No intro. Just read. Also massive trigger warning but not saying what the triggers are.
--
He fell into Nick's arms and accepted the embrace like he was a baby in his mother's arms.
Tears ran down his face like bullets, falling off his face onto Nick's arm with impact.
A loud sob escaped Matt's mouth like it was stuck in jail.
"Shh, shh, Matt it's ok" Nick ran his fingers through his brother's tangled hair.
As the tears thickened the breaths thinned. Matt breathed less and less as his tears fell on his face like they were grenades falling from the sky.
"Matt you need to breathe for me bub. Please. In four, out four like we always do" Nick instructed calmly like he had control over a situation.
He didn't.
He looked up at the police officer sitting on the couch across from him and mouthed 'Sorry'. The police officer dismissed it cause he understood. He then cleared his throat. "I know this is a lot of take in but the suspect has been caught and is in custody"
"Ok thank you sir" Nick replied, still running his fingers through Matt's hair as his breathing went from high tide to low tide.
The officer excused himself, slamming the front door behind him.
"Chris isn't coming back is he" Matt whispered in a soft tone, wiping tears off his cheeks.
"He isn't" Nick confirmed.
"Then what are we going to do?" Matt dropped the question like a math textbook on someone's foot.
"Live life" Nick answered like he wasn't just imagining jumping off the Effiel tower so he could see Chris again.
Matt shaked his head. "We can't just continue and be happy. That's stupid Nick. Chris just died."
Christopher Owen Sturniolo
2003-2024
--
Chris's death should have not happened. It was the wrong place at the wrong time type of situation.
"Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt Matt" Chris jumped up and down on his sleeping brother's bed, in an attempt to wake him up. It worked.
"What" Matt slurred, waking up from one of the best sleeps in his life. He didn't want to wake up to see Chris jump up and down on his bed, was he surprised? Nup.
"I want to go shopping. You wanna come?" Chris asked, sitting down on the bed, right on Matt's legs.
"Fuck Chris ow. I can't drive us there remember? The car is at the mechanics" Matt reminded him, while kicking his legs up and down like a swimmer to get Chris off him.
Chris exaggeratedly sighed and fell backwards so he was hanging off Matt's bed dramatically. Maybe he could join Nick at the circus?
"Fuck the car. I'm gonna call an Uber. Wanna come?" Chris asked again. Mother Nick stormed through the door as Chris resaid the question.
"Oh, there's a party in my room now, what fun" Matt mumbled, just wanting to close his eyes and go back to sleep. It was too early for this. (It was like one PM but Matt didn't want to admit that)
Nick laughed at the thought of Matt leaving the house. "Matt"
Matt held a hand up to signal Nick to shut the fuck up. "Sorry Chris. Mother Nick came in here to tell me if I don't get my shit together and do the washing and all the other chores like a housewife, we are gonna 'have a problem'. Nick. Be so for real right now, you aren't gonna bash me up"
Chris rolled his eyes and started to walk out of the room, "Whatever losers. I'm going shopping. That's a mean girl's reference by the way" he informed his brothers.
"Did you watch Mean Girls or something?" Nick asked.
"Amazing movie" Chris fangirled before closing the door harshly behind him. Leaving Matt and Nick alone in the room.
"Leave"
"Sorry"
Nick scurried out of the room, slamming the door instead of closing it with force.
Such a difference.
--
Matt cried into his pillow, he was in the same spot as he was the last time he saw Chris.
The last time he saw Chris.
The last fucking time he saw his brother he had only experienced two minutes on earth without.
He just wanted to die. Wanted to melt into the mattress and hug Chris again, or yell at him, or just be in his presence.
Anything. Just one last goodbye.
Nick knocked softly on Matt's half-opened door. He didn't want the darkness to consume him.
"What Nick? I wanna be alone" he chocked out. Probably should have closed the door and let the darkness consume him, now that he thought about it.
Nick didn't care that Matt wanted to be alone. He didn't. Alone was scary.
Alone was being in a dark space with nothing but his thoughts, like what Matt was doing.
Alone was lying in his room, knowing the place they used to film podcasts was a couple of feet away.
Knowing all those happy memories were in reach yet he didn't want to grab it.
The author is rambling. It's late, so leave her alone.
"Leave Nick please" Matt begged, seeing Nick come closer.
