Summary: When I.M.P is told to kill an old piece of shit for their client, things sure do happen.
****
In a room, Millie goes in.
Millie: Hey, Moxx. Got anythin' on Billie's disappearance?
She is surprised to see Moxxie talking to lights.
Millie: Moxx?
Moxxie: *Excited* Millie, come here! Billie's reaching out to us!
Millie: Through...lights?
Moxxie: Hey, Billie, say hi to mom!
The lights brighten and then fade.
Millie begins to tear up and smile.
Millie: MY BABY!!!
She goes over and hugs the ball of lights.
Millie: Are you alive? One blink for yes, two for no, alright?
The lights flicker once.
M&M are relieved and cry.
Moxxie: Are you safe?
The lights flicker again...twice, to M&M's concern.
****
Blitzo shows Loona, now in her hellhound form, around the place.
Blitzo: This is the receptionist desk, where Dad-I mean, Moxxie, taught me how to take care of calls. This is the weapons room, where we keep all the guns and knives and stuff. And this is where I play video games and listen to music.
Loona: Music?
Blitzo: Yeah. My favorites are Nirvana, Led Zeppelin, Def Leppard, Metallica, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Oasis, Rihanna, The Weeknd, Lady Gaga, Halsey, Kanye West, and Fiona Apple. There are also others, like uh...
Loona: Labrinth?
She looks at a disc for Labrinth.
Blitzo: Oh...which song?
Loona: Uhh...Never Felt So Alone?
Soundtrack: Never Felt So Alone - Labrinth
They play the song, as Loona moves her head to the song.
Moxxie: Uh, Blitz? We have a client.
Blitzo enters the room, and sees a hat-wearing, goggled sinner with Doc Ock-like tentacles...and the wall broken down.
Loona gets in a prowling stance and growls.
???: Don't be afraid! I'm Loopty Goopty! Ghastly inventor of all things loopy and goofy!
Blitzo: He's kinda...what's the word, Mike?
Mikey: Cool.
Blitzo: *Awkwardly* Yeah...cool...
Loona: You smell fresh. Did you die recently?
Loopty Goopty: Yes! Two hours ago, in fact!
Striker: Woah, two hours in and you already want revenge? I like this guy already!
Loona: Uh, you could've used the door, dude.
Loopty Goopty: Shut up, dear puppy! I am eccentric, and must therefore do eccentric shit!
Loona growls as Blitzo then calms her down, while Loopty gives Striker a photo of an old guy.
Loopty Goopty: *Singsong* This is the guy I need you to kill!!!
Striker: Who's this?
Loopty: He was my business partner! You see, I wasn't always an old man. My partner Lyle and I ran Lyle-Loopty Robotics, a technological empire! Earlier today, we were testing a new machine intended to stop or reverse the aging process! Unfortunately, we neglected to test the machine on the poor like we usually do. We were too sure of our own genius. The machine was accidentally set forward! By the time we got out, it was too late, at least for me. Now that evil son of a bitch is going to take over the empire we built together without me to share the money with! He'll make all the goddamn money in the world and become the fourth trillionaire and get all the credit!
Striker: Wow...you know that he'll come down here, right?
Loopty: Don't worry, *pulls out weapons and torture devices with his tentacles* I'm counting on it!
Striker: Deal!
****
On a tour bus in front of a mansion, Blitzo using his human form while Striker, Moxxie, and Millie wear wigs and clothes.
Blitzo: Come on, can't we take Loona?
Striker: Don't worry, we got Max watchin' 'em.
****
While listening to Lady Gaga's first album, Max watches her brother and the hellhound.
Max: Alright, so, what do you guys want?
Mikey: Cheese pizza.
Loona: Your dad's head in my mouth.
Max cringes at Loona mentioning Moxxie like that, but shrugs it off.
The doorbell rings as Loona then barks angrily.
Mikey: Relax, it's just my friends, Wilson and Vortex.
Mikey lets them in.
Wilson: Hey man.
Vortex: Sup?
Loona gains hearts in her eyes at the black-furred male hell-pup as her tail wags and she has a blush and smile.
Max: He's 10.
Loona then whines sadly, knowing she's younger than him, as Max then feels bad and comforts her.
