Chapter 26
My mind had short circuited.
Sobrang lakas ng kabog ng dibdib ko.
Kitang-kita ko iyong galit sa mga mata ni Lance... and it was not like I could blame him. I am still his girlfriend. May karapatan siyang magalit sa nakita niya. I could say a lot of shit about him, but not for this. Girlfriend niya ako at walang karapatan si Lui na gawin iyong ginawa niya.
What was he even thinking?!
"Lance—" I said, on crisis mode. I didn't want to be in the center of whatever this was. Not here, not now.
Pero ni hindi ko man lang nadugtungan iyong sasabihin ko nang bigla akong hatakin ni Lui papunta sa likuran niya. Kitang-kita ko iyong galit sa mga mata ni Lance. Walang ibang tao sa paligid namin. Kami lang iyong nandito. Lance had always maintained composure when there were people around us... pero ngayon? Ngayon na kaming tatlo lang ang nandito? I was afraid to see what he's truly capable of.
"Don't bother, Tali. The secret's out," Lui said.
Agad na napaawang iyong labi ko. "What... the hell—"
Lui stood in front of me as tho he was trying to hide and protect me from Lance. I didn't know what game Lui was playing, but he's just making things worse for me! Alam ko na masama si Lance sa paningin niya—ganon din naman sa 'kin but I actually had a plan in place! I knew how vindictive Lance could be. I just wanted to get out of this situation as amicably as I possibly could.
But he just had to start a fucking war.
And throw me right in the middle of it.
"It's not Tali's fault," sabi niya habang naka-tayo pa rin sa harapan ko. "The blame is all on me."
What the hell was he talking about?! Why was he talking as if we're having a full-blown affair?!
Sinubukan kong umalis sa likuran niya, pero mabilis na hinawakan ni Lui iyong kamay ko. He held my wrist so firmly that it made me stop on my tracks. Without words, he told me to stay still. In my head, I knew that I should put an end to this madness, but my whole body betrayed me. Hindi ako maka-galaw mula sa likuran niya. I hid behind him like... what he was telling Lance was the truth.
That we're having an affair.
And we got caught.
"Sorry you had to find out this way," sabi ni Lui kay Lance. I saw as he tapped Lance's shoulder and how that made Lance look murderous. Naka-tingin lang si Lance kay Lui. Hindi siya nagsasalita... but that made me even more nervous. Because at least with words, I'd know what was going on in his mind. Pero kapag wala siyang sinasabi? Wala akong ideya sa pwede niyang gawin.
Lui began to walk and he dragged me along with him. Ramdam na ramdam ko iyong panlalamig ng buong katawan ko nang lagpasan ko si Lance. It sent shivers down my spine kahit hindi siya naka-tingin sa akin.
Shit.
Paano ako sa Monday? Paano kapag nakita ko siya? May ilang buwan pa ako sa firm.
Habang naglalakad kami ay may mga naka-kita sa amin ni Lui. They all threw us looks. Of course they knew that I was with Lance! He'd tell that to anyone who'd listen. Kilala ako ng frat nila bilang girlfriend ni Lance, tapos ay makikita nila ako na hawak-hawak ni Lui? Of course they'd look at us!
Sinubukan kong tanggalin iyong pagkaka-hawak ni Lui sa kamay ko, pero kahit ano'ng gawin ko ay hindi niya binibitawan iyong kamay ko. I didn't want to make an even bigger scene kaya naman naglakad na lang ako kung saan man siya papunta hanggang sa makarating kami sa labas.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!" I said with restrained rage as we stood side by side. If you'd look at us from afar, hindi mo iisipin na gustung-gusto ko ng itulak si Lui para masagasaan na siya. But I was trying my hardest to control myself. I didn't want to center of even more attention.
"Not here."
Napaawang iyong labi ko. "Are you being serious? After you kissed me in front of Lance!"
May huminto na sasakyan sa harapan namin. Lumabas iyong valet mula sa driver's seat. Lui opened the door for me. I glared at him. He just looked at me. I gritted my teeth as I got inside his car. I begrudgingly put the seatbelt on.
Gustung-gusto ko siyang sigawan habang nagda-drive siya, pero pinigilan ko iyong sarili ko. I didn't want to get in an accident—especially not because of him. Ang ayos-ayos na ng buhay ko tapos bigla niya na namang guguluhin? Did he get off seeing me in distress? Iyon ba iyong dahilan kung bakit niya ginagawa sa 'kin 'to?
Lui kept on driving. I bit my tongue to stop myself from talking dahil kapag binuksan ko ang bibig ko ay hindi maganda ang mga salitang lalabas doon. Hindi ko alam kung saan kami papuntang dalawa...
"Do you want anything?" he asked when we stopped in front of the Korean mart na pinupuntahan namin dati nung nagrereview kami.
"Yes," I replied. "I want to know what the fuck's going on in that fucking mind of yours."
Instead of answering me, Lui unbuckled his seatbelt.
"Answer me," sabi ko nung akmang bubuksan niya iyong pintuan.
"I will," sagot niya. "Bibili lang ako ng tubig."
"Answer me first."
He turned his head to look at me. "Fine," he said.
I had a lot of questions—hundreds of them... but at that moment, while he was looking at me, my mind went blank. Ni isa sa mga tanong ko ay walang lumabas sa bibig ko. Napako iyong mga mata ko sa mga mata niya. I hated the waves of memories came crashing down on me.
How was that even possible? We shared such a brief time together... pero ganito iyong epekto niya sa akin?
It's like there's a piece of me that he'd forever own... but that I'd die first before he learns about that. I didn't want to give him that kind of power over me.
"Why did you do that?" I asked him.
Minutes passed bago ako nakapagsalita. I told myself over and over again to have better control over myself. This was Lui. Sure, he cares about me to an extent... but he cares about himself more. He fucked me over before—I had no doubt in my mind that he'd do that again. In a heartbeat. Kaya kung anuman ang ginawa niya ngayon, sigurado ako na para na rin iyon protektahan ang sarili niya.
"Because you wouldn't listen to me," sagot niya.
"Listen to what?"
"I told you—don't attend any more events."
"Dahil 'don? Dahil 'don kaya hinalikan mo ako sa harap ni Lance? At pinagmukha na may relasyon tayong dalawa?"
"Yes."
He said that in a way that sounded like he had no doubt that he did the right thing. That in his mind, he saved me... from whatever it was that I needed saving from.
And perhaps he's right... pero paano ako magtitiwala sa kanya kung wala siyang sinasabi sa akin?
"...why?" I asked because it was as if he wouldn't bother to tell me why unless I asked. "And don't give me a vague answer. You said you didn't want to get me involved, but guess what? You got me involved."
Lui was just staring at me. I told myself not to get distracted and not to think too much about how he looked right now. I didn't want to think about how he looked so good while wearing a tux with his hair pushed back.
And how he smelled so good.
"Italia," he called my name. I felt shivers once again. Hindi ako sanay na tinatawag niya ako sa buo kong pangalan. Para akong bata na pinapagalitan kapag sinasabi niya iyong pangalan ko. "I know you think you're somehow... invincible," sabi niya. "That they can't touch you."
I didn't stand down. Nanatili akong naka-tingin lang sa kanya habang hinihintay siya na sabihin sa akin iyong dahilan kung bakit niya ginawa 'yon. Because in my head, it didn't make any sense. Dahil dati, ni ayaw niyang makita kami ng mga ka-frat niya na magkasama... tapos biglang hahalikan niya ako sa harap ni Lance? Sa mismong event nila?
"But I'm telling you that they can—and they will."
Napa-kunot ang noo ko at napaawang ang labi ko.
"...what?"
"Someone saw you... and liked you."
Hindi ako makapagsalita.
"I didn't want to tell you this and have you scared, but you don't listen to me," sabi niya sa akin. "I tried to be as vague as I could para hindi mo na malaman 'yung mga ganito—"
"Are you being serious, Lui?" mabilis na sabi ko sa kanya. "If what you're saying is true, then all the more that I should know!" I told him through gritted teeth.
He looked at me. "I just didn't want you to be jaded, Tali. You're still so... innocent," sabi niya habang diretsong naka-tingin sa mga mata ko. "I guess I just wanted to protect that innocence for as long as I could."
Hindi ako nakapagsalita.
Hindi ko rin kasi alam kung ano ang sasabihin.
"I know you think they can't touch you, but believe me, they did worse things to people you wouldn't think it would've happened to."
Nanatili akong naka-upo doon. I couldn't say a word, but I couldn't move as well. All I could think about was how I wouldn't leave this car until I get answers to my questions.
"In this day and age... You think kaya nila akong galawin na walang nakakaalam?"
"Yes," sagot niya.
"I'm from a sorority, Lui. I have lawyer relatives."
"Doesn't matter," sabi niya. "This is an altogether different playing field, Tali. Have you heard about the rape case between the Ramirez and Esquivel from before?" dugtong niya. "If they can do that to them... do you really think they'll spare you dahil lang top 1 ka sa BAR?"
That case? I vaguely remember reading about that one... It was such a huge case that at that time, everyone was talking about it. And how everyone was shocked when it ended in the suicide of the victim.
"They're acquitted..." sabi ko habang naka-tingin kay Lui. "Are you telling me that they're guilty?"
"Does it matter?" Lui replied. "They got out."
My mind was a mess. Did Lui just imply that they planned on doing the same thing to me? That I would've ended up in the same situation as that?
"Did you think that Lance would've done that to me?" mahinang tanong ko sa kanya.
"You tell me," sagot niya sa akin. "Because as far as I'm concerned, he would've sold you to the devil if it meant furthering his own agenda."
Hindi ako naka-sagot.
Siguro dahil alam ko na tama siya.
Lance never cared about me... at least not in a way that he would've given any fucks sa kung anuman ang mangyari sa akin. He just saw me as this trophy that he could show-off to everyone who would look.
Tumingin ako sa kanya. "And... you think you can protect me from them?"
"Yes," sagot niya. "Because they know I wouldn't hesitate to drag them down with me if they tried messing with me—" sabi niya at saka tumingin sa akin sa paraan na para bang gusto niyang tumigil na ako sa paghinga. "Messing with us."
For a second, it was like I forgot how to breathe... but I reminded myself to always choose me before anyone else.
"And why would I believe you?" sagot ko sa kanya. "You ditched me at my lowest, Lui."
"I didn't—"
"You did. I came to you. You called me pathetic. You just had to kick me while I was already down."
Naka-tingin siya sa mga mata ko. "That's not how I remembered it," sabi niya sa akin.
"Then how do you remember it?" I quickly shot back.
"I remember being asked why I was in a different review center. I remember people breathing down my neck and constantly watching my every movement. I remember them telling me to go to Jury dahil nandon iyong ibang members ng frat. I remember the anxiety and stress I felt dahil hindi ko alam kung makakapagtake ba ako ng BAR dahil under review iyong application ko dahil sa pagsama nila sa akin sa may kaso na wala naman akong kinalaman talaga. O kung makakapagtake ba ako ng oath kung pumasa man ako," diretsong sabi niya. "I'm sorry if I hurt you back then, but God, Tali, my life doesn't revolve around you."
**
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