Grace
After we left the restaurant I sat quietly outside for a little bit before we went back to the limo to clear my head. I had to talk to my sister and Dylan tomorrow and I also need to revise for the second round of the contest that is in two weeks. I have to get things in order again, I feel like everything is a mess even when it is not that bad. As I am drown in my thoughts I feel Astor coming closer to me from behind. He is so close that his hand touches mine for a brief second and the hair on my neck stand up.
For God’s shake Grace stop.
“What are you thinking?” He asks still standing achingly close behind me and observing the scenic view.
“I am trying to clear the things in my head and put them in an order.” I say exhaling a breath.
“What’s stressing you?”
“ My parents. They are always the source of my anxiety and that’s why I have become like that.” I say looking down at my scratched arm for a second. When my parents are not home I feel like I can breath, Like I am not suffocating all the time.
I would have left the house in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for Kelly.
I am staying for her. I try to be the help in order for her to breath until she turns eighteen but I seriously doubt that I could last two more years with them. I am afraid I will have to talk about this with Kelly soon.
“Like what?” He asks looking deep into my eyes.
I feel his breath on my face. He is so close. He scent hits me so hard that I feel like we are one body.
“A strict, soulless, clean obsessed bitch.”
Like my mother.
I don’t say that. I almost smiling at my description because it fits me perfectly. I know that is not who I am, but I am almost positive that this is everyone’s perception of me. Do I really care?
No.
But it still does not fill me with warm feelings.
“Is that what you really believe about yourself?” He asks Like he already knows the answer.
“ No. But I wouldn’t mind if other people didn’t see me only in that way.”
“People are idiots” He says like it’s a scientific fact. I can’t say I fully disagree. “Their opinions are useless and invalid most of the time.”
“ Does that include you too?” I ask arching my eyebrow a little.
“Never. I think you are charismatic and fascinating.” He says smiling a little looking deeply in my eyes.
His eyes are not betraying any emotion but desire is written all over his face. He comes even closer than before.
My heartbeat increases like I am being fucking electrocuted.
Stop beating that fast.
He puts a stand of hair behind my ear and his other hand touches my waist.
Oh my god.
“What are you doing?” I say deciding to ruin the moment.
“ I am Kissing you” He says very confident and brings his lips to mine.
Oh.My.God.
The kiss is forceful without a hint of sweetness. His lips are warm and hungry and his hand cups my neck bringing me even closer if that’s possible.My whole body reacts to this kiss, desire flooding me like never before. How can this biologically happen with just a kiss? My hand cups the side of his face and his hand tightens on my waist. He tastes like wine mixed with mint and I want to savour his taste and smell forever.
What am I saying for God’s shake?
He slowly breaks the kiss without moving his hands away and his mouth is near my ear.
“We have to go home” He says in my ear almost whispering and he kisses my cheek before taking his hands away and heading for the limo.
“Can you walk or do you need me to carry you?” He asks a cocky smile playing on his lips.
“Go to Hell.” I say while walking to the limo.
Well my legs do feel a little unsteady.
“Will you be there?” He smiles more.
So beautiful.
I roll my eyes and get into the limo.
I have never realised how boring was Kissing before him.
After the limo parked outside my house I looked at Astor. I cannot handle a relationship right now. Not while I live with my parents, not with the pressure of college not with anything.
“Astor” I say exhaling a breath. “ Right now I cannot-
“ Grace. I kissed you because I want you. You don’t have to commit to anything right now. I can wait.”
I suck in a staggered breath looking at him with a frown.
“What?” I ask hating that my voice its shaky and wrong.
He takes my hand in his and rubs my knuckles gently with his thumb.
“For you, I will wait. You are exactly precisely and perfectly What I waited for.” He smiles, a soft smile.
I love that he talks with poetry.
“Astor you have known me for one week” I say
“ You should get your memory checked because I most surely know you 11 years.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask really confused by his statement.
“ You wound me. That chess match really stayed with me.”He smiles looking at me waiting to connect the dots.
Of course.
We used to see eachother when we were little. I have a foggy memory of us playing chess together while our parents were in a meeting probably with their lawyers.
“ How do you remember that, we were 7 years old back then” I say to him quite impressed .
“You always fascinated me.”
I try to suppress my smile.
“I have to get inside” I say trying to avoid the rest of the conversation.
“Call me if you need anything”
“I’ve been doing fine the last 18 years last time I checked I don’t need your assistance.”
He helped me one time that’s more than enough. It doesn’t mean that every time that I have to deal with something I will run to him for help.
“I’m aware” He says his eyes smiling.
I close the door of the limo and enter the house.