Mikey: So, what brings you dudes here?
Wilson: We found a connection between Billie's disappearance and some...weird stuff going on in Imp City.
Mikey: What weird stuff?
Vortex: You know, rumors that creatures and stuff from other worlds besides Heaven are spilling into our world.
Mikey: Like what?
Vortex: Let's see...ghosts, shapeshifters, gnomes, sea monsters, werewolves, were-hounds, kitsunes, etc., and it says that it requires one demon living in Earth and becoming powerful enough to create rifts that cause Earth and Hell to mix with each other and other worlds.
Mikey: So you mean Billie's in one of those worlds?
Wilson: Probably, yeah.
Mikey then thinks it through and realizes.
Mikey: Blitzo was experimented on in the human world, so he might've made those rifts! He might help us find Billie!
****
Blitzo listens to "Detroit Rock City" by KISS before Millie spots something.
Millie: Whose house is that?
They look as the tour guide does his job.
Tour Guide: And to your right is the home of famous inventor Lyle Lipton!
The crowd goes up and takes photos, as Striker sees an opportunity.
Striker: Alright, let's move!
They get out and pull weapons, Striker, Moxxie, and Millie smiling sadistically while Blitzo looks nervous.
Millie: Let's kill this rich guy!
Tour Guide: *Watching them run with weapons casually* And here we have a guy and three tacky stalkers! About to attempt a murder! Stuff like this happens to rich people all the time!
People then take photos.
****
As Moxxie, Millie, Striker, and Blitzo, now in his normal form, watch through a window and see Lyle, now an old man, looking sadly at a photo.
Lyle: Goodbye, my one true love.
The photo is a stock photo of money.
Lyle: All the riches of the world can't fill the emptiness I'm feeling now that my shitty old body can't do anything of value.
He makes a noose out of an IV tube.
M&M and Striker watch with popcorn, while Blitzo feels bad for the old man.
He then turns into a shadow and goes under the door, to M&M and Striker's shock.
Striker: Woah, what the fuck?!
Lyle is about to put it on his head, before a bright light appears, blinding the other three imps.
Lyle looks and sees three angels...
One is a baby angel wearing a suit.
One is a little female sheep angel with a yellow dress and fur.
And the other is a male purple sheep with a suit.
Blitzo remains hidden in the shadows, confused.
Blitzo: *In a voice effect similar to Bill Cipher* Friends?
Lyle: Oh lord, I'm being haunted by ugly orphan children now!
Cletus (Baby Cherub): Despite our appearance, we're not children. We're cherubs, Mr. Lyle!
Collin (Male Sheep Cherub): We're here to convince you not to kill yourself, sir. To grant you a blessing, on behalf of those in Heaven benefitted by your amazing, technological advances!
Striker: Oh HELL no!
Striker leaps through the window and pulls out guns.
Striker: That's ours, dipshits!
Moxxie: *Enters through door* Look, Mr. Lipton, it is our...humble opinion that you...commit die.
Millie: I mean, what do you expect to do with all this money now that you're old...and gross?
Blitzo appears out of the shadows in his normal form.
Blitzo: I agree with Mo- I mean, Millie.
Keenie (Female Sheep Cherub): Is that a serious question? He can help spread his wealth around with the people of the world! And do so much good with it! And feel so fulfilled!
Lyle: No!
Collin: He could pay for new hospitals and schools!
Lyle: Why won't you let me die?
Striker: Huh, sounds like you need help offin' yourself, partner! Moxx, what do we have?
Moxxie: *Tosses various weapons to Striker, with Blitzo telekinetically catching stray ones* I have some assault rifles, shotguns, tommy guns, old-fashioned shotgun, chainsaws, katanas...
Collin: It's classier than that!
Lyle puts an assault rifle in his mouth, which Collin quickly takes away.
Collin: There are still plenty of reasons to live, Mr. Lyle!
Millie: Yeah right, smells like he hasn't been out of this bed in months!
She sniffs and covers her mouth, before puking as Moxxie and Blitzo comfort her.
Cletus: Love can be beautiful at any age, and we'll show him!
C.H.E.R.U.B: YAY!
I.M.P (except Blitzo): NO!!!
Blitzo: I like goats.
