Flashback: 1 month prior to current events
The Elizabreath, despite being the sigma-like dominant gorilla-chan she was, had no friendz. It waz not an opinion, nor condescending self-criticism, but the hard truth, as said by her therapist whom she had found from a suspicious dating site named Alibaba.
So, in her never ending fruitless search for a frond, she stumbled upon a new and very, very, intriguing site named Disschored.
Placing one greased floppy egg finger in front of another, she handstanded all the way to her laptop, being the delightful child she waz.
Then, she joined a server called "y/n x eren jaeger", which she deemed fit for her to join. Tappity clacking her lady fingers on the keys, she typed out her first message.
"rawr eren jaeger is mine"
She only realised her mistake approximately 2.9 macroseconds after, when her Disschored was prompty swarmed with a plethora of retaliations ("non!", "how dareth you, I already claimed him!" and others).
But one message stood out.
"mew"
Then, she knew. She knew down from her right sharp naturally gorilla like incisor that this person, Sprataratatat, was an alpha.* She didn't know why, but she why didn't know. So, she "dm"ed him.
*The Elizabreath would soon find out, as this is stated in verse 4 of the Skibidi Scriptures
"mew"
And that was how it started. Sprataratatat was also interested in those smexy y/n x eren jaeger fanfics on wattpad, as was she, and they quickly bonded through their mutual hate of Those Who Do Not Learnst The Boxing, as well as asparagi, and their mutual love of Learnsting The Boxing while listening to that one fitness song featuring many Jashrieks™ that The Elizabreath had discovered while attending her budget boxing lessons in the second cubicle of the Andrea Building toilets, which was supposedly rented out as an apartment by one of the philosophy teachers ("yeah, uh, just don't mind him he's just going through something")
So, Sprataratatat and SpikeBelongsToRarityRawrAlmightyMewIfYouDontReadDarklinaSmutUrCap grew closer and closer.
At the time of the end of the current events in the last special chapter, the end of it, current, before TLD 1, yeah
"Spartafart? Not Spartafart!"
"Greenish pista"
"Ahemio!!!" screamed by Tikki, who flipped her luscious golden luminescent beautiful long bob shaped shart glossy matte greasy strawberry dark chocolate locks to the right.
"They're so perfect for eachother 😼🦧," growled Tikki, radiating longitudinal waves of alpha pheromones to appear confident, not that she wasn't, because she obviously waz. "Like a catboy to a gorilla, we musty make them see catboy to gorilla," continued Tikki. "Ear to ear. Tonsil to tonsil. Rawr."
Enlightened by Tikki's well versed speech, Laurel-yanny furiously shook her head up and down until the hand sanitiser she had just engulfed swished around in her head, making her alpha tendencies amplify.
"Graerar!" She guggled. "I agree!"
Reluctantly, Clarence starjumped and growled, showing her fatherly approval.
It was only 3am when they arrived at their destination, not sleep deprived, because today was the Magical Special Grathering, or MSG. Also, it was the full moon today, which just made their powers stronger, to the point where their footsteps grew kawaii pearly pearl-like pista teeth from the pork in which they stood.
Gathering the kawaii pearly pearl-like pista teeth, Clarence suggested, "Bros let's totally go bribe the teacher with this man yeah".
So, the Mhajhick Trio made their way to the Teacher Man, Asparagus Catmaid.
His office was.. kahwhyyee. Iridescent, delicate poops scattered the windows, rivalled only by the baby blue mahogany gay men figurine shrine that lay in the middle of the deep, vibrant shit coloured room.
"Heehee! Shamona!" Myster Catmaid beckoned, doing the disknee knees. He adjusted his rat wings and fluttered in front of them.
"Ni hao," Laurel-yanny said sigmaly, signalling to Clarence and Tikki, Laurel-yanny began expertly distracting Mr Catmaid, bringing promises of many a hot gay shirtless men at the soon-to-come party, dubbed The Radiant Revelry: A Celebration of Unbridled Masculine Splendour.
Mr Catmaid was immediately hooked as Laurel-yanny continued with her extremely intriguingly concerningly psychotically detailed descriptions of their deliciously exposed 48 pack abs and bulbously muscular forearms, not bothering to use his spidey senses at all as a large pp was drawn around him with chalk.
Suddenly, the lights blacked out, and Mr Catmaid found himself in the middle of a Mhajhick Gworl Boss Ritual Scorcle. But it was too late.
The trio were already chanting, placing their hands in a praying position and oscillating them left to right rapidly. Their lips wiggled and jiggled, and all he could catch faintly was the words... "oogle booger"?
Then, Laurel-yanny stepped forward.
