The day comes for Wooyoung to leave and Seonghwa resigns himself to two months of hell without his best friend.
He hadn't realized until the moment Wooyoung came to stand in his doorway, his bags packed next to him, that the younger man is the only person in Seonghwa's life who actually cares about him rather than merely tolerating his existence because of money or fame.
When he leaves for the bus station, Seonghwa gives him a curt side hug and wishes him luck before listening to the sound of the front door closing shut with a resounding boom that echos in the large apartment.
He's already dressed for the day— Wooyoung had insisted on helping Seonghwa out of bed— but he doesn't want to begin his routine just yet.
It doesn't help that Hongjoong looks over at him expectantly, like he's waiting for Seonghwa to break out the friendship rings and pop wheelies with his chair out of excitement.
Of course, he's pissed that his best friend and caretaker is gone.
Who wouldn't be?
Things had been awkward over the last few days while the nurse had observed Wooyoung interacting with Seonghwa, but now that they are alone, the discomfort is at an all time high.
But apparently, Hongjoong isn't the type to let Seonghwa brood, and immediately offers to make breakfast like nothing has happened.
Hongjoong, with his shitty bleach job on his mullet-like mop of hair, with traces of faux tattoos still clinging to his skin.
Hongjoong, with his tiny dog that Seonghwa wants to despise but it's hard when the animal looks like a literal ball of joy, no pun intended.
Hongjoong, whose personality is basically a mystery.
Hongjoong is a stranger.
So Seonghwa merely undoes the brakes on his chair and returns upstairs to lie back in his bed and stare up at the ceiling.
He cries softly, hating himself for his disability, for tying Wooyoung to him all because of his stupid fucking legs.
His legs that won't work, that don't care about his humiliation or fear, that will continue to not work years from now, with Wooyoung still solely responsible for them because Seonghwa will always be just a broken man.
He knows that Wooyoung will worry about him the entire time he's gone.
He knows that his friend will feel guilty for leaving Seonghwa like this and the elder hates himself for being such a burden.
Even if Seonghwa managed to convince Wooyoung to go live his life to the fullest without him, he would always be someone's problem to take care of.
And right now, he is Hongjoong's problem.
Seonghwa isn't usually so quick to get emotional, but something about replacing the familiar with such a chaotic unknown has him on edge.
How can he possibly trust Hongjoong with not just his physical needs but his emotional ones as well?
Because this job isn't just about disability, it was about Seonghwa's inability to feel anything but desolate.
He would've given up long ago if Wooyoung hadn't been there to fill in all the holes in his crushed heart.
It's only for two months, Wooyoung had told him, but to someone like Seonghwa, two months was just long enough to rip open old wounds; he might just bleed out if he has to let Hongjoong too close.
So he decides not to.
The first day of Wooyoung's absence goes relatively smoothly, thanks to both Yunho and Yeosang's presence.
The housekeeper and chef, respectively, seemed entranced by Hongjoong and his odd quirks, asking him about his profession like two bored housewives with nothing better to do.
Seonghwa assumed that Wooyoung asked them to try to lighten the atmosphere, but if that was the case, shouldn't they be clinging to Seonghwa?
Isn't Seonghwa the one in need of extra attention?
But of course, Seonghwa doesn't have a cute dog or a blinding smile.
He doesn't have interesting stories about growing up on the farm and learning to hide his dialect behind clipped words.
Seonghwa doesn't have much to talk about but his party days and even those are a bit hazy at best and both Yunho and Yeosang have heard enough about them for a lifetime.
So Seonghwa relented, and let the new guy have his day in the sun, chattering away about his hobbies and interests while Seonghwa sat at the table and tried not to regurgitate his food at the way Yeosang told Hongjoong that he has "model good looks" or the way Yunho appreciated the nurse's sense of style.
Seonghwa had to snort at that, because, what sense of style?
Hongjoong was dressed in plain black scrubs and gray converse.
Sure, he's got a million piercings in each ear and sort of has that whole "urban bohemian" thing going on, but style?
He's pretty sure the man has never even set foot inside a classy boutique.
The thought made him giggle again until he remembered— he hasn't stepped foot inside one either.
At least, not in the last four years.
