"That little lover boy doesn't know what he's saying. They're probably building up the whole Star-crossed Lovers act for a chance at sponsors, cause they know they'll never get any on their own."
Cato was in my room after the interviews. I was brushing my hair and he was pacing back and forth. He was livid.
"I mean, I bet they don't even like each other. The second they get in that arena they won't be buddies, they'll quickly turn on each other!"
I stood up and faced him, I grabbed a hold of his arms and led him upstairs. We walked up to the roof, still in our interview outfits.
"You need some air." I say as we make it up there. He takes a few deep breaths and leans on the fence.
"Thanks."
We stood there in a comfortable silence. I sit on the railing and he joins me. When my feet dangle over the edge I contemplate the idea of jumping off and this all being over, when Cato saves me from my thoughts.
"I just think it's an act, a stupid act."
"It's a game Cato." I reply.
"Yeah, but you and me, like if we were to do something like that I could never. Because I could never fake a relationship, I can't fake feelings."
"What makes you so sure that they're faking it?"
He looks at me, "Cause I know real when I see it."
"Oh, you mean Alice Fletcher back home?"
"Huh? No she and I are long gone."
"How about Trenny Wint?"
"Broke up after a week."
"Daisy Butler?"
"I broke up with her."
"Man so you're always the heartbreaker aren't you?" I ask.
"I guess so."
We go back to silence.
"What about you?" Cato asks.
"What do you mean?"
"You said in your interview that there wasn't anyone."
"There isn't."
"But you want there to be?"
"You're dumb."
"Come on Clovie."
I take a deep breath, "Someday, god knows when. Someone will like me for me. If the day never comes, that's okay. But if that someone does, I'll fall for them."
Catos silent. "The real you?" He says looking at me.
"Yeah?"
"Like the person you were to your childhood friend?"
"How do you?-"
"How do you know all my past girlfriends?" He interrupts
"I guess I just noticed."
"Just noticed?"
"Okay Cato what are you?-"
"What are you talking about? One minute we're friends, the next you're giving me the cold shoulder. It's kinda hard to get past these mixed signals!" He yells.
"Mixed signals?"
"Yes. It's like one moment you hate me and then the next you might actually like me."
"Shut up Cato." I say, looking away from him. At this moment I really wanna jump off to avoid the conversation completely. I hate talking about feelings.
"That's not fair Clovie."
"Fine then what do you mean?"
"I mean you make it hard to tell how you really feel about me."
"What are you talking about."
"Oh my god," he looks at me, "Fuck it."
Just then he grabs my face and kisses me. I'm caught off guard at first but I ease into it. He holds my waist as I put my arms around his neck. When I pull away I smile at him. He smiles back. The residual smile lingered on his face, making the dimple in his cheek sink in. The more he smiled at me, the more I wanted to hate him, and yet it was the very thing that made hating him impossible.
"That's what I mean Clovie."
I'm speechless I don't know what to say. So instead I don't say a thing. I turn around and jump off the railing, I start to walk back not daring to look behind me.
"So what does that mean Clove?"
"Goodnight Cato!"
"Is that a yes?
"No."
"Is that a no?"
"No!" I yell back.
On my way back to my room I have a huge smile on my face. Though I can't imagine why. I had broken the one promise I had made to myself at the beginning of all this.
Do not befriend Cato Hadley.
Better yet! Don't fall for him! I can't believe it. My smile faded quicker than it showed up. I started laughing at myself in the mirror. I couldn't get over all the disgusting things I was saying to myself. If you ask me the whole situation caught me off guard. I didn't know he had these feelings for me, neither did I want him to.
But holy mother of snow did kissing him send butterflies into my stomach. Kissing him was the best feeling ever. I felt infinite, I felt free, I felt unjudged, but most importantly I felt seen.
~
10 things I hate about Cat Hadley
1: His perfect teeth
2: The way everyone loves him
3: His ego
4: The way he says my fathers nickname
5: And the way he's so calm in this situation.
