Things Aren't What They Seem: Part 2
I had to say that I really enjoyed the drive back home. I had missed home more than I thought I had. I had missed the greenery of the forest. The sweet scent of the fresh forest air as it passed through the car when the windows were wound down. The air was cool but I loved it. I had missed the fresh feeling of the cool air upon my skin. The cool air that only Forks and La Push seemed to provide.
It was good seeing Rachel and dad again. They were all for hearing what I had been up to since I left, but there wasn't really that much to be told. Rachel even had tears in her eyes when saw me as she opened the door to me. She really couldn't believe it was me. I couldn't blame her. For the stupid things I used to do, she would have easily guessed that I had killed myself the second I was out of town. They were happy to meet Angel also. Dad was happy to accept her into our home and was allowing her to stay in the spear room for the few days we were going to be staying in La Push for. It wasn't long after we arrived that both Embry and Quil heard that I was home and came over. Embry was ecstatic to hear that I was back. I had missed both of my friends greatly. I had missed all my friends and family greatly. I really didn't know how I had coped without them for as long as I had.
Both Angel and Rachel seemed to greatly enjoy each other's company. I heard Angel talking about how she could see people who had passed on and found out that my sister was into all of that type of thing. I hadn't ever known that.
It wasn't until the afternoon that I could get away from everyone and show Angel around the place. I started out with Forks, taking her to the diner for lunch, and then showing her through the forests of both La Push and Forks. I showed her the La Push falls with its small water fall. And then finally I showed her around the cliffs and the view of the ocean from standing on them. I held her hand carefully as we both watched the ocean's water crash up against the side of the cliffs as we sat together quietly. Each time I wondered if the waves would reach so far up the cliffs that it would touch us, but each time, it failed to do so. It seemed to be that the waves were angry today. The waves were crashing harshly against the cliffs, snaking up them higher than I had ever seen before. At first I thought there may have been a storm coming, but I couldn't feel it in the air if there was.
"C'mon, I want to show you second beach," I whispered, holding her hand softly in mine as we walked slowly down the steep surface. I felt her hand suddenly grip mine slightly. I looked down to her, seeing she was looking up to me, smiling brightly.
"It's so pretty here Jacob. I love it here. It's just something different to everything else I've seen before. " I smiled looking down to her, happy to hear her words. I thought the same thing. It did feel different to Seattle. It felt like La Push had a mystery to it, but it was a good mystery. I snickered to myself, thinking how true that was with the werewolves running around everywhere.
We slowly walked off of first beach and onto second. I loved second beach more. It was more secluded and the ocean was always more calmer. It was a peaceful place. Not many people came here. Throwing my shirt from over my shoulders and my jeans to my hips leaving nothing but my black boxers on, I ran from Angel's side toward the beach, letting my clothing trail behind me. I ran into the water, diving into an incoming wave and came back up for air. The water was cold, but it didn't mind me that much, even know I no longer had the heat of a werewolf in my human form. "Come on Angel! It's nice."
"I can't Jake. It's too cold." Her arms instantly crossed tightly over her chest as a light breeze came up.
"It's not, I promise. Plus, I'll keep you warm anyway. You know that I won't let anything happen to you."
I watched as she sighed, slowly taking her jacket and shoes off and left them on the side of the beach, leaving just her top and jeans on. She walked toward me, letting the ocean's water hit her bare feet as it came to the shoreline. Her face slightly grimaced when she started to slowly walk farther into the water and closer to me. Her eyes closed for a moment, allowing the cool breeze brush past her face.
I smiled, walking up to her and took her hand into mine again while her eyes were still closed. She glanced down to our hands and then back up to me. "Don't be scared," I murmured with a smile. She smiled back slightly. My arm wrapped around her shoulders slowly.
She looked to me with both confused and questioning eyes as I started to smirk crookedly. "Jacob, Jacob, what are you doing?!" she screamed as I picked her up into my arms. "Jacob Black, put me down!" she screamed, trying not to laugh at the same time while hitting the back of my shoulder slightly as I turned us around in circles. I couldn't help but do something that I hadn't in almost three years. Laugh.
We were both laughing, like we didn't have a care or worry in the world. The moment, we were in, was just perfect. I wanted to have more moments like that, it was everything I needed and wanted. My life was starting to feel as though it was getting back to the way it used to be. The way I needed it to be. . .
She fought against my holding and somehow slipped from my arms and went running through the ocean's waves as they hit the shoreline. I smiled with hearing her laughing and seeing her smiling as I ran after her again and picked her back up in my arms as I laughed harder than I could ever remember laughing before.
A strong wave suddenly came up and knocked me off of my feet. I landed on my back, careful for Angel to land on me and not the ground. I stared up at her unreadable face looking down upon me. Her hand softly brushed from the side of my temple down to my chin while staring deep into my eyes. My eyes closed at the feeling of her soft touch. Her touch was like something I hadn't ever felt before. It was different to Renesmee's. It felt like magic ran through Angel's veins and it was coming out on me.
I smiled softly while keeping my eyes closed. "I love you Jacob," I suddenly heard her whisper. My eyes flashed open and toward her. My eyes hadn't even focused on her yet and I felt her lips connect to mine in a gentle and tender kiss. I sighed, not believing that she did actually feel the same way I felt about her. It felt too good to be coming true.
I stared up at her when she pulled away. I tucked a stand of her hair back behind her ear, my hand staying on the side of her face while I held her gaze, looking deep within her hazel eyes. "I love you too," I whispered, leaning up and brushing my lips over hers before holding the kiss for a moment. Her arms wrapped around me, making it feel as though our bodies were one. I touched my forehead to hers, looking to the shoreline next to us. "You have no idea how much that means to me to hear that back Jacob. I've never had it said to me before."
I looked back to her, slightly confused by her words. How wouldn't she had ever heard those words said to her? Wouldn't her parents have said at least? Even if her father was abusive, wouldn't her mother say it to her?
I stayed silent while thinking. "You're like my moon Jacob. You light up the darkness when all I can see is darkness and no way out."