After breakfast, the help dispersed, Yunho continuing on with his cleaning duties while Yeosang packed the fridge with pre-made meals before he wished them farewell to disappear to his restaurant.
Then it was just the two of them, staring at each other.
"I didn't really get to observe your normal schedule since Wooyoung was trying to train me over the past few days, so, what do you normally do during the day?" Hongjoong had asked him with a tight smile.
"I work," Seonghwa replied dryly before heading towards his studio down the hall.
Once inside, he spent the next four hours avoiding the other man even when he finished the vocal edits San had requested on a certain track.
He even messed around with some voice samples on the new software the entertainment company had recently purchased for San, but eventually that got boring.
He only came out about a half hour before Jongho was scheduled to arrive for therapy, and he waited until the nurse moved into the kitchen to grab something before he made his way upstairs to pee.
He then only came down when the sound of the doorbell rang out.
Just like the others, Jongho was eager to get to know Hongjoong better and the two hit it off immediately.
The therapist wanted to ask Seonghwa more pointless questions regarding the nurse all throughout their session together, but he was having none of it.
If Jongho even broached the subject of trying to befriend the strange man, Seonghwa would simply do that rocking thing with his hips that the other hated so much.
It was an instant distraction, which led to a lecture, which led to more sets of exercises.
Seonghwa never thought he would be so grateful for extra "hip flexor rotations" or whatever the hell Jongho called them, but he was.
Because for those brief moments, all he had to do was focus on the pressure in his hips and the stinging in his dying nerves.
What came after physical therapy, however, was the first major hiccup of the day.
Jongho had just exited the apartment when Seonghwa remembered that he was supposed to ask the therapist's assistance with help bathing him.
Hongjoong was helping Yunho move the dining table so the rug underneath it could get a good vacuuming, so Seonghwa put his chair in the lift and prayed that he could make it upstairs quickly enough before the nurse could notice.
He couldn't exactly bathe himself— he had never really tried due to fear of falling when he was trying to get into the shower stall— but he couldn't bear the thought of being so vulnerable with Hongjoong so immediately after they had just met.
He really didn't need a shower today; in fact, he had hardly broke a sweat during his therapy session, so he could always wait until tomorrow to ask Jongho for help.
Sure, Seonghwa didn't want the younger man seeing him naked either, but at least he was familiar.
Of course, he could also ask Yunho....
But he had already been down that road and had the memory of awkwardly popping an erection once when the housekeeper had taken his shirt off to wipe down the large windows one hot summer day.
It had been nearly two years since then but Seonghwa never quite got over the teasing.
Occasionally Yunho would still give him cheeky looks when he was scrubbing something or when he had to bend over to reach certain spots with his cloth.
It was all in good fun, but Seonghwa was not keen on enduring more mockery.
So no, Yunho was not an option and neither was Hongjoong.
So the young physical therapist it was.
If Seonghwa was mortified by the experience, he could always fire him and get a new therapist.
Wooyoung, however, would not let Hongjoong go, and it was Wooyoung who he respected.
So the nurse would stay, but there was no way in hell that he would ever get close to bathing Seonghwa.
Lest Hongjoong ask any questions, Seonghwa did his best to wipe himself down with a wet cloth and at least put on a new shirt.
He fluffed his hair and made his way downstairs to get dinner over with.
The meal was silent mostly, as Hongjoong was preoccupied with his phone.
After that, Seonghwa decided to retire to bed early, and it was then that they had their first real patient/nurse interaction.
Hongjoong had insisted on helping him with his entire nightly routine, but Seonghwa just really needed to take a shit and get into some sleeping clothes.
He almost expected Hongjoong to have wandered back downstairs after he had spent so long in the bathroom, but no, the nurse was waiting on him with a fresh set of pajamas in hand.
Though Seonghwa hated the entire ordeal, he had to admit that Hongjoong was extremely considerate.
It seemed that he had learned from his earlier fuck up and only touched Seonghwa after asking, and his hands were gentle as they pulled off his jogger pants to slip on roomier clothing.
Seonghwa peeled off his own shirt and put on the new one as Hongjoong helped him into fuzzy socks which Wooyoung had insisted were necessary after feeling Seonghwa's feet one morning and practically had a heart attack about how cold they were.