6: The way he could kill anyone with effortless ease
7: His tenacity, whether with me or in the games
8: And his picture perfect smile
9: And the way he teases me
10: But I hate the way I can't hate him at all.
~
CATO:
What is she playing at? She acts like she enjoyed our kiss but then walks off without another word. I know Clove, she's probably just conflicted about the fact I did this the day before the games. I agree, it was kinda stupid to do this the night before the games, but I couldn't not let her know how I felt before them.
She's such a tease. I sit there on the railing, my legs swinging back and forth and I can't stop thinking about her. She fills my mind with thoughts of our life without these games. What if we weren't in the same games? What if we weren't trained killers? What if I told her how I felt before these games? What if I wasn't such a coward?
Around 2 is when I make my way back to our floor. Everyone is asleep. I walk into my room and sit on my bed. It takes everything in me not to knock on her door until she wakes up and kiss her more. I want to hold her and I want her to know how much I care about her. And how much I love her.
But I lay down on my bed and stare at the ceiling. Most of the tributes are probably not sleeping cause they're nervous of the games, but I can't sleep because I'm thinking of Clove. I pace around my room. Suddenly there's a knock on the door as it opens.
"Why're you stomping?" Eno asks from the doorframe.
"I'm stomping? Oh I'm sorry!"
"No it's okay, try to get some sleep Cato, you'll regret it in the arena."
"Sorry I can't sleep."
Eno walked into the room, "What's on your mind, maybe I can help you."
"Oh it's just..."
"Is it about the arena?"
"No, I'm actually a little too calm about that. It's about something else."
"Well, I might regret this but, what's wrong?"
"It's a girl."
"Oh? The one you were talking about in your interview?"
I hesitate, "Yeah."
"It wouldn't happened to be your district partner is it?" Eno says.
I look at her quickly, the surprise evident in my expression.
"I've seen the way you look at her. It's kinda depressing." She sits down next to me on my bed. "So tell me about her."
"Well, there was this one time when we were little.It was lunch time. I had just gotten my lunch and sat down. It was middle school I think. There was an older kid who came up to my table and slammed his tray down. He went."
"So this is Cato Hadley, the best sword fighter in this school? How can that be when he's just a little kid? Why I could step on him! How can this little guy in the 6th grade be better than me? Would you like to prove you're the best Cato?"
I replied.
"I'm not in the mood."
I didn't have a lot of friends in the academy yet. All of my friends I had left in elementary school.
"Not in the mood huh? Why is that sandwich calling your name? Come on and fight like a real man!"
I think he called me a loser and threw me against the wall. The fucked up thing about the academy is the fact they don't stop fights, they encourage it.
I think I tried to put up a fight but he just beat me to a pulp. When he stopped for a second I stood up and wiped my face.
I think he was about to go in for a final punch when a butter knife came flying in front of his face. It landed dead straight in the brick to my left. He looked over at who threw it and I saw Clove there, her hand out and her head down. But her eyes were up. She was glaring at the dude and before he was able to say something she yawned and sat back down at the table she was at, alone. I looked at her too, and for the first time since that time in elementary, her eyes sparkled. I looked for a sparkle when she was staring at the dude, but there was none. It was dark and cold. But when we made eye contact it's like her whole pupil shown.
I smiled as the dude scoffed. He didn't want to be the one to beat up a girl, but at the same time he couldn't continue with me when the girl made a fool out of him. He spat in my face and walked away. I never did thank her for that day, but ever since then we've had a kind of unspoken friendship.
"So yeah, she stood up for me."
"And this sparkle in her eye?"
"Only appears when she cares about someone."
"That's got to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard." Eno says, "But I guess it's sweet. But kid you got yourself into a really situation with her. If you are in love with her then I guess you gotta enjoy the next few days with her, because like it or not only one of you are walking out alive. And if you don't get some sleep neither of you will."
She stands up and goes to walk out.
"Thanks for listening I guess."
"No problem kid, now sleep for snow sake!"
~
Word Count: 1780
Finished: April 16th, 2024