I smiled slightly at her words. "The darkness and way out of what exactly?" I questioned almost silently. She leaned away from me then, shaking her head. "Nothing," she whispered, shaking her head. "It's just how I feel with Tyron and all."
I sat on my side on the shoreline, letting the water sweep over the skin of my hands, and the skin of my back while watching her. I knew there was more to it than just that. "I keep getting the feeling that you're not telling me something Angel. Just tell me."
She shook her head again, not looking at me this time. "I can't." She kept staring down at the sand between us, one hand in the water with her other on the side of her neck, looking as though she was thinking deeply.
I sighed deeply, feeling frustrated by her blocking me out from the truth. I hated it when people kept things from me! It made me feel like they couldn't trust me. "Why can't you?" I sighed, looking to her, my hand brushing down the side of her face whilst I spoke.
When she looked to me, there were both tears and fear in her hazel eyes. "Because you won't love me if you know." Her voice cracked with sobs, leaning into me, wrapping her arms around my neck. My eyes widened slightly with hearing her words repeat in my head.
My arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly into my chest. "That's not true. I'll always be here. I promise." My voice was nothing but an almost silent whisper. I didn't believe what she had said. I loved her too much to stop loving her for whatever she was keeping from me. And I knew, that time would soon tell me what she was keeping from me. If I had learnt anything over the years, it was that time revealed everything.
Yes I love Angel dearly, but it's nothing to how I felt about Renesmee. I would always love Ness. I could never replace her, nor even think it. Renesmee still meant the world to me. She still meant more than my own life.
Her head shook in denial against my chest. I held her tighter. "I meant it. Angel, Angel, calm down," I touched her chin, making her look up at me. I stared deeply into her tearful eyes. "I may not feel the same way I do about you as I do for Renesmee, but Angel, you hold my heart. You've made me laugh and you've made me smile again. I wouldn't be here, where I am here today, without you. You can always count on me to be here for you," I whispered while smiling slightly. Touching her forehead to mine, whispered again. "I'm always going to be here with you."
She cried again, wrapping her arms back around my neck again, hiding her face into my chest. We sat on the beach together for what felt like hours. Whatever Angel was keeping from me, scared me greatly, but I was going to be always around for her. I felt like I had to be. I felt that she deserved that much in her life. She didn't seem to have anyone around her, other than me, who looked out for her. I didn't see that as fair.
Things Aren't What They Seem: Part 3
It wasn't long until the next day came, and I was wondering what the day would bring. Normally, I didn't even think about what could happen in the day, but today, there was something off about it. It was as though, I could sense something was going to happen. I thought that was I stupid thinking that when I awoke in the morning. But as it turned out, I wasn't. . .
In the morning, I noticed yet again, that Angel was pale, but today, it was slightly different. She looked drawn and tired around her eyes, but she insisted that she was just tired from travelling yesterday. I didn't really believe her. Something told me not to, but I didn't go pushing the issue. I wish I had though.
I asked before she left to see the doctor if she wanted me to come, but she smiled and shook her head, saying it was nothing. She would be fine going alone. I didn't feel right staying home and doing nothing but waiting for her to come back. She didn't even want me to come and wait for her in the waiting room.
It was when I saw the familiar number on my phone flash up while ringing that I stopped breathing for a moment. Carlisle. I hadn't had anything to do with him since Renesmee . . . It wasn't because I blamed him for her death, but more because I wasn't strong enough to see him or talk to him, until that moment. My breath was shaky when I opened my phone and spoke. I knew there was something wrong from the second I awoke. I had known something was going to happen.
I shook my head in disbelief as he spoke, tears running down the side of my face. I was glad no one was around the house at the time. I couldn't believe this was happening again!
As I ran down the hospital hall, it felt like déjà vu. Why was this happening again?! I asked myself over and over. As I ran into her room, I saw Carlisle just leaving her side. I hadn't known that he was her doctor.
I looked to him with questioning eyes. "She's okay for now," he mouthed and stepped away. I stayed in the door way for a moment, shaking my head in disbelief again, while watching her sleeping, a tube around her face and an IV at her side. My bottom lip and breath was shaky and trembling, but this time, it wasn't because I was mad, angry and frustrated, it was because I was scared. I was scared for her, for us. I didn't know what to do.
The side of my hand ran down the side of her face as I sat down beside her. Her eyes were closed, as if she was in deep sleep with her hand by her face upon her pillow. The second I took my hand away from her, her eyes open slowly and looked up to me. "Jacob," she said almost silently.
I smiled slightly, tilting my head to the side. "Hey," I mouthed, leaning down and kissing her slightly and softly.
"I - I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I'm here, and I always will be." My thumb brushed over her cheek softly as her eyes closed again. I sighed, looking away and closing my eyes, trying to remain in the familiar feeling of been blank and clueless to what to do, rather than going into the emotions of fear and sadness. I didn't know why this was happening. I didn't know what I had done to deserve this and everyone around me had done that seemed to also be affected. I wished I could have just ran and left all the pain behind me for good. I wished that I could have been an emotionless animal, running in the wild that couldn't think or feel.
I stayed with her the whole night, hardly able to sleep even know I felt so tired. It was all déjà vu again and I hated it. I didn't feel like I was strong enough to go through this again, but I had to. I had to be strong for Angel. She needed me. She had no one else but me.
In the morning, at around six o'clock, I awoke at the feeling of my hand been squeezed slightly. I looked up to her and smiled, seeing that Angel was awake. "Your still here," she whispered.
"Of course I am. I always will be. I promised you that."
"That doesn't mean that you have to keep it your promise. I'm only going to hurt you again."
"Tell me what happened."
"I was born with a heart defect. It was supposed to be okay, but my father made it worse with how he acted. And then Tyron made it even worse still. Carlisle told me that I only had a year to live, three years ago, unless, they find a new heart for me."
"A donor's heart?" I questioned, not fully understanding what she was saying. She nodded and looked to the floor before speaking again. "But, I have a rare blood type, so it's near impossible for me to find it in time."
My hand rested on the side of my lips, shaking my head and looking at her with blind eyes. "What is your blood type?" I asked, almost in a silence whisper.
"Type O."
