" HER POV"
It is a Korean national day off. We all were sitting in the yard. Maa g is giving an oil massage in Baba's hair, rumi is making some portraits. And here I'm just scrolling my Instagram, actually yesterday I made my private account public, although I haven't published any post here but a flood of DMS from uni guys, I have never even seen.. They think I'll consider them, when I'm loyal to yejun. Oh I remember yejun! He hasn't come to the uni Almost for the whole week, I even texted him but he have me short replies. I know he's stressed because of his mom. I'll visit her soon. But yesterday I felt so lonely because neither jiho nor Millie or Yuri came. I don't know what's happening, no one told me.
"Yaqoob!! Let's bismillah to our little business, Allah will be our helper". I was busy in thoughts when maa's voice caught my attention. I looked up, totally forgot that baba was thinking about starting some business. They both are looking so pure, so lovely and complete. I wish it could be me and yejun. But he's still Non-muslim.
Baba nods while chucking, " my Noor! I still have to do one more thing before starting this. " he pauses a little, "I need to ask Allah's permission"
"Allah's permission? "
"Istakhira.. Noor! Istakhira". Baba assures her and she smiles. But my mind is stuck here, what does he mean by asking Allah's permission?
" baba! What's istikhara? " I ask curiously.
Maa, baba look at me as I'm sitting on the stairs and they were on cane stools. Baba smiles, " bety! Istikhara is an obligatory prayer of two rakat which we perform along with a Dua, to get a hint from Allah SWT whether what we're going to do is right for us or not. Some people do it for marriage purposes, some do it before starting any work. "
"And...how do you get to know that what is Allah's hint? "
" almost a very few people see colors like when we pray these rakats at night before going to bed, we actually ask Allah's hint. And then with a belief that Allah SWT has listened to our supplication,we sleep. If he shows any color as a signal in our dream, Like white or green commonly, it means the thing we asked is good for us, but black is considered evil, it means the thing we are asking for isn't good in the future. So we should forbid it on time, remember bety! We plan things we see better for us, but Allah plans things which are best for us, indeed he's the best planner."..
My curiosity is increasing with each word he is telling me, I pause for a minute, then ask, " but baba! What if we don't get any dreams? "
"Yes, mera beta! Mostly we don't get the direct hint in a dream form but let's suppose if I pray istikhara for investing money in the stock market. And I won't get any dreams but other signs like the very next day, some of my friends say that shares are going down these days. Perhaps The other day anyone else tells me that it's not worth investing in now, so it's all the signs, the hints Allah is showing us that the thing I asked for isn't good for me now. So I should forbid it for getting the peace in my life. Istikhara is a prayer for inner peace. "
I'm amazed, like we can already predict what will be best for us in future or what not. I nod as I got it. Then maa speaks, "yaqoob! You forgot! I told you that I performed istikhara too....before our wedding day...If I haven't gotten a positive hint from Allah then I could have denied this wedding."
Baba grins softly, "how can I forget that, Noor! , perhaps Allah chose you as a guidance for my lost soul. If it weren't you, I'd never be on the right path today. Your love changed me, my Noor! "
Maa g blushes. I smile but I never actually knew their love story, as far as I know it, my parents were arranged in this marriage, they knew nothing about each other before marrying. So I ask, " baba! How actually maa changed you? "
Baba looks at maa then at me, a peaceful meek is resting on his face like he's going to marry again. Taking a deep breath, he says, " actually I wasn't a good guy of my era, ever skipping Salah, always running from Deen. But then my parents arranged my nikah with your maa g. They thought this was the only way I'd be some responsible. At first, I thought no one could change me, but seeing her so in love with Allah made me doubt if I'm a Muslim or not... And Masha'Allah she is hafiza' Quran. So she started teaching me Quran and I was so immersed that I found the right way. I repented to Allah and devoted my soul to exploring more about Islam. Look how peaceful my life is now, all credit goes to my Noor who became the source of light in my dark life. "
I feel an inner peace hearing of my parents'love story. Because of maa, baba was guided. They're still living this happily. I don't know why I felt hope for yejun. I'll also pray istikhara for us once I get over from my period.