"Ni hao." She said again, and he was hit with a firm wall of sigma pheromones again, intoxicating him. "Bro you should totally definitely make Spartacus Anchovy from 9120P and The Elizabreath Zhangalicious from 756123R be in the same food tech class, bruh man Asparagus Catmaid."
The kahwhyyee man found himself nodding. Then, he was black everything went black.
The Elizabreath found no reason as to why her Sex Ed elective class was now permanently cancelled. She had found it very fulfilling and... interesting. She also found no reason as to why she was now in.. Food Tech.. with.. Spartacus Anchovy as her partner.
As the aroma of steadily boiling cocaine and broccoli filled the air of the Food Tech classroom, a tension hung between Sparty and The Elrizz. They shuffled around, only saying "oh oop oh uh yeah um uh yeah uh sorry uh yeah um mhm huh heehee shamona" to eachother occasionally as, in a fit of social anxiety and the effects of not talking to a breathing being in a couple years, Spartacus's glorious locks dropped into their broccoli ice cream rapidly, and The Elizabreath spent most of her time furiously picking the grease-coated follicles out with chopsticks.
Meanwhile, Tikki fumbled, trying to lehveeohsaa a person's purse toward her, because she had gotten -100% in her recent assignment, and subsequently, an F. Sadly for Tikki, an F in her Asian™ family stood for Food and money ❌🙅, so she hadn't been able to consume even a grain of those strangly luscious rices for the past week, and was too broke (😔) to visit the canteen.
Suddenly, mhajhick sizzled out of her fingernail, and straight toward.. The Elizabreath.
The Elizabreath felt something stronge inside her brain cavity. She suddenly felt very, very, very, very, very, curious about her incredibly and outrageously over-clothed counterpart. How she longed to gaze at those 92 ab. How she longed to touch those dainty nostril. The 92 ab and dainty nostril of... Spartaratatat, she suddenly realised, and just trust her brain cavity judgement just this once, it wasn't because she was using her 0.5 braincell.
"So, um, uh, um, shamona, uh, sorry, rawr, uhmhm, how do you feel about uh.. um, ugh, aeh, 3or,m 238mqr7 EFA, W9FEWKAot8ypo;ITUP83YTP983u928t8uqrou09t208rtsdlfa UH, UM, AEH, MHM, HUH, OH, UH, BROCOLLI ICE CREAM?!"
Bewilderment leaked into Spartacus's cutey features. "Well, it's... unique. It's.. different. Just like me (😼👆) I suppose."
The Elizabreath grew bolder. "So, uh, yeah, uh, that's, uh, yeah."
"Yeah, uh.. yeah."
"Yeah, so, uh, do you wear a wig? Also whats the color of ur underwear"
Spartacus was so surprised and offended he jumped back 75 m. "YOU PERVERTED, PERVERT ATROCIOUS MONKEY!!!1!!!!!11111!11"
But before he could protest further, Clarence's mishap with the sugar jar intervened. In a frantic attempt to sweeten their white powdered concoction, Spartacus accidentally added a lethal dose of sodium, unbeknownst to both of them!
Gasping for oxygen molecules, she accused Spartacus of sabotage, causing many litres of fluid from her salivary glands to land on his hair, making him look alike a moist, uh no, wet, NO, uh, liquidy! alpha catboy, which was technically what he was. Convinced that he had intentionally poisoned her as revenge for her intrusive questions, The Elizabreath began hyperventilating, seeking and trying to provoke empathy and sympathy from the audience, however, it didn't work, and she just starting choking loudly instead, and was then told to shut up by the relief teacher, Ms Baguette.
In a fit of large rage and gigantinormously concentrated and condensed paranoia, The Elizabreath retaliated by spiking their i Broccolini ice cream with sleeping pills acquired from the black market. While Spartacus dozed off, she aggressively devoured his portion of the ice cream and seized the opportunity to exact further revenge, using bleach to deface his jacket with a crude drawing of Pinkie Pie. However, she did not fall asleep, because she had developed immunity from sleeping pills, as she was not wearing shoes, and therefore had a better connection to Mother Earth, who granted her the power of Insomnia and 24 hours in a day to Minecraft Education.
Clarence, Laurel-yanny and Tikki simultaneously clapped their hands to their receding hairlines. Greatingham! Now those two hated eachother! They had messed up, periodt! Now being one with Le Depressionazione, they flapped off to McDonalds to hold a commiseration party with the leftover melted i Broccolini icecream possibly dosed with a significant portion of sleeping pills, other whitish vanilla flavourings and Spartacus branded hair follicles, and also root beer and hand sanitiser as vodka because they were too poor.