"Huh!"
I was so surprised that I slapped Baek's hand away. I was embarrassed that even Baek In-hyuk appeared in my dream.
"I'm the one who gasped."
Baek Inhyuk made a ridiculous expression and locked eyes with Sunjae. Most of the fans at the potato battle, the potato war, were fans of Baek In-hyuk. They tied bands around their heads, claiming that Sunjae would usurp Baek's position, and they were extremely opposed to Sunjae joining the team, even after he joined. As a fan of Sunjae, I hated his fans, so it was only natural that I hated Baek Inhyuk.
Baek Inhyuk and Ryu Sunjae looked at me in disbelief as I sobbed, but it was Sunjae who furrowed his brow first.
"What is it?"
"Huh?"
I wiped the tears that were dripping down my chin with the back of my hand and looked at Sunjae. A very unhappy face was turned toward me.
"Do you know me?"
"Oh...... I'm your fan. My nickname is Sunjae, but of course you don't know that. I just signed up and never wrote anything."
She snorted, her lashes wet and her eyes red. Seonjae's smile narrowed.
"Fan?"
"Wow, dude, you got a fan cafe?"
Baek Inhyuk punches Sunjae on the shoulder. Sunjae's eyes rolled to the side and his face fell.
"You're a fan. You're an asshole for punching me in the shoulder."
"What did I say, you're my fan?"
"You're a potato...... no, no, I mean, later on you'll be, I mean, there's such a thing as...... Anyway, Sunjae, it's so nice to see you like this."
Even though his face was contorted into a very mean expression, it was nice to see him right in front of me. I was rejected every time I tried to go to a fan signing, and every time I tried to go to a music broadcast, I was cut off from the first come, first served, so I gave up. The concert was a bit like a big cotton ball.
My eyes filled with tears from smiling and laughing. I'll never see such a happy face again. It was as if Sunjae had come to visit me, the one who liked him so much, before he went to heaven.
I pouted my lower lip and cried, and Baek In-hyuk covered his face with his hands and acted like he was holding back laughter. I wanted to steal a glance, but I didn't look away. Just looking at Sunjae's face, a dream that might wake up at any moment, was not enough. I fixed my gaze on his face.
"Sunjae, you're the best singer I've ever heard, and your songs always cheered me up, and everyone loved you. I hope you don't take too many bad memories with you."
My nostrils flared. My throat burned and my insides felt hot. A tear rolled down her cheek. His hands cupped Sunjae's cheeks together, noisily. I pinched and stretched his cheeks, feeling the smooth skin. His brow furrowed, he took a step back and pulled his face away.
"You're so real, man. Uh-uh-uh-uh. I still can't believe it. Crazy cold medicine, I want to smash it, ugh."
I tilt my head back and put my arms over my eyes. Tears stung the backs of my ears. I wailed for the school to go away. What's the point, it's a dream. What's the point of having Sunjae here, he's not here.
"Sunjae, uh-uh-uh-uh. Ryu Sunjae ahhhhhh. I love you so fucking much!"
I'm crying, screaming his name at the top of my lungs, and suddenly I'm speechless. I lowered my arms to clear my vision, and there he was, right in front of me. His large palm covered my mouth, muffling my screams.
Sunjae's eyebrows knit together. I realize that Baek Inhyuk is still there, so they must have left while I was crying alone with my head down. One of them must have shrugged it off and said, "Let's go," and walked away, but then they came back because I called his name again, echoing across the field.
"Say my name one more time."
His eyes narrowed. Sunjae's hand is warm against my lower lip. Am I truly a pervert for wanting to smell his scent even at a moment like this? I thought it might be called killing him in context, but he turned away, his face expressionless. I squeezed my eyes shut as he walked away.
Baek In-hyuk pointed to his vest, which was soaked with my tears, and laughed. Then Sunjae dragged Baek's vest and wiped his own. "Oh, shit," Baek Inhyuk yelled.
I looked up at the sound of shouting and saw several students huddled against the window, peering down at me. It was an interesting sight to see someone in a different school's uniform standing on the playground, fuming.
What am I going to do now, do I just stand there? I've said everything I need to say. Shouldn't I be waking up at this point?
I looked up at the sky. The clouds were moving slowly.
□ ■ □
The moon rose in a sky of slow-moving clouds. It was night. Long before that.
"Hey."
I was sitting on a bench, crossing my feet and wiggling them in the air, when I heard an unfamiliar voice. I look up to see a man with a five-five bangs parting his hair, holding out his cell phone and staring at me.
"Hey, my friend asked me to call you, do you have your number?"
