ROWAN
I think I'm sick is the last thought that comes through my head before I run for the bathroom and spill my guts into the toilet. A few tears escape the corners of my eyes in the process. I grip the toilet paper holder with one hand and lean the other on the stall wall.
Fuck this.
I flush the toilet, blow my nose, and head to the sink where I debate if I should swish my mouth out with this dirty ass water or risk walking over to my water bottle which is in Jeremiah's hands at this very moment.
I'm taking the dirty ass water.
I cup my hands under the running water and bring it to my mouth, shamefully. I rinse, spit, and repeat.
How humiliating. Jeremiah smiles at one girl who has her hands all over him and I end up hurling like a fool.
I should not have had this one little incident bother me so much, but it has. It has brought up a picture of the past that did not sit well with me.
Pathetic. I'm pathetic.
I let out a shaky breath while studying my pale face in the mirror. Mascara was smudged under my eyes and small sweat beads lined my forehead.
I look rough.
Taking my thumb to my under-eye, I wipe the excess mascara off my face. Not even a moment later, I heard a knock on the door, then a voice said my name.
"Row, you in here?" I see Jeremiah poke his head in through the mirror, his normal happy self switches to a look of concern. I quickly turn my head down and wipe my under eyes once more.
"Yeah, sorry, I think I'm a little dehydrated." I lie, finally picking my head up so our eyes meet for the first time. I watch the blood drain from Jeremiah's face as he approaches me. He appears very worried, which does raise some concern on my end. More stupid thoughts run through my brain as he hands me my water bottle which is now full.
"Drink some, I put some electrolyte powder in it as well." He sends me a kind smile, and as bad as I want to be worried and upset, it's impossible now that he's standing in front of me being his normal sweet self.
"Thank you, I appreciate it. Now, can we get out of this bathroom before I die of heat stroke?" I fan myself a few times, looking around at the bathroom we stood in. It's small, dirty with cobwebs and dead bugs, and the only ventilation is from the windows above the two stalls. It's your normal park bathroom that you definitely would only use in case of emergencies.
Jeremiah chuckles, opening the door for me and a rush of cool warm air brushed against my flushed cheeks.
I feel a hand on my back, causing myself to turn towards him. His eyes drift to mine before looking back ahead of us.
"You absolutely killed it out there though, I can't wait to see you in action this fall." His eyes are on mine once again, soft and full of excitement, a smile plays on his lips.
My head feels fuzzy. Did I just hear him right?
I unintentionally open my mouth a gap.
He just made a comment on the future.
My heart rate quickens, trying to think of something to say back, but all I come up with is, "Yeah, I'm a great ball handler."
I immediately want to slap myself across the face because my dirty, on my feet, joke did not come out playful at all. Instead, I feel all the muscles in my face stay put as if I was just injected with a numbness shot.
His comment, I was not expecting his comment and I should be happier than ever right now, but I'm terrified. We haven't laid out the straight facts yet and he goes and says this?
I think I might need that musty bathroom again.
Jeremiah holds a goofy smile on his face as if he is waiting for me to laugh at my own joke. With every fiber in my body, I let out the hardest hearty laugh I have.
This cues Jeremiah to finally laugh, but I sense a tiny bit of worry.
He should be worried, I completely just shut down.
I need to snap out of this.
"But thank you, Jere. I appreciate your support." I say genuinely.
"Anything for you."
Melting, I'm melting again. I can confirm that whatever I saw earlier is nothing for me to worry about.
The two of us make it over to the rest of the group, which includes, Belly, Conrad, Elena, Taylor, Steven, Nicole, and Gigi. The girls are in one conversation as Steven and Conrad are in their own. I glide toward the girls, breaking free from Jeremiah. He does the same except he heads toward the boys.
As I join the group, I feel a heavy glare coming from Gigi. I can't muster the courage or energy to look her way. Her stare is incredibly uncomfortable, but thankfully, Nicole washes that away once she begins to speak.
"Hey, Row, great job out there!" She cheers and I thank her.
"I was just telling everyone that we should get together tonight." She motioned her hands around the group, and I turned my head to look toward my cousin who was nodding her head in agreement.
I begin to nod my head as well, lowkey not wanting to go at all due to Gigi, but it appears everyone else is definitely going.
"Awesome, can't wait!" I wear my fakest grin.
****
I knock on Jeremiah's door before opening it. When we got back home, everyone ate dinner and parted their separate ways. The boys were attending a party in the suburbs and us girls were going on Nicole's boat.
