Lucia
Just as Charles let my room last night, I had asked Bella to book me the earliest flight to Monaco.
I had to leave before everyone else and on my own. She tried to question my decision, as I was supposed to stay on their two days but she could hear how serious my voice was. I would explain everything once I was back home.
Seeing Gabriel had shaken something in me. I was constantly on edge last night, not being able to sleep. Just thinking that he would come to the hotel and find my room.
It wouldn't be the first time that I had hidden from him. He used to get so angry when he didn't know where I was. I used to think that was him showing me how much he cared for me and that he was scared I'd be in danger. But it turns out that if he didn't know where I was, to inform my father, he wouldn't get his pay.
That's one of the things from my past relationship that I hid from a lot of people, including Max. I didn't even think my brother or my mother knew. But even if they did know, they wouldn't care.
The deal between my father and Gabriel was simple. My father could pretend to give me freedom, whilst Gabriel got money.
They were real secretive about it too.
Even though Gabriel was my brothers best friend, I had never been introduced to him. My brother rarely wanted me involved in his personal life. My parents let me take a trip to Italy for a week by myself. I was over the moon, I finally thought they could trust me. On my first day there, after I had left the hotel I was staying at, my father planned that Gabriel would bump into me at a the local cafe.
At the time, it was like a scene out of a movie, I had just finished ordering my drink, he was walking away with his order and it spilled all over my top. He was so quick to apologise and when we made eye contact, and I saw how concerned he was, all I could do was smile. He was relieved that I took that accident well and he even started to laugh with me.
Instantly I was struck my his smile, it was like a breathe of fresh air. He was so mesmerised by me that he'd even asked me out on a date.
I fell right into their trap.
I had never experienced a stranger ask me out spontaneously before. Everyone knew who my brother was and it scared off any guy. They didn't want to be anywhere near Romero or my father.
That evening Gabriel took me out and we just ate at a family owned pizza shop in Rome. It wasn't fancy but I preferred that, it made it real for me.
I was so happy finally experiencing something normal people could, without being constantly watched. We even spent the rest of the week together. We did every touristy thing and activity you could do.
It was one of my favourite memories.
At the end, saying goodbye was really hard. He even promised me this wasn't over. I guess that was a sign and I just didn't see it.
When I got back to Belgium, my father was so interested in what I got up to that I thought he finally cared about anything but racing. He even was happy that I'd met a guy, I couldn't tell you how surprised I was. This was a new side of my father that I'd never seen before.
I was miserable for days after coming back because I missed him. I played it off as if I missed Italy but really everyone around me knew it was because of him.
However, it didn't take long for my father to organise us meeting again. A week after my Italy trip, he planned a dinner where I was instructed to look my best because we are hosting my brother's best friend's family.
I didn't question why my father asked me to look by best, he always demanded that from me.
But what I didn't see coming was that the guy I meet in Italy was my brother's best friend. When Gabriel walked through the front doors, I wanted to scream in delight.
When the story came out that we knew each other and that Gabriel was my mystery man, everyone was so happy. Even my brother. I'll never forget that he said he wouldn't want anyone else dating his little sister, than his trusted best friend. I thought he didn't want me to get hurt or heart broken. That Gabriel was the guy to keep me safe and love me. But I didn't think that he actually meaning that Gabriel was loyal enough for him and my father.
Our whole relationship was built on a lie.
Built off false promises.
False love.
I still remember how my false reality, all came crashing down like it was yesterday.
It wasn't enough that I was absolutely humiliated that my so called best friend and boyfriend were sleeping together behind my back. No that was too nice of him.
I got to hear Gabriel boast to his colleagues and friends at his parent's company's charity gala about now foolish I was to think a guy like him would ever actually love a girl like me. That I was so desperate for a guy to love me because my father didn't. When he finally saw me standing there behind him after his grand performance of revealing the truth that his father was paying him to date me. That my father had planned our first time meeting.
He didn't even apologise.
He just looked at me like this was over, like he was finally free of this burden.
The news spread like a wild fire and I was known for being unlovable, so much so that my father had to pay someone to date me.
No one blamed Gabriel or my father. They thought my father was doing an honourable thing because apparently I was the issue. It was my fault that I was unloveable.
How they were able to twist the truth, I will never understand.
But I've never been able to give all of myself to any guy since. I built up walls and keep people at a distance.
Hell, I've had so many one night stands and hook ups but I never let it get any further. Sure I'd come across great guys with amazing personalities but I couldn't let myself trust them.
He didn't let me trust them.
Who knows if I've let the love of my life run away because I can't let anyone in again.
I'll never forgive him for that.
How I miss the way I thought he loved me.
Am I holding on to something, I don't know if it's good for me?
But I felt like a stranger even when I was in his company.
Laying in my bed, just wishing I could pull him closer.
But knowing it's the end, just wishing it would just be over.
His hand held my broken heart, the pieces that fell apart. And I know he can't be the one who puts them back together.
I'll wait for something, if waiting's what I need to do. I'm okay with nothing, because nothing's what I got from him. And I'll pray for something that only God can do.
While I'll wait for someone that loves me like I thought I loved him.
I'll go get another shot of whiskey, wondering if he's drinking too and when the liquor hits me, I'll think of running back to him.
Just hoping that he misses me, hoping there's nobody new. But then I remember all the hell he put me through.
I remember we said forever, that's just another lie we told.
God I remember, I remember, I remember.