her hardened layers herself. Only one person has ever been able to do that.
"Listen..." She starts with another sigh, "You can lie to yourself six ways to Sunday kid..." Lexa's eyes flick up to her without moving her head, "But just once...please... for the sake of your OWN sanity... and mine... just say what you want. What do you WANT Lexa?"
The actress sits back and pulls the white blanket up over her shoulders, gnawing on her lower lip, eyes drifting back and forth between the two glasses on the table as Anya pushes her in a way she's never done.
"You want to fight for her? You want to get over her? You want to never have to commit to any one person ever again? I'll plug my ears so I don't even hear it but just SAY IT outloud just ONCE...please!"
She felt the truth simmering, ready to boil over. It was Anya. Of all the people that she shouldn't fear judgment from. The person who she trusted to talk sense into her.
Wise, old-man Anya, who wouldn't hesitate to beat her over the head with logic if that's what she needed to free her from this wretched longing plaguing her.
If there was anyone she trusted to tell her she was probably best off dropping all of this once and for all and moving on...
Or someone to tell her she should throw caution to the wind and just go for it despite all the reasons screaming at her not to... It was Anya.
"I think...if I'm being honest..." Lexa timidly mumbles, "I think I want-"
A key turning in the deadbolt stops her mid-sentence, and her muscles tense seeing Raven shoulder through the doorway with a bag of takeout in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.
"Babe they didn't have your-" She stops abruptly at the sight of Lexa standing up from the couch. Anya is quick to follow up onto her feet.
Her lips purse, irritation immediate and clear.
"Well well, look who's finally decided to grace us with her presence."
"Rae don't." Anya cuts in quick and harsh.
Lexa's jaw is rigid as she stares back at the girl, who drops her keys loudly onto the table and, seeing the two drinks on the coffee table, grabs the wine opener to uncork the bottle in her hand.
"What?" She says innocently over her shoulder, sliding a wine glass out of the cellaret, "I'm just saying....it's been awhile...." She shrugs and pours herself a healthy glass, then turns, tucking one arm under the other as she takes a sip. Her dark eyes held an unspoken challenge.
"...Don't give me that look babe!" She smacks her lips at Anya's death stare, "Trust me... NOONE is more glad to see her here right now than me."
She raises her glass in Lexa's direction, "So... you done being pissy and ignoring my girlfriend because your feelings got a little hurt?"
Anya swiftly glides across her apartment towards Raven in the kitchen, "Out. Now." She says, gripping under Raven's arm.
"No stop, I'll go." Says Lexa firmly, getting to her feet, "You two eat."
"What the fuck is everyone's deal?!" Raven exasperates, jerking her arm to break Anya's hold on her and stepping closer to Lexa in the living room. "This used to be fun since when can you not take a fucking joke?!"
Lexa doesn't respond.
The words build like bile in her throat. Her and Raven did always have a playful hostility to their repartee that was fun. Their banter always entertaining, as long as you were on the tech genius' good side. That's just who Raven is. Unapologetically raw, unfiltered in her opinions. For better or worse.
It's what drew Anya to Raven in the first place.
Anya, being one of little words, somber and level-headed, was drawn to the fiery, spirited best friend like a moth to flame when Lexa introduced her to Clarke. For Raven, Anya was the cool-headed voice of reason that kept her ever floating spirit rooted just enough on the ground. They complimented each other in the best ways, tempering each other's worst tendencies, but undoubtedly were also the most affected by the hurricane that was Clarke and Lexa's fallout.
"Lexa I'm sorry I said all that shit at game night, there I said it okay?" She turns to look back at Anya, then back at Lexa again, "It's the one apology you're getting so savor it."
She takes a sip of her white wine before pointing a finger off the glass, "But YOU don't get to shut HER out because of it." Raven gestures at the older girl behind her, who's stoically watching, hyper cautious, gauging if and when to intervene.
Anya carefully observes Lexa's stiff posture, her hardened glare fortifying her inner defenses against whatever was about to fire out of Raven's mouth. Part of her is fighting against her own resentment, the hurt from being shut out despite all her attempts to be there for Lexa, even if she knew Lexa's coping mechanisms stemmed from her abandonment trauma.
"If you have shit to say, say it to ME." Raven continues to berate, "Don't go being an ass to Anya who's only ever tried to be there for YOU..."
