Ian Walker
Riley was supposed to come with me on Friday night, it was a four hour drive so we were going to go up and stay at the ranch that my cousins own, and then the wedding was on Saturday. But I was driving down the dry, empty highway alone, and the radio station was depressing me. I clenched my jaw and punched the power button and shut the radio off. I was going to drive in silence, and alone.
I had pictured it, all of it. We would go on this road trip together, she would probably wear something that drove me crazy the whole time. I would probably get us in a crash because I would be too distracted by her. She would probably light a cigarette and hang it out the window, tapping it on the car door. I would ask her for a drag of it and she would tease me with it just like she does with her lips. Then she would turn on some music, I would pretend to hate it and make fun of her, but I would actually love it. I would listen especially hard to the songs that she pointed out saying 'Oh this one's good!' like an excited little kid. I would bounce my head to the rhythm and listen to the words, memorizing them, making note of the ones that reminded me of her.
I glanced at the radio. It was taunting me. I cursed under my breathe and turned it back on, searching for a station, until I heard a song I liked. I stopped on one that sounded nice, but as it progressed, I recognized it. It was a song Riley showed me, the beginning was slow and quiet but then around the chorus it would get louder and more intense, even the lyrics got more harsh, but not scary. It was still a relatively quiet song. I hummed to it, and thought about her.
When I got to the ranch, it was dinner time. There was a huge house with all of seven rooms, enough for most of the family members to share rooms and stay a few days, at least the ones who lived really far. When I walked in, with my head hung, scratching the back of my neck, my mom let out a scream.
"Ian!" She ran up to me and hugged me wrapped me in a hug. My mother was a loud woman, she was everyones favorite person though, she loved everyone, and she showed it. I hugged her back.
"Hey mom, I missed you, how you been?" She pulled away but kept her hands on my shoulders, she was much shorter than me.
"I missed you too, and I would be much better if you visited me once in awhile instead of hiding away in that city of yours." I rolled my eyes teasingly.
"I saw you last month mom." She slapped me on the shoulder.
"Come say hello to your cousin, she's getting married tomorrow, can you believe it?" I shoved my hands in my pockets and followed her in the kitchen.
"I know mom, that's why we're here." She slapped me again with the towel she was holding.
"Don't be smart." All my family members were sitting around the table in the kitchen chatting with empty plates in front of them. They waved and greeted me, but mostly just continued their conversation. My cousin Emma stood up from the table and hugged me.
"Ian! Oh god how are you? I'm getting married tomorrow! Can you believe it!" I hugged her back.
"I know, mom said the same thing. How are you? Haven't seen you in ages."
"Well maybe if you came around more." I rolled my eyes.
"Mom said that too." She sat back down at the table and I stood next to her.
"So where's your friend? The girl you said you were bringing?" I took a deep breathe, I thought about everyone asking me this question, I rolled it over in my head a thousand times on the way here, I still felt like I would pass out.
"She couldn't make it." Emma looked at me, with curious eyes, but she didn't ask.
"It's a shame, I was looking forward to you bringing a girl to meet the family for once." I nodded, biting my bottom lip. The room got awkwardly silent, until my mom spoke up.
"Who wants dessert!" Everyone cheered and continued to chat amongst themselves. I sat down and my mom set a plate with a piece of pie on it in front of me. I thanked her, but I didn't feel like eating. So I pushed it aside and sat quietly, while everyone around me talked. When it was over and everyone was putting dishes in the sink and heading upstairs, Emma stopped me in the hallway.
"You're going to tell me all about this girl before you go to bed, I'm not letting you off." Then she winked at me and went back into the kitchen.
When I was in my room, Emma knocked on the door and came in. She sat down on the bed in her pajamas and smiled at me.
"Ems, you should go to bed, it's late and in case you've forgotten, you're getting married tomorrow." She swatted me on the arm.
Emma and I were only a couple years apart and we were the closest in age amongst our cousins, so we'd always had a pretty close relationship.
"No, I wanna talk to you, and besides, I can't sleep anyways, I might as well make use of my time." I nodded
"So, you're getting married Ems, did you ever think this would happen?" She chuckled and looked down at her lap.