I shook my head in disbelief again. That was Renesmee's blood type, my blood type. How was this all happening?! It couldn't be! It had to be all just a dream, a nightmare. It shouldn't be and couldn't be happening! Just when things were getting back to normal, to how they should be, to how they should have been! "Isn't there anything you can do, to slow it down? Isn't there something you can take to stop it?" I stared down at the floor before me, trying to keep control of the slight trembles that were passing through me every now and then. I looked up to her face after speaking. Her face was full of fear and hurt. I instantly took her hand, not wanting to see that look on her face. I wanted to take the fear and hurt out of her life. But, it wasn't just that easy.
She shook her head. "No, none that I want to go through with. I've worked around it all Jacob. I used to be a nurse. I saw this kind of thing all the time and I don't want to go through with it, only to put up with it for months, if not years and only to still die because of my blood type. It's not worth it."
The tears came to her eyes, but tried to fight them off. I shook my head, running my hands over my face. I stood and sat on the side of her bed, wiping her tears away while holding her hand tightly in mine.
After a while, her tears stopped and we sat in silence. I looked down to her eyes still open as she leaned into my chest while I brushed the back of her hand softly with my thumb. She looked up to me suddenly. I could see she wanted to say something, but didn't know how to. "Jacob, listen to me. I'm only going to cause you pain again. I don't want to do that, but, it's going to happen whether we like it or not. I fainted while in the waiting room yesterday." She paused, tears coming to her eyes again. "My heart is starting to fail Jacob. Carlisle said that I have two weeks if that. And I am not staying here to die in a hospital. I want to go home and act like there is nothing wrong with me. I want La Push to be my home now. But I don't want to hurt you."
My heart dropped with hearing that. Carlisle had told me she had fainted, but he didn't tell me that she had weeks to live. She turned into my chest, hiding her face in my shirt. My hand rubbed softly up and down her arm. I didn't know what to say, but I already knew my answer. I wasn't going to run off, and leave her to die with no one by her side. It wasn't right and it wasn't fair. I wasn't going to take the easy way out! No way would I! She deserved better than that. And if I had to, I would stay there, the whole time. I would rough out the hard times and not run off like all the other times I had. I had to be stronger now . . . even if I wasn't.
She had already said that she wasn't going to spend her last days in the hospital. She had already said that she wanted La Push to be her home. I was going to make sure that her last days were going to be filled with everything she ever wanted to do in her life and to have the time of her life with me. I loved her enough to be there and do that much for her. She meant everything to me. She had made me, me again.
That was when I realized something important, that could alter her and my life. I placed her hand softly down on the bed which made her look up to me. "You're leaving?" she questioned, looking up to me. I smiled slightly, leaning back toward her and kissing her forehead. "I'm never going to leave Angel. I'm just stepping out for a moment. I love you."
She smiled brightly. "Thank you Jacob. I love you too."
My hand ran over the side of her face again before I left her room. I walked quickly out of the hospital and went outside. I took a deep breath, looking to the sunrise for a moment and sat down on the chair just outside of the automatic doors. I pulled my black wallet out of my back pocket of my jeans and took out my driver's license. My eyes stayed fixed on the little words of donor and the little heart at the end of that one word. My thumb brushed over the wording and shape as I went deep into thought. I let out a deep sigh before I stood to my feet once more. I turned towards the hospital doors, walking back inside. Walking back down the hall toward Angel's room, I saw Carlisle at the front desk getting some papers from a nurse.
"Jacob," he said softly. I stopped, knowing he had more to say. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Of course," I whispered.
He stepped into office and closed the door behind me. I watched him, waiting for him to speak. This all felt too familiar to me. I hated it.
"I believe Angel wishes to go home?" he questioned, sitting in his office chair.
"Yes."
"I don't think she is able to look after herself alone."
"I'll be there, all the time. I'll look after her."
"You're sure?" his voice was slightly deeper now. I understood that he was wary of how I acted when things got tough. I couldn't blame him for questioning my intentions.
"Yes. I'll be there for her, the whole time. I won't leave."
He nodded once with stern eyes. "Okay, I'll get you her release papers then."
When I got back to Angel's room, she was sitting on the side of her bed, her hands at either side of her while staring down at the hard, tilted flooring. She looked up to me and smiled when she saw me. I smiled back and went over to her side, sitting beside her and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. I found her hand and squeezed it gently. She rested her head upon my shoulder while leaning into my side.
She looked up to me and smiled slightly. "So, where will we live in La Push?"
I smiled back, brushing my thumb over the side of her hand. "Where ever you wish to. But what about the house is Seattle?"
Her shoulders shrugged. "I don't know. Don't care. I don't really like Seattle anyway."
I got an idea then. I knew of a small wooden house by the beach not far from my father's house. It had belonged to my grandfather until he died years back. It was still in perfect condition. Rachel had made sure of that. It was fully furnished too.
"I know a place we can go," I whispered. "I'll show you later if you want?"
She nodded silently as a nurse came in and said that everything was ready for her to leave. The nurse made sure that Angel was strong enough to walk by herself. I kept my arm softly around the back of her shoulders just encase. I could see that she was still quite weak, but she was getting slightly better.
We walked outside and just around the corner was my red rabbit. I opened the door for her and helped her inside. I got in and looked over to the passenger side. She was smiling while watching me. "So what you do want to do today?" I asked while starting the engine.
"Today, I just want to curl up on the couch with you with the fire going."
"Okay. Sounds nice," I smiled back while starting the engine.
I couldn't help but feel weird about acting like there was nothing wrong with her while driving back to La Push. It didn't feel right to act as though everything was going to be okay in the end. Because, it wasn't, no matter how much she believed that it was going to be fine. But maybe, that wasn't her plan. Maybe she just wanted to forget about her worries and fears and live like she had never lived before? Whatever it was, I was going to be doing everything she wanted to do.
I wanted to help her, but I didn't know how I could, or even if I could. I felt like there were a million things that I could do to help her, but in reality there were very few. But the things I knew I could do for her that made her feel better I would do, to no end. I was there for her no matter what!
