I lay in bed, mindlessly toying with the stubborn braids Mary had woven around my crown. My gaze lingers on the textured ceiling. 'What did she say again?'
"It's best to have an open mind."
She said it right after turning into that little brown mouse.
'I don't think I handled it well.'
At the time, I could not summon the words to talk. If there is a fight, flight, or freeze response, I was the latter.
Somehow, she managed to get me dressed, though I can confidently say I wasn't much help. I must have looked something close to Catatonic. She didn't push, or pry. She worked in silence, her trained fingers beautifying my appearance. I let her do what she wanted, caring less about looks and more about my shattered sense of reality.
"Try to have an open mind." Her words repeat as I stare at nothing in particular.
For no reason at all, except boredom, I spin the false-globe sitting on my nightstand. The sphere rotates fast-then slows. I watch the word 'Ayvon' scroll by and disappear, scroll by, disappear, scroll by, and disappear.
Why does it feel like I'm diving in and out of the deep end? It's all I can do to not to feel like a lunatic.
It's like yesterday I fell asleep and awoke in some alternate reality.
Feeling tired of staring at the same thing, I get out of bed and walk to the vanity. Staring at my reflection, I take in the short-sleeved, pastel dress. White and purple flowers loop along the bodice. The empire waste is tied with a satin bow, and my skirt is purple and flowy. I've never worn anything so pretty.
'Maybe this is a fantasy?' I think, but discount it immediately. I can't forget about the beach. I almost died. My eyes flash to the burned, melted backpack, slumped in the corner. It looks entirely out of place. Someone must have given it back at some point. I physically turn from it's sight.
'What else?' I think, searching the room for another explanation.
I'm not on drugs. It's been over two days. It's scientifically impossible to be high for that long.
'What else?'
I'm not dreaming. This is too consistent to be a dream. I've felt pain. I've felt hunger. I went to the bathroom. It's too linear.
'WHAT ELSE?'
If I keep denying my own eyes I will entirely lose my mind. I've seen it three times now! Girls turned into deer. Loren turned into an angry bear. Even Mary!
'Try to have an open mind.'
'Try to have an open mind.'
'Try to have an open mind.'
The phrase is stuck in my mind; Each time I try to deny it and throw it out it finds it's way back into my ear repeating on a loop. Finally I have to ask myself,
'Is it so bad to accept it's all real?'
If this is real, then I wouldn't be crazy, and if I'm not crazy, than I could trust myself again. It occurs to me how badly I want that.
'I've only got myself, and if I can't trust me, then I have nothing. I would rather go along believing in shape shifters then to lose trust in my sanity.'
The idea sparks a little life inside me.
'What if this is real? There could be a solid, reasonable, scientific explanation for all of this. What if it's just the unknown? A good scientist isn't afraid of the unknown, they are challenged by it.'
As I stare into the mirror searching for answers, light reflects from my blue eyes. Before they were dull and listless. Now they are bright, almost excited.
I nod in the mirror for reassurance.
'You are living. You are breathing. You are real. This place is real. Whatever is happening, it is real.'
The declaration is enough to breathe life back into my appearance. My black hair seems shinier, and my cheeks have color in them again. My eyes are a mixture of navy blue and grey, like a sky that can't decide whether to storm or to brighten.
With a deep breath, I brace myself. My mind races with doubts, but I quell it and hold my chin high as I stand, and walk through the door.
As I enter the living room, I see Loren sitting in an armchair. Her posture is hunched as she leans over some papers spread across her lap. She looks business-like, with half-moon spectacles resting on her ski-sloped nose. Her tweed pencil skirt reaches her ankles, and she wears a white blouse, with shining ebony buttons to match her sleek hair. She shuffles papers, oblivious to my presence.
I clear my throat, feeling awkward for staring. Loren looks up and blinks like she's shaking the paperwork out of her eyelashes. When she notices me standing in the doorway she takes off her glasses and smiles.