Lexa stays glaring with a clenched jaw, before coldly asking, "What is it you want from me?"
Raven's face falls, frustrated.
"Are you for real?" She gestures behind her at Anya, "Is she forreal?!"
The apartment had become a tinderbox, just waiting for a match to be lit. Raven removes her leather jacket, laying it on the arm of the couch as she steps forward to set her glass down on the coffee table, bringing her within arms' reach of Lexa.
"Just cut the shit Lexa.... you keep needing to prove to all of us that you're doing SO great all the time..." She starts, "Like duh look at you...The boys obviously idolize you, none of us ever stopped supporting you but why are YOU the only one who's allowed to move on?!"
Lexa's eyebrows furrow, as she bites the inside of her cheek, still holding back because she wanted Raven to get it all out, hoping it would give any clues to help her navigate the labyrinth she found herself in with Clarke.
"Like... we GET IT you're doing great! You're Lexa Fucking Woods!" Raven gestures wildly, yelling now, "You're stealing Murphy's bitches and having orgies all over Europe and doing bottle service every weekend like GOOD FOR YOU!"
Lexa lifts her glass to take a sip, as Anya notes every movement of her best friend for what it was- a rubber band pulling back, poised to snap. Raven continues getting it all off her chest.
"Noone's 'out to get you' but just leave Clarke alone and let HER be fine too!" She throws her hands up one more time before letting them drop to her sides, "How am I the bitch for being the one to say that?"
"It's not like I seek her out or something." Lexa argues.
"You know exactly what you're doing." Snaps Raven, "It's so childish and frankly narcissistic."
"Pulling out the big-word insults now huh?"
"See...childish. Fucking twenty-eight years old going on sixteen."
"Who the fuck started it all that night?!?" Lexa strains to keep her composure, "She wanna say shit like 'you're easier to get over than you think' and not expect me to give her that same energy back? And then doing all that with Luna in front of everyone...she's the one who was acting like she had something to prove."
"No she was just genuinely glad to see Luna." Scoffs Raven "...She's flying out to visit her for her birthday next month too."
Anya catches the quick change in Lexa's expression hearing this news.
"And I, for one, am glad to see her putting herself back out there finally for the first time in forever. She's got every right to, no?"
Lexa rolls her eyes which triggers Raven even more.
"I'm sorry did I miss the grand decree that you're the only one allowed to get laid?!? To have people WANTING you?!?!" Raven jabs, "With your carousel of blondes? One in particular that just LOVES showing off how often that is for you two?"
Anya approaches the pair, but Lexa's fierce glare warns her to not intervene, to let this play out.
Neither Lexa nor Raven could be intimidated by the other and this had been simmering ever since Raven pulled Lexa up on stage at her charity gala to auction her off.
But as usual, it's Raven who toes the line first, and then with zero regard steps right over it.
"Explain to me why it's somehow offensive to you, to see her happy with Luna, when you've made it so clear that you're perfectly happy with your precious Costia-" The mere mention of that name after Lexa's threat at game night sets her eyes ablaze, and her fist clenches at her side.
She steps into Raven's personal space.
"You keep her fucking name out your mouth..." Lexa growls, getting in Raven's face. Anya quickly pulls her girlfriend back, inserting herself between them.
It was intentional, uttering the blonde's name. Raven wanted to see how strong of a response it could evoke from Lexa, because the ensuing rebuke is dripping in just as much pain as it is anger when Raven doesn't back down.
Instead she tries to get back in Lexa's face despite Anya using her arm to keep them apart.
"Where the FUCK was this defensiveness for Clarke when it mattered, huh Lexa?" Raven spits out, "When you saw everyone and their mother drooling over you and Mercedes all over the goddamn internet, swooning over the 'potential' of you two outside the show, huh? Where was all the wrath for the headlines and the comments and where the FUCK was the protectiveness when plenty of your rabid fans were painting Clarke like some anchor, unworthy of their 'precious Goddess?' Huh? Tell me Lexa.... 'cuz you didn't seem to care HALF this much when it was Clarke's name in everyone else's mouth."
Anya intercepts Lexa mid-lunge, gripping her arms and pushing back to prevent her making contact with Raven.
"ENOUGH!" Yells Anya at Raven while holding off Lexa.