****
The cherubs take Lyle to a forest.
Cletus: Look around, Lyle. God's gift of nature is a wonder to behold, regardless of age...or will!
Collin: If you were to end your life now, you'd be missing all of this.
The imps appear in cat costumes.
Striker: You gonna take that from the baby, the sheep it fucks, and the sheep's cuck mate?
Keenie: That is so inappropriate!
Millie: Oh kiss our ass, prudes!
Blitzo: *Awkwardly* Sorry!
Striker: Take it from me, partner. I'm a genius, especially in combat, gun wielding, and singing-songwriting like Stevie Nicks or David Bowie or Kanye or some shit. Anyways, nature is no picnic. Look close.
He gives Lyle binoculars, seeing a den of rabbits...which are promptly massacred by a pack of wolves, to Collin's horror.
Collin: Stop looking!
Lyle: I can't! I've never wanted to die more than I do now!
A bear strikes a wolf with its paw before trying to attack, only to be killed by a falling tree log. A lumberjack then has a hive of bees fall unto his head, as he screams before his chainsaw chops his arms off and a charging stag skewers his body.
Striker smirks while the cherubs and Lyle look in horror.
Blitzo uncovers his eyes as Moxxie and Millie fist-bump, proud of themselves.
****
At a mall, Lyle's bed is pushed through a wall.
Lyle: Oh lord, where are we now?! Let me perish!
Cletus: Nope.
Keenie: We're here to show you another thing life is worth living for! Childhood wonder!
They see a crowd of children cheering as a kid on Santa's lap laughs with Santa.
Lyle: Why look at these sweet disease-ridden vermin. Their joy comes from innocence, unspoiled by the horrors of adulthood and their middle-class existence. Such simple joy they have. It is inspiring. Thank you for showing me this.
Striker: HEY LIL' SHIT!
They look to see Striker dressed as Santa, Millie dressed as an elf, and Moxxie dressed as a reindeer.
Moxxie: Wait, where's Blitzo?
Millie: Oh, he's gettin' a slurpy!
****
Blitzo sips a slurpy, before looking around. Then, he sips again, smiling cutely as he does so.
****
Striker: Wanna see whose lap you're sittin' on?
Striker rips the Santa costume off, revealing...oh god...
Herbert the Pervert: You all want popsicles? Mmmmm...
The kids, including Stewie (who remains in the Family Guy art style), all scream in horror,
Stewie: SHIT, BRIAN, RUN, RUN!!!
Brian: I'M TRYING!!!
Brian and Stewie escape.
They forgot Chris.
Chris: YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME!!! *Happily* Hey Mr. Herbert!
Herbert: Mmmm, I think I just creamed my pants!
Chris: What flavor, coffee or whipped?
Anyways, a horrified Lyle cries like a baby as Cletus quickly pushes them out.
****
At a place full of cars, Lyle is in his bed next to a sign saying "Lover's Lookout, I guess..."
Lyle: This place reeks of teenagers!
Cletus: Lover's Lookout, sir! We're here to remind you of possibly life's greatest joy of all!
Lyle: MONEY.
Collin: No! Love.
Lyle: I've never fallen in love before. I imagine it's quite nice.
Collin: It's not too late, sir! You can still find...
Striker: HA!
Striker wears a high school girl costume, M&M wear girl costumes and a wig for Moxxie, and Blitzo wears a pretty diva costume, blushing as he does so.
Striker: Nice try, ugly! *Pulls out megaphone* HOWDY EVERYONE, WHO HERE WOULD LIKE TO FUCK THIS OLD MAN?!
All the cars quickly drive off, saddening Lyle.
Collin: Now you three are so *stutters* cruel! We're just trying to give hope to someone in need!
Moxxie: Oh! And you three are so superior to us because WE want some selfish, greedy, authoritarian capitalist to kneel over dead!
Striker: Stop makin' things too real, Moxx!
He sprays a bottle of piss at Moxxie as he flinches and hisses.
****
At an opera, the cherubs and Lyle watch as a Viking-dressed woman sings.
On the rafter, Blitzo looks conflicted while Striker, Moxxie, and Millie look down at the performance.
Millie: So, how do we make this bad?
