HADEEZAH’S POV
“Heads up,” I said and I could feel the beads of sweat forming on my head.
Instead, the ball went bouncing on the floor, and I picked it up again.
“What is wrong with you?” I asked rhetorically because she refused to take the ball from me.
Instead, she just smirked, showing that she did it on purpose.
“I wonder how you got on the team. At that again first place, are you sure you didn't threaten Coach with your dad being ISIS or something?” she said.
“You and I both know that I got in the team fair and square. Why would you always think the worst about me? I try to be a good basketball player,” I said, and I found my breath caught in my throat.
“Try better next time, cause you suck at basketball,” Maya told me.
“We are supposed to be a team; you shouldn't act like this,” I said, and I felt the anger flow through me.
“I wouldn't like to be in the same team with some Nigerian towel head,” she said.
“Yeah, she's right pipsqueak, get that into your head,” Dahlia said.
“What the hell is wrong with all of you?” I said, and I was on the verge of tears.
“Time out,” Coach said.
“You all should stop acting like kids; we have a game coming up for goodness sake,” Coach said.
“We do not want that freaking time bomb on our team,” Violet said.
And more than half of the team agreed with her.
“I'm the Coach, and I determine who stays on the team,” he said.
I looked at Coach breathing heavily. I had unshed tears in my eyes.
“I don't think I'm needed here,” I said and I dropped the ball, leaving the court.
“Yeah b****, run back to your poverty-stricken country,” Dahlia said, and some laughed with her.
I was about to take my bag when I took one look at all of them.
“At least you all live on the money you strip from Africa,” I said.
I walked towards the bleachers.
I carried my bag, and I left.
Everything just started coming to me.
Is being different not supposed to make one stand out? Is it not supposed to show that I was made for greater things? Being different as always been a negativity for me ever since I was a kid. I just hate the fact that I'm different; I wish I was normal. If my eyepatch doesn't get in the way, then it's my hijab or my color.
Tears trickled down my cheeks as all the thoughts came to me.
On my way, I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder.
“No.4, wait,” Coach said.
He has a habit of calling us by the number on our jersey since we've given them.
“Yes, Coach,” I said, and I turned back, quickly cleaning my tears with the back of my hand.
“You don't need to take what they said to heart. Just so you know, you deserve to be on the team as much as any other girl on that team,” he said.
“I know, Coach, I know,” I said and stopped to catch my breath.
“But it hurts more than you can imagine. Being the only hijabi on the team, I feel like an outcast with everybody thinking I have a bomb under my hijab,” I said.
“I understand; we are all outcasts at some point in our lives,” he said.
“I know, mine has been going on ever since I set foot in this school, the school that is supposed to change my life,” I said.
“Being black on its own is a huge task in this part of the world,” he said.
“But little did they know that color is what gives us our strength; it's why we should always strive for our dreams, and nobody should be able to make us back down,” he continued.
“I understand, Coach; maybe I'm not completely cut out for this,” I said.
“No, it's supposed to be your strength, your uniqueness,” he said.
“I know, Coach, and that's been one hell of a roller-coaster on its own for me,” I said.
“I understand your point; everybody has a story to tell. Maybe one day you'll see the light,” he said.
I felt like Coach also had a lot to speak about, like he held a thousand words in the few words he spoke.
“Have you seen the way they paint Muslims on the internet? The way they portray Hijabis?” I asked rhetorically.
“Why should your headscarf get in the way of your future? It's not right, but don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm asking you to take it off or anything,” he said.
“I understand, Coach. If it's OK, I would like to skip practice today,” I said.
“It's OK, but you won't always have your way; I'll make today an exception,” he said.
“Thanks, Coach,” I said and gave him a forced smile.
He jogged back to the court.
I left, and I was still on the verge of crying. Those words meant a lot to me, but it was like they brought out all the tears I had been storing. What just happened just triggered everything.
I went back to my locker and I spotted Ava. She was looking as bubbly as ever; she must have had a good day. If we could switch places, I wouldn't hesitate. But then again, no matter the situation, one should always say Alhamdulillah (all thanks belong to Allah).
“Hey habibi (my love),” she said, and she smiled at me, and I couldn't help but notice her beauty at that moment. I just needed my closest friend.
“We all need that someone who gets you like no one else right when you need it the most. We all need a soul to rely on, a shoulder to cry on, a friend through the highs and the lows.
And I know I'm not gonna make it alone,” I thought.
“Hey Aves,” I said, and I burst out crying on her shoulders.
“Hey, what's wrong?” she said, and I couldn't help but just cry on her shoulder.
It felt like I was in my safe space.
I couldn't speak with all the eyes on me, and she understood that.
She walked me up to the bleachers where there was fresh air.
I cried and I cried. I just couldn't get enough of it.
“You know that feeling when you think that everyone has turned against you and you can't rely on anyone except God.
It was this feeling.
Habibi (my love), do you wanna talk about it?” she asked.