<Fatima forgot that she isn't like her pure mother anymore. She is exploiting herself if believes it. >
Maa caresses Baba's temple and then looks at me. She says, " actually Fatima! I believe that a woman should be so in love with Allah that her man has to turn to Allah to find her. "
My smile fades, heart forgets a beat, why I felt like a two faced here. Why I felt like I don't love Allah anymore? I look away,,. But wait Why should I feel embarrassed when there are more sinners than me.!! I'm just a normal girl who just changed herself a little bit according to the situation. aishh!! Why I'm thinking this way, I might look doubtful but before anyone could notice me, Rumi enters the chat. She shows her portrait to baba. "Baba! See..it looks like taehyung oppa? Right? "
Baba facepalms after seeing her portrait, "ohoo!! I almost forgot that taehyung called me yesterday. He has invited all of us at lunch this weekend".
" he's very sweet". Maa adds her compliment.
I look at baba, he always keeps on praising that Taehyung named guy like he is his own son. Even maa also remembers him a lot especially at dinning table. And Rumi, who always shows me the gifts that guy bought her. Why is this feel so clingy? Like an unknown person is getting involved in our family for no reason. Even though I have never seen him but still I feel so bad that a stranger is acting like he's a family member. Keep meddling his nose in our lives.
" Fatima unnie will also go with us? " Rumi asks in excitement. I was about to say no when baba says, "sure.. He invited all of us. And Fatima hasn't met him yet, so from this she'll also get to see him. He invited me so genuinely that I couldn't even refuse. After all he calls me his baba. "
Baba really smiles like that idiot is his son. Why I feel like he's trying to snatch my Baba's love. I was supposed to be his only son and that guy is trying to become Baba's son. I roll my eyes in annoyance, that person is so sick minded. Or am I just jealous.
.....
The other day, I was on campus. The fact I won't deny, since that guy hired his driver for rumi's pick and drop service. So I'm relaxed, I can easily go home late without any hesitation.
In class, I was making my notes when Jiho and Yuri entered. I move my attention from notes to the entrance. Smiling cause I've seen my own coming. But I don't see millie!?
"Hey Fatima baby! How are you doing? " Jiho says while coming to me with a huge smile as usual.
I smile too but notice her eyes are a little red, "I'm good.. But your eyes are.."
"Aa!! Actually I couldn't sleep well last night, even the concealer didn't hide my dark circles? " she says while rubbing her eyes.
I chuckle, "it's ok.. Sometimes it happens. Get proper sleep. "
She nods.. Then I glance at Yuri who doesn't even greet me. She's too real to hide her true emotions. I wonder if I did anything wrong again?
"Where's millie? " I ask looking back at jiho.
She takes a sigh, "she has gone back to Australia".
" huh?! Australia?! All of a sudden? Why??"
"Yeah.. She actually lived here with her aunt for years because her parents were busy in business and now they feel all alone there, so they called her back" why I feel jiho is forcing a smile.
"But at least she should... "
"Leave her," jiho cut my sentence in mid, now I'm sure there's something wrong, but I'm not gonna push her to some extent. So I just nod.
The rest of the day went very well. I missed yejun. Even called him at the evening. But he didn't attend. I hope everything is going fine. Time flies by until we reach the weekend. Rumi is very excited today, because we are going to her so called op-ppa's house. Cringe.
"Fatima! Rumi!! Your baba has called a cab, it'll be there in almost ten minutes. Just both you get ready. Hurry up.. " maa is winding up all things. Like we are leaving house for months.
I'm curious to see that taehyung guy. Like why my parents are just going crazy, like they are going to meet Taya jaan. Well well let's see today. I get up, wear my 2 layered abaya , white inside and upper top is baby pink colored. I feel so squeezed in these abayas now. But what can I do when I have to go with maa baba.
Then I put on my hijab, but two strands of hair out of it. It looks fancy this way, and my jaw prominents , defining my beauty. How to self praise but God! I'm so damn hot.
"Beti! You're ready? " maa says entering the room. She glares at my hijab, "what's this? Fatima! Why is your hair showing off out of your hijab. Cover them properly".
" cmon maa g! At least I'm covering them. That tight hijab tightens my breath. Let me wear the way I want".