"No. Never. Not in a million years." It was silent for a second. "You know honestly, when Mike proposed I was so scared, like I thought it was the end of my life. I didn't know if I really loved him because once the idea of spending the rest of my life with him popped into my head, I started having my doubts." I looked at her, curious, wanting to know more.
"You didn't know if you loved him?" She nodded,
"No I knew, in my heart I always knew. Hell, I knew from the moment we met and he said 'I think your zipper is down.' I was just scared, like I didn't want to admit that I loved him because I thought it would change everything. Like suddenly we'd become boring and an annoying lovey couple and it would mean all this commitment and things would change." I looked at her, eager to hear more.
"Well did it? Did things change?" She laughed.
"No, we're still a couple of kids doing dumb shit, but we're in love. That's enough." I nodded, only somewhat understanding. She yawned.
"Are you tired?" I asked her. She stretched her arms and nodded.
"Yeah, I'm going to bed." She stood up and walked towards the door. "But don't think this means I won't still be talking to you about this mysterious girl that didn't show up." She said, shutting the door behind her. It was a lonely night without Riley.
The next morning, I begrudgingly got out of bed when my mom came in and hit me with a kitchen towel, yelling at me to come downstairs and help with breakfast.
As much as I didn't enjoy it, I was a hell of a cook. Me and my mom making food together was like a gift to everyone eating the food, we were culinary geniuses.
First, I fried the bacon, then my mom poured her blueberry pancake mix over half the bacon, and her chocolate chip pancake mix over the other half of the bacon. The bacon cooks inside the pancake: blueberry/chocolate chip bacon pancakes. The idea was a gift from the gods.
We had to cook a lot because there was a lot of family staying, everyone else would drive up for the wedding ceremony which wasn't until noon. So me and mom made breakfast while everyone else ran around like crazy people trying to get everything ready for the big day.
I had imagined what today would be like with Riley too. She would cook with me and my mom, even though she would act like she didn't want to. Then she would go upstairs and get ready, and she would wear something perfect, she always does. Her hair would be perfect, and her makeup would be perfect. She was always perfect, even in her worst moments and even through all her flaws, I only saw perfection. I imagined her holding my hand during the ceremony, and then maybe dancing with me at the reception. I was so naive, and so stupid to think Riley would do any of those things.
After breakfast, I had to help clean up. My mom never went easy on me, but it's because I'm the youngest in my family and she doesn't want me to think anything will ever be handed to me. Her lessons came in handy.
I went upstairs to put on my dress shirt and pants and all the other uncomfortable pieces to the ensemble; the belt, the shoes, the trousers, not a fan. I looked in the mirror and spruced myself up. I didn't look half bad. When I was in middle school and high school, I didn't quite fill out dress clothes like I do now. I looked like my father. I ran my fingers through my hair one last time before heading downstairs and outside.
In the yard a bit off from the ranch, there were chairs and an arch and all the stuff you set up to make a wedding. I headed over, and everyone was running around, arranging placemats, setting up flowers, stacking gifts, it was mad. I tried my best to stand off to the side and not bother anyone, and to not get dragged into having to do anything. I busied myself with the tablecloths next to me, acting like I was folding and unfolding, and then refolding them.
I knew I shouldn't have been thinking about it, but I couldn't help but think how different everything would be if Riley were there. She changes everything around her, she has this effect, like casting a spell. When she steps into a room, things become slower, a whole new light shines on everything, a whole new tone. I still haven't figured out if it's good or bad yet, but I know it drives me crazy.
If she were here, I wouldn't be pretending to fold table clothes in the corner, I would be laughing with her, looking at her, doing something like stealing licks of the cake without anyone noticing or switching around name tags for fun or hiding away like children. When she's around me, I see everything in a different light. It's like this magical hazy cloud that follows her, like you're drunk with her even when you're not, I was in deep.
I turned my head and caught a glimpse out of the corner of my eye, that magical hazy cloud. She was here, she was standing about fifty feet away from me, like a ghost. I blinked to see if she would disappear, if I was really that pathetic that I'd imagined her, but no.
Riley was here.
-
okey
soooooo keep reading ya'll! I feel like there's a bit of a lull here but trust me it will keep going, I don't know how much more this story has to go but I have some plans for it for sure
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