“I don't know,” I mumbled under my breath, and I sniffled.
“It's alright, Habibi; you can tell me anything,” she said.
“Ava, why do I feel like an outcast? Why do I feel like I can never fit in? Why does everyone keep shoving me backward?” I said, on the verge of losing my breath.
And I realized I was having a panic attack.
“I started losing my breath; everywhere started to seem blurry,"
I started losing my breath; everywhere started to seem blurry. All I could see were rainbows, but not in a good way.
"Ava, I need help," I said, wheezing.
"What's wrong, Hadizah? You are scaring me. Stop this," she said, and I could sense that she was scared.
"Ava, I want my mum," I said.
The next thing I knew, I blacked out.
AVA’S POV.
"Hadizah, please, you are scaring me," I said, almost on the brink of tears.
"I'm not going to lose any of my friends, not now, not ever. I've lost enough people in my life."
"Hadi, Hadi," I said, tapping her cheek.
"I want my mum," she said.
And the next thing, she blacked out.
I was scared, so scared. She has been my only true friend, and losing her was not an option. I've been left behind, and it felt like she was about to do the same thing.
Before I could think about anything, I put one arm of her across my shoulders and walked as fast as my legs could carry. I wasn't strong enough, but I didn't stop. I wouldn't stop until I was sure she was safe.
"What's going on here?" Michael said.
"It's Hadizah, it's like she's having a panic attack," I said.
"That's not good. What can I do to help?" he asked, genuine concern in his voice.
"First, I need to get her to the infirmary," I said.
"I can help with that," he said, immediately taking her up in his arms and rushing her to the school's clinic.
He rushed through the hallways like his life depended on it.
"What happened?" the nurse asked as Michael laid her on the clinic bed.
"We were on the bleachers, she was crying, and then she was out of breath. She asked for her mom, and she fainted," I said, running my hand through my hair.
"What do you think might have triggered it?" the nurse asked again as another nurse joined her.
"She was starting to get on my nerves. She should stop with the questions and just save my friend," I thought.
"Well, will you stop asking me stupid questions and do your f***ing job?" I lashed out in anger.
"Ava, calm down," Michael said.
"I'm not going to f***ing calm down," I said.
"Young lady, you will need to leave," the doctor said.
"What can you do uhh," I asked in anger.
"I could report you for the use of foul language," he said.
"I don't care. I'm not leaving my friend," I said.
"Ava, let us excuse them," Michael said, with a hand on my shoulder.
We both walked out to the garden, and I sat on the swing. I let out a huge sigh.
MICHAEL'S POV.
I saw Hadizah looking almost lifeless on Ava's shoulders, and I felt like I could choke any minute. I felt a deep connection with her, like I was bound to her in some way, but I wasn't sure how. I was new to it, and I didn't understand it.
I didn't hesitate to swing her up in my arms and race her to the clinic. When she eventually got on the bed, I looked at her pale face and her chapped lips. Her yellow skin was already turning to a shade of white. She felt so vulnerable on the bed. I wish I could get her out of it. I felt like I could get her out of it, but I wasn't sure how.
I saw the innocent girl I worked off to an extent that all she could do was obey me. Was I really a good Coach? That didn't matter right now, but she still kept me as her freaking Coach. I wish I could tell her that I was sorry, that she should just wake up.
I saw how Ava was so scared to see her friend like that. The people at the clinic thought she was being rude, but she was just scared.
To me, it brought my biggest fear to me, my memories, bad memories, memories that haunted me till today. Memories I don't think I'll ever get rid of them.
I came back to reality.
"Are you OK now?" I asked as I saw a tear drop on her cheek.
"I'm fine, I just hate seeing her like that," she said, cleaning her tears quickly with the back of her hand.
I instantly knew she was a girl that didn't like to show her weakness, so I wasn't gonna push it out of her.
"She's almost a friend to me, and I understand how you feel," I said.
"What?" she said, her brows arched in disappointment or maybe I couldn't quite get the expression.
"I mean, Hadizah, I feel what you feel," I said.
"You are just an ignorant fool. Come to think of it, you used to work her off like a slave, all because of some dumb basketball. Who knows if you are the cause of what's happening to her right now? You've always been a dickhead," she said.
"You don't under……," I tried to speak, but she caught me off.
"No, let me speak, you moron. She's almost a friend, yet she felt like you were broken. She almost a friend, and yet your stupid poems made her think you were redeemable. But you, you don't even have human feelings. You should be locked up somewhere because you are just a stain on the fabric of humanity," she said, like she had held a grudge with me since forever.
"Why are you so angry?" I asked, with a low voice.
"I don't even wanna hear it from you," she said.
"Where was all that coming from?" I didn't quite get; I didn't mean any harm, and it felt like I was the cause of it.
"I'm leaving to go stay with your almost friend SICO," she said.
She left.
"Great, just great, now both friends hate me," I thought.
I sat on the swing for a while till I thought it was OK to go check on her.