It felt like the trip back from Forks to La Push had been the shortest one ever. It felt like it had only taken me a minute or two to get back home. When I looked to the clock, I noticed that it had taken the usual amount of time.
The second I pulled up, Angel got out and onto her own two feet without any of my help. I wanted to say something like: 'hold on I'll help you.' But I had to keep reminding myself of her wishes of acting like nothing was wrong. It was going to be harder than I first thought to keep it like that.
Opening the door for us, I relocked it behind me after going in. I started the fire quickly and soon was hearing the heavy fall of the rain outside hitting the roof. I hadn't thought that it was going to rain today with how the sun had come up this morning, but slowly as the day went by, the clouds had started to enter the skies.
I was in a way glad that my father was with Bella's father, Charlie, watching the game and that Rachel was with her boyfriend. I often had the house to myself before I had ran off. I smirked slightly at the memories of Renesmee and I making out for hours on end while the house was empty.
Slowly the fire got going in our little lounge room. Its heat warmed the whole house up in no time at all. I closed all the windows and pulled the light curtains together to keep the house warm for Angel. She was sitting on the couch as I went back into the lounge room. She was watching the flame of the fire flicker before her eyes, looking as though she was deep in thought with her hands resting in her lap.
I went and sat by her side, but she didn't seem to notice my presence next to her. She just kept staring into the flame until I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. She lay back against me as I lay down on the couch. I went into deep thought again while lying there, staring up at the ceiling. I could feel after a while Angel had fallen asleep against me. I pulled the little brown blanket from the back of the chair over her softly without waking her, hoping it would be enough to keep her warm.
After a while, I fell asleep too, until I heard the unlocking of the front door. I leaned up a little, looking in its direction and saw Rachel coming inside. I put my finger up to my lips, making sure she wouldn't wake Angel. She smiled slightly and nodded. I could hear her in the kitchen starting dinner. I couldn't help but wonder what we were going to say to everyone. I guessed that Angel just wanted it kept between the two of us . . . but that was going to be hard for me. I felt like some people should know. But it wasn't my health to speak of to others.
When dinner came around, I didn't know what to say. I just sat there eating and thinking. They didn't know what had happened yesterday, that I had stayed with Angel in the hospital. They didn't know she had fainted. They didn't know any of that, and I was sure that was the way Angel wanted it.
It seemed to be that the time was now passing quicker to its usual pass. It felt that way, even if it wasn't true. It felt like only a minute ago I had fallen asleep in my own bed when my alarm clock went off, telling me that it was six o'clock in the morning. I sighed deeply. I didn't want to get up yet. I was still too tired. But it wasn't about me anymore. I sighed again, getting up and forcing my feet to move. I checked Rachel's room and saw her empty bed, indicating she was still out with Paul. After dinner, Paul dropped by and picked up my sister. As usual, she was going to stay at his place for a night or two.
I went into the kitchen and started making breakfast. Looking out the window above the kitchen sink, I saw Embry phasing back into his human form and walking out of the forest toward the house. He smiled and waved his arm for me to come out. I placed the dish in my hand back on the counter and quietly slipped out of the house silently.
"Hey," I said softly as he walked up to me. Instantly I saw Embry's face change. He could tell there was something wrong and his words that followed only proved me right.
"What's going on Jake? What's wrong?"
I smirked slightly, watching the ground as I walked. "Nothing," I murmured. "Just tired. Haven't slept that well."
"Really, because I sense differ. Tell me what's going on?"
I shook my head, acting coy. "I told you."
"Whatever," he said, stopping and crossing his arms over his chest. "I wanted to ask you, if you want to come this afternoon and run with me and the others for a while? It's been so long since we've all been together."
I had to say, the idea sounded nice, but I couldn't. I had to be with Angel, and soon as I phased, the whole pack would hear what was going on with her. I couldn't have that happen. I looked up to Embry, and smiled casually. "Nah, I'm not in the mood. But thanks Emb." I turned back toward the house, thinking stupidly that Embry would let me go now. I should have known that he would see right through what I had said. I hadn't ever knocked going for a run with the others.
"Jacob?! What is with you? You've never passed up running with us."
I turned around, acting coy the best I could. This was so hard. I hadn't ever kept a secret from my best friend before. "Nothing, I told you. I just don't feel like it." I turned back toward the house again.
"You've changed Jake," he murmured.
No Emb, I just can't tell you everything I want to, I thought with my eyes closed before turning back into the direction he had been in, but had now disappeared with no sign he had been there in the first place.
I hated keeping secrets, but this was a secret I had to keep. Even if Angel was okay with telling people, I wouldn't tell anyone, because then they would feel sorry for her, and me, and I didn't want people feeling sorry for me. It was my choice to stay and rough it out. It was the least I could do. I didn't know why, but I got the feeling that I had something to repay Angel. She after all helped me Renesmee. I would forever be grateful for that.
I headed back inside, closing the door behind me and leaning against it, staring down at the ceiling. I didn't know that anyone was still up until my father came out from his room in his wheel chair. "Morning Jacob," he said casually.
"Morning. Breakfast is almost done." I looked up to him, trying to act myself again. It was always easy to act like everything was fine around your father. Father's didn't pay as much attention to how their kids were acting and feeling as mothers' did. For that I was grateful.
"No - no. It's okay Jacob. I'm going over to Charlie's again."
"Okay, sure, sure. That's fine." More for me; even know I didn't really feel like eating. It wasn't long after that I heard Charlie pulling up outside and it wasn't long before I had the house to myself. Angel was still asleep and I was going to leave her that way until breakfast was cooked. She needed all the rest she could get.
I gently stirred the oats on the stove, adding a tiny bit of honey while stirring. Most people added honey after cooking the oats. I thought it gave the oats more flavour if you cooked the honey with the oats. I poured the oats into two blue bowls for the two of us. Just as I placed them on the dinner table, I saw Angel walking out of her room. She stood in the door way of her room, watching me with a slight smile on her face.
I looked up to her and smiled also with the sight of seeing her beautiful smile on her lips. There was just something about her that seemed so angel like, so special. I didn't know what it was and probably never would.
"Hey Jacob," she whispered softly.
"Hey." I went over to her side, and kissed her gently.
