(A/N) TW (again)
I didn't return to the palace straight away. I knew who would be waiting for me when I did, and I wasn't sure I could face him.
So, I lingered in the woods, walking aimlessly until the sun sank below the hills, until the clouds grew heavy and rain pelted my skin.
Now, I'm sodden and shivering, and I'll still have to face Kohl. Sighing, I twist on my aching heels and make a beeline towards home, my mind turning over every piece of information it can think of. Althea's potential whereabouts. This sudden change in Kohl's behaviour. Nikolai...
The latter stuns me. It's so strange to know his name now, and with the way in which he'd said it to me...
I shake my head. It doesn't matter. Nikolai – no, Fragor – is good as dead to me, mate or not. And although I may be struggling to do it now, I will find the strength to tear his heart out some day. It may not be today, or even tomorrow, but it will be soon – because no matter what, I am determined to get my sister back.
After what feels like an eternity of picking my way through foliage and gnarled roots, I eventually make it out of the woods and step onto the cobbled road leading to the palace gates. Beyond them, the wavering flicker of lanterns glow against the grey sheets of rain, and my throat hardens. My husband, it seems, has been waiting for me...
Taking a deep breath, I push a sodden lock of hair out of my face and march towards the gates with all the confidence I can muster. I'd found a spare set of clothing within the woods – wolves often left clothing in burrows or nooks for after a Shift – so at least I'm not naked as I make for the palace. As I approach the gate, however, I feel my confidence dissolve into nothing, because I am soon staring into the golden eyes of Kohl Gahndor...
... and he looks enraged.
Once I am within range, the gates swing open with violent force and I come to a grinding halt. Kohl stomps out with several guards in tow, their eyes wide despite the practiced indifference of their bodies. The light from the lanterns they're holding cast the king's face in various oranges and golds, making him look positively menacing.
Kohl stops several feet before me, glaring down at me with ire. I only manage to hold his gaze for a second before I am forced to look down at my feet, bowing my head in submission.
"What did I tell you," he bites out, "about leaving the grounds?"
Silence. I don't answer him at first. I don't know what to answer with, or rather what words will quell the anger that's simmering in his voice. If there even is any quelling his anger.
"I'm sorry," is all I manage in response. My heart pounds fearfully, but I swallow my terror and force myself to hold his gaze as I say, "But you can't expect me to live like this forever, Kohl. I have to get my sister back. I have to go beyond the gates."
Kohl's eyes narrow. "Are you even a little bit grateful for what I'm doing–"
"I feel like a prisoner in my own home," I whisper, my throat hardening with tears. "I do understand, Kohl, I really do. But it's too much. It's killing me." I pause. "Y-you're killing me–"
"Do not be ridiculous," Kohl snaps. He takes a step closer, causing me to recoil. "I am protecting you by doing this. I am keeping you alive. So do not try to assert that this is killing you, when it is in fact doing the opposite."
Tears sting my eyes. I blink them back, but I don't know why. The rain would hide them. In fact, the rain hides everything.
For several moments, we stand in silence. Then, Kohl sniffs the air. Once. Twice. His body goes rigid. "You went to see him."
I blink at him. "Wh–what?"
"Your mate. You went to see him, didn't you?" He takes a step forward. "Didn't you?"
I gape at him. "Yes, Kohl, because I was trying to kill him! If I take his heart, I can bring it to the High Witch and get Althea back–"
"You're being unfaithful to me, aren't you?"
I blink. His golden eyes pin me to the spot. "What–?"
"You didn't actually try to kill him. You snuck off with him to fuck him. Isn't that true, Naomi?"
"No, I–" I stare at him in horror. "Kohl... I was trying to kill him. You know I would never–"
"Do not lie to me!" he roars. I shut my mouth with a whimper. "Why else would you go to see your mate? To betray me, that's what!"
"That is not true and you know it–!"
"Have her stay out here," Kohl says to his guards, who up until this point have been unable to hide their shock. They stand to attention. "Obviously she does not care for me the way I care for her." He turns his icy gaze to me. "If she wishes to act like a disloyal dog, then she can be treated like one."
I stand there, hyperventilating, shaking, unable to believe what I'm hearing.
