CHAPTER 12: PAIN
When I heard his words, it felt as if time had stopped between us. My heart clenched, my body trembled and all I could hear was the crackling sound of the hearth.
The image of an innocent boy flashed in my mind, his hands were waving, and he was smiling, until he turned his back and ran. I thought I gave him life— freedom and happiness, but I gave him death.
"D-dead? Are you sure?"
Hindi siya agad sumagot si Kreios sa akin, sa halip ay mas binigyan niya ng pansin ang hawak niyang libro kung saan naroon ang kanilang litrato. He walked towards his cabinet and placed the book inside.
"Kreios . . ."
He returned to me. He sighed before he took both of my hands, the metallic sounds of the chain clanked inside our room.
"He's a friend. Desmond, Livius, and I had our adventures when we were young, and then. . ." he trailed off.
"B-but how. . .? How did you meet?" I asked.
But should I really get confused? Livius had been friendly, not just with me but to every commoner child we've encountered.
"Paano kayo nagkakilala ni Livius? He's a commoner."
Agad kong hinila ang mga kamay ko kay Kreios. "I had my own set of adventures, Kreios. Ano ang tingin mo sa akin? Hindi nagkakaroon ng kaibigan?"
His brows creased. He shook his head. "I was just trying to be real. You're a princess and Livius is a commoner who practically spent all his life with us."
"No . . . he used to be my friend and he delivers fresh fruits to the castle. How did it happen? He was my childhood friend! Bakit?" Nalilitong tanong ko.
Saglit lang ako tinitigan ni Kreios bago siya nag-iwas ng tingin. "We were still young, and naïve. We thought that everything was easy with the three of us together. But life after we left Sartorias was not as we expected."
Kreios was deliberately avoiding answering me directly. I asked him the details!
Nanghina akong napaupo sa kama. "Kreios, I was the one who pushed him to leave. I thought I'd given him freedom and happiness. He was convinced to serve the empire, but I pushed him to leave— to take the choice that would make him happy."
I couldn't imagine their life together— Desmond a kid who was forced to hide because of the accusations thrown at her mother, Livius as a commoner who wanted to break free of the norm, and Kreios who didn't want to accept his fate as the grandson of the most respected council in the empire.
"He was happy. I can tell you that he never regretted his decision to run away. Wala kang kasalanan . . ." humina ang huling mga salita ni Kreios.
Saglit akong sumulyap sa kanya. Gusto ko pang higit na pag-usapan si Livius at ang nakaraan niya kasama si Desmond, ngunit sa nakikita ko ay hindi komportable si Kreios sa usapang ito.
Something was not right, and he didn't want to share it with me. And I'd respect it.
"So, what happened?" I purposely changed the topic.
His face brightened a bit, an indication that wasn't really comfortable about Livius. "Now you're curious about my empire's affair?"
"Hindi ba dapat? Hindi ba't ikaw na rin ang nagsabi sa akin na dapat magsimula na akong makinig sa pagpupulong na dinadaluhan mo?"
He nodded.
I grasped the dangling golden chain against one of my wrists, its metallic clank echoed inside the room. "When are you going to get rid of this? Are you literally letting me stay in your castle with chains? This is not being a queen, but your prisoner."
His brows arched. "Until I find it in your eyes that you genuinely wanted to stay here and not run away from me. Yes. You are a prisoner."
Hindi naman ako nagulat sa sinabi niya. Kreios was smart. Alam niyang magkakaroon ng reaksyon ang lahat sa sandaling malaman nilang naka-cadena ako nang matagal. He couldn't just force me against my will even if he was my mate, but he executed a very great plan.
Sino nga ba ang kukuwestiyon sa hari sa sandaling ikadena at itali niya ang kanyang reyna na nababaliw? Of course, he'd look heroic and heartbroken with his possessed queen.
"Then you're not confident enough with your security, King Kreios? How can a mere pampered princess sneakily escape this world's biggest empire? Tila yata mahina ang tingin mo sa kakayahan ng sarili mong emperyo." Mapaglarong sabi ko.
He smirked. "I just don't underestimate my queen. You're wicked, Harper."
"Eh?"
I placed my palms behind me, tilting my head as my dress slid off one shoulder. I bared my fangs and revealed my crimson eyes, meeting his. I sensually crawled back to the bed, and spread my legs in front of him, giving him an invitation to ravish me.
Kreios's left knee was already on our bed, his fists were tightly balled while veins were prodding on his temple. His breathing was ragged.
Another strap of my dress slipped down, exposing nearly half of my breast. He gulped, stepped back, and shook his head.
"Not again, Gazellian," he growled.
Tuluyan na akong tumawa at inihiga ang sarili sa kama. I thought I'd make him crawl on his bed again.
"Was I right, King Kreios? You're afraid that once you've tasted me— you'll lose yourself and give in to me."
I remained on the bed, half-laying with the back of my hand on my cheeks.
Mariin ang titig niya sa akin habang mabibigat pa rin ang kanyang paghinga. He had been trying to calm himself with this temptation. Akala ko ay bibigay na talaga siya.
Should I cut my skin again and get this over with?
"Maybe."
Saglit akong natigilan nang marinig iyon sa kanya. I was expecting that he'd deny it. "And you're not going to satisfy yourself?"
"I know that you're playing, Harper."
"Aren't you playing as well?"
He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
Naupo na siya sa kama ngunit nanatili siyang nakatalikod sa akin. Hindi ako gumagalaw sa posisyon ko at pinagmasdan ko lang ang likuran niya.
Kreios and I had our love-and-hate relationship for the past few years, maybe because I hated his decisions or part of me was always envious of him. Dahil si Kreios ang isa sa nilalang na kilala kong gagawin ang kagustuhan niya na walang pakialam sa iisipin ng iba. When I heard the news about him when I was young, I always thought that he was foolish, but there was part of me that couldn't admit that I somehow wanted his life and adventures.
