Dreams were a terrifying escape from reality. They meant you didn't have to face the waking world. But in the dark corners of the mind, horrors were infinite. I'd come to dread them as much as being awake. Scared to close my eyes, and just as afraid to open them. So it stunned me when I awoke some sixteen hours later, to the sounds of morning without any memory of any dream at all.
Softly filtered light lingered between the weave of the curtain's fabric, muted and pale. I blinked slowly, groggy. My wolf yawned in my head, huffing at being woken before she was ready. I rubbed the edge of one of the blankets, grounding myself in the cotton texture between my fingers as I breathed deep. No scent beyond mine and the barest hint of Britta's dog wood blossom smell lingered in the air. The realization that I had been truly alone during the night was comforting.
I yawned and pushed myself up. I hadn't bothered to change out of the towels, both of which were now crumbled in the bed with me and the robe belt loose so that it gaped open to the waist. I picked them out of the tangle of blankets and laid them at the foot of the bed to take back downstairs with me so I could hang them up and reuse them. Then I crawled out of bed, rolling my neck on my shoulders and stretching wide up on my tip toes. I felt...better. More solidly in my body. That...was such a nice change.
I made the bed, wanting to keep the wholesomeness of the calm space and snagged the towels and went downstairs. Once in the bathroom, I took care of my personal business, washed my hands, hung the towels up, and set about finding a tooth and hairbrush. I found both in the small drawer under the sink. I scrubbed my grubby feeling teeth, then set about tackling the rats nest sleeping with wet hair always caused. I was even luckier when I found a hair tie in the drawer, and quickly braided my hair it into a single thick plait that I let hang over my shoulder. Then I went and grabbed my eye patch and fixed it into place. It was easy to adjust. Satisfied I didn't look rabid, I headed back to the loft and hunted for something to wear. I found a matching pair of black bras and panties, which to my surprise actually fit. I wasn't as busty as I'd been, so the B-cup was a solid find, and the panties were a boy short cut, which I preferred.
Actual clothes were a little dicey. In the end I found a pair of faded blue jeans that fit at the waist but not the length, riding high on my ankles. I also found an olive t-shirt with Smokey the Bear on it, which I tossed beneath a baggy blue flannel that I left unbuttoned. Lastly, I pulled on a pair of plain white socks. I marveled at the feeling. I almost felt human. Downstairs, the front door opened, and the smell of eggs and bacon wafted up.
"Jolene! I brought breakfast!"
My stomach rumbled, the emptiness gnawing at me so that those little bubbles popped in the back of my throat. I swallowed, then went downstairs where Britta was unloading container after container of food. My mouth watered.
She smiled as soon as she saw me. "Good morning! I hope you slept well. I brought all the basics. Scrambled eggs, bacon, toast, orange juice, some fruit, coffee." She waved a thermos and grinned.
I went to the kitchen and found two coffee cups, plates, and forks which I carried to the table and set out. My mouth watered as she loaded up my plate high with food, then set it before me. I stared at it but was determined to not come off like a heathen by diving into it, no matter how hungry I felt. It wasn't until the coffee was poured and she'd taken her own seat before I started to shovel the food into my mouth. It was heaven.
My plate was nearly clean before I caught myself, freezing and looking up at her while heat bloomed in my cheeks.
She pretended not to have noticed; her attention riveted on her coffee. I straightened and lifted my own coffee, smelling the rich chicory wafting from the surface before sipping it. It had been so, so long.
"Right to the soul." she said, tapping a finger against the side of her mug. "You're more woman than I am though. Mine's mostly cream."
'She shouldn't feel bad about that. Coffee was coffee no matter how you liked to enjoy it.'
Britta chewed a piece of bacon thoughtfully. "Did you sleep well?"
I nodded. "Yes."
Her smile brightened. "I'm so glad. I can't imagine how tired you were after that drive."
"Yes." Was all I could think of to say.
It wasn't that I didn't want to talk to her, but I wasn't sure how to go about it. Goading Crowley had been...more of a coping mechanism more than actual conversation. And I wasn't convinced I could trust all this. It was too different. So, I remained quiet, despite her hopeful expression.