"I'm not leaving. We aren't pushing each other away"
"Who said anything about pushing each other away? Have you been on Facebook or some shit?" Matt joked.
"I know you, Matt"
"Then you would know that I want to be alone with my pillow and stuffed animals. So could you please leave?"
--
The mall was oddly quiet when Chris walked out of the store he had been in for the last half an hour.
There had been a sale and like decided he should buy half the store.
The mall had been all hustle and bustle when he walked in yet it was a ghost town when he came out.
A pit in his stomach set. It was midday, why wasn't the mall flooding with forty-year-old mums trying to find Target?
He didn't dwell on it for too long, wanting to get the fuck out of the mall. If the apocalypse was to happen, he was sure this was what it felt like.
Then the screams started.
He thought he was Patrick Bateman crazy.
The screams had a domino effect. Once one person screamed, another did, to the point, that even Chris was screaming and he didn't know why.
Then everyone started to run, it was like a herd of people were possessed by wild bulls.
"Why are we running?" Chris started jogging next to some dude who looked like he came to the mall purely to buy shoes. He was holding about ten different bags all with shoe brands of them.
"There, there is some dude with a knife. Jesus, I'm out of breath. Just run and don't look back" Chris looked back after the shoe-obsessed stranger said that. What was he meant to do? Not look back?
"What the fuck dude I just told you not to look back. If you die. Don't blame me" The man put his hands up in surrender and sprinted ahead of Chris, who had stopped to catch his breath real quick.
He ran again, screams coming closer like echoes off walls next to you.
You know how you make decisions that you regret making later. Like breaking up with someone or existing?
Well. Chris decided to wear pants without a zip-up pocket, meaning his phone fell out while he ran. He was get to gain the skills women have of holding multiple things at the same time.
"Fuck" He mumbled, leaning down to pick up his phone.
That should have been a harmless decision but instead, when he looked up from the ground, a masked man was standing atop him. Holding something shiny. Chris wanted to touch it. Then his eyes focused like a phone camera and he realized.
"Oh"
Chris's last words were "Oh" since the knife then acted like Chris's head was metal and stabbed him in the upper head three times.
Chris didn't even have time to say goodbye.
--
The funeral was too much. Matt and Nick did speeches, not that Matt's made much sense. The crying was kind of overpowering.
After that, the whole "I'm sorry for your loss" thing started. Matt nodded and Nick found the humour in the situation and had many things to say about it on the way home.
"You know that tall dude wore sandals? Yeah. He's Pete"
"From lacrosse" Matt gasped. Pete hated Chris.
"Yep. Oh and Nick's year four art teacher was sobbing when she saw us"
It was like two girls gossiping. If only.
If only Matt had gone with Chris to the mall, maybe they would have come a bit later meaning they would have missed the whole ordeal.
If only Nick hadn't been so motherly. Or more motherly and made both Matt and Chris stay home like they were grounded.
If only Chris wore trackies with pockets that zipped up.
If only this. If only that. I feel like I'm writing a Disney Channel song.
Matt's journal was filled with what-ifs. What if what that.
Nick only had time to think late at night.
If you want the truth. The twins never ended ok. They went through the stages of grief like puberty.
There were holes in walls, buckets of tears, days they wouldn't talk, days they couldn't shut up.
They took a break from YouTube for a bit but returned after around eight months. Nothing changed though. Same profile picture. Same seats. However, the middle seat was always empty.
So if you want the truth. Here it is.
They never were ok after that. They never drank another Pepsi, dodged the number twenty when they would, and wore fresh love to feel like Chris was hugging them.
Nick and Matt grew up. Chris stayed the unlucky number forever.
--
Sorry, y'all. I gave up. Ik it's a short chapter but at least y'all got one.
Let's talk. Ik scary words.
Writer's block is kicking me in the ass right now and I have shit going on as well but I love writing these so don't think I'm stopping.
I'm trying to update once a week but I need to use my laptop half the time so yeah. Bear with me.
I love y'all so so so much and requests are open so if you have an idea, DM it to me, drop it here, or at the request chapter.
I will now leave on these inspirational words from Eminem talking about the violence towards his English teacher.
"I smacked him in the face with an eraser and chased him with a stapler"
Love y'all. Don't do drugs.
-Bon xx