She giggled after a moment and pulled away. "Something smells good."
"Uh, yeah, breakfast. I hope you like oats."
"Love them more like it." She made her way over to the dinner table and pulled out one of the wooden chairs next to my bowl. She sat down gracefully and started eating. I couldn't help but watch her in silence for a moment. She was just acting like . . . everything was normal . . . just like she had wanted. I couldn't get over it, how well she was getting on with her life. She wasn't letting her condition get in the way of what she wanted to do. She was strong, stronger than I thought. I wouldn't have been able to do what she was doing right before my very eyes. Hell, I couldn't even act like everything's okay and I am not even the one with the problem. She was amazing me to no end.
She turned around slightly, looking over her shoulder and smiled sweetly again. "Well, what are you waiting for silly? Get eating before it goes cold," she giggled.
I snapped out of my dazed state of thought and shook my head. I went over to my food, sat down and started eating with her. It hadn't occurred to me that I had actually cooked her a heart healthy breakfast until I started eating it myself. Good. I hoped it helped her.
I smiled while watching her slowly eating beside me. She was so graceful with each and every one of her bites and mouthfuls she took. I hadn't seen anyone eat so . . . angel like and delicate. It was cute. That was the only word that came to my mind. Cute. She was cute.
I placed my spoon down in the bowl and pushed back my chair, watching her finish her own meal. "So, what do you want to do today Angel?" I questioned.
"I want to go and see that house you spoke of yesterday."
"Of course," I smiled.
"So where is it? What does it look like?" With the questions she was asking me, I could see her face brightening up with each word she said. Her eyes were even looking like they used to. I could see that her mind was off of her worries and problems, and on what she wanted to do and see. It was then that I realized it was all in the way she thought, how it affected her health. She could act all she wanted, like nothing was wrong, but it wasn't until her mind was fully off of the truth, that it actually showed in her body as well. She still had her worries and problems, but in her mind, she didn't, while ever she didn't have her mind on them. I guessed that was how she had gotten this far in her life. It was really a bonus gift that she had lived an extra three years to what Carlisle had given her three years ago.
"It's not far from here. You could probably walk there if you wanted. I'm not too sure. I can't even really remember what it looks like. I haven't been there in years. My sister has been looking after it."
Her smile beamed with excitement at me. I hadn't seen her so excited before. "Okay! I'm going to get dressed so we can go." She stood up quickly with the energy of a child after sugar and ran into her room. I found myself chuckling at her enthusiasm.
I picked up our bowls from the table and started washing them out in the sink. I looked back over my shoulder and into her direction when I heard her clear her throat, trying to get my attention. She wore a nice aqua tee shirt and jeans with a black leather jacket much like mine over her shoulders. I looked at the jacket with narrowed eyes, realizing that was my jacket.
"Nice!" I smiled. "My jacket looks good on you."
She giggled, walking over to my side and kissed me softly. "I thought so too. Don't mind, do you?"
"Of course not my little angel," I smirked. She looked to me with aw set eyes. I couldn't help but smirk crookedly at her, holding her gaze for a moment. She definitely lived up to her name of being an angel.
The second I finished the dishes, we both ran out of the house like kids high on sugar. I was surprised by how fast Angel could run in her condition. She was almost as fast as me and just as fit if not more so. I had to say that I was very much impressed by how she had kept herself so healthy. I wasn't a health expert, nowhere near it really, but I could see just how much she was into it. She wouldn't have been able to run so fast for the amount of time she had and not be breathless if she hadn't kept herself fit and well.
Half way between my grandfather's place and second beach, I looked up to her standing in the sunlight laughing and giggling at how far she was ahead of me. "Come on Jacob! I'll beat you there!" she laughed and took off running. I smirked and took off running after her. Little did she know that I hadn't been running as fast as I could have been, but with the hundred to two hundred metres advantage she beat me to the house easily.
"Beaten by a girl," I said breathlessly with humour, leaning against the cream painted brick house. I looked to Angel with a dark smirk on my face. She laughed, while also catching her breath.
"Yeah, how does it feel?"
"Good, because she was better than me at running," I smiled.
"Uh huh . . . you let me win, didn't you Jacob?"
"What? No. You won, fair and square." And that was the truth. I never let anyone win. I liked winning too much to lose, but with Angel it was something different. I liked seeing her win. It made me even more proud of her than I already was.
Once we caught our breaths, I took the key from the top of the door and unlocked the house. The floor was all wooden and spotless from my sister looking after the place. The walls where a white-cream, all the furniture in the house apart from the white couch were made of wood and the fire place was made of grey stone. The cream white couch sat in front of the fire place and a white rug that ran from under the couch and across the room. The dinner table was to our left, the wooden stairs just away from the dinner table. Behind the stairs led into the medium sized kitchen. To the left of the fire place was a huge window with screen doors to go outside. The ocean wasn't far from the house at all. I loved it here. It was so warm and homely even know no one had lived here in years.
"I love it Jacob," she said quickly. "Are you sure your family are okay with us using it?"
"Of course they are. This place was meant to be mine someday and now it is," I smiled, looking down to her. She hugged me tightly, holding my hand tightly in hers when she let me go. "This place is incredible!" she said again. "It's so much better than Seattle."
I had to agree with her on that. I didn't go much on the city life. It was too much of a rush. It wasn't anything like living on the beach in the country. I loved living in La Push. There wasn't anything like it!
Keeping her hand in mine, she led the way over to the huge window with the screen doors. She stared out at the ocean. It was calmer than usual and looked as though there may have been another storm coming. It was dark out on the horizon and the clouds where gathering around the sky, but still brief moments of sun would appear.
I unlocked the screen door and stepped outside into the slight breezy wind with Angel still at my side. We both smiled with the feeling of the sun's rays upon our skin. We sat on the concrete of the veranda in the sun. Both our hands meet as we reached up for the sun to come closer to us. My eyes softened and closed as I smiled. Resting my forehead on hers and then looking back up to our hands again and entwining them together within the warm sunlight. It felt so nice, so right to have her hand within my own. It was just perfect.
