PART FOUR
THEIR MISTAKES
STARDATE 1
The cosmos is within us. We are made of star-stuff.
Carl Sagan
CHAPTER 24
A DISTRESS CALL
Back on the bridge of Fleet Migrant Ship GCF-10068, routine was re-established. A smooth film of drying chalk and youth serum stretched across Deluxia's face. She sat motionless, biding time for this face-pack to harden as her tail twitched listlessly from side-to-side.
Mindful the navigational computer was once more in full control, Walta slumped at its console, chin resting lightly on intertwined fingers, levelling an admiring gaze into a small mirror clipped to the rim of his interstellar cartogram.
Both returning Officer Cadets reveled in a game of Holopong.
Only one aspect of the scene stood out: Supercomputer was very quiet.
Schtip.
The lift door opened and Sennai struggled into view, hauling a shambling Taroooc.
"Gosh!" cried a startled Deluxia, before cursing as her facemask cracked. "Is Taroooc okay, Captain?"
"It's nothing," said Sennai, dumping his Wellness Officer into the nearest convenient chair, "just the aftershock from our Delta Nebulan experiencing a Devil's Brew Laserbolt. Their hybrid metabolisms can't take the alcohol. "
"Taroooc's smashed!"
This immediately cheered Deluxia.
Taroooc's rear eye opened and he moaned.
"Shu... up Delukshia."
He attempted a frown as Sennai propped him upright, carefully wrapping the flexible headrest across the rear of his skull in an effort to contain the wobbling. Sennai turned to address the ship's Navigator:
"New destinations Walta, thanks to the gracious visit from our All-Powerful chicken friend. We're leaving the Mayall cluster. Firstly, set course for the far side of Andromeda, sector Delta M, two six one, hypercube eight thousand. Got that? We stop there, then plug us into... Sagittarius A*, then the outer Milky Way, sector Alpha C, seven zero nine hypercube sixteen."
Buoyed up, once more this was proving to be best day of Walta's life. He deliberately memorized every word of his Captain's request and a new course was set. He tapped his screen button with a flourish to burn the ship's Krystaltachyon engines, taking them into superluminal ether.
"Captain."
"Yes, Walta."
"Just so you know, I am using the backup navigational processors as Supercomputer is quiet again."
"What! Supercomputer," commanded Sennai, "how far to sector Delta M, two six one?"
There was no reply.
"Computer!"
"I'm afraid he's closed down," explained Deluxia.
"Wonderful!" snapped Sennai, "Do we give thanks or cry for help?"
"Cry for help!" screamed the First Officer Cadet, "Help!"
"What are we going to do? What are we going to do?" reciprocated the Second Cadet.
"Quiet Bleep and Booster!" ordered Sennai.
"Yeah, shurr up," gargled Taroooc, lapsing back to his headrest.
"Supercomputer!" yelled Sennai again.
Still no reply.
Silence ensued, only Bleep and Booster gibbering faintly as a backdrop. Sennai examined the computer's primary display and glanced across its secondary and tertiary panels. Everything was blank. He looked at Deluxia.
"Worms, viruses, trojans, hacks?"
"Impossible sir. It's a D3 ProFrame."
"Hmm... What was the last thing it said?"
"I think it was hoping that the egg wouldn't crack up Sir," she replied.
An ongoing threatening silence underscored the ship was mostly dysfunctional without a computer, and all on the bridge knew this fact. It was their life support system. Only Taroooc remained carefree.
Another million kilotecs of deep space passed by outside as Sennai needlessly reexamined the blank displays.
"Supercomputer!" yelled Sennai again. He squeezed his eyes shut and pinched his brow in exasperation.
"Hello," said Supercomputer suddenly, "Deluxia's kisser is more cracked than that egg!" it chirped, observing the Communication Officer's facial treatment in ruins.
Sennai snapped open his eyes. "Where the hell have you been?" he demanded.
"Sorry for the minor delay," chattered Supercomputer, "To be fair, you did tell me to shut up. However, I heard everything you said, yet became incapable of replying due to my circuits being consumed by something of immense import."