I could cry, but I'm going to put on my big girl pants because Jeremiah sees a future with me and not Gigi.
Once I walk in, Jeremiah appears from his closet, wearing a white button-down t-shirt. His eyes are focused on the ground, but once he senses my presence, his eyes follow my feet all the way up to my eyes, inching slowly, as if he were taking in my appearance.
His eyes grew darker as he continued taking me in.
I wasn't wearing anything special, a pair of wide-legged baby blue sweatpants and a white crop top that hugged my waist.
Trying to escape Jeremiah's gaze, I slightly scan down his body. The t-shirt he has on is not buttoned, I figured I should note that.
Because his torso is screaming at my eyes.
"Damn, button that shit up, you're blinding my eyes." I joke, reaching towards him to begin buttoning his shirt up.
Jeremiah laughs, brushing a stray hair behind my ear. "Now you know how I feel every second you come into my direct eye line."
I huff, flicking his throat which causes him to 'owe'. I ignore his owe though, and say, "You cheesy son of a bitch."
Jeremiah flicks my forehead, making me let out a gasp. "You love it."
"I hate it."
"Shut up."
"You shut up."
"Okay." He leans into me, smashing his lips against my own. I take a second to allow myself to comprehend what is happening before letting go of his last button and reaching my arms around his neck.
Jeremiah sighs into the kiss, causing me to do the same, opening my mouth partially. It was as if he felt me do so because his tongue collided with mine. My hand reached for the back of his hair, twisting it with my fingers slowly. Jeremiah's grip tightened around my hips as he tried to back me towards his bed.
I say try because mid-way through I took his lip between my teeth gently, causing him to stop and let out the throatiest groan I have ever heard.
We need to stop before something crazy happens.
"Jere," I whisper against his lips, trying to catch my breath.
"Row." He replies back, out of breath as well.
"We have people waiting on us." I try to make up an excuse, as bad as it hurts.
"Pfft, I don't care." He lifts me off the ground and throws me on his bed, a laugh erupts from deep down in my stomach as he lays on top of me, trapping me with his arms.
"We should stay here." He suggests and I'm about to say yes.
"I wish, but Belly really wants to do this."
He nods, understandably, but I can tell he is a little upset. "Okay, but you text me when you are about to leave because I'm picking you up." For some reason, his statement makes my entire insides go crazy. And his stern stare isn't helping either.
"Fine." I smile and he gets off of me. We make our way downstairs and out to the patio where we part our separate ways. Nicole had just pulled in to pick us girls up.
The last text I receive from Jeremiah is right before we get out of the car to hang out with the girls.
Jeremiah: i can't wait to see you soon, i miss you already
And I have no worries in the world.
****
So far, everything has been going smoothly. Two glasses of Rosé and I'm feeling just peachy keen.
Nicole's boat is way bigger than I expected, it is more like a mini yacht if anything. It makes me curious about what all these girls' parents do for a living because Belly, Taylor, Elena, and I are nowhere near this type of class.
The three of us grew up in the lower middle class. Our parents all have medium-paying jobs which has never been a problem for any of us. We are happy with what we have and have no complaints.
I'm not saying all rich people are snobs, but it is easy to pick out the few that are entirely daddy's money.
Nicole seems most humble about the money her family has while the other girls are teetering towards snobby, especially Gigi.
The thing is, I would have no problem with this girl if her big fat crush on Jeremiah wasn't so prevalent. I shouldn't even be upset about that, because the two of us aren't even dating, but it still seems to dig under my skin.
I sat down my glass of wine as all the girls began to put up a hand with their fingers up. I'm not sure whose idea was it to play Put a Finger Down, but I'm not complaining. The Deb girls have been in and out of conversations that have just seemed to stream through one ear and out the other. Elena and Taylor have been bickering over which Taylor Swift album is most iconic, Belly has been staring at her phone intently waiting on a message from Conrad, while I have been slamming my drink like there's no tomorrow.
"Put a finger down if you've ever made out with two people within 24 hours." Taylor starts, earning a few giggles from some of the girls as they place a finger down. I peek over to Elena who confidently puts her finger down.
"Brothers, I kissed two brothers within 24 hours." She gloats as if it's the most impressive thing she has ever accomplished.
"I know two brothers I'd like to kiss." Dara, a deb girl comments while looking over towards Gigi. She doesn't even have to say who the brothers are for all of us to know exactly who she is talking about. Her comment is innocent, but it rubs me the wrong way. I'm sure I'm not the only uncomfortable one because both Nicole and Belly shift in their seat.