We sat there for hours, talking, joking and playing around. The storm soon came and ruined my plans for the rest of the day, but they weren't really anything that we couldn't do tomorrow if it wasn't raining. We stayed on the veranda the whole time the rain came down. Just far enough under cover that we weren't getting wet.
We watched the lightning on the horizon, flashing brightly over the ocean. Sometimes, we even saw it hit the water. I loved watching the lightning snake through the sky and feel in the air after a lightning storm. The air was just always so fresh and crisp. It was nice.
On dark we went inside and that was when I found out that we didn't have any power connected to the house. Angel didn't care. She thought watching the light show outside was better than lights on inside and we still had a fire to keep us warm. We decided on having takeout for the night and shopping for food tomorrow when we had power to cook.
We went back to my father's place, getting a few things for both Angel and I for us to live in my grandfather's home. Of course, my father was glad to hear that after all these years the house was finally getting used and lived in. It had been sitting there doing nothing for almost twenty years.
Once we got our things, I drove into Forks and got our takeout from the diner and headed back to our new place. I lit the fire and kept the curtains open as we sat in front of the windows inside eating and watching the lightning flash over the ocean again. The rain and wind had stopped, but I got the feeling the silence wasn't going to last for long. It was the silence before the storm. And sure enough I was right.
Just as we finished eating, the rain came back, hitting the window so hard that neither of us could look outside. The wind hit the house just as hard. I was glad that my grandfather's place was built for this kind of weather otherwise it would have fallen down around us within the first few moments of the storm.
Before long, I had to pull the curtains to a close as the lightning was getting too wild and violent. The elders of the tribe believed that if the curtains were open, the lightning could easily strike inside. I didn't really believe it, but I didn't knock it either. I just didn't see what difference curtains would make to stopping the lightning hitting the house.
Seems there wasn't enough light upstairs to see to make the bed, both Angel and I curled up on the couch and fell asleep with blanket over us and the fire slowly dying as the night went on. For all the times I had fallen asleep on the couch, I hadn't slept well at all until that night with Angel. I thought it had been the best night sleep I had ever gotten. I thought and knew that it was to do with her.
It wasn't until ten o'clock in the morning we awoke. The house was still pitch black with the curtains were still pulled together. When I opened them, it revealed a dull day, but thankfully, it wasn't raining. It was unseasonably warm. Something I wasn't used to.
"Hey, why don't we check out the forests around here today?" I suggested, looking over to Angel eating breakfast on the floor in front of the fire. Thankfully my father let us take some food from his place last night when we went over there.
"I'd love to," she smiled sweetly and brightly.
I called up the electrician and made sure the power would be connected by tonight before we went grocery shopped and then headed out hiking through the forests around the house. I hadn't really ever taken much notice to the environment around the house before. I hadn't been in the forests around my grandfather's much either. None of us really needed to go so far and deep into the woodland before.
Together we both saw frogs and birds, neither of us had ever seen before and even a deer. Before long, we found a little meadow with a signal tree in the middle of it. Sitting together, we took a break from hiking and enjoyed the small little place of mystery we had found.
"So what do you want to do now?" I questioned, looking to her with my wrists resting against my knees as she sat beside me in the long glass.
"I want to keep looking around here. It's so pretty." I watched as she looked up from the grass to the forest and she seemed to freeze dead where she sat and how she was sitting. "Jacob," she whispered, without moving. Her tone was almost faint.
"What's wrong?"
Her hand lifted in front of her, pointing toward the forest. I looked up and smiled slightly with seeing a sandy wolf walking out of the forest slowly watching the two of us. "Angel, it's okay." I brushed the side of her face softly, making her look to me. "It's just my friend Seth," I said softly, standing to my feet and walking over to him.
"H-he's your friend?" she stuttered, looking like she was in shock.
"Yeah," I smiled, turning around to face her while speaking.
Seth barked softly, bounding around me with excitement in his eyes and barks. He bowed down before me, wagging his tail in the air, wanting to play like we used to together. I leaned down to his level, patting his head and whispering into his ear, "Go up to Angel. She's not too sure what to think." He tilted his head to the side, looking up to me. I nodded and watching as he walked up to her and nosed the side of her arm. Slowly, her hand rose to the side of his face. His eyes closed softly as she patted him. I could see Angel becoming at ease around Seth. I couldn't blame her for been a little wary. He was a huge wolf after all. But if she thought he was huge, she should see me. I smirked with that thought coming to mind. I would have to show her one day soon, while the others weren't around. I knew that she would want to one day. Well, I guessed she would anyway.
I sat down in the grass, smiling while watching both Seth and Angel played together. Angel was now roughing up Seth like he was her own dog. I couldn't help but smirk and laugh while watching them. Seth just knew how to bright up a person's life and make them laugh. I loved that about him. He was always carefree and wanting to play. He would do anything to make someone happy or smile.
After a while of Seth playing with Angel, he ran over to me and knocked me to the ground playfully while growling. "Alright Seth, came down!" I laughed. He barked at me as he stood back. His ears pricked with us both hearing a howling off in the distance. He sighed, rolling his eyes knowing that Sam wanted him back. He looked up to me, as if to be asking if he could stay, but I wasn't the one who called the shots anymore.
"Go. Sam wants you," I smiled, roughing him again before letting him go as he disappeared into the forest of trees and scrubs. I went back over to Angel's side, sitting back down beside her, still smiling.
"Seth's very playful, but gentle."
I nodded. "He'll do anything to make you smile."
"A little like you," she whispered, looking to me with a shy smile on her face.
I looked to her slightly shocked. I used to be like that, before my mum died. "Used to, you mean."
"No, you still do it. You try and make me smile all the time. Renesmee told me that you did it to her too."
I looked down to the grass around me and my ring on my finger. I didn't realize that. I didn't think that I tried to make people smile like I used to. I felt like since my mum had died, like I had lost the part of me that made me smile and the other people who were around me, but apparently, that wasn't true. I was still doing it without realizing.
She leaned into my side slightly, finding my hand and placing it into hers. "You make me smile all the time Jacob," she whispered.
I looked to her, slightly surprised and then realized what she was saying was true. I had noticed her smiling a lot lately, especially around me.