"Your Majesty," one of the guards begins, "I do not think Her Majesty was committing adultery. Her mate not only tried to kill her, but he's also taken her sister. There is no logical reason as to why–"
"Do you wish to remain out here with her, Vonn?" Kohl snarls, and the guard quickly shuts up.
"You can't do this," I finally manage. "You can't do this to me, Kohl."
"I can and I will. This is what you deserve."
My arms shake at my sides. "This is a betrayal–"
"You have no right to feel betrayed," he says hotly. "You betrayed me–"
"I did not betray you!" My breathing is ragged now. "I tried to kill him. What about that don't you understand? I want him dead!"
For a moment, he just stares at me. Then he whips around and storms for the gates, the guards following in tow. "Goodnight, Naomi."
"I am the queen!" I shriek, though it comes out as more of a strangled cry. "I will not be humiliated like this, in front of my own subjects. In front of my own home–"
I take a staggering step forward, trying to get past the gates. Kohl grabs me by both shoulders, and I don't know what's happening until he spins me around and shoves me roughly into the earth. I land on my swollen belly, right on top of my unborn child.
I cry out in agony.
"Listen to the commands I give you!"
For a moment, I don't answer him; I can't answer him. Pain is arcing through my body, and all I can do is lie there and clutch my stomach, reduced to nothing. Crying silent tears as an ominous ache blooms in my belly.
My heart slams with panic. Something is wrong. Terribly wrong.
Their footsteps begin to recede. My heart slams with panic. "Kohl..." I rasp, and I sense him turn back to me. A gutteral sob pushes from my throat. "The baby. It's... it's... something's wrong."
I crane my neck to look at him, and it takes a moment to find him. He looks cold. Unrecognizable. Nothing like the man I once loved.
The guards look violently conflicted now.
"Your Majesty," the guard from earlier begins, "I do not think Her Majesty is lying. She does not look well. Perhaps we should get her to medical."
Silence. He stares at me for what feels like an eternity. Stares and stares and stares.
"No," he finally says, and just like that everything falls apart. Every little thing I thought I knew about Kohl, because when I stare into those wretchedly golden eyes, I do not see the man I fell in love with. I see the eyes of his father, and his father before him. I see years of unending cruelty; the cycle that never ends.
And amid my despair, I recall a conversation from a lifetime ago – one with the late queen. She'd warned me of this, and I'd dismissed it all.
How wrong I was.
"Kohl, please," I beg, a pitiful attempt to speak to any of the mercy that might still exist in that cold heart of his. The one that had loved me once, long ago. "Help me..."
He stares at me for several moments, eyes cold and unfeeling. Then, he turns away and leaves me in the mud. Bruised. Broken. Entirely undone.
The guards trail off after him, and I am no longer a queen. I am not even a woman. I am a shattered artwork, once so spectacular in its light and now left to glitter in the mud.
****
(A/N): I feel like I should leave this author's note here, as I know many people will be upset by the turn of events and rightly so. A lot of people loved Kohl in the first book, especially because him and Naomi went through so much to be together, not to mention their love felt so pure...
However, while it is important to portray relationships where things go right, it is equally important to portray when things go wrong. This deterioration of Kohl's character was 100% intentional and something I had planned from the very beginning. These feelings that you may be feeling right now -- betrayal, anger, and confusion -- are exactly what Naomi is feeling. How could a love so pure that survived everything turn so ugly?
Truth is, this is what happens in some relationships: the lover can become the abuser. It breaks our hearts, yes, but the beauty of fiction is that we can explore these things, even if they are not so pleasant to explore. Even so, I know that such a drastic change may lead to people wanting to drop the book... which is fine. I do not blame anyone who does. I went into this book knowing 100% that this choice to turn love into abuse may lose readers, and it was a risk I was willing to take.
As for Nikolai... it is up to you, as the reader, to accept/like him. I don't expect anyone to like him at this point -- or at all, for that matter -- given he is still a villain and has not yet done anything to redeem himself. I also do not expect people to like him just because Kohl's character has deteriorated. I am simply going to keep writing his arc, and if opinions change, they change. If not, that's fine too!
- J.M.