I roll my eyes, waiting for Marissa to go.
"Okay, put a finger down if you've ever used a stuffed animal to... you know."
Relatable, but I keep my finger up and giggle a bit as I watch Taylor put a finger down.
"His name was Harry Bear Styles. Like.."
We all burst out laughing at Taylor's confession and Gigi comments while giggling, "You had a name for yours? What?"
More laughter, even from me. We continue to go around and at this point, Belly and I are the only two with all our fingers up. I'm not the only one who notices because Taylor looks over at Belly.
"Put a finger down if you've ever had a date crashed by Steven and Conrad," Taylor says which causes Belly to flip Taylor off before putting her finger down. A few girls laugh and wait for someone to explain.
"I swear, I told them to leave you alone." I lean over to look at my cousin who shakes her head embarrassed.
"You could have told them harder." She chuckles, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "Steven and Conrad ambushed my first date with Cam." She explains to the girls who all nod.
Waiting for someone other than Taylor to go, she surprises us once again with another personal attack. This personal attack is on me.
"Put a finger down if you've made out with Jeremiah Fisher." She smirks my way, receiving a few gasps from the Deb girls. My cheeks immediately heat up in embarrassment, and I can't help but feel my lips curl into a smile as I place down a finger.
"Row! Please spill the tea right now." Nicole gasps excitedly. Though it was obvious that Jeremiah and I definitely had something going on, today was the first day we ever really showcased it in public.
"Yes, please," Marissa adds, her eyes widening.
I am about to open my mouth and give them some tiny details, but I'm cut off before I can even speak.
"Put a finger down if you've ever made out with Jeremiah Fisher within 24 hours."
At first, I think I didn't hear her right. But as my head slowly turns to look Gigi's way and my eyes meet her hand, I regret looking in the first place because her middle finger slowly falls down to the palm of her hand. Her lips slowly curl into a smirk, waving her hand as if all her pride is showing through it.
Red.
I see fucking red.
"What the fuck did you-" Elena jumps to her feet, myself doing the same, but instead of finding my hands on Gigi, they're on my best friend.
"Elena, it's fine, let's continue with the game." My voice is shaky, my head is spinning, and my stomach is churning harder than I think it has ever churned.
I don't want to believe what she just said is true, but how do I know for certain?
I felt my fingernails dig deep into the palm of my hand, squeezing as hard as I could.
No pain, I feel numb.
What Gigi just said could be the truth. She was all over him, Jeremiah was smiling at her, and now that I think of it, during one of the matches, he was gone.
No.
I sit back down, trying my best to put on a brave and unbothered face. It's insanely difficult though because my best friends and Belly are all staring at me with a look of worry.
Everyone is quiet, Gigi's 'put a finger down' question really blew us all out of the park.
The thing is, I know I shouldn't break down right now. I can't. It would be humiliating. I'm already humiliated about the entire situation and then me crying on top of that? No, I can't.
I let out a slow and steady breath. "Let's go skinny dipping."
The awkward silence is now filled because everyone begins to bicker back and forth on who should jump in first. I'm thankful that my idea steered us away from whatever was about to happen next.
I can't even look Gigi's way. If I do I know it'll open up the topic of her kissing Jeremiah today and that's the last thing I want to hear from her, the details.
The details of his lips on hers.
Owe. What a punch to the gut.
As a few of us begin to undress, I use my t-shirt to dry some of the tears that have been falling out of my eyes. When I say falling, I seriously can not help or control them. The tears are just there, my body's immediate reaction to the pain in my heart.
This pain is different. It's as if my heart knew something like this was going to happen so it built a shield, a wall around it so I wouldn't feel like I have in the past.
It expected something like this to happen.
Why did I allow this to happen?
"You coming Row? It was your idea after all." Nicole questions while throwing her t-shirt off her head. Our eyes meet and she stares at me for a few seconds, as if she knows how bothered I am at the moment.
As if she feels bad for me.
"Yeah, didn't anyone tell you that the last one in is a rotten egg?" I say before stripping completely and diving off the dock, trying to show everyone that I still have my dignity after the worst possible confession was made.
My disengagement is back.
And I don't like it.
author's note
silly Gigi, wyd girl
every week i get more and more sad because this book is about to be complete
but i'm almost positive i'll post the book in my drafts even though there are like 50 million Jeremiah fanfics, but who cares at this point lol
thank you for reading :)
-bailey