He said that he worried that the lack of warmth would somehow harm Seonghwa's blood circulation— Seonghwa had simply remarked that it wouldn't matter if his foot fell off.
He couldn't use it anyway.
At the end of the night, Seonghwa pulled himself into bed and Hongjoong had wished him goodnight, leaning in the doorway just as Wooyoung had that morning.
__
It's day two, and Seonghwa doesn't want to get out of bed.
There's a pressure in his pelvis that lets him know that he needs to get up to pee but he really doesn't want to.
Because that would signal the beginning of another exhausting day avoiding the nurse.
So he lies there— as he does most days— and stares at the early morning sunlight casting shapes on the wall.
They're the same shapes he sees every morning, the same shapes that have been there for four years.
They will be there when Seonghwa turns twenty-six and twenty-seven; they will be there when the other men his age consider their military service while he lies here and actually wishes he had the same woes as them.
"Seonghwa-ssi?"
There's a knock on the door.
Seonghwa groans and rolls over to look at the alarm clock.
It's about the time that Wooyoung told Hongjoong to try to get Seonghwa up everyday.
He grimaces and flops back down.
Maybe if he pretends to sleep, the other will leave him alone for a few more hours.
Hongjoong waits a few minutes before slowly opening the door.
Seonghwa shuts his eyes and feigns sleep, but that doesn't stop the nurse from approaching.
For a moment, all that can be heard in the room is the soft breathing that Seonghwa is trying hard to fake and the sound of Hongjoong shuffling on his feet beside the bed.
It's obvious that the nurse is checking to see if he's awake, but when the man doesn't immediately leave, Seonghwa grows curious.
Why is Hongjoong watching him sleep?
Is he hoping to catch Seonghwa in a lie?
The question is both answered and compounded when Seonghwa feels the feather-light brush of fingers moving his hair out of his eyes.
Hongjoong is gentle as he does so and it's hard for Seonghwa not to react.
Should he call the other out for such a strange gesture of affection?
What would be the purpose of that?
Instead, he continues to "sleep", only relaxing when Hongjoong sighs and walks away, closing the bedroom door softly behind him.
Seonghwa opens his eyes and blinks.
What was that?
Sure, Wooyoung had mentioned that Hongjoong was very considerate with his patients, but there was no medical need to caress him so gently and since the nurse hadn't known he was awake, it wasn't like he did so to foster some sort of bond between them.
So why?
The thought buzzes in his head as he pulls himself into his chair to begin his morning routine.
He pees, manages to wash his face and brush his teeth at the low-level sink and then he's wheeling back into his room.
Hongjoong is already waiting for him with a warm smile.
"You ready to get dressed for the day?" the nurse asks with a tone that's more hesitant than anything else.
Seonghwa supposes he would be nervous in the other man's spot; after all, Seonghwa isn't the most cordial of people when he's pissy or newly awake.
After selecting an outfit, Hongjoong proceeds to help him dress.
This time is much different than the previous night, however, because he will have to change completely, which means that he will be nude for the first time with his new caretaker.
Out of reflex, Seonghwa wants to refuse, but the truth is that he hasn't quite figured out how to dress his bottom half properly.
It's really a matter of getting underwear and pants up and down his legs because while he can bend at the waist, he can't draw his knees up and it becomes extremely difficult.
It crosses Seonghwa's mind that seeing him this way is no different than how Hongjoong will see him if he helps him into the shower, but somehow it's different.
For one, when Wooyoung helps, both of them are busy trying to put legs into holes and pull fabric up over skin, so it's a bit rushed and clinical.
Undressing someone with intent on leaving them bare, however, is far more intimate and carries a different weight to it.
Not to mention that after bathing, Hongjoong has to help dry off his naked, dripping body and Seonghwa has seen enough bad porn to know that shit like that can be awkward.
He just can't bring himself to reconcile the two situations and he doesn't think that's going to change anytime soon.
The process starts out slow, with Hongjoong obviously following Wooyoung's exact instruction because he drops to his knees and goes for Seonghwa's socks first, just like how his friend does.
In the meantime, Seonghwa pulls off his shirt and tugs on the new one and by then, Hongjoong is slipping Seonghwa's pants off.
