5-11-23
For the next few days, the couple didn't really talk about that night or about anything in general. They forced conversations around the kids but that was it.
Eddie didn't sleep through the night and would wake up crying because of the nightmares and Buck would comfort him in anyway that he could, but Eddie still didn't want to be touched really but it was getting better.
Buck wondered if it was like this for him after being reminded of the assault. Eddie had woken up screaming every night since Josh mentioned it. He wake up saying things like; "Please, don't do it again!" "Stop," "Please don't do this," "Get off! Please!"
Right now, they were sitting on the couch watching a movie. Both shirtless, Eddie's head on Bucks chest and Bucks arm on his arm.
"Eddie," Buck whispered softly as he rubbed Eddie's arm.
"Yeah," Eddie's voice cracked.
"Please talk to me, Eddie." Buck asked. You could hear the begging in his voice and it made Eddie's eyes water, but he couldn't. Not yet. But that wasn't good enough for Buck.
"There's nothing to talk about." He said instead. Buck sighed and tapped Eddie's arm to sit up so he did, whining at the loss of heat.
"I'm gonna make something for us to eat," Buck said, throwing his shirt back on.
"Don't worry about it. Just make something for yourself," Eddie said getting up.
"Eddie.." Buck started as he watched Eddie slip a hoodie on. He didn't know if it was possible, but Eddie looked so much more thin than he did a few days ago.
"No. Don't." Eddie said.
"Please just stop for a minute," Buck asked softly. Eddie stopped and Buck walked over to him. He saw the tears dripping out of Eddie's eyes and went to go wipe them, making Eddie flinch hard.
"Hey," Buck whispered softly, putting the other hand on the other side of his face.
"I'm sorry," Eddie whispered.
"For what? Im the one who should be sorry," Buck said, searching Eddie's eyes for answers.
"You haven't been able to touch me in days and i accused you of being like John and Taylor and i won't tell you what's wrong," Eddie listed things off as more tears formed. He looked down at Bucks chest.
"Baby, look at me," The taller man said, moving his thumb and pointer finger to Eddie's jaw, lifting it to meet his eyes. He placed a gentle kiss on Eddie's lips.
"You're so gorgeous," Buck couldn't help but whisper. Even when Eddie was at his lowest point, Buck never saw it as that. He was still the most handsome, gorgeous man he had ever met. Even before they dated.
Eddie blushed softly, biting his lip.
"As long as im able to hold you at night, i have no problem going a few days without touching you when your having your moments. You didn't accuse me, you asked if i would ever hurt you like that, and the answer is and will always be, no. The thought of laying one aggressive finger on you feels like a knife through my stomach. The idea of hurting you, ever, hurts me. I would never and I absolutely could never. And i know you'll tell me what's wrong whenever you're ready. There is absolutely no rush. I know what happened to you, mi mundo, i'd never rush you to talk about that." Buck spoke like he was talking to a fragile object. He was so gentle with his tone. The way he spoke and treated Eddie was gentle.
He treated Eddie like royalty.
Eddie stared at him in awe, wondering what to say to the love speech Buck just gave, but he couldn't form words. He wanted to cry more, he wanted to spill everything and just get it out of his system.
But he also just wanted Buck to hold him and kiss him. He wanted to never speak again.
"I-I-I- uh-" Eddie tripped over his words as he continued to think, but nothing would come out of his mouth.
"Please eat something with me, i'm worried about you, baby," Buck said softly.
Eddie continued to stare at his eyes, searching them as he nodded and whispered out a barely audible, "O-Okay,"
It wasn't until Buck removed his hands from Eddie's face that the trance broke and he immediately started to feel bad.
"Evan i see him everywhere," He blurted out. Buck sighed and sat down, laying against the back of the couch. He patted his lap, "Come, lay down with me," He said softly.
Eddie laid his head on Bucks lap and propped his feet up on the couch. Buck pulled the throw blanket that was on the back of the couch around Eddie's shoulders and began to stroke his hair.
"It's my fault. I told you everything was going to be fine that day instead of asking Bobby for the rest of the day off. I was a professional fighter for five years for fuck sake, why couldn't I fight him off?" Eddie cried softly has tears poured down the side of his face.
"Eddie, he held a gun too your head and told you he'd shoot you if you tried to. He pinned you down," Buck replied, twisting a small chunk of Eddie's hair on his finger.
"When he would finish he would tighten his grip on my throat til' I almost passed out. During the third time he said.." Eddie paused for a minute and took a deep breath, "He said that i was just what he needed. So perfect. He said he wishes he skipped you and came straight to me," Eddie held back a sob, but Buck let out a gasp.
"I'm sorry," Eddie whispered.
"Shut up. Continue." Buck replied. Eddie let out a small chuckle but it quickly went away.
"It was like he wanted to get caught. He wanted people to know. He forced it inside my mouth and forced me swallow, then he put the gun in my mouth. He—he put it inside me. Everything hurt so bad. I couldn't fully comprehend it. I just laid there, praying for it to be over and when it was, there was so much blood Evan, but i couldn't feel anything, like at all." Eddie cried, wiping away his tears.
"Oh, my baby. I'm so sorry," Buck whispered.
"I should've asked Bobby for the rest of the day off. Why didn't i? I deserved it. I'm so stupid," Eddie's eyes filled more, but he still controlled his sobs.
"Eddie. Don't do that. It is absolutely not your fault. I know how much it feels like it's your fault but it isn't and i know deep down you know that. It was his. He's disgusting." Buck reassured him and Eddie nodded as he set up.
"Why couldn't i fight back, it was just like i froze," Eddie whispered, looking at Buck. Buck sighed, grabbing his hands.
"It's normal. Your body is designed to keep you safe and your brain told you, that staying still and waiting for it to be over was the best thing for you." Buck told him softly, stroking the back of his hand.
"I was doing so good up until Josh brought it up. I've just wanted to die the last few days but I already feel so dead. I just want it to stop." Eddie told him, looking down.
"Don't look away. Look at me. My eyes." Buck used the trick from earlier and put his pointer finger and thumb on Eddie's chin, lifting his head.
"You may feel dead Eddie, but guess what." He said softly, removing his hand and going back to holding Eddie's.
Eddie look at his eyes and whispered a what.
"You survived." Buck smiled and it was like a flip switched in Eddie. Reality set in. He survived. Buck survived. they survived everything. Everything they survived made them who they are and led them to each other. They survived because of one another. The tears stopped flowing and he felt the corners of his mouth tug at his cheek.
"We survived." He smiled back, a smile that was finally able to meet his eyes. Eddie put both hands on Bucks cheek, caressing away any tears that were under Bucks eyes.
Eddie leaned in and gave him a long, soft and passionate kiss. Bucks hands found Eddie's waist and slid under his shirt, pulling him closer. He traced the scar on Eddie's side and Eddie smiled into the kiss.
Yes, Eddie started the kiss but he also pulled away first, unable to contain his sudden spurt of happiness.
"Marry me." He blurted out, looking into Bucks eyes the same way as before.
Buck starred at him for a moment before smiling once more. Tear developed but he wouldn't let himself cry. He nodded his head slowly and said, "Yes. Of course i'll marry you, Eddie. I love you." he smiled, leaning in once more.
"Yeah?" Eddie smiled.
"Yeah, but if anyone asks, i asked you. I plan on still doing it," Buck laughed a small laugh.
"Oh? Why's that?" Eddie asked
"I already bought you the ring." Buck smiled.