Moxxie: We can't. There's nothing wrong with opera. That's fact.
Striker: Unless we sabotage it!
Striker then moves the light back and forth as Moxxie and Millie grin while Blitzo looks concerned.
However, the light falls on the woman, splattering her blood everywhere. The cherubs and Lyle scream and so does the audience, while the piano man nervously keeps playing.
Blitzo looks horrified, Moxxie and Millie are shocked, and Striker shrugs off his own "Oh shit" look.
Striker: Oh well, at least we ruined it.
The cherubs appear, angrily.
Cletus: THAT'S IT! YOU FOUR MONSTERS HAVE MESSED WITH US ENOUGH!
Collin: We're just trying to do our j-j-job!
Moxxie: Well, so are we!
Cletus: ENOUGH!!!
The cherubs pull out angelic crossbows and aim at the imps (or imp-snake hybrid, in Striker's case).
Cletus: WE ARE SAVING THAT SHITTY OLD MAN'S LIFE, WHETHER HE WANTS IT OR NOT!
Striker: Well, someone wants that old fuck dead, okay?! And he paid in advance and I spent it all on heroin and cocaine, so he's *points at Moxxie despite talking about Lyle* gotta go!
Keenie: *Angrily* You all are such disgusting, loathsome beasts!
Something Blitzo hasn't felt before begins to bubble up...
Keenie: Your kind is nothing but dirt that shitty dead people trend on!
Blitzo tries to contain himself.
Keenie: And now, you're trying to meddle in the lives of HUMANS?!
Blitzo: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
His eyes glow red as he summons tentacles to restrain the cherubs.
Blitzo: You three talk about saving people and how God would never resist a soul in need! Where the fuck were you for my Mama, huh?! *Tears begin streaming down* She was murdered by agents, who TOOK ME, AND EXPERIMENTED ON ME!! I had to save myself and every other creature, every other monster, and even, or rather, especially the human children experimented on by that horrible, horrible place! No one in Heaven tried to stop Mrs. Mayberry from killing her husband, or herself, or stop a family of killers from taking the lives of innocent humans, or take care of a giant fish monster that killed thousands of people! Let me guess, if they bring something to God's table, then they're good enough for Heaven, right?! Well, FUCK YOU!!!
Cletus: You...like humans?! Even though you're a demon?!
Blitzo: Not just that...I thought I was a hideously deformed human until my new Mama and Papa taught me the truth when I entered my true realm!
Millie smiles cutely at what Blitzo said.
Cletus: Well, we can spare you...if you let us take care of these assho-
Blitzo then controls the tentacles to throw the cherubs into a wall.
Blitzo: But I also will NOT sell out my family!
Keenie: GET THEM!!!
The cherubs start shooting at Blitzo, Moxxie, Millie, and Striker as they dodge arrows. Moxxie leaps on a rope and aims at Keenie, who fights Millie mid-air. Then, he shoots a bag which falls on Keenie, separating her and Millie as Moxxie catches Millie, as they grab each other's faces with lustful grins and then French-kiss and make out while swinging and spinning rapidly as they fire their weapons. As the battle goes on, Lyle has an epiphany.
Lyle: It's all starting to make sense now. Life is worth living because we only get one. We must cherish it. If creatures from beyond this living world are going through these lengths over my life, then it must be worth living. Killing myself isn't the answer. Plus, I'm still rich! I can just buy all the things! I no longer crave death!
He sits up and holds dollar bills triumphantly, as audience members clap before getting shot. Striker and Blitzo run, before Cletus appears and prepares to shoot them. Out of ammo, Striker throws his gun at Cletus' face.
Cletus: Agh! You fucker!
He accidentally shoots some metal, which falls down and narrowly avoids the pianist, who stops playing, puts a stool down, and steps onto the stool, as the piano flies off and almost lands on Lyle, who avoids it...
Only for it to move mid-air and crush him, splattering his blood everywhere.
Moxxie: *Smirks* Well, would you look at that. You just did our job for us! HA!
Collin: *Horrified* Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my goooood...
Keenie slaps him.
Keenie: GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! And do not use the lord's name in vain!
Collin: Sorry.
Keenie: *Calms down* It's fine...just don't do it again.
