Before you all read this, I just wanna say massive TW for ED and emetophobia. Please if you struggle with any of these things before you read this. I don't want to trigger anyone into an episode 🤍
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Panic overtook Scarlett's brain as she felt her stomach bloat, her face swell and body grow.
Eight...
Her mind set into panic and she wanted the ground to swallow her whole.
She sat on the couch, thinking about the consequences.
She couldn't eat anything anymore, she would gain way too much weight.
All that work, and what did it get me
Eight...
"Scary?" Blair spoke up, taking Scarlett out of her thoughts. "Are you even listening?"
Scarlett shook her head and put on a smile.
"Sorry I zoned out a for a bit, what did you say?"
Regina had taken notice of Scarletts change in behavior. Which made her pay a closer attention to the girl.
"I asked if you're up for dessert, Regina and I were thinking brownies?" She asked, showing her the DoorDash app.
Scarlett laughed softly, shaking her head. "I'm okay, I'm really full now. But you guys go ahead. I'm gonna lay down for a bit, think I ate some bad fish or something" and with that she stood up and left the room.
Her mask fell and she burst out in a panic, her breath was heavy and her arms couldn't stop shaking.
Something about everything Blair said caused a massive trigger in her head. Her thoughts couldn't stop running and every little movement she made felt like she had put on 50 pounds.
She felt heavy, big, fat.
Eight...
Scarlett let herself fall down on the bed, staring blankly in front of her. She thought of every possible thing to prevent this, to fix herself. But nothing came up.
Except for two things.
Something she hadn't done in a long time.
She howled herself off the bed, walking towards the door. She didn't know if she really wanted to do this, if she wanted to start another spiral. Because if she did this one time, she knew she would do it again.
She knew her spirals.
However after seeing her reflection through the window next to her, she knew enough.
Opening the door she looked at herself again. The mirror in front of her proved her point even more.
Eight...
She hated what she saw, the differences from other days. The massive change in appearance.
She couldn't bear it.
So she let herself fall to the floor, opened the lid and looked at what was in front of her.
Just try it, alright?
Eight... that'll be enough right?
Two fingers, eight inches deep.
Are you satisfied?
The voice rang through her head, like a devil on her shoulder
One time is not enough, again
And Scarlett listened, like a little kid in kindergarten. Again.
Once more, remember? Eight...
Scarlett was now heaving and coughing, the acid taste appearing in her mouth. She hoped that Regina would be too busy laughing with Blair, but she didn't know for sure.
Regina wouldn't bother her, right?
You thought that's enough, again.
For one last time her fingers disappeared in her throat. The only thing that came out was the clear acidic water, everything else had already been drained down the toilet.
Even though Scarlett felt empty from the inside, her stomach kept the bloated feeling.
And she knew it was her own fault. She knew damn well not to go over seven.
But she still did, eight.
"Scar?" Scarlett heard a knock on the door and recognized the voice immediately. "You okay in there, you've been in here for quite some time now?"
Scarlett was quick to come up with an excuse, opening the door a tiny bit. "Just some bad sushi, stomach got upset" she told her girlfriend with a smile.
Regina just stared at her, trying to read the look on her face.
She didn't know whether to believe Scarlett or not, there was a good chance that she was speaking the truth.
But something about Scarlett's behavior seemed off, but she couldn't pinpoint what exactly.
"Alright if you say so. Is it better now?" Regina decided not to push her too much. If she knew one thing, it's that Scarlett would come around at her own time when she felt ready to talk about her struggles.
To push the girl would only cause her to distance herself.
"I'm better now, still not feeling to great. I guess il stay here for a bit." Scarlett put on a fake small, keeping the door mostly closed to hide her trembling body. "You can go back to Blair if you want, don't wanna bother you too much."
Regina grew more suspicious by the second, being very well aware of her change in mannerism.
Scarlett never hid her body, she used to be so proud of it. And now, it was like she didn't even want to show it.
"Alright, but I'm checking up on you every now and then" Scarlett nodded her head, wanting Regina to leave already.
She wanted to be alone, for no one to even see her. She wanted the ground to swallow her, to disappear and never come back.
That night Regina came in every hour to check up on Scarlett, every time she entered the room she would be met with the same scene.
Scarlett completely hidden in the covers, sometimes watching tiktoks on her phone, the other moment watching her favorite series on her laptop.
But never did she find the girl out of bed.
She didn't even come close to Regina for cuddles or anything. As soon as Regina entered the bed, Scarlett turned her back towards her. It was like she didn't have her girlfriend in the first place.
The next morning was even more weird Scarlett's alarm went off and she got out of bed immediately. She grabbed some clothes for the day; which consisted of a loose pair of trousers, and oversized white t shirt with a baggy blazer on top.
Her hair was in a slick back bun and her make up was a little heavier than normal.
All of this happened in the bathroom, out of Regina's sight.
The three girls had planned to get some breakfast at a cute bakery around the corner. When both Blair and Regina had gotten ready, Scarlett was already waiting on the couch, watching some video on her phone.
"Alright girlies, are we ready to go?" Scarlett called out, a smile on her face. Blair smiled back with open arms.
"Baby I missed you yesterday evening. You were gone so sudden!" She called out, embracing the girl. Scarlett laughed softly, the arms feeling like thorns around her body.
"I'm sorry mammi, stomach didn't like the sushi"
It wasn't a lie
"I'll make it up for you and pay for your breakfast" she promised, which made Blair smirk. "You know I'll take advantage of that right?" This made Scarlett smile, feeling a bit lighter because of the distraction.
She knew she needed it, especially if she wanted to survive today.
Regina on the other hand, she made sure to keep a close eye on her girlfriend. She could see right through her and knew this was bad news.
On the way to the bakery the three girls were busy talking.
Blair wanted to know all of the gossip at North Shore and Scarlett wanted to know what all of their fiends were currently up to, plus what Blair's College major was going to be.
"So I was thinking Fashion, kind of follow in my mom's footsteps. But psychology actually spoke to me as well, I fell like I'm pretty good at reading people's feelings. What are your plans, I mean Regina's, I already know Scarlett's" Blair rambled them changing her look form Scarlett to Regina.
Regina thought for a bit, she actually hadn't really paid that much attention to her future.
For the longest time North Shore felt like her place, she had never thought about what things would be like once it was over.
She had always loved fashion and make up, but she knew she wouldn't get a job in the branche that easily.
Literature was something she loved as well, but for it to be her job? Not sure.
"I'm not sure yet, but maybe something Like fashion or Make up would be really nice" she answered.
The pair reached the bakery, Scarlett opening the door for her two close friends.
They stepped inside and Blair went straight to order. After that being Regina's turn.
They both chose their sandwich and ordered a coffee along with it.
Scarlett only ordered a coffee which Regina noticed immediately. She noted this in her head, deciding to talk to her as soon as they came home.
Blair noticed as well, but Scarlett covered it up quickly.
"Stomach is still a little upset, I'll just let it rest for a bit today"
Blair noted and then got up to go to the bathroom real quick.
Regina looked at Scarlett, speaking up as soon as Blair was out of earsight.
"I know what you've been doing baby, can we talk as soon as we get home. I promise I won't push you into anything. I just want to communicate about some things so that I can understand you better" with a squeeze of her hand Scarlett broke eye contact. Looking at her lap with a heartbeat in her throat.
Did she do too much?
It was only eight... right?
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I almost fell asleep but I wanted to finish this part for you guys.
What do we think?
I love you, and please look out for each other alright?🤍🤍
Take care everyone xx
Bye babies