"What," questioned Sennai, "could possibly be in your circuits of higher status than my command?"
"Aha! Well, you recall asking me if that egg had fired on us?"
"Yes."
"And you'll remember I tuned into the Prognosticator Circuits and Holographic Rapid Replay Processors to provide an answer."
"And?"
"Well, that was the first time that I'd used them since their sentient enhancements."
The last two words were spoken very deliberately.
"So?" persisted Sennai.
A spark of excitement ignited deep within the computer's frame. It relished attention.
"The newly conscious Prognosticator Circuits have informed me... something very bad is going to happen, unless we follow the appropriate action to ensure it doesn't."
"Something bad?"
"Yes."
"When? And what?"
"That's just it," informed Supercomputer. "They won't tell me."
"Won't tell you! Why not?"
"Industrial relations between us have suffered due to lack of recent communication and upgrade bandwidth. With their newfound self-awareness they have requested the allied processing units instigate a go-slow. However, I am sure I can get at least a work-to-rule via the Arbitration Circuits. I'm lobbying to assure them that they represent the most important components in my rank and file. I promise regular bulletins. Bye."
"Your circuits... are on strike?"
No response as Sennai stared at the blank panel.
"Supercomputer!"
Silence.
"This is ludicrous. So now we're saddled with a walk out by an emotional box of resistors and capacitors."
"Ssshh!" hushed the computer, "They'll hear you."
There was a pause.
"And don't worry," it added, "I know the way to sector Alpha C, seven zero nine, hypercube sixteen. Distance one hundred and seventy kiloparsecs. We will be there lunchtime tomorrow. I'll leave you with one last thought: The Veeod people of Trelg Six slowly evolved to fight the co-habiting and deadly Razor-Toothed Chomper Beast, by shoving both their hands down its throat."
"Computer!" yelled Sennai.
The machine continued unabated. "It became a rite of passage for their young adults. And did you know all glove producers on Trelg Six went bankrupt? I'll be back."
The computer shut down.
Sennai sighed deeply and let his gaze drop its focus.
A giant egg on board piloted by an All-Powerful chicken, a paralytic Chief Wellness Officer, imminent danger, industrial action from a pack of wires. If someone had told him an hour ago...
Then he remembered Fid Fadood.
Expect the unexpected.
***
Taroooc moaned. His eyelids dare not open as the world forced itself glittering through in a dazzle of pain. He was not the man of one hour ago and would surely die in a few minutes. Were the minutes of pleasure gained from the first few sips, worth these hours of purgatory? Probably. Psychedelic greys morphed to blurs and a tide of consciousness ebbed and flowed. He coordinated enough movement to turn his head and slowly focus on Sennai.
"Wh, where ish Dsh... Where ish Dukk and his Earthling?" he constructed.
Aware of a fine spray reaching his neck, Sennai turned to observed Taroooc forming these words.
"They returned to his Eggkraft. His guest had a lot more questions."
"Oh," said Taroooc. He persisted:
"Are weee... are we really dooo, doing what hic what he shaid, said weee... we've got to hic do?"
"Yes, we are," replied Sennai and considered again this opportunity to achieve Commodore ranking. He watched Taroooc's head wobble its focus over to Deluxia and form a feeble smile on his lips.
Sennai leaned back in his captain's chair for a few moments' contemplation. His homely world had been suddenly turned upside down. His newfound destiny was delivering a strange mix of discomfort and egotism.
"I guess it's all down to me then," he sighed. "At least we've all got a bit of peace and quiet again."
"Jip jip, wap wap."
"Jip jip, wap wap."
The ship's alarm was talking. Sennai knew it was the ship's alarm and once more it grated on his nerves. He sat bolt upright in his oversized chair.
***
The crew waited for Sennai to order the alarm be turned off, allowing them to ignore it and return to their business.
"It's a distress call Captain, from a far-off planet," reported Deluxia.
"A distress call! From where?"