Lexa is forcefully breathing in and out through her nose, lips pursed. Her fingertips are tingling as they clench and release into and out of a fist.
She always GUSHED over Clarke at every chance. A majority of her fans LOVED them. Everything she ever did and said and posted showed that she didn't care what any small subsets of her fandom or the public thought of her relationship.
Lexa's eyes are glossing over when she fixes her gaze on Anya, speaking stiffly.
Her voice is practically a growl as she locks eyes with her best friend.
"She doesn't know... does she?"
The pause is laden with sympathy, as Anya softens her stance in hopes of causing Lexa to as well. Raven's vicious stare is now curious.
Anya answers with a subtle shake of her head, "You said it was a secret...so I kept it like an oath."
"Good." Lexa Snarls. "Keep it that way."
Lexa is out of the apartment before Anya can do any damage control. The slam of the door feels like another slap in the face, and the older girl fights the instinct to run out after her best friend.
"What the hell was THAT about? What am I not supposed to know?"
All it takes is a single scowl from Anya for Raven to unload in self-defense.
"What?!?! If Lexa ever wants to stop fucking around throwing girls in Clarke's face maybe I'll have some sympathy....Until then she doesn't get any from me."
Raven fetches her wine glass she'd put down and takes a sip before continuing, "And I'm sorry but I'm not going to sit back and let her mess up Clarke's chance at her first REAL relationship in three years... even if it wasn't Luna! Because it's gross how much she flirts with Clarke still just to try and prove she could still get her if she wanted...or just to keep Clarke from moving on while she gets under anything blonde that moves."
"Uhhh Niylah was her first relationship after them..." Anya corrects.
"Babe that was a rebound that got dragged out, c'mon."
Anya sighs deeply, beyond frustrated.
"Just let them figure it out... stay OUT of it Rae!"
Raven, visibly annoyed, "That only favors Lexa and you know it."
When the older girl doesn't seem to get her point, she elaborates.
"Lexa is everywhere for her...She can't escape it. How is that fair? If she's so happy with her buffet of options then it's NOT disrespectful to ask that she respect basic boundaries with Clarke."
If Anya didn't know how conflicted Lexa has been feeling lately, she'd openly agree.
"You gotta give them whatever time they need babe..." She exhales.
Raven though still has more fight in her.
"They've HAD time! It's been a year and a half since she broke up with Niylah! Clarke was in the best place I'd seen her before we saw Lexa on her stupid date at their spot (ch1😉)...she was FINE! She was OVER it!"
Anya takes a seat on the couch, leaning forward with elbows resting on her knees and swirls the scotch in her glass.
"Well maybe she's not as over it as you thought."
Raven's face tweaks, "You know something I don't?"
"I don't know what you mean." Anya deadpans as she sips her single malt.
But Raven presses her, scurrying over to the couch "Has Lexa said something?"
"About what?"
"About CLARKE!" She slaps Anya's arm, "Don't play dumb!"
Anya takes a sip of her drink, looking at her glass instead of the girl next to her.
"She doesn't really talk about her feelings...you know this."
Raven, now much softened, sets a hand on Anya's thigh.
"Babe you're her best friend, she shouldn't need to. You should know. At least a little!"
Anya's eyes finally rise up to meet Raven's, "Oh and you're SO sure you know Clarke's feelings then?"
"Well yea, also because she TELLS me how much she likes Luna, so yes."
Anya, in an off-putting tone, muses, "Well... maybe we all need to start considering what those two TELL us isn't the full truth."
//
Clarke wasn't in the mood to answer Raven's calls, but also dreaded her showing up at her house anyways if she didn't answer.
She'd been much too preoccupied with whatever this newfound territory was that she found herself in with Lexa.
It tiptoed between snarky and flirty...with neither fully tipping their hand. The playful banter and running commentary on each other's Instagram posts were an easy enough excuse to stay in contact without the burden of stand-alone conversation.
It always stopped after one or two exchanges, never digressing into other topics. Never asking how the other was doing, what they were up to.
This newfound middle ground for them felt as fragile as it did addicting....
Until Lexa's mood took a sharp downturn later on the same day Raven began blowing up her phone.
---------------------------------------------------
Curious if anyone's opinions shifted at all on Raven? How would you act if you thought your best friend was being harassed and taunted for sport by a famous egotistical womanizing ex?
3,110 Words