After a moment, Britta perked up and pointed at the duffle bag she'd sat on one of the previously empty chairs. "I also brought you a few more things. Toiletries, clothes I hope will fit you better, some make-up." She gestured to her own face. "Lord knows this isn't only the work of incredible genes."
"Thank you." I told her as sincerely as I could. 'For everything.'
She waved away my thanks with a flick of her wrist. "Oh gosh, please don't thank me for the bare necessities. You should have had most of this as a minimum."
'Can't wait to hear the price I'll have to pay for all of it either.' I thought a little bitterly.
Her hand reached out, as if to touch mine, then dropped and re-wrapped around her coffee mug. "May I be frank, Jolene?"
"Jo." I said and nodded.
"Jo then. I won't pretend to know the extent of everything that happened to you. There are some reports but...I doubt they tell the whole story, I'm sure." She looked down into her mug, as if picking her words carefully. "I can't even imagine it. I can't erase it, or fix it, or do much at all to help you recover from it. But I can do this. I can make sure you're comfortable, and that you have a space where you can feel safe, however that means to you now. Eventually, maybe I can even be your friend. That I can promise."
My wolf let out a low whine. She believed what Britta was saying. In essence, she didn't promise much, but I didn't see how acknowledging it could bite me in the ass. Comfortable and a space where you can feel safe however that means to you... a well-crafted sentence that allowed me to set the parameters of what I'd accept. Putting the decision in my hands. It was humbling.
"I think I can deal with that." I replied softly as my cheeks warmed again.
Britta smiled. "Then that's where we'll start. I'd be happy to answer any questions you might have. If I don't know the answer, I'll hunt down someone who does."
I bit the inside of my mouth, debating. "What will happen to me now?"
She blinked, like she hadn't really expected me to ask something. Which was fair, considering how little I'd said up to this point. "That I think, is a matter of time and depends on you, to some degree. For now, you'll live here in this cabin. Very few will have access, so you'll have privacy and a place you don't have to worry others will just come in and out of. A pack as big as ours can be a lot to get used to. An acclimation period if you will. You'll get to know us, and we'll get to know you. Trust isn't something that just happens overnight. Each pack member does something for the benefit of the collective. Growing food, security, accountants, teachers, cleaning. When you're ready, we'll see what kind of job is best suited for your skills."
It made sense. Despite the nature of my arrival here, I was as much a stranger to them as they were to me. They had families, children to consider. It was understandable. But everything she'd said was all contingent on me staying here on their pack lands.
"Am I allowed to leave?" I asked, my gaze boring into hers.
She met my eyes steadily, before having to look away. It was a challenge, to meet the eyes of another for too long.
"No. You're not." She replied, reading between the lines of my question. "But not for the reason you might suspect."
"Because you own me?" I demanded.
Britta shook her head. "Because of what can be done to you, or with you."
My brow furrowed and I tilted my head, the anger that had started to rise falling away. "I don't understand."
"It might be easier if Alpha Kyrian explained. I told him to clear his schedule this morning in case you had questions. Will you come with me to his office?"
I considered, staring down at my empty place. The food in my stomach turned to lead. "Okay."
Britta waited as I went to the shoe rack to pull on a pair of new boots while she cleaned up the table. Then together, we walked out into the morning air. A pair of wolves I didn't recognize sat on patio furniture just outside and scrambled to their feet as we stepped onto the porch. A male and female, both in identical short sleeved black t-shirts and blue jeans.
"Tripp. Rita." Britta greeted them before turning to head towards the pack house. They fell into step behind me, not bothering to mask the hint of hostility that wafted off them like steam. My wolf encouraged me to guard our back, to turn and growl at them so they'd move away, but I pushed her farther back into my mind. We'd had guards before, this wasn't any different.
There weren't too many wolves up yet, a few lounging on different couches or on chairs as we entered the main building. They all stopped whatever they were doing to stare at our group as we went up the first set of stairs to the second floor, and down a long corridor until we came to a heavy oak door.
Britta rapped hard on the wood, and waited till she heard the answer on the other side.
She twisted the handle and pushed it open, revealing a classic study type office with multiple bookshelves, art in ornate frames that hung on the walls, and a large solid wooden desk behind which Alpha Kyrian sat with Avery at his back.
The Alpha gestured to the two empty seats in front of his desk. "Have a seat." He said, and the office door closed behind us.