"You're just warm like the sun, but you lighten up the dark skies like the moon at midnight."
I smiled slightly, wrapping my arms around her. "It's funny, because, Renesmee used to think I was the sun."
"You're both," she whispered, her hand coving mine at the side of her neck. "For some you bring warmth and life like the sun, others you bring light and protection of the darkness like the moon."
I smiled again, this time staying silent. I guess she was right in many ways. I had brought warmth and life into Renesmee's life and she had done the same for me. And now I had brought light and protection into Angel's life.
I sighed, looking up to the sky. It was growing darker with each second that passed and I could sense a storm on the way. I hoped it was far off as we were far from home and I didn't think the cold rain would help Angel any.
Once we got home, it was almost dark. But thankfully we now had power throughout the house. I turned on the lights just as a crake of thunder sounded behind us. I could smell the sweet and fresh scent of rain in the wind. I loved the smell of the rain at night.
The next few days went by slowly. Everything looked like it was all normal in my life, until I wasn't around Angel. It was within those moments that she wasn't around that I was fearful and scared for us both. I didn't know what I was going to do or be without her. I didn't want to be hurt again, but I still wasn't going to leave her. I couldn't and wouldn't!
I could see that each day that passed, slowly life slipped out of her. I could see that unlike the last time Carlisle had told Angel she only had a year left and she lived on for another three years . . . he wasn't wrong this time. At times, even when being around her, I would go into deep thought, so deep that I didn't even hear what people were saying to me. I just hoped that Angel didn't notice. I didn't want to worry her.
The rain and storms kept up, but it didn't stop either I or Angel from enjoying each other's company. We went hiking again the next day and found a huge water fall that I didn't even know existed in La Push. I was really enjoying my time with Angel. It felt nice and right for us to be together and having fun while we still could together.
It was when the end of the week came that I become obviously distant to everyone. It was the particular date that was affecting me. It had been three years since I'd lost Renesmee. I had gotten up early that morning, unable to sleep at all throughout the night. I walked down to the beach and sat on the huge rocks overlooking the ocean and watching the sunrise come and go. I just wanted to be alone that whole day. I didn't really care about anything else within that day. I was deep in thought the whole day, but my mind was blank at the same time. I was even numb.
The wind blew past me harshly, pulling my shirt into all different directions as I sat still with my wrists resting on top of my knees. I was staring at the ocean with blind eyes for hours, but at that point it felt like time didn't exist to me. Nothing really felt like it existed anymore to me. Not today at least. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes and resting my forehead on top of my hands. I couldn't go through the pain of losing someone I loved again. I just couldn't. . . I didn't know what to do, or what I could do.
"Hey Jake!" I heard a familiar voice shout from on the beach. I looked up and over my shoulder, seeing Embry walking up to me. He was the last person I needed and wanted to see. I couldn't keep secrets from my best friend.
I didn't move. I acted as if I hadn't seen him or heard him speak. After a while he was standing on the rock with me. "Jacob, did you hear me?"
I looked up to him, answering with my eyes. Wasn't it obvious that I had and just wanted to be left alone? I thought it was.
"What's with you lately?!" he said in a harsher tone.
"Nothing," I mutter, getting up and going over the edge of the rock and sat back down on it again.
"Really? Cause I see different."
I turned around and looked to him with darkened eyes. "And what do you see Embry?!" I growled. I didn't know why, but I just wanted to get him out of my hair and for him to leave me alone. The only way I knew that I could do that was to piss him off enough to leave.
"I'm looking at you Jacob and it's like you're not even there! You're not yourself anymore! I know things have been hard on you, but you need to get over it. You've got Angel now! You can't past, no matter how much you try!" he growled. That stung. He knew what a love of an imprint was like. He knew all the feelings of having an imprint as Kim was his imprint. He loved her like I loved Renesmee.
I didn't answer him. I just stared back out to the ocean, hoping he would leave, but I should have known better. He sat down beside me, staying silent for a moment. "Just tell me what is going on Jacob." His voice was calm and cool now, but something just snapped in me.
"Angel's dying! Is that what you wanted to hear Emb!? Just leave me alone, please." My tone started out harsh and ended soft. The pain of my own words had struck me. Reality had fully struck me now. She had days left, not even a week if Carlisle was right on with things.
He stared at me with shocked eyes, staying for another moment before disappearing all together without a word. Maybe he understood now. I just needed some space, some time alone to figure things out for myself. I sighed deeply, fighting back my emotions, but it wasn't long before they took over me. My father had always said that men don't cry over anything. But I wasn't him.
I stared up at the cloud covered sun at around what I thought was noon. I could hear sounds in the house behind me and then felt eyes on me. I knew it was Angel. I knew she was watching me, but I stayed on the rocks, still thinking. I still just wanted to be alone. I played with Renesmee's ring on my ring finger. Turning it over and over with my thumb, thinking about our past together, the fun we had and the things we did. We were perfect for each other. We were so much alike and so in-love with each other. If I could have, I would have done things over again. I would have made it so that she lived on. She had more to live for than me. She was stronger than me too. She would have taken things better than I had. That was for sure.
The day went on slowly, too slowly for my liking. It was around five o'clock before I even budged off of that rock and went back home. But even when I did go back home, I still wanted to be back on that rock alone. But I had to get on with things.
Angel greeted me back warmly. She had been worried sick about me, but knew that I just wanted time alone. I was grateful that she understood me and the things I needed and wanted. I was surprised by the fact that she knew me better than my own best friend, but then again, Embry was only trying to help. I couldn't blame him if he never wanted to speak to me again after the way I had treated him. I could see that he just wanted to help me, but I didn't need help. I needed time.
It was just on dark, I we were both sitting on the veranda and staring out to the horizon. "You know Jacob, I've always wondered what you would look like in your wolf form," she said quietly without looking at me. I looked to her with hearing her words. She looked to me to me then, with feeling my gaze upon her. "What colour is your coat?"
"Russet," I answered.
"Your eyes?"
"Similar to what they are now."
"Can I see?"