When I got there, I felt a spear plunge through my chest.
It was Julian, holding her hands lovingly and affectionately. I couldn't stand that scene; I just left and got ready for my next game.
I couldn't get my mind off her.
HADIZAH’S POV.
Like my eyes were glued together, the darkness consumed me. The darkness has always been my worst enemy; the darkness took my most dearest away from me.
I fought with it, I battled it.
I was going to open my eyes, and I was the light that is going to outshine the darkness.
I forcefully woke up; I haven't been able to share it with anyone, my past, my weakness.
Not even my closest friends.
I woke up to see Julian holding my hand, a scene that will always light up my world.
"Thank the heavens you're OK," he said and kissed my knuckles.
I tried getting up.
"You shouldn't get up so fast," Julian said.
"Don't scare me like that again," Ava said, hugging me.
"What happened?" I managed to ask.
"You fainted, and I had Michael bring you here," Ava said.
"Where is he?" I asked.
"He probably scurried away, like the person he is," she said.
"That aside, are you OK?" she asked, genuinely concerned.
"I'm fine, I guess," I said, almost in a whisper.
"You should stop scaring everybody like that," Julian said.
I only nodded my head, giving a weak smile.
The door slowly opened, and I smelled a familiar scent.
"Adunni," I heard my mum say.
She rushed over to me and I really needed my mother's warmth.
"Mummy," I said, and I hugged her tightly, like I was scared to let her go.
"I'm so glad you are here" I said, crying into her shoulder, and I could feel their eyes on me.
Ava, motioned Julian for the both of them to leave. She understood the situation.
They both left, and the sound of the door signaled that they left.
"You are the only one I have, and if you keep scaring me like this, I might end up with a heart attack," my mum said.
My mum was genuinely broken; I hate the fact that I had to see her cry. I'm supposed to be her perfect little daughter.
"I'm so sorry ummy, (my mother), the memories came back and I couldn't fight them back, they just came because I keep getting bullied," I said.
"You should have told me, I will talk to the authorities about this," she said.
"I don't need that, I'm a scholarship student and they are paying students, their parents fund the school, I'm vulnerable mum leave it," I said.
"That is not right," she said.
"Mum please," I begged with pleading eyes.
"Fine I won't but if it gets out of hand, I'm coming to this school but not in a good mood," she said.
"OK mum," I said.
The doctor came in to check on me.
"How is she," my mum asked.
"She is fine now, she'll just have to rest and take simple medications," he said.
"That's good to hear," my mom said.
"Can I take her home," she asked.
"Yes, it'll be a good thing for her, to rest and take a nap," she said.
" Thank you very much doctor, for taking care of my daughter," my mum said as she cleaned her tears.
"It's my job," she said.
"Mum please stop crying," I said.
"I'm fine now," I said trying to assure her.
"That's good," she said.
"Let's go home," she said.
"OK," I said and I hugged her one more time.
I managed to get up, and I got into my mum's car. We wind the glass down because my mum thought it would be nice to have fresh air instead of air conditioner.
"Wait," I heard Julian's voice.
"Mummy, wait," I said.
"Nicky, take care of yourself," he said.
"I'll be sure to do so," I said.
He left after placing a kiss on my knuckles, thankfully my mum didn't see that. He really needs to stop doing that.
He left a mark on my soul.
"We are home," mum said, and she opened the door.
"How I love the smell of home. It feels good to be home."
"Since it's Friday, I'll let you sleep in," mum said.
"Get freshened up, and we will have dinner," she said.
"OK mummy," I said, and I went upstairs.
"I got into the bathroom, and I felt the cold water down on my body. It felt good."
I got downstairs, and I helped my mum with dinner. Even though she insisted that I take a rest, but what, she's stubborn and then she gave birth to a stubborn daughter, the flow of life.
We eventually settled for dinner, and I loved it as I enjoyed the taste of the Jollof rice, one of my best Nigerian dishes. It's to die for.
"Mum, I would like to start seeing a therapist again," I said at the dining table.
She gave me a hesitant look, like she was worried, but one way or the other, I can't keep running from my past. I have to face them head-on, tell it that it doesn't scare me.
"Are you sure?" she asked, concerned.
"Yes mummy, I want to get better," I said.
"I'm so proud of you, honey," she said.
"Thanks mummy," I said.
"It's fine Adunni. When do you wish to start?" she asked.
"Anytime mummy, anytime," I said.
WRITER'S NOTE :
It another update.
How was Eid, mine was good.
We all see that Hadizah has something to hide, what could it be. 🤔🤔🤔🤔.
QOTD :
No 1:What's one small thing you do to boost your mood when you're feeling down?
I like watching funny comedy cartoons when I'm down. Especially musicals. Disney gang.
No 2: I wrote a lyric from a popular song, in one of my paragraphs.
Let's see how meticulous you are, say the name of the singer and the name of the song.
You get two followers, first person to answer.