The fabric slides down his dead legs as the nurse asks if he can grip Seonghwa by the hips to pull the waist of the pants down.
Seonghwa says yes, of course, and some small part of him is completely satisfied at the thought that Hongjoong still intends on asking his consent every time he needs to touch him.
He's certain that the man's other patients never had a problem like this, but Hongjoong humors him regardless.
The pants come off and then this is it— the moment Seonghwa has been dreading.
He braces himself when Hongjoong's tan fingers come to rest on the waistband of his underwear and Seonghwa lets out a little huff of air at the contact.
The nurse either doesn't notice or doesn't care because he begins to pull the fabric down.
Seonghwa tenses.
He feels sick, the realization of what is about to occur setting in completely.
In all of the four years, only one man has seen Seonghwa nude, has touched him like this, and that's only because he's known Wooyoung for over a decade.
But just when the moment becomes unbearable, Hongjoong pauses, his expressive eyes glancing up at Seonghwa from the floor.
"I can close my eyes if you're scared."
Scared?
If he's scared?
Seonghwa blinks incredulously down at the nurse.
The words slosh around his brain, taunting him, telling him that he's nothing more than a coward, because a complete stranger can tell that he can't even the stomach the idea of being nude.
Because he's hideous.
"Scared?" Seonghwa repeats, breathless.
He narrows his eyes.
"Scared? I'm goddamn uncomfortable! I'm not scared, Hongjoong-ssi! I'm not some fucking child who—"
Hongjoong is visibly embarrassed by his choice of wording.
He recoils back from Seonghwa's outburst.
"Shit, no, that's not what I meant," he tries to explain over Seonghwa's increasing rage. "I just meant that you looked anxious and I don't want you to be anxious. I—"
Grabbing the wheels of his chair, Seonghwa rolls backwards, putting distance between them.
"Go get Yunho. I'll have him do it."
"I'm so sorry, Seonghwa-ssi! I really didn't mean it like that! Please—"
"Get Yunho," Seonghwa hisses, his body burning with anger and shame.
Hongjoong's face immediately deflates and he rises to his feet.
He's holding his hands out in a gesture of supplication, but Seonghwa could not care less.
He was just treated like a bumbling child about to wet himself out of fear.
And then if that wasn't bad enough, Hongjoong had presented the question to him in such a taunting manner as if to say, "I'll make concessions for you since you're scared."
It was beyond disrespectful.
Wooyoung would never do such a thing.
Hongjoong leaves and about ten minutes later, a bewildered Yunho enters the room.
He gives Seonghwa a concerned look and then comes to stand by the chair.
"Hyung, Hongjoong said that you needed help getting changed, but I thought that he was supposed—"
"Yunho," Seonghwa's voice cracks just a little.
He closes his eyes and lets out a shaky breath.
"Just.... please."
He hates himself for it, but Seonghwa keeps his eyes closed the entire time.
He has no idea what Yunho's expression is during the whole ordeal and the next thing he knows, he's dressed and being brought down to breakfast.
The housekeeper casts one more concerned glance in his direction before leaving Seonghwa at the table.
__
Seonghwa doesn't talk to Hongjoong the rest of the day.
He just accepts the nurse's help with things here and there but he refuses to look him in the eye.
He's so wrapped up in his seething anger that once again, he forgets to ask Jongho for help with bathing.
In his defense, the therapist also had to cut their session short due to an emergency back at the clinic he works at.
By the time Jongho leaves, Yunho has completed his duties and left too, but thankfully, Hongjoong is preoccupied with taking Joy downstairs on her daily walk.
He has no idea that Seonghwa is left alone to bathe and he won't know.
The bathroom is large and spacious to accommodate Seonghwa's chair comfortably, but staring at the room now, the space only seems daunting.
Surely it can't be that difficult to get into his shower chair by himself?
As for undressing... well, he'll have to get creative with that.
There's absolutely no way that he will allow Hongjoong to touch him now.
Later tonight, he'll call Wooyoung to tell him that he can't handle this.
That he misses his friend's gentle mannerism and quiet understanding.
He'll call Yunho and tell him that he'll pay for a thousand cleaning contracts if the man will agree to be his caretaker until Wooyoung gets back.
He'll do anything at this point, because despite his bravado, Park Seonghwa is scared.