"You look wonderful in that dress."
I touch the satin bow behind my back at her compliment. Loren quickly stacks her papers, clips them, and stands to ring a bell sitting on the fireplace mantle. Someone taps me from behind and I jump.
"Excuse me Miss."
A young boy dressed in a white shirt and gray slacks brushes past me. I didn't even hear him come in.
He walks straight to Loren, who holds the bell between her fingers, and bows.
"Please put this back in my safe." She says holding the papers. "And give this to Kota when you're done." Her fingers clasp a gold key, and the boy quickly takes it along with her papers.
"Thank you Bode."
He bows respectfully, and leaves as quickly as he came in.
Loren turns to me. "How are you feeling? Mary said you were a bit under the weather, and you might not be up for a trip today."
"I'm feeling much better." I say, silently praising Mary. The small act of loyalty makes me like her that much more. "Where are we going?"
"Well... it was announced this morning that a few clans want to throw a ball in your honor. I thought we'd go into town and have a dress made for the occasion."
"A ball? For me? Wha-"
"I know it's a lot right now." She says interrupting.
"It is, bu-"
"And I know you think I was kidnapping you." Loren looks away and crossing her arms.
"I don't anymore-"
"But I swear I didn't! I just found you, and you were so hurt," she ignores my attempts to speak as her back is turned. "And I shouldn't have locked you in that dungeon, that was so stupid...stupid...stupid." Her shoulders slouch and she looks down at her feet.
I wait for my turn to speak, but it takes a minute as Loren still stands with her back turned.
"Will you just look at me?" My agitation spikes, but I cool down fast enough.
Loren faces me, eyebrows arched in surprise. I feel awkward at the sudden silence but clench my fist and trudge ahead.
"It's okay!" My voice is loud, but calm as I look into her amber gaze. "I'm trying to understand a lot right now. I've got a lot going on, and I'm scared, but you saved my life. Thank you."
Loren nods, her eyebrows still raised, but she doesn't look displeased.
"As for drugging me-" I continue "You haven't properly apologized for that yet."
Holding eye contact is challenging as she's literally a bear-woman. With every ounce of self control, I hold her lingering stare.
Finally, she gives a half smile. "I'm sorry for drugging you. I had my reasons, but that doesn't make it right. Again, I'm sorry."
I let the words sink in for a second.
"Very good." The stranger in my head chips in.
I ignore it, focusing on Loren,"Thank you. Apology accepted."
"I think I'm going to like you."
"Thanks, I think I'll like you too. As long as you don't drug me again."
"Deal." Her brows relax as she gives another half smile.
After a minute or two of standing around I break the lengthening silence.
"So they're throwing a ball in my honor...?"
"Yes... and I'll tell you why. But let's eat breakfast first."
Loren rings the bell again and Bode appears in the doorway.
"Fetch Mary and tell her she is to come to town with us. Let the stables know we're coming and to prepare three saddles. We will be leaving after breakfast."
The young servant bowed once more and departed.
"We'll eat first and talk on our way to Brenton."
"Brenton?"
"It's the township by my father's mansion. It's where the best dresses are made."
I notice a new set of dining chairs as we walk towards the table.
As soon as we sit down the door opens and two people walk in. One is a man holding a silver platter. The other is Mary. The man sets down a gigantic tray of steaming food, along with plates and silverware. On the platter are heaping piles of scrambled eggs, sausage,bacon, pancakes, fruits, as well as some juice and water.
Mary stands in the corner waiting for orders. I smile shyly at her. She smiles back.
"Mary, please pack Birdy some evening clothes as well as all of her night clothes in case we stay the night."
Mary curtsies then winks at me as she leaves.
"Thank you Jerome. It looks appetizing." Loren addresses the server. He nods with a slightly proud smile and bows as he leaves. Loren starts buttering some toast. My stomach growls ferociously
"Dig in Birdy."
