Author's Note:
Don't get mad at me... have fun reading
Jordan's POV
I'm emotionally exhausted. It's been an entire month and everyday looks the same. Work, home, therapy, Reneé, sleep, repeat.
Reneé insists on seeing me every time I have therapy, which is everyday right now. It's beyond sweet and considerate, but I feel really bad. Her schedule isn't the basic 9-5, so she's had to move a few things around based on my 7pm therapy appointments.
Today I decided I need to show my gratitude to Reneé. I hit the grocery store to get ingredients for the dinner I'm cooking her.
It's Monday – the start of another routine week – so an hour later, right on time for our pre-therapy hang out, Reneé walked into my apartment, "what the hell Jordan!? You can't leave your front door unlocked!!!"
I turned around with a huge smile on my face holding 2 plates up, "sorry" I shrugged with a grin.
"Okay you're still an idiot for the door, but this is really sweet" she admitted as her face broke out into a smile seeing our dinner.
I led her to the table while I finished plating our meal.
"First of all, you didn't burn yourself again did you? Second of all, what's the occasion?" Reneé asked
I sat down and put our plates of steak, mashed potatoes, and grilled peppers down on the table
"No I didn't burn myself" I scoffed and jokingly rolled my eyes "but it is a long overdue thank you. You've been so incredibly supportive to me this past month and I don't know how I would have done it without you. Words honestly can't quite describe how grateful I am to have you in my life, you're the best"
"Aww thanks JB, but you thank me everytime I leave after your appointments, I want to be here so no thanks needed" she responded
"Well, I also wanted to thank you for being so... patient" I said with an arched eyebrow, hoping she'd catch my insinuation
Reneé's face faltered slightly. She covered it up quickly "don't even mention it"
Renee's POV
Fuck me. I literally came here tonight straight from Alissa's house. It's just a friends with benefits situation; I'm not positive Alissa sees it the same way though...
I told Jordan I'd wait for her. She told me not to of course, but I insisted on waiting for her.
I insisted and I broke that word.
In my defense though, I'm always so damn horny after Jordan and I separate so I needed an outlet and I've found that in Alissa. I mean I've seen Jordan's collection of vibrators in her drawer... so I know I'm not the only one, I just prefer a real person.
Friends with benefits is how I envision my 'relationship' with Alissa, but recently I've been seeing more emotion in her eyes. It probably doesn't help that I see her almost every day since I'm always with Jordan, leaving me hot and bothered.
I needed to change the conversation, "so tell me about this weirdo in New York punching all these girls you texted me about"
Luckily, this switch up worked and we quickly fell into an easy conversation. It always feels so natural with Jordan, damn I love this.
Jordan's POV
One of my favorite things about Reneé is how simple it is to talk to her. There's hardly ever any silence between us.
While we ate our dinner, we talked about everything from how badly I wanted to adopt a cat to her weird obsession with Mark Cuban.
"FUCK" Reneé exclaimed "JB you're late for your appointment, it's already 7:30" she hurriedly stood up in a panic
It is so damn cute how much she cares "nope" is all I responded with a sly grin
"What do you mean 'nope', are you crazy?? This isn't a joke JB, you have to stay on top of this!"
I stood up and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind as she frantically cleared the table, "I don't have it today"
She turned around slowly, confusion etched on her face
"Dr. Green bumped me down to once a week because I'm doing so well – so now I just have my appointment on Tuesdays since that's normally the best day of the week for you" I told her with a proud grin on my face
Reneé's concerned furrowed brow quickly shifted into the biggest smile as she picked me up and spun me around laughing with the cute little excited shriek she does
"Holy shit JB this is huge!! Oh my god, I'm so so incredibly proud of you" she exclaimed genuinely as she set me back down on the ground.
"All thanks to you baby" I said as I tapped her nose and realized how close we were.