I smiled crookedly and softly. "Of course you can." I stood up and went to the side of the house where she wouldn't see me undressing. I phased quickly, thinking and questioning if any of the others were around. It didn't seem to be that they were. I guessed they were all having dinner. Slowly I walked back around to where Angel was sitting on the veranda. Her eyes went wide with seeing me. I stood back from her, not wanting to scare her and I couldn't blame her if she was.
A smile appeared on her face and her eyes brighten. "You're huge Jacob and I thought Seth was big."
I couldn't help but laugh when she said that. I took another cautious step toward her. She stood up and placed her hand on the side of my face, kissing my forehead softly as she leaned closer to me. Her hand ran softly through my coat over my chest. Her arms wrapped around my neck, holding me tightly. "Your amazing Jacob!" she whispered softly into my neck. My paw rested on her back softly, resting my head against hers.
"I love you. Phase back please?" I stepped back from me slightly. I looked to the ground and then to my clothes sitting next to the side of the house, visible from where we stood together. She giggled slightly; running her hand down the side of my face and making me look to her. "Don't worry," she whispered. "I love you."
I phased back quickly, looking up to her as I knelt down on my knee, looking up to her. "I love you too Angel," I said softly before standing. Her arms wrapped around my neck tightly holding me closely the instant I stood up. Her lips brushed against mine in a heated and passionate kiss I hadn't ever felt before. I could feel her every emotion in her touch, her love, her kiss. There was fear, passion, desire and love. I felt it all.
My hands ran down the side of her face, leaning back away from her for a moment but my lips still slightly touching hers. "Don't be scared. I'm here. I always will be here for you. I love you." She nodded with a tear coming down the side of her face. I wiped it away and kissed her again. "It's okay. Don't be scared."
Her hand ran up the side of my neck, running through my hair while kissing me again. I could feel her fear running out of her body with each kiss I gave her back. I was here to protect her and give her everything I felt for her and had.
She leaned away from me for a moment. "You've showed me everything that I didn't know Jacob. You've gave me the things I hadn't ever felt before in my life. Love, passion, and the feeling of been protected from everything I'm scared of. Now . . . I want you to show me desire."
I stared her in the eye, searching through her eyes for the truth behind her words. My index finger softly ran from the side of her jaw and over her lower lip. "You're sure?" I whispered huskily and almost silent before brushing my lips over hers again.
"Yes," she nodded with closed eyes before looking up to me and kissing me back with a shaky breath.
*****
I awoke in our bed around five hours after we had fallen asleep together. I looked down to Angel peacefully sleeping against my chest, a slight smile on her lips as I watched her. Something had woken me, but I didn't know what. Suddenly my phone vibrated on the bed side table, telling me I had a text. I flipped it open before it woke her.
We found him Jacob.
Sam
It read. I knew who Sam was speaking of. I had told him to tell me when they next saw Tyron. I took a deep and silent breath, looking out the window to see the rain falling heavily outside. Carefully, I slipped out of bed without waking Angel. I had to go out and help them. This was it.
I pulled on my jeans, writing out a note for Angel and placed it on the side of the bed table for her to see. I looked her over from the doorway before running out into the rain. I ran quickly again the shoreline of the beach. The icy cold rain - almost snow - fell upon my skin, soaking me from head to toe, to the bone. Good. I needed to be ice cold. Droplets of both sweat and rain ran slowly down my back, face and stomach as I ran. I could see my own breath in the air as I ran faster than I had ever before in my human form. I was cold to the bone until I phased into my wolf form. I could hear the pack not far off from where I stood on the edge of the beach. I took another deep breath and took off running again.
The rain was heavy upon my back. It made things hard to see. I caught up with the pack on the borderline of Forks and La Push. I could see Tyron jumping from side to side of the borderline, over a river, making it hard for us to get to him easily. He glared at me with narrow eyes when he caught slight of me. I growled at him back. He didn't know who he had been messing with!
Nice to have you back Jacob, Sam thought.
Wish it was on better means, I thought back.
It will be.
Embry was staying silent, focusing on the job at hand and nothing else. I wanted to say sorry to him for how I had acted earlier, but I had to focus for now. It could wait. It had to.
Where are the others? I questioned.
Out or asleep, Sam answered while running faster.
I watched carefully as Tyron tried to put us off of his pattern of jumping from side to side. I jumped over the side of the small river and onto his side, stopping him from getting away from us so easily. He eyed me carefully as he ran, but kept up with his jumping. He was faster than the usual vampires we found in the past.
I growled, getting quickly annoyed with his games with us. I leaped at him as he jumped onto the other side of the river where Sam and Embry were running. The second my paws touched him in mid-air, I also felt his fangs sink deeply into my shoulder. I yelped loudly in pain of his venom running through my veins quickly. Just before I phased back, Sam ripped him from my shoulders and took care of him.
"Jake!?" I heard Embry's voice shouting loudly over and over again. "Jacob?!"
I couldn't answer for the pain going through me. The fire, it strung as it went through my veins with each beat of my heart. It felt like a million knives were cutting into my veins with each millisecond that went by.
My hand gripped the top of my shoulder tightly, trying to do anything that would stop the pain and fire going through me. I couldn't stand it anymore! It hurt more than anything I had ever felt before. I didn't know when it would stop, but I knew that it wouldn't leave me alive without some miracle.
I could hear Embry telling me wake up, to move, to do anything. I thought I was moving. I thought I was on my side, gripping my shoulder and grimacing. I then heard Sam's voice. I smell the scent of blood, my blood. He had bitten me deeply. I could feel that much.
Suddenly, my vision was going cloudy and the flame was going. I didn't understand what was happening. But, it didn't feel right for the venom to be leaving my system. Vampires had a lethal bite on werewolves.
My emotions changed suddenly. I wasn't scared anymore. Because I knew what was happening and what would happen. My and Angel's lives would be altered greatly now. Things wouldn't ever be the same for the two of us ever again. Especially Angel's life. I knew what I was in her life to do now. What I had been in her life to do, and I had done it all, but one thing.
"Embry," I said almost silently with weakness to speak or breath. "Look after Angel for me. And I'm sorry for how I had acted earlier."