Cletus: *To the imps; angrily* THIS ISN'T OVER!
The cherubs fly into a portal, only to be blasted out.
Cletus: WHAT THE---?!
A group of cherubs descends, including two bees, two sheep, and a deer.
Deerie: Yeah, no. Sorry Cletus, but your actions resulted in the death of a human. So I'm afraid you can't re-enter Heaven. Yeah, no.
Blitzo looks in shock and guilt as the cherubs are horrified.
C.H.E.R.U.B: WHAT?!
Deerie: *Condescendingly* Yeah, um, sorry. Yeah, no. So...yeah no. Oh no, no no.
Keenie: We didn't mean to! It was-
The cherubs are horrified to see the imps gone, while Blitzo watches from a hiding spot, guilty.
Deerie: Anyway, sorry guys. But those are the rules. Bye! *Goes into the portal with the other cherubs*
Cletus: Wait!
The portal closes as Cletus cries devastated.
Collin and Keenie comfort him, as Blitzo looks guiltily.
Blitzo: Hey...
Cletus: *Angrily* YOU!!!
Blitzo: *Sighs* Yeah...listen, I just wanna say-
Keenie: You gonna rub it in our faces?! OUR LIVES ARE RUINED!
Blitzo: THAT I'M SORRY AND I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO MISS HOME!!
The cherubs look in shock that an imp apologized.
Blitzo: Just...come with me...lay low with me, and I'll take care of you.
The cherubs look uncertain.
Cletus: How can we trust you?
Blitzo: I know, I'm a demon. But what other option do you have? You can't stay on Earth, and you can't go back to Heaven, so...
****
Blitzo comes back, without the cherubs but carrying a lamp.
Striker: Hey, Blitz!
Millie: I was so worried! Where were you?
Blitzo: Just had to take care of some...important business...
Moxxie: Ooookay...well, the old guy is probably in Heaven and now his ex-partner might kill us.
Loona: *Her ears perk up* What's that sound?
Moxxie gets out of the way of the escalator crashing through the wall.
Loopty comes down.
Loopty: Striker!
Striker: A-alright, partner, we can talk about-
Another escalator appears and crushes Moxxie, as Lyle, now a fat demon with a ball replacing his lower half and piano-like teeth.
Millie: Lyle?! We thought you went to Heaven.
Lyle: Heaven?! Ha, you don't take millions in technological advancements by not experimenting on the poor!
Loopty: *Happily* Oh, you no-good, heartless son of a bitch! *To the I.M.P* Thank you for reuniting me with my best friend!
Lyle: The only question now is that what do two genius inventors do now that we're in Hell?
Wally crashes through the wall.
Wally: Did somebody say inventors?! I'm Wally Wackford, businessman and husband of pop star Verosika Mayday, and we're lookin' for new creative people to exploit! I mean employ...
Striker: Ugh, can people STOP FUCKING UP MY WALLS?! We're gonna have to pay for all this shit!
Moxxie foams at the mouth as Millie, Mikey, and Max try to get the rubble off, before Blitzo telekinetically lifts it up and gains a nosebleed.
Wally: Wow, what a holy operation you have here, Strikey! *Laughs*
Striker: *Growls* Wally, get out...
Wally: I said Strikey! *Laughs*
Striker: *Angrily* Alright, seriously, get the FUCK out!!
****
Unknown to Moxxie and Millie, in his room, Blitzo puts the lamp on a shelf, which contains the cherubs in a pocket dimension, which is an open world.
Keenie: Uhh, you never explained what this place is.
Blitzo: My...*gulps* old papa said it was referred to as a "pocket dimension".
Cletus: Wait, you created a pocket dimension?! Jeez...what kind of imp are you?
Blitzo: My new papa said said I was probably a special kind of imp. Never actually figured out how I got my powers.
Collin: W-well, I guess w-we should thank h-him for g-g-giving us a new h-home.
Keenie: Okay, how large is this open world?
Blitzo: It's a place you'll never get bored in.
Cletus: *sucks on a lollipop and smiles* DEAL!
Blitzo looks and sees Mikey, shocked.
Blitzo: *Awkwardly* Please don't tell your parents.
Mikey: Ooookay...I won't, I guess.