Ugh. Fuck being friends, I don't know how much longer I can pretend I'm not in love with this angel. Or- shit- not love, not like with Ellie. I took a deep breath and reminded myself of one of the many things I'd been working on in therapy; I'm allowed to love again.
Reneé took an unsure step backwards just as I started leaning in closer to her.
"Sorry, I just- what does this mean for... us?" she asked hesitantly
I grabbed her hands "it means we don't have to just be friends anymore; we can be more than friends... I mean, I'm getting ahead of myself" I chuckled awkwardly "I have the all clear from Dr. Green to enter into a relationship as long as I take it slow and keep him updated on my progress and any setbacks"
Reneé just nodded slowly which is confusing me
Does she not want me anymore? Have I been reading into this? Or is she just thinking?
"That's really great Jordan" Reneé finally responded
Jordan? What happened to JB? What the hell is going on?
I can't just act like this is normal. As uncomfortable as it might be, therapy has taught me a lot of things; I need to speak up and have the difficult conversations – ignoring my emotions is what led me to existing instead of living for the past 4 years.
"I'm confused... I thought you would be happy about this? Do you not want to be with me? I don't understand, isn't this part of what we were working towards?" I asked with tears rimming my eyes
"Sweetie no, no, that isn't it at all, of course I want to be with you" Reneé quickly responded
I let out a breath of relief I didn't know I'd been holding.
"But..." Reneé started, refilling every bone in my body with anxiety.
Reneé's POV
I can't lie to her. Jordan always knows when I'm withholding the truth from her. That's the only downside of spending every waking moment possible with JB, she's super observant. Regardless, she deserves the truth.
"But what Nae?" she asked, looking both perplexed and worried.
I took a deep breath looking down at my hands, "but I've kind of been seeing somebody else"
A look of pure hurt fell over Jordan's features, even her shoulders pulled up in a protective stance, "wha-what do you mean? I thought... I... I don't understand, how could you do this to me?" she asked as betrayal began to overtake the hurt.
"JB plea-"
"Don't call me that" she quickly returned in a stern, resentful tone I've never heard her use
Tears began to well up in my eyes "Jordan please, let me explain, it isn't what you think it is" I pled as I took a step towards her and reached out
She flinched backwards as if my touch was poisonous. That hurt.
"No. You're seeing someone else, there's nothing to explain. You said you would wait for me... YOU said that, not me" Jordan said confused, anger clearly building within her
Jordan was getting closer to full rage levels as she continued "I've been working my ass off for a month and a half in therapy" tears were streaming down her face. "For the first time in my life I was completely naked and vulnerable... sure to my therapist, but more importantly to you. I allowed you to see me in a way no other person fucking has"
She took a shaky deep breath before adding "But then there's you in the meantime... you've just been pretending" she let out a sarcastic laugh "You've been pretending to care about me while you run off to fuck someone else." She said with poison lacing every word "Real nice Reneé, real nice."
I'm practically sobbing now "that's not true. I care about you so much Jordan, you don't understand-"
She cut me off again "No YOU don't understand and I don't know why I ever thought you would, get the fuck out of my apartment"
"I'm not leaving like this, we need to talk, please" I begged Jordan
"Get. The FUCK. OUT."
There's nothing I can do right now, she'll calm down. She'll let me explain... she has to... I can't lose her. But I did this to her, so I have to respect her space.
I kept repeating that to myself as I walked towards the entrance.
I turned around as I stepped outside "there's so much you don't know JB, you have to let me explain" I vocalized as a last ditch effort
She let out the nastiest half-laugh half-huff that tore through my heart
"I don't have to do anything, especially not for you. You've made that perfectly clear" Jordan said with confidence while maintaining direct eye-contact as she slammed the door in my face.
Tears flowed down my cheeks in every direction as I stared in disbelief at the outside of her apartment that I've spent more time inside than my own home this past month.
Goddamnit. I'm such a fucking asshole.
Author's Note:
Vote & comment and maybe I'll fix this, kisses!! xoxo