Her wish is my command and I scoop copious amounts of eggs and sausages onto my plate. Loren eats, taking delicate bites of her toast. I practically inhale breakfast.
"Mary tells me she transformed in front of you. Did it bother you?"
I swallow bites of food, so as not to talk with my mouth full, and nod.
"It did at first. But I realized that it's really happening and I'm not crazy. It's a lot to take in."
Loren nods before grabbing a pitcher of orange juice. She pours herself a glass and offers me some. I hesitate, before accepting.
"Mary says I can't go home...that it's too dangerous. Why?"
Lauren pauses.
"It's complicated."
"Can you tell me anyway?" I ask, not put off so easily.
"Very well. Do you remember the beach... with the seagulls?" She says after a minute of thought.
An image of a poor bird exploding out of the sky and landing in pieces comes to the surface of my mind. My stomach lurches.
"Yeah?" I say, while suddenly feeling full
"That's because of a barrier. It's an electric shield that engulfs the entirety of Ayvon. If anything touches it, even for a second, it gets electrocuted to death. No one can go near it."
"That is barbaric." I say, remembering the smell of charred feathers. "Who would even do that? Why would anyone want that? It's... menacing... it's unnatural." I'm lost for words on how to describe my disgust. I shiver at the thought of all those poor birds dying that way.
"Supposedly it's to keep the island safe." Loren says, but her brows are tightly knit again.
"But why?"
Loren holds her hand up to interrupt.
"Years ago, a man convinced the tribes to put up the barrier. The problem is now he's the only one who can take it down. And he's not going too, because he likes it this way. We're all stuck here. Not just you."
I ponder her words. 'Why would anyone want something so inhumane?'
"What about a boat? Can't I take a boat?"
"That won't work. The few who tried barely made it back alive. The barrier reaches a mile out to sea."
"Okay... What about the guy who controls the barrier? Maybe I can ask him for help?"
"That's the last thing we want!" Loren bursts, and slams her fist on the table, making me jump. Her silverware clatters.
For a second we're both quiet. Her outburst makes the following silence palpable. Finally she speaks up, albeit bashedly.
"Morgan Braxton is a dangerous man." Her voice is stern, and solemn. Her shoulders are stiff as she looks at me with intense eyes. I notice the color changed from amber to dark brown. "If he finds out you're here, rest assured you'll never go home."
"I don't understand..." I start, but Loren finishes.
"He wants to keep this place a secret. If he finds you, he'll imprison you or worse."
I lean back in my chair overwhelmed with anxiety and dread. 'I didn't mean to find this place. I would do anything to take it back! And what did she mean by 'Or worse?''
My thoughts have a mind of their own as they drift to the Bermuda Triangle. A simple question makes my stomach sink. 'What really happens to all the boats and ships that go missing?' The more I think the more sinister it gets.
To escape the rabbit hole I was falling into I ask another question that's been bothering me since the conversation even got started.
"How did I get here? I must have been in a plane crash, but I wasn't electrocuted, or fried like a seagull."
"There was no plane as you call it. You flew here."
"I flew... in a plane." I correct her.
"No. You flew."
"That's what I'm saying." I tell her, confused at where she's confused.
"Birdy! You transformed into a bird. The minute I saw you, I knew exactly what you were."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're the spitting image of a Talaterrin. Your jet black hair, thin frame, and dark blue eyes...You can transform into any bird."
"Lot's of people have black hair and blue eyes." I scoff, rejecting her claim all together.
"Not in Avon. It does happen. Genes will do what they will, but you're just striking!"
I interrupt her tangent to correct her once and for all.
"I'm not even from here. I'm sorry, but you're sorely mistaken."
She either didn't hear me, or she's flat out ignoring me.
"There's no question. You are Talaterrin."
"No I'm not!" My pitch spikes just a little.
"The council agreed to hide you!" Loren answers with her own frustration. "Why do you think that is when they never agree on anything?"