"What?"
"Hey, the kid in the gray hoodie said you were interested."
I turn my gaze to where the man points. There was a boy in a gray hoodie standing by a telephone pole with his head down.
"Oh...... sorry."
I ducked my head, then lifted it. The man smirked and turned around.
"Asshole, you've got me."
"Shut up, asshole. Maybe she has a boyfriend."
The man in the gray hoodie and the one who asked for my number glanced back at me and walked away. The sun had long since set. It's night, and I don't know why I'm still here, or why I'm still alive.
"Imsol. How long are you sleeping? Wake up. Open your eyes."
I close my eyes and slap my cheeks with both hands. Wake up, warrior. Please wake up!
I lowered my hands and slowly lifted my eyelids. I see a darkened park. The same landscape as I had known. I tilted my head back and sighed, wondering why it was still there.
Then I felt a vibration on my thigh. A vibration, a vibration. I can't believe I felt it so vividly. This can't be a dream. I stuck my hand into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone to check the caller ID.
[Mrs. Lee]
I'm dreaming and she's calling.
"Hello?"
- Why aren't you coming in? What time is it?
I didn't know what to say. She said, "Come home.
"Wow, what a vivid dream."
- What dream? Never mind, come in! It's eleven o'clock, eleven o'clock.
"Mom, I can't wake up. I don't know how many hours I've been sitting here."
- Come on. Come on, come on, you're late.
Poof, the phone hangs up. I stared longingly at the screen of my cell phone where the call ended. I searched the Internet for Gamjajeon, Ryu Sunjae, Baek Inhyuk, and other things, but nothing came up. I went to the school's integrated information system site, entered my student number and password, and tried to log in, but it failed. It said the information didn't exist.
It feels too real, but it can't be real, so it must be a dream. I don't know why I don't wake up. What did I do before I fell asleep, I mean, did I scream?
"Turn off the TV!" I screamed.
There was silence. I lowered my voice.
"Stop the ghost music!"
I stared out at the distant, dark landscape. Everything was the same. Without tears, I mimicked the cries I'd made back then. I walked as fast as I could, but it was still a park. There was no light coming out. Suddenly, it stopped crying. I let out a short breath and clasped my hands together.
"Now let me wake up from my dream!"
I heard laughter from somewhere. Wham, I spun around. It seemed to come from the other side of the dark park, from the flowerbeds at the back, and before I had time to see who was there, the other side was in an uproar. I could see a group of people, cigarettes in their mouths, milling about, entering the park. They were laughing and talking among themselves, yelling, "Shit, shit, shit. Scary.
This is the last thing I need in my dreams. I got up from the bench and hurried out of the park. With nowhere else to go, I walked home. To the house I no longer live in.
□ ■ □
Wake up! Wake up!
The alarm went off loudly. I pressed the panda head to silence the alarm. I lay sprawled out on the bed, staring at the ceiling. It's not the ceiling of my dorm room. I scramble to sit up. My school uniform hung on the doorknob.
"Oh, my God. Still?"
I groped for my face and opened the door. No one was there. My dad worked out of town and only came home once a month, and my mom worked far away and left for work early in the morning, so I always woke up alone, lied about having eaten something I hadn't, and made my way to school. I did that in high school. I did that.
As I walked to the kitchen, I saw a note taped to the refrigerator.
[Eat your food, don't be late].
My mom.
"What is this. What does it say, go to school?"
I stood in the middle of the living room, sunlight streaming in through the window, and frowned. No way, this isn't a dream, is it?
□ ■ □
"Imsol. Are you going to join the ranks of the troublemakers and skip all your classes?"
"No......."
I answer in a crawling voice, and the teacher shoots me a sour look. Yesterday, I was guilty of rushing out without thinking. I bowed my head deeply as if begging for forgiveness. The bell rang, signaling the start of first period. The homeroom teacher stood up with her textbook in hand.
"What are you doing, aren't you in class?"
"Oh, yeah."
I bowed and left the office. I trudged into the classroom and sat down. I didn't know where my seat was, but my bag from yesterday was hanging on the desk.
"What, you yesterday?"
Eunhee, sitting next to me, nudged me.
"Yeah......."
I'm dumbfounded. I clench my jaw and stare blankly at the board, then ask Eunhee.
"Do you know potato pancake?"
"Huh? The one you eat?"
"No, the singer, the idol."
"Is there such a singer? What's his name?"
I don't know. I look away and stare at the clock on one of the classroom walls. In my dreams, time passes in lumpy intervals, but the minute hand has moved on in sequence.