Kreios and I were the total opposite.
Huminga muli ako nang malalim. Alam kong ramdam na ni Kreios ang paggalaw ko sa kama ngunit nanatili pa rin siyang nakaupo at nakatalikod sa akin.
I allowed the metallic sound of the chain to overwhelm us until I sat behind him pressing my back against his. I hugged tightly my legs to my chest.
Muntik ko nang makalimutan na hindi lang ako at ang mga kapatid ko ang higit na naapektuhan ng mga nakaraang pangyayari. The realization that Claret and Kreios's mother was the actual blue fire, and the end of her legacy gave our empire a huge devastation, but what more were her children?
Hindi man lang sila nagkaroon ng pagkakataon makausap ang kanilang ina. Huli na nang malaman ni Claret ang katotohanan, at nasisigurado ko na ganoon din si Kreios.
"How are you?" I asked.
He chuckled. "Is that a real question, Harper? After all your mess and disastrous entrance into this empire?"
"I am being genuine right now, Kreios."
He sighed and leaned his back against mine, tilting his head upward until his head reached the top of my head. "I'm tired."
Hindi agad ako nakapagsalita sa sinabi niyang iyon. If I'd spent my life hiding a part of me in Parsua Sartorias, I think Kreios successfully did the same, because the moment he sat on his throne, he had always been viewed as a king who never took everything seriously.
Lagi siyang ikinukumpara kina Tobias at Dastan dahil sa ugali nitong malayo sa mga nagiging hari ng mga emperyo. "I wish I was there when Claret needed me the most, but I can't leave this empire, Harper. Because I am not just a brother, an uncle, and a son, now I am a king."
Mas natahimik ako sa sinabi niyang iyon. Hindi lang ako ang nais suportahan ang sarili kong kapatid, muntik ko nang kalimutan na may kapatid rin si Kreios na hindi niya malapitan. "And now I have a queen who's planning to escape from me."
Humigpit pa ang yakap ko sa aking sarili. Hindi lang ako ang higit na gustong tumulong sa mga oras na ito.
Gusto ko siyang higit na tanungin tungkol sa kanyang ina dahil maging si Claret ay hindi rin nagsalita pa tungkol dito, ngunit pinili ko na lang itikom ang bibig ko.
"Nito lang bumalik sa mga alaala ko, Harper."
"Alaala? May mga nabura ba sa mga alaala mo, Kreios?"
"I happened to live happily with father, mother, and even Claret before. Bago pa muling bumalik si ina sa kanyang katungkulan bilang diyosa ng asul na apoy. Bago nila kami paghiwalayin ni Claret . . ."
"What?"
"But it was a very short time, Harper. Bata pa ako at sanggol pa lang si Claret. And I don't know what to feel now that I can clearly remember because it just reminds me that our family has always been destined to fall apart."
Nanatiling nakapatong ang ulo niya sa akin, banayad ang mga salita niya sa mga oras na ito na malayo sa mapaglarong si Kreios. Ramdam ko ang bigat at lungkot ng mga salita niya.
"I don't know what will happen to Father, Claret, Divina, and even the remaining women from the prophecy. We're all left hanging, Harper."
Hindi ko alam ang dapat kong sabihin kay Kreios. Dalawang beses ko nang naramdaman ang pagkawala ng mga magulang ko, ngunit kahit wala na si ama hanggang ngayon ay ramdam ko pa rin na tila lagi siyang nanunuod sa amin.
"I know that you'll hate me for forcibly locking you in this empire, but I needed you the most right now, Harper."
Inalis ko na ang pagkakasandal ko sa kanya, lumuhod na ako sa kama at marahan ko siyang niyakap mula sa kanyang likuran. "Then remove these chains."
Ngumuso siya at umiling. "No."
"Then I'll not share the bed with you."
Si Kreios na ang nagtanggap ng mga braso kong nakayakap sa kanya at tumayo na siya para dumistansya. "Of course, you're not."
Napatingin ako sa gintong kulungan na tila may sariling buhay dahil unti-unti itong bumabalik sa ayos nito. "Y-you're going to make me sleep inside a cage, Kreios?"
"Aren't you possessed and dangerous for this empire? You're under investigation by the king."
Lumapit na si Kreis sa kulungan at siya na mismo ang nagbuksan niyon para sa akin. Nanliit ang mga mata ko sa kanya.
Bigla niya muli iyong isinara at ngumisi siya sa akin. "If you'll admit that you just hired Tobias to flirt with you, and you're not really attracted to him, I might reconsider—" Hindi ko na siya pinatapos sa sinasabi niya.
Ako na mismo ang nagbukas ng pintuan ng malaking hawla at kusa na akong pumasok doon. "What will you reconsider, King Kreios? I am afraid I can't lie. King Tobias is attractive. Hindi na siya long hair by the way."
Naupo na ako sa loob ng kulungan ko at sumandal sa rehas habang nakakrus ang mga braso ko.
Kunot na kunot ang noo ni Kreios nang sabihin ko iyon. Kung hindi niya tatanggalin ang mga cadena sa kamay ko, mas lalo kong hindi gagawing madali ang buhay niya habang narito ko.
"So, are we going to do this really, Harper?"
"Why? Ayaw mong tanggalin ang cadena ko."
"Because you'll run away from me!"
"Then tell me, what do you want me to do for me to convince you that I'll not run away?"
Umiling siya. "You're wicked. You'll leave me."
"Why are you so afraid—"
Tumalim ang mga mata niya sa akin. "Can you blame me, Gazellian? Natiis mo ako nang napakaraming taon. And instead of kissing, you greeted me by a dagger on my neck."