"We don't wear hijab the way we want, we wear it the way Allah wants. Wear it properly". Maa sounds strict.
" maa g! Allah isn't that strict that.. " my phone rings and a better chance to get over this conversation. It's yejun, "maa! Wait a minute. Please". I rushed to the other room to pick up the call.
Picking up, having a smile,I greet, " hello! Yejuna!! How are you doing? "
*yejun doesn't reply. But the sobbing voice can be heard*
My smile drops away, when I hear that, "yejun!! Yejun!!.. What happened?? Are you crying? "
*"Fatima! I.. I need you.. Fatima!! "... * he is continuously sobbing, whimpering and his voice is so broken.
I almost panicked, " where are you?? Tell me where are you? "
*"red.. Red Cross hospital... For God sake.. Fatima!! I'm dying.. Please... Please come to me.. "*
" ok OK I'm.. I'm coming.. Please yejun! Stop crying it's shattering me.. I'm coming. " he cuts the call. I didn't realize that tears arouse in my eyes too.
With that I turn back on my feet. Taking my bag, go to the main gate, ready to leave. I don't have time to ask for anyone's permission, I just said, "maa!!.. Maa g!! I need to go somewhere. Tell baba as well"
"Wait, Fatima!! Where are you going?? " she is so shocked.
"My friend's mother is very sick, she's in hospital. I need to visit her". My voice filled with worries.
" Allah khair! Should I come with you, beta?! "
I shake my head, "no no you go to the invitation. I'll be back home before y'all come. Tell baba when he comes. Allah Hafiz"
"Allah Hafiz beta! Be careful". She says, while I leave out of her sight.
( Fatima was so rushy that miss Noor couldn't get the time to make her hijab better).
I took bus to get myself to the hospital. Once I entered, with a swallowed breath, I asked the room number of the required patient ,His mom..
As soon as I see him sitting on the bench, with head in his hands. I rush to him. Standing next to him, I caress his hair and call him in a faint voice,
" yejun! "
He looks up, his lips tremble, the way he looked at me. God!!.. He just hugs me and starts crying his heart out. I couldn't control my emotions as well, my heart is shivering so badly. I pull him in a tight hug , stroking his hair, try to comfort him, "yejun!! Shh!! .. Sabr.. Please brace yourself.. "
But he's like deaf, just sobbing. I'm confused if he's melting in my embrace or I'm melting seeing him like this? I just know this is Haram, sin... But I can't push him away. He takes a deep breath and breaks the hug. I caress his face, his eyes are this broken that I felt like I can die to take the grim from him.
"All ways are getting closed for me, Fatima!! My eomma.. She's fighting for her.. Her life and I can't do anything but just watching.. " his voice is shivering as well.
"Relax.. Relax.. " I say, stroking his hair softly, "now tell me what happened to aunt? Mmm"
He takes out a long breath, then says, "Eomma has diagnosed lung cancer" my lips part in shock, he continues, "and it's already over third stage. "
I'm caught off by this sudden statement,this could be the last thing I could predict...
"Fatima! Besides her, I don't have anyone in the world. She sacrificed herself raising me, made me this strong. And now I don't have enough money for her treatment... I'm doing two part time jobs but still not getting enough money.. I can't see her in pain.. I can't see her dying like this". Tears fall down his cheeks. Can't believe that the happy face I used to see is now devastated like this.
I now know why he was not coming to campus. Why he was not attending my calls or replying to me properly. He was dealing with depression itself.
I wrap my hand around his. Trying to assure him that he shouldn't lose hope no matter what., " it's third stage not last stage. Mmm? You are also a science student. You know it very well that there's still hope, and for money.. Don't... Don't worry.. I'll do something... I'll do a job too. Don't worry we'll do anything it takes for her. Please don't lose hope at all. Huh? Allah doesn't overburden any soul."
He nods slightly, like he's now getting my words. He rests his head over my shoulder, and I gently keep on stroking his hair to ease him.
.....
After sometime we both see his mom through the glass window. She is sleeping on the bed, looking pale, her hair feels very less. My heart twists seeing how yejun looks at his mom. There's nothing sorrowful for him more than this.