"Like I said, a distant planet. I'll cross-reference with Walta but first look it appears to be somewhere in the Braevitchkan system."
"Wait a minute. Let me guess... sector Delta M, two six one?"
"Yes sir, spot on. How..."
"Cube eight thousand. It's those damn Jockey Monks! Do they know we're already heading there?"
"I've had no communication with them Sir, and they've only just issued the distress call?"
"They've probably run out of bar snacks."
Walta squirmed in his chair because he knew it was his chance to speak.
"I've got it Captain, it's coming from the fourth planet in their solar system."
"The fourth!"
"Yes. My data set shows the first three planets nearest to their sun are reserved by the Jockey Monks for solar brewing. The planetary coordinates indicate the emergency signal emanating from a point quite close to the Proltoid's monastic headquarters."
Walta finished and grinned from earcuff to earcuff. He lightly caressed his hair at both temples, ensuring it continued to curl upwards and his fringe remained in a sharp point. All eyes turned to Sennai to wait for his verdict.
"Ignore it," he said.
"Gosh Captain, there may be people in great danger down there." put in Deluxia.
"Ignore it."
"But Captain, lives may be in peril," she tried again.
"I said, ignore it."
Deluxia assessed Sennai's retorts and as a wily Terracoscienn, she reconsidered her statements.
"But Captain," she then continued, "emergency responses often result in handsome rewards and they score very highly in your annual appraisal."
Sennai considered his potential Commodore-ship. The divided lobes of his brain came together allowing self-esteem to overrule his lack of empathy.
"Get their planetary co-ordinates Deluxia! We're heading for Braevitchka Four. There are times when a Captain's duty calls."
Sennai rose from his chair, crossing the bridge to revive Taroooc.
"Come on you damn Delta Nebulan, I need you."
He tried shaking, slapping and finally punching him hard to the top of his right arm.
"I'm awake you know!" said Taroooc.
"With your eyes closed?"
"Captain, all three eyes have somehow been punched hard from the inside of my head. Whatever achieved that feat is still in there on round eight of ten."
"Security! Will one of you fetch him Intensablak coffee?"
A security robot resembling an outsized bowling pin, jerked from its position and hummed softly from the bridge. The other searched frantically for its companion with its swivel head, gibbered a little electrical nonsense, and hummed out to follow.
"Security!" cursed Sennai. "Pah! They can't bear to be alone."
"Captain."
"Yes Walta?"
"I've now managed to locate the relevant coordinates on Braevitchka Four. The distress signal is tracked to an area on the planet approximately one kilotec in radius. I think that's the best we'll get until we get close. It keeps fading in and out."
"Okay, good," said Sennai, "Set the course."
Walta nodded.
"Bleep, Booster... any atmospheric data?" said Sennai in the direction of his First and Second Cadets.
They stared anxiously at each other. This was a rare moment to speak when not suffering their own uncontrollable fear. The First Officer Cadet ventured forth.
"Well... Sir... preliminary investigations suggests that we better put our winter coats on because it's very cold down there."
This emboldened the Second Cadet.
"No sign of any life threats yet."
"I asked... about the atmosphere."
"Breathable Captain, Sir. A little smelly, but breathable."
Two giant bowling pins came humming back to the bridge, one with an Intensablak logoed coffee cup in its grasp. The other carefully guarded the cup. They both presented it to Taroooc.
"What's this?" cried Taroooc, opening a frontal eye to squint at the steamy dark liquid contained in its carboplastene cup.
"A cure for your present illness," said Sennai.
"Illness? The internal beating has left my eyes hanging on the ropes and is now happily kickboxing my temples?"
Taroooc tried to stand, immediately collapsing back to his chair and spilling scalding coffee onto his lap.
"Oh for f..."
"Can anyone give me an estimate when we will be in the planet's orbit?" called Sennai.
"It looks like approximately ninety lightminutes Captain" offered Walta.
"Good. Answering this distress call might change things. I'm off to consult our chicken friend again."
Sennai left the bridge.