It’s perfectly clean. Everything is in place and it smells amazing.
Thank god.
I sent a message to Astor.
Thank you – Grace
Always- Astor
..............................................................................................................................
I woke up early today and made breakfast for my sister and Dylan. I also made them coffee and a smoothie that helps with hangover.
I am still going to lecture them.
But I thought that it would be better to be sober and well when I do so.
I hear footsteps from the stairs and I see the two of them Coming down in their pj’s.
They look like a total mess. Kelly is trying to smile but there are dark circles under her eyes and her hair is messy and Dylan looks like he hasn’t slept in 10 days.
Dear God.
I sit down at the chair with a cup of coffee in my hand and look at them both. They’re avoiding my gaze and they quietly sit down on the table looking at all the breakfast that I made for them.
“ Wow” Kelly says smiling. “Do we get special treatment today?”
“No.” I say bluntly without a hint of humour. Kelly’s smile drops and my stomach clenches a little. I swear I am only doing this for her own good.
“So do you care to tell me what the hell happened yesterday?”
Dylan and Kelly look at each other like they are having a silent agreement and Dylan looks at me explaining first.
“I told you Grace, we wanted to go out but then we thought that we do not really have a car and we didn’t want to take the limo and make it so obvious so we decided to call some people here.”
He says it like it is so simple and I am being paranoid.
I am trying to remain calm and not start shouting.
It’s hard.
It’s not only the fact that Kelly is sixteen or that they didn’t tell me.
This is my parents house.
And I am the eldest daughter that lives here so anything that goes wrong will be my responsibility .
“Where am I in this whole picture Dylan?” I say to him now standing of my chair because I need to do something with my legs and hands in order to release the frustration.
“You were asleep” He says but I can tell from the tome of his voice that he knows this is not an excuse.
“So you couldn’t wake me up and ask me right?”
He looks at me without saying anything.
My sister looks at me too and she spots the cut above my eyebrow.
“Where did you get that?” She asks concern layering her voice.
“Oh don’t worry. It was just one of the men that tried to hook up with you while you were passed out on the couch and I tried to stop him, so he pushed me and I hit my head on the self.”
Her eyes redden and tears gather. I don’t want to make her cry but god she is only 16 she can’t do this things without facing the consequences.
“Shit” Dylan mumbles and looks at my cut.
“I am sorry”.
“ It’s not the cut that’s bothering me Kelly.” I turn my attention to Dylan.
“Dylan you are 19 years old for God’s shake. You are older than me and every time you come here things like this happen.”
His guilt is written all over his face.
I love Dylan. I really do but he needs to stop putting Kelly in danger.
“I am not asking you to stop having fan, I am glad that you visit us, I really am but this needs to stop happening every time you come here.” I say my voice rising.
Stop shouting Grace.
Stop sounding like dad.
“ It was just a party.” Kelly whispers looking at me like I am being out of my mind.
Am I overreacting?
Probably.
But I prefer speaking with hyperboles and overreacting than coming home one day to my sister telling me she was raped or harassed.
I cant even imagine.
“What would have happened if I didn’t come down? You were unconscious Kelly while this asshole was ready to Pull his pants down.” I look at Dylan. “You were puking on the kitchen while this was happening so what would have stopped him exactly huh?” I ask furious right now.
They don’t get what I am saying.
Kelly starts crying and mumbles I am sorry one last time before running upstairs.
Guilt is chocking me but I am forcing it down.
I am not making her miserable am I?
Silence lingers for a minute and I gather my hair on my shoulder trying to take some breaths in order to relax.
“ I am sorry” Dylan breaking the silence. I look over at him and his eyes are red with hurt.
Something is off.
I have lectured him like this a lot of times but he never batched an eye. I sit besides him in Kelly’s chair while he looks at his hands avoiding my gaze.
“ What’s wrong Dylan?” I ask in a softer voice.
“ It’s nothing.” He says shaking his head.
“You can tell me.”
He takes a shaky breath and lifts his face looking at me with tears in his eyes.
I have never seen Dylan cry out of sadness.
At least not in the last 10 years.
Dylan is always smiley and happy. He reminds me so much of Kelly, even his appearance. His eyes are amber like hers and his hair are light brown. And even though he is 6 feet tall he has the playfulness of a child.
“ My mom has cancer.”
What.
“What?” I ask in a gasp.
There is no way. Aunt Leila was great the last time I saw her. Which was only 2 months ago.
How did this happen?
He nods tears streaming down his cheeks. “ Breast cancer, diagnosed a month ago, last stage.” He wipes his tears but they don’t stop.