And when she got up, yejun made her meet me. He was trying to stay as strong and happy as possible.
"Eomma! She's Fatima! My colleague! She came to meet you. " yejun introduces me when he was sitting on the chair next to her bed. While I'm standing behind him.
"Hello auntie!! How are you feeling now? " I ask with a smile.
She smiles too like she's happy to see someone came to visit her., "I'm fine, Fatima! " she then Checks my outfit. My gown, although the scarf I'm wearing is barely covering my head but it's still an identity, "you're Muslim? "
I smile but fear as well,what if she's gonna judge me like others, "yes auntie! "
"You look very beautiful with this thing on." She points at my abaya. A weird sensation pulls up in my chest like I don't want this compliment.
"Thank you so much auntie! "
"Yejun! What kind of man are you? Huh?! " she almost scolds him. Him and I both are confused. She then continues, "a girl is standing and you're sitting. Get up, let her sit with me. "
He chuckles, getting scolded by her and I couldn't help but feel special here. He gets up and nods me to sit next to her. I sit and his mom holds my hand, the amount of peace I got is not enough to describe in words.
Yejun's eyes is on us, full of affection and admiration. Like he's enjoying the view. His mom sees him then me, she asks, "Fatima! You have taken lunch?"
I blink in puzzlement. Why does she suddenly ask me that? But the fact I haven't eaten anything since the morning. It was Sunday and I don't usually take breakfast at Sunday. Later on it was planned to go to dad's so called son's house. But I came here instead so I haven't eaten anything. I simply shake my head, "no auntie! I haven't taken lunch till now! "
She genuinely says, " will you like to eat with me? "
Oh!!! My heart softens the way, she said like she wants me to join her, like a family member. I nod with a huge smile. She then looks at yejun and orders, "you have listened what she said. Go and bring food for both of us"
"But eomma.. "
"No more talk. Go and do what I said! " she seems a little picky when it comes to yejun. She knows he would pick her little attitude. And he loves doing it. He nods and leaves her with me.
She then caresses my hand, "Fatima! You know I always wondered how it feels to have a daughter. But seeing you, came for me, I felt like you're my daughter"
"I'm Like your daughter. Auntie! Don't feel like I'm different." My soul is muffled.
"Then don't call me auntie, call me eomma? "
"Eomma? " I hesitate. She laughs a little, but so pure. Perhaps I'm not open to in front of her but she wants me to. She then asked me about my family. I told her everything, like we shifted here from Pakistan because of me. She said I'm like yejun in a lot of sense. He also got a scholarship like me. This made me feel, we have good chemistry.
I told her everything like how yejun and I met. How we both helped each other but she kept on staring in my eyes like she is trying to read something.
Eventually she speaks what she had in her mind, " Fatima! You like yejun? "
I'm stunned, "how.. How.. Do you know? " in a murmur.
She giggles, "isn't it clear from the way you talk about him? "
And she's right, when I talk about yejun , a feeling of love look washes my face. I smile softly.
"See that smile is the proof. " along with her I giggle too.
"So eomma? You think he feels the same? "
"He never hid anything from me but this time he didn't even tell me about you. " my smile fades , noticing it , she assures, "perhaps because of my disease, yejun didn't tell me anything so I won't take any stress"
This is making sense now. But the poor thing, yejun hid the cancer news from her. He really doesn't want to stress her. We were talking when he entered with food packs.
"So both ladies are gossiping about me? " he dramatically says. And his mom replies in the same tone, "you think you're the only topic for discussion? "
I laugh. He pouts., "eomma! Not fair, with Fatima arrival, you forgot me? "
"Don't be silly, no one forgot you, now serve the food like my good boy. " she says
And he served the food. I felt like being in another family. He also fed his mom. The way his eyes twinkle seeing his mom's smile. He's a true gentleman. We shared a normal chat. And I'm more happy than ever. But now I'm determined to force baba to let me do any job. Not for myself, but for his mom.
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*
( you made me feel worthy then how could you be just normal?).
.............
💌
To all readers!
Don't forget to vote y'all and please follow me as well, till the next part, Allah Hafiz.
Your Nabi 🦋