"Ever heard of the phrase 'not my circus, not my monkeys'?" I respond vexingly.
Loren doesn't try to hide her frustration.
"Kota saw you transform!"
"Did he now? Was I a bluejay, or an eagle?" I flap my arms mockingly.
She ignores my retort, determined to change my mind. She doesn't know that I can keep this up for hours.
"Remember when Kota busted down your door?"
"How could I forget?"
She continues to ignore my sarcasm.
"When he caught a glimpse of your face, your eyes were HUGE. He thinks you had owl eyes."
"Did he happen to see feathers too?" I say, sticking to my tried and true defense mechanism.
"Dammit Birdy! It's literally your name! Why can't you just face it?"
"Because it's impossible!" I shout, well past my tipping point. "I'm nothing! I'm worthless! I can't be like you! I'm not special."
The words come falling out of me before I can stop them. I immediately regret it for the look of pity on Loren's face makes me want to hide away in shame.
"That's the thing Birdy. You are. And if you don't believe me, why don't you ask your Ayvon to help you? It must have said something to you by now?"
"Okay then!" I snap, annoyed that she's still going on with this. I don't even contradict her about the voice I'm so mad.
"Hey voice in my head! Why don't you turn me into a little canary!" I shout a little too loudly.
As soon as I speak the words, my skin starts to tingle. Then it starts to itch. In less than a second my whole body begins to vibrate until...
'Crack.'
The world goes black. The next thing I know I'm sitting on the kitchen table. Everything grows in size, like a hundred feet taller. I look down and my body is gone. I don't have my arms, legs, or torso. Instead all I see are little bird feet. I try to move and little yellow wings flit in and out of view. I flap and jump a few inches into the air, trying to change back.
"All I hear is chirping." Loren's voice is loud and booming from down here.
"We are a canary." The voice bellows, but this time it's not inside my mind, but all around me.
'Change me back!' I think, viciously upset.
"Don't you like the feathers? They are vibrant."
The voice reminds me of a child seeking praise.
I realize I need to be nicer, otherwise I'll never get my body back.
'You did beautifully. Can you please change back?'
"Of course."
'Crack'
'Thud'
I fall out of my chair and onto the floor. Immediately I notice my clothes are all gone. All my clothes, except that damn satin bow.
"I'll get Mary." Loren says a little too cheerily. She practically skips to the mantle and rings the bell. She pulls a blanket off the armchair and hands it to me. I silently yank it from her and wrap myself in it.
"You did very good." Loren says, her face beaming with an 'I was right' look.
I ignore her while I wait for Mary. The young maid walks through the door.
"Golly!"
Mary ushers me out of the living room and leads me back to my room.
"Not to worry Miss. It happens to the best of us. I told you, modesty is a rare trait here."
She helps me get dressed again. The new dress is a light brown with forest green highlights. It looks really nice with my dark hair.
It doesn't take long to get re-dressed and soon I'm marching out into the living room again, Mary in tow.
Loren stands next to the fireplace beside Kota who sits in the armchair. They look as if they were discussing something important, but stop when we walk in. I make eye contact with Kota for a brief second and he nods at me. I don't have time to discern the look he gives as he stands up and walks out of the room.
"Ah. You're done." Loren says, as if Kota was never in the room. "Let's get going soon." She starts collecting a few items.
"Hold on." I say with my hands up.
"Yeah?" She says looking up.
"I just did that." I say incredulously.
"Yes." Loren responds.
"You did." Mary chimes.
"That still doesn't explain how I got past the barrier." I say slowly. I'm trying not to freak out. I'm trying to be rational. I'm trying to understand.
"No it doesn't. We don't know how you did it." Loren says mysteriously.
I nod, but that doesn't help me. The two girls get everything ready, while I ruminate. I can't believe that just happened.
'I turned into a freaking bird.' I think excitedly.