Aunt Leila was always sweet and caring unlike my mother. I was always jealous of Dylan for having her as his mom. I sincerely hoped when I was a kid that somehow she could take me to her house with Dylan.
That didn’t happen of course.
We weren’t really close but I always had a soft spot for her.
I try to hold back my own tears and let him finish listening to him carefully.
“My father is nowhere to be found of course, and the doctors gave her only 4 months, Grace” He says his voice breaking.
4 months.
Life is so unfair in almost every aspect.
This is just another embodiment of its unfairness.
I turn my attention to my cousin when I hear a sob leaving his mouth.
I come closer to him and I embrace him trying to be as less stiff as I can, giving him as much comfort as I can, even though I know Kelly is better in that. She just has a way with words and her hugs are the best. I am good with words but not with comfort words.I am not good at hugging either. He puts his hands on my back holding me tight like he is going to fall down and he sobs in to my shoulder.
My heart breaks for him and I try to keep my emotions in check for his sake. Dylan really deserves all the happiness in the world. The guilt of my earlier words chokes me even more now. I just wanted to protect my sister. I did not mean to cause any pain.
“I am sorry” I say to him while he is crying.
He nods and he pulls away running a hand down his red face wiping away the tears.
He exhales and his broken expression causes my stomach to toss.
I take his hand giving him a squeeze.
“If you need anything I am always here”
He smiles a little.
“I know.”
“Does my mom know?”
“I have no idea” He says lifting his shoulders.
“Is there anything I can do?” I ask hoping that’s there is a possibility that aunt Leila will win this.
“No, I just wanted to get away from all of this for a little bit. That’s why I drank so much yesterday and I didn’t think...” He trails off catching his breath.” I am just sorry I dragged Kelly with me.”
I am an asshole.
“ I never wanted her in danger.”
“ I know.” I say to him to reassure him. “ Just please ask me the next time okay?”
“Of course.” He says nodding once and observing the house like he is trying to find another topic to discuss.
“Did you clean this by yourself?”
“No.” I answer trying to cut this conversation before it even starts.
He arches an eyebrow side eyeing me.
Great here we go.
“So, I saw Astor here while you were lecturing me yesterday “
“I am quite surprised you remember him.” It seems beyond weird talking about him like he is a childhood friend or something.
“Well, He did make an impression” He says taking a bite of his sandwich.
“A positive or a negative one?”
“Lets just say that he made an impression period.”
Fair.
I rise up from my chair and head over the counter to refill my cup of coffee.
“You are not going to answer me?”
“You didn’t ask me anything.”
“ You seem really good together.”
No we don’t.
“ Relationships are based on more than just physical appearance Dylan” I say exhaling.
“ You are almost the same person, he is just more...” He trails off thinking about it.
“Like a robot?” I say setting the cup on the table again
“ More calm and collected.”
More like Irritatingly calm and suspiciously collected.
His perfume comes to my mind. The feeling of his hand holding mine.
His mouth.
God his mouth
Stop.
But its not all of this sentiments that are unsettling to me. Its the stability that I feel when I am with him, like he would help me do anything against anyone. Like we could conquer the world together. How can someone succeed that in one week?
“Hello?” He says snapping me back to reality.
“What?” I ask getting annoyed now.
“Why don’t you tell him to come here tonight?”
Since when Dylan is playing the matchmaker?
“Why would I tell him to come here tonight?”
“I don’t know” He starts drinking his orange juice and I take it as an opportunity to leave the kitchen.
“Oh! Grace?” He shouts.
“What?”
“ Can I invite Liam over at the afternoon?”
Liam is a troubled kid. He is Dylan’s best friend since high school even though he is 2 years younger than Dylan. One year younger than me.
With Dylan moving out they only get to see each other when he visit us, his parents died when he was 12.
Car accident.
He lives with his older brother.
He is the worst excuse of a brother this word has ever seen.
Dylan tried desperately with aunt Leila to get his custody but for some reason his brother wanted it, god knows why. Probably to torture him .I sincerely hoped not literally. I am going over at his house from time to time when Liam is not home to check how his brother is handling the situation. If there is food in the house, medicine and all the necessities. I have also lend him money, 2 times. Without Liam or Dylan knowing of course. I stopped giving him money though because I wasn’t sure If he was spending them where he should. I stopped visiting one year ago but I will start again if I see Sam in a bad condition. Especially now that Dylan needs him. Liam is the completely opposite from Dylan, he is broody most of the time and he does not really like to talk to people but he has a good heart once you get to know him. He has always been kind to me and Kelly even though he gets on my nerves and I get on his a lot of times.
“Of course.” I say